Lets talk about spouses

[fallen11]

Heard about my friends spouses. I wonder how they could continue living with them. Some led to divorces, some newly weds, some still hanging on.
The experiences i note below include local & foreign spouses (wives).

1. They bought a 500+k 5rm resale flat in early 2010s. reno about 100k. Bought new car 120k. All on loans and husband took it all alone as wife doesnt have fixed salary (financial advisor) so she cant be accessed for loan approval. Bought 1 dog, then bought more.... and became 3. Then 1st kid. 3 yrs later 2nd kid. Monthly expense > combined income. Swiping credit card even for daily needs. Maxed out credits cards from whatever banks they could sign from. Day of reckoning came. No money left, he returned home 1 fine day after work. found the gate lock has changed and his belonging all laid outside the flat. She asked for divorce. (this story rather long, i will continue if requested). 2nd kid came shortly before he was being locked out of his own flat (sole owner, payer). Wife threw all the 3 dogs out.

2. newly married. Wife (foreign) everyday wear husband down with negative talk. Husband already making close to 20k a month (with master degree) and wife only makes 2k a month. but wife keep harping daily about using his money to buy house and land (in some god forsaken place) as investment. harping to him that he should keep upskilling and upgrade to earn higher income. harping about bringing family members over to live at his place for free and study an unknown diploma / degree then find a kumgong singaporean guy to marry to leech on him. Saying his mentality (on rejecting all these ideas) is what kept him poor and he will forever be a poor man despite already giving her 3k sgd allowance monthly and she gets to keep all her income. the wife would also refuse to spent her own money and take whatever cash he has in his wallet to buy household items, food and even invites friends to meals and ask him to foot the total bill for everyone (she told her friends she treat, but make him pay the bills). They have 1 kid now and she refuse to send kid to subsidised childcare, so she can stop returning to work while planning for another (or more) kid.

[sane]

I always believe in being truthful — even before dating begins.

Many men say ‘yes’ to whatever their partner wants during courtship, but the truth is, they should be upfront about their financial responsibilities and capabilities.
A relationship that leads to marriage involves real expenses — wedding, dowry (pin li), photography, honeymoon, house, renovation, car, kids, parents’ allowance, and so on.

If your future spouse refuses to contribute or demands beyond your means, then it’s time to pause and think with your head — not just follow your heart.

Have you ever sat down and done a full calculation? Have you considered monthly household expenses, loan repayments, credit card bills, car instalments, children, maid, school fees, enrichment classes, and parents’ support?

Wanting to get married is one thing, but have you truly assessed whether you can afford it?
If you’re planning to marry a foreign spouse — can you support her? If it’s a local woman, is she willing to share the load?

These are not just financial questions — they reflect whether the person you’re choosing is truly the right partner

Heard about my friends spouses. I wonder how they could continue living with them. Some led to divorces, some newly weds, some still hanging on.
The experiences i note below include local & foreign spouses (wives).

1. They bought a 500+k 5rm resale flat in early 2010s. reno about 100k. Bought new car 120k. All on loans and husband took it all alone as wife doesnt have fixed salary (financial advisor) so she cant be accessed for loan approval. Bought 1 dog, then bought more.... and became 3. Then 1st kid. 3 yrs later 2nd kid. Monthly expense > combined income. Swiping credit card even for daily needs. Maxed out credits cards from whatever banks they could sign from. Day of reckoning came. No money left, he returned home 1 fine day after work. found the gate lock has changed and his belonging all laid outside the flat. She asked for divorce. (this story rather long, i will continue if requested). 2nd kid came shortly before he was being locked out of his own flat (sole owner, payer). Wife threw all the 3 dogs out.

2. newly married. Wife (foreign) everyday wear husband down with negative talk. Husband already making close to 20k a month (with master degree) and wife only makes 2k a month. but wife keep harping daily about using his money to buy house and land (in some god forsaken place) as investment. harping to him that he should keep upskilling and upgrade to earn higher income. harping about bringing family members over to live at his place for free and study an unknown diploma / degree then find a kumgong singaporean guy to marry to leech on him. Saying his mentality (on rejecting all these ideas) is what kept him poor and he will forever be a poor man despite already giving her 3k sgd allowance monthly and she gets to keep all her income. the wife would also refuse to spent her own money and take whatever cash he has in his wallet to buy household items, food and even invites friends to meals and ask him to foot the total bill for everyone (she told her friends she treat, but make him pay the bills). They have 1 kid now and she refuse to send kid to subsidised childcare, so she can stop returning to work while planning for another (or more) kid.

[bignehneh]

Heard about my friends spouses. I wonder how they could continue living with them. Some led to divorces, some newly weds, some still hanging on.
The experiences i note below include local & foreign spouses (wives).

1. They bought a 500+k 5rm resale flat in early 2010s. reno about 100k. Bought new car 120k. All on loans and husband took it all alone as wife doesnt have fixed salary (financial advisor) so she cant be accessed for loan approval. Bought 1 dog, then bought more.... and became 3. Then 1st kid. 3 yrs later 2nd kid. Monthly expense > combined income. Swiping credit card even for daily needs. Maxed out credits cards from whatever banks they could sign from. Day of reckoning came. No money left, he returned home 1 fine day after work. found the gate lock has changed and his belonging all laid outside the flat. She asked for divorce. (this story rather long, i will continue if requested). 2nd kid came shortly before he was being locked out of his own flat (sole owner, payer). Wife threw all the 3 dogs out.

2. newly married. Wife (foreign) everyday wear husband down with negative talk. Husband already making close to 20k a month (with master degree) and wife only makes 2k a month. but wife keep harping daily about using his money to buy house and land (in some god forsaken place) as investment. harping to him that he should keep upskilling and upgrade to earn higher income. harping about bringing family members over to live at his place for free and study an unknown diploma / degree then find a kumgong singaporean guy to marry to leech on him. Saying his mentality (on rejecting all these ideas) is what kept him poor and he will forever be a poor man despite already giving her 3k sgd allowance monthly and she gets to keep all her income. the wife would also refuse to spent her own money and take whatever cash he has in his wallet to buy household items, food and even invites friends to meals and ask him to foot the total bill for everyone (she told her friends she treat, but make him pay the bills). They have 1 kid now and she refuse to send kid to subsidised childcare, so she can stop returning to work while planning for another (or more) kid.

$20k guy marry a $2k lady? Very strange. Haha!

[loneyheart]

$20k guy marry a $2k lady? Very strange. Haha!

I supposed high income but cannot find wife so matchmake Viet wife ... very common in SG during 2010s :)

[fallen11]

$20k guy marry a $2k lady? Very strange. Haha!

not strange
foreign + much younger spouse :D
not all marriages is about income matching
somemore if u already got the money, would u still go for high income old women?
or young sweet poor beautiful syt?

[bignehneh]

not strange
foreign + much younger spouse :D
not all marriages is about income matching
somemore if u already got the money, would u still go for high income old women?
or young sweet poor beautiful syt?

I go for old women with higher income

[sane]

Don’t they have v high expectations too? Even old doesn’t mean standard is low for the rich old ladies.

I go for old women with higher income

[cutecuteboy]

Heard about my friends spouses. I wonder how they could continue living with them. Some led to divorces, some newly weds, some still hanging on.
The experiences i note below include local & foreign spouses (wives).

2. newly married. Wife (foreign) everyday wear husband down with negative talk. Husband already making close to 20k a month (with master degree) and wife only makes 2k a month. but wife keep harping daily about using his money to buy house and land (in some god forsaken place) as investment. harping to him that he should keep upskilling and upgrade to earn higher income. harping about bringing family members over to live at his place for free and study an unknown diploma / degree then find a kumgong singaporean guy to marry to leech on him. Saying his mentality (on rejecting all these ideas) is what kept him poor and he will forever be a poor man despite already giving her 3k sgd allowance monthly and she gets to keep all her income. the wife would also refuse to spent her own money and take whatever cash he has in his wallet to buy household items, food and even invites friends to meals and ask him to foot the total bill for everyone (she told her friends she treat, but make him pay the bills). They have 1 kid now and she refuse to send kid to subsidised childcare, so she can stop returning to work while planning for another (or more) kid.

Husband earning $20k monthly but unable to judge wife to be before marriage? Unbelievable. Either he is over ballooning his income or he is just plain dumb which means he won’t be able to continue earning $20k monthly for long unless his salary comes from his father.

[fallen11]

Husband earning $20k monthly but unable to judge wife to be before marriage? Unbelievable.

i think this issue is not limited to poor people only.
even billionaires have this issue....

[maxsee]

I have never heard of anyone who earn 20k a month marry a 2k per month wife. And worse of all, a 2k wife that leech on the 20k husband. Already marrying a 2k wife is seriously a huge mismatch and to top it off marry a 2k leecher. This story sounds highly dubious. :o

[Somchai69]

Able to shed more light on scenario 2 bro? Because to be a high income 20k/- monthly earner, must have had a certain level of IQ to get there.. And to marry someone foreign who earns not even enough to cover her own share and to have a child.. Could it be arranged marriage through agency? Or piakpiak diaokia? Or why would a high income earner be oblivious to this gold digger... or simply woman only show true colours after marriage?

As to why scenario 2 stay together.. Not sure on their age groups but many still have the traditional thinking and values.. Once marry, the wife is ur life responsibility.. Divorce is shameful/patang/jeopardise ur life path.. Messy finances thats intermingled after marriage.. Did they sign a prenup?.. And how old is the child.. Will the child suffer more with or without the parents staying together be it harmoniously or hostile..

Final thoughts is.. TS probably also heard 1 side of the story likely from the male friend as how it is worded out in the scenario.. 2 side to every coin.. Not siding the wife but did ur friend have any faults in the collapse of his relationship/marriage..

[reborne01]

moral of the stories..... think with the big head not the small head......

[BatamBro]

It will always be economical about money
I love you..
you love me..
someone's gotta pay for me..

[Foden5]

My friend recently confided in me that his wife has totally no interest in sex. It’s a real thing right, cos noob here, so I have never encounter a girl like that before. Any married bros can share?

[cbkia222]

My friend recently confided in me that his wife has totally no interest in sex. It’s a real thing right, cos noob here, so I have never encounter a girl like that before. Any married bros can share?

hi bro, its true.

there's a whole thread about this. esp in their 40s after kids.

sudden mood change and all. become super toxic and negative.

most of us who kenna all tied up with family commitments ( kids/ education/ house ) etc. divorce is a big nono. so have to come to SBF ..

For unmarried bros out there, if u meet " the one", have this talk seriously, cos women at that age all fucking brainless one.

[makkauhijau5]

hi bro, its true.

there's a whole thread about this. esp in their 40s after kids.

sudden mood change and all. become super toxic and negative.

most of us who kenna all tied up with family commitments ( kids/ education/ house ) etc. divorce is a big nono. so have to come to SBF ..

For unmarried bros out there, if u meet " the one", have this talk seriously, cos women at that age all fucking brainless one.

I haven’t married but living with my girlfriend. Rarely have sex. Based on my excel sheet we only have sex 6 times this year. No choice but to eat out. I want to break up so bad. Waiting the right time.

[cbkia222]

I haven’t married but living with my girlfriend. Rarely have sex. Based on my excel sheet we only have sex 6 times this year. No choice but to eat out. I want to break up so bad. Waiting the right time.

get out while you can man... all the best!

[Dignified69]

I haven’t married but living with my girlfriend. Rarely have sex. Based on my excel sheet we only have sex 6 times this year. No choice but to eat out. I want to break up so bad. Waiting the right time.

Break up ASAP. If without marriage and kids this is the story then later on you will live the life of a frustrated horny monk. Red flags fluttering in your face bro

[makkauhijau5]

Break up ASAP. If without marriage and kids this is the story then later on you will live the life of a frustrated horny monk. Red flags fluttering in your face bro

Thanks bro. Yes I’m aware and already planning my exit.

[chnhubby71]

hi bro, its true.

there's a whole thread about this. esp in their 40s after kids.

sudden mood change and all. become super toxic and negative.

most of us who kenna all tied up with family commitments ( kids/ education/ house ) etc. divorce is a big nono. so have to come to SBF ..

For unmarried bros out there, if u meet " the one", have this talk seriously, cos women at that age all fucking brainless one.

We believe everyone have their OWN Personal Urge whether is Low or High.

As a married couple, there are many things to take care like mutual like, communication and interest and other monies issue.

Everything will change from times to times when a kid comes along and financial burden or being retrenched.

We both need mutual support to give us the Will Power to stay together if fate and destiny allow.

But if we really feel there is No Sparks or unable to communicate, than we need to decide to stay or Leave for Good. This is my Personal opinion only.

[fallen11]

I haven’t married but living with my girlfriend. Rarely have sex. Based on my excel sheet we only have sex 6 times this year. No choice but to eat out. I want to break up so bad. Waiting the right time.

gf only? just go and break up!
any time delayed is time lost for u
and for her too !

[TenSanYi]

i finally divorce after more than 14 years of suffering... luckly no kids, i am in my late 30s, now mind kinda blank

[larue]

i finally divorce after more than 14 years of suffering... luckly no kids, i am in my late 30s, now mind kinda blank

It will pass. Find meaningful activities to enjoy. I highly recommend making money. And I don't mean 'prediction' markets.

Late 30s still young, focus on yourself.

[Miki00]

Is there any particular reason why the spouse/gf don't want to have it?

[Dignified69]

Is there any particular reason why the spouse/gf don't want to have it?

From my own experience of the last 25 years

Can be

1. Medical issues - woman down there quite complex. Can have dryness, fungal infection, involuntary clamping and all the usual cramping, bloating etc associated with periods. Lets not even get into all the post pregnancy changes

To be fair pregnancy really changes a woman's body

2. Mindset issue - hygiene maniacs KKJ is dirty, only for excretions (No BJ then) sex is bad. Too shy, too stupid, living in their own la la land

3. Lifestyle - corporate warrior, too tired, kids rearing etc

And all these can be combined to give all sorts of crazy combinations. If when dating you are getting nothing then oh boy what can I say.

Also many woman are not able to comprehend the relentless and unidirectional nature of the male sex drive. We have constant production cycle while they have sine curve

[Miki00]

From my own experience of the last 25 years

Can be

1. Medical issues - woman down there quite complex. Can have dryness, fungal infection, involuntary clamping and all the usual cramping, bloating etc associated with periods. Lets not even get into all the post pregnancy changes

To be fair pregnancy really changes a woman's body

2. Mindset issue - hygiene maniacs KKJ is dirty, only for excretions (No BJ then) sex is bad. Too shy, too stupid, living in their own la la land

3. Lifestyle - corporate warrior, too tired, kids rearing etc

And all these can be combined to give all sorts of crazy combinations. If when dating you are getting nothing then oh boy what can I say.

Also many woman are not able to comprehend the relentless and unidirectional nature of the male sex drive. We have constant production cycle while they have sine curve

Ok, I do agree with some points. Sometimes can have medical issues for some girlfriends I know of. Also indeed lifestyle like stressful jobs and children can also cause the whole interest to drop. I guess no choice, both parties just have to make effort to improve and maintain hehe.

[airman]

i finally divorce after more than 14 years of suffering... luckly no kids, i am in my late 30s, now mind kinda blank

Curious as to why you waited so long to call it quits

were the assets 50/50 split?

[MyWey]

Curious as to why you waited so long to call it quits

were the assets 50/50 split?

Would be lucky to have only assets split. With those bastard lawyers advice, he could be paying a few thousands of maintenance per month.

[larue]

Would be lucky to have only assets split. With those bastard lawyers advice, he could be paying a few thousands of maintenance per month.

You speaking from first hand experience or talking out of your arse?

[antares79]

Considered myself fortunate, my wife still has some appetite, true takes effort from both of us to keep the flame alive,
But yes quite a lot of marriages suffered from non intimacy as the couple reach 40+ age

[Robiw]

Is there any particular reason why the spouse/gf don't want to have it?

most of the time its hormonal.. esp after birth.. women's hormones go crazy. then coupled with approaching menopause ( if in the 40s), that's something else.

then pair it up with the modern women's " strong indepedent woman's " mindset, that she doesnt need a man and doesnt need to please a man if she doesnt feel like it..


while there are some women who actually make an effort to maintain sexual intimacy with their husbands thru the years, a lot of them just " i'm too tired" blah blah and then all play victim when the husband eats outside..

sad but true

[LauAdi]

most of the time its hormonal.. esp after birth.. women's hormones go crazy. then coupled with approaching menopause ( if in the 40s), that's something else.

then pair it up with the modern women's " strong indepedent woman's " mindset, that she doesnt need a man and doesnt need to please a man if she doesnt feel like it..


while there are some women who actually make an effort to maintain sexual intimacy with their husbands thru the years, a lot of them just " i'm too tired" blah blah and then all play victim when the husband eats outside..

sad but true

Scariest part is when they teach their daughters the same mentality

[GaoSiewDai]

You speaking from first hand experience or talking out of your arse?

Are you a typical arse hole lawyer?

[stanleyxinu]

Reading the bros’ experiences, one would have a marriage phobia.

[Robiw]

Scariest part is when they teach their daughters the same mentality

what to do bro. sometime best to find foreign wives..

[LauAdi]

what to do bro. sometime best to find foreign wives..

No fail proof remedy…my friend’s Thai wife bleed him dry sia

[Robiw]

wah steam.. cow sick problems? like hwo?