FB - Should I accept? [Archive] - The Asian Commercial Sex Scene

OC.SIN09

22-09-2009, 11:07 AM

I have been a passive reader of SBF for the past few months so not entirely new here but this is my 1st post & thread. I'm not sure if I post this thread under the correct topic, please correct me if I'm wrong.

Before I seek for bro & sis advice, let me briefly introduce myself.

I'm a working OC for 20+ years with a teenage child. Facing the same common problems in marriage as most of you here, sex with hubby is no longer exciting and satisfying. In fact, he is more like a stranger than a hubby to me now. Although I have many opportunities to get out of my marriage with ppl met thru my career, I'm not ready to give up my marriage as it will mean hurting both of our extended families whom I have great relationship.

Many months ago (before I started reading in SBF), I met a guy (B) whom I'm quite attracted to. We started chit-chatting causally & out of the blue 1 day, he asked me to be his FB! He explained how FB relationship should be. I was very shocked at that time as I have never heard about FB relationship and wonder how can any gal agree to that! Of course I rejected him and we stopped contacting.

Recently, B and I cross path again. He asked me to be his FB again. This time, I'm tempted. But I still hesitate because I know that being FB is purely on sex only, no feeling should be involved. But I'm attracted to him, so there is a certain degree of feeling for him. Should I accept to be his FB? Am I playing with fire?

Meelephant

22-09-2009, 03:07 PM

Dear Sis,

FB is purely on sex only, no feeling should be involved? I don't think so.

Then again, you want to get out of the current "stranger relationship" with your hubby and get involved in another stranger relationship?????...in bed with no feelings????

I had exactly the same experience.....very difficult to manage......it was two years that I needed to get off......so I am for ONS now.....

By the way, this guy is heartless, feelingless, he just wants sex....all could have started with slow going rather than asked directly. He must be a very experioenced man.

Pardon me, do you just want to be his sex tool?

PM me if you have further query.

luckyyeti

22-09-2009, 03:12 PM

Hello sis

stay out of danger waters!!

FB is without feelings, just F and bye...

we amy all be bros in sbf, but i think we should be ethical minded to respect fellow sis in forum...so my advice...stay out..we guys have nothing to lose...but you have much to lose...

think carefully
luckyyeti

fl saviour

22-09-2009, 03:18 PM

if u willing to be someones toy, then just go ahead lor...but really pity ur husband if he is a gd one.. seriously, much better u use ur energy to try and better ur marriage sis.. especially since u guys have a child... just my tots nia..

thesaint9753

22-09-2009, 03:22 PM

aiyo, xiao mei mei, people just want free sex
you like that also can one meh, even got feeling
then one day he say bye bye then you how ?
You like to be public toilet ah ????

Think with your head and not your heart lah,
end up broken heart again ....

lglg666

22-09-2009, 03:24 PM

Frankly....it is all up to you whether what you want for your life. No one else can tell you what you should do.

About being a FB....yes, by normal rule it is supposed to be for pure sex only and gotto respect each other's family life. Meaning....whenever free or feeling horny then arrange to meet and get it on then....after the screwing then act as if nothing happen and go back with each other's way of life. If you can accept that rule then, have fun!

If...you want more than that then it is best you talk and make it clear before agreeing to be his FB if not, there will be regret and unhappiness!

My 2 cents worth!

skycock

22-09-2009, 03:24 PM

If its sex and excitement you are after than you should have a string of FBs and make it clear that you would like to hop around. I believe alot of bros here will like this kind of arrangement. I am one who is amenable to such with no string attached arrangement.

iceage

22-09-2009, 03:25 PM

Should I accept to be his FB? Am I playing with fire?

If you are not ready to give up your family, then don't do it. I do not think you can be a FB without feeling. Just as you have said, you are attracted to him and once you started being his FB, be prepared to face a more difficult choice to keep your marriage.

Liquid@cid

22-09-2009, 03:54 PM

Should I accept to be his FB? Am I playing with fire?

Ya you should go for it :rolleyes:

But before that maybe you try to visualise this.....

1) you 2 started to have raw sex one day as the urge get the better of the brains, 2 weeks later you found out that you kena HIV, cos that FB of yours had been jio-ing other girls to be his FB and bonking ard without protections..... worst of all, you just had unprotected sex with your hubby 2 days ago due to his persistence, and you child uses your toothbrush where you had stained blood from your gum due to the attack of the virus...... den how???

2) Your husband found out about your FB and wanted a divorce, you are deprived of your child custody, ppl ard you started pointing fingers at you for being such a slut, sleeping ard, your child despise you when he/she grew up knowing that his/her mom is a bitch who prefer sex over her family and thus never wanted to see you again...... den how???

3) you really fell in love with this FB of yours after a period of time, you choose him instead of your family and in the end he left you to be with another FB and end up you have to bear with the consequences of sit (2) and worst of all sit (1)...... den how???

Before you make stupid decision, think....... guys can fxxk without feel yet still can get organism, but woman will only enjoy a good Fxxk when she had feel for that guy, are you sure you can just take him as your FB without any feel for him??? are you ready to take on sit 1-3 above??? hope you can think with your brain, not your boobs..... :rolleyes:

Frankiestine

22-09-2009, 04:00 PM

But I still hesitate because I know that being FB is purely on sex only, no feeling should be involved. But I'm attracted to him, so there is a certain degree of feeling for him. Should I accept to be his FB? Am I playing with fire?

You already answered the question yourselves with the above statement. If you cannot separate out your emotions then you are only heading for trouble..

see see only

22-09-2009, 04:01 PM

Hi sis,

We can discuss about your topic but can't help you make a decision.

Because only yourself understand yourself, maybe :rolleyes: try looking into the mirror when you ask yourself this question. Preferably naked and imagine hugging your proposed FB naked as well.

If you want to make love with him and keep your family - then dont try

If you want to have sex with him only - then go ahead and make sure dont get yourself into big trouble - you know what i mean.

Finally before proceeding, check out on him, if he is the sticky type then ask him to go marina south (I mean go fly kite) but if he is those happy go lucky then perfect - he will be those who knows when to start & when to stop. It could hurt when he decided to stop, we call it give & take.

BUT in this world nothing's free. You get your enjoyment and you are likely to get some sour feeling eventually - God will say :" It's Fair"

But a gentle reminder, our feeling is not easily control, you may think that you have no string attached while stepping into a quick sand of love.

Life short enjoy it before it is too late :D and give us FR if you dont mind :D

jake85

22-09-2009, 04:04 PM

Should I accept to be his FB? Am I playing with fire?

Probably you should think about your huband and kids again. Try to think back about those happy moment you once shared with them. Think about how you and your huband go thru thick and weals, how he woo you, and those marriage vow u made towards him. Maybe this will help?

lglg666

22-09-2009, 04:06 PM

If you are not ready to give up your family, then don't do it. I do not think you can be a FB without feeling. Just as you have said, you are attracted to him and once you started being his FB, be prepared to face a more difficult choice to keep your marriage.

Good advice!

Lsy84

22-09-2009, 04:48 PM

Hi sis OC.SIN09! Well, based on on what you stated on your post, there are 2 options you can give yourself:

1) Let nature take its course If you really like the guy that you have mentioned so far, start of by being casual friends with him first, then see where things go from there on.

2) Forget about this incident and move on. This applies when at anytime you start to regret, and remorse when you think of ur teenage kid..

If you ask me, I would strongly suggest that you lay out your options before getting involved with the guy...cos you nvr know there might be complications if things get messy...if you know what i mean... ;)

QCx2

22-09-2009, 04:49 PM

This really further support my point of actions... And honestly, not that I am proud of what I am currently doing.

A few months ago, someone close to my heart asked me... why a guy like myself with such caliber... would choose to to be a client (and not go out just meet someone)?

I said to myself... tht's bcoz there is no such thing as ONS or FB without feelings (while knowing tht I'm just not able to find the courage to develop feelings for someone again).

How can a guy possibly look at himself in the mirror after asking you to be a FB... while knowing you hav a family?!

I honestly can't imagine myself for being the cause of so many ppl ended up getting hurt.

steamer

22-09-2009, 04:54 PM

block11

22-09-2009, 04:56 PM

You already answered the question yourselves with the above statement. If you cannot separate out your emotions then you are only heading for trouble..

must agree with bro monster... its a no no for married ladies without prior experience in FBs or flings. clear your heart of emotions before you decide :D

audisingapore

22-09-2009, 05:10 PM

Hi TS,
What is your needs?
If your needs is sexual satisfaction then I suggest the following

1. Get yourself a prepaid sim card
2. Get yourself registered with any online dating

there you can find FB without commitment and he do not know
you and you do not know him and chances of meeting again very rare.

Do be a FB with someone who know you that may haunt you
later.

maclye

22-09-2009, 05:38 PM

Hi TS,

serious consideration hav to be taken care of when u make ur decision. 1st of all, wats wrong with u and ur hubby? no more love? did u 2 talk over? mayb u just need to put in a bit of an effort to find out why? there is no way a man in this world that do not like sex unless his brother is not functioning well or impotence. so talk over ur problems with him, see is things get better...

A FB needs commitment too. Do use safety precaution even u think he/she is safe.

Take care and make ur decision wisely!

TommyPingPong

22-09-2009, 05:50 PM

Ya you should go for it :rolleyes:

But before that maybe you try to visualise this.....
.....

2) Your husband found out about your FB and wanted a divorce, you are deprived of your child custody, ppl ard you started pointing fingers at you for being such a slut, sleeping ard, your child despise you when he/she grew up knowing that his/her mom is a bitch who prefer sex over her family and thus never wanted to see you again...... den how???

3) ....
Before you make stupid decision, think....... guys can fxxk without feel yet still can get organism, but woman will only enjoy a good Fxxk when she had feel for that guy, are you sure you can just take him as your FB without any feel for him???

Agree alot with point 2 and 3. Woman most at loosing end if found out having an affair. What if your husband decided to entrap u into this? You will lose everything....

danielpng

22-09-2009, 06:04 PM

yah, TS sis.. i think you should work out something with your hubby rather than to find comfort from some other sources.. Afterall, both of u went thru the weddings vows and promised to stay with each other no matter what happens..

so in my opinion, u shd talk to your hubby.. communication is very impt.. dun give up.. jia you..

Snail

22-09-2009, 06:11 PM

Agree alot with point 2 and 3. Woman most at loosing end if found out having an affair. What if your husband decided to entrap u into this? You will lose everything....

this is true possiblity, ur husband may be laying a trap for you as i have heard of such horror stories. simply put, if u are the one found to be cheating, he gets the kid and doesn't have to pay you alimony. you will suffer as u will be heart broken by 2 man, possiblly pregnant or with STD/HIV and everyone (families included) will call u a slut.

if all u need is just sex, get a vibrator or other sex toys. i can recommend u a good discrete shop to get ur toys from.

otherwise, another suggestion would be to just have ONS with random man, or paid sex, much like what members here do when they engage FLs or GL. They rather pay money, bonk and forget then get involved in a 3rd party r/s to ruin their lives forever !

OC.SIN09

22-09-2009, 07:52 PM

Dear bros & sis,

Frankly I'm surprised and heartened by most of your advice. I didn't expect that most of you to advise me against it. From the threads that I read, most bro are looking forward to have FB/s! (**Please don't get me wrong, I'm not here to look for FB.)

To the bros/sis who advised me to work out with my hubby, actually I started the thread with no intention to discuss about my marriage problems but I think I should explain a little so that you can understand better.

My marriage
As mentioned earlier, I'm married for 20+ yrs.
My hubby is my 1st and only man till now. I married young at the age of 20. I'm in my early 40s. My son is in army now.

My hubby is a nice man but he is also a private and cold person. All these years with him, he has never once celebrated any special occasions (birthday, anniversary, mother's day etc) with my son & I. He values his freedom alot so there is no call or reporting on where or what he is doing. I have long accepted that this is his character. As years go by, we just drifted apart. We seldom quarrel or argue as we don't really get to see each other much due to our hectic work schedule. Besides work, he is engrossed in his own hobby and activities (not cheonging GL/clubs/pubs) outside work hours. If I were a typical SG gal, believe me this marriage won't last till now.

As for sex, we are still active with at least twice a wk but it is always satisfying him 1st not me. Since he is my only sex partner, I have no way to compare until I came across the porn videos & the stories in SBF. We talked about it before but it is still the same, he cum then clean up and continue to sleep leaving me high and dry! :mad:

My only consideration for giving up the marriage is hurting both his and my parents. I have a close relationship with my in-law. I do not wish to hurt them unnecessarily.

My heart is numb towards him after all these years of 'desertion'. So it is a matter of time that we go seperate way...

bochapsing

22-09-2009, 09:36 PM

You already answered the question yourselves with the above statement. If you cannot separate out your emotions then you are only heading for trouble..

.

If you want to make love with him and keep your family - then dont try

If you want to have sex with him only - then go ahead and make sure dont get yourself into big trouble - you know what i mean.

But a gentle reminder, our feeling is not easily control, you may think that you have no string attached while stepping into a quick sand of love.

Life short enjoy it before it is too late :D and give us FR if you dont mind

well said...

rule #1: FB relationship should never involve emotion... 2 FBs r together only for 1 purpose, to HAVE SEX... not to MAKE LOVE... it's a physical relationship, nothing more...

if u dun understand or cannot fulfill rule #1, u dun need to think more... just keep clear... FB relationship with emotion attached is going to cause trouble to both parties eventually...

if u can fully understand and stick to the rule of the game, u r most welcome.. we need more supply of lady FB to meet the high demand by the hungry and horny wolves out there...

:D:D:D

OC.SIN09

22-09-2009, 10:39 PM

To bros & sis who advised me against going into FB r/s with feeling, I understood and thankful for your advice. Your messages have me started to think more deeply and what I hope to get from the r/s.

I need sometime to digest all your advice and think them thru'.

OC.SIN09

22-09-2009, 10:59 PM

to the threadstarter,

as long as both understand the rules of engagemnt of being fbs and abide by these rules. Feelings are fine as long as you keep them under control and knw that you can never cross the line.
And also dun forget discretion is paramount.

Juz sharing experience. :)

To bro steamer,
From your expereince, how do you keep your feeling or rather how your lady FB keeps her feeling under control?

To bro bochapsing,
You mentioned:
rule #1: FB relationship should never involve emotion... 2 FBs r together only for 1 purpose, to HAVE SEX... not to MAKE LOVE... it's a physical relationship, nothing more...

From woman pt of view, I cannot imagine having sex without emotion. Not even with Andy Lau! We are just not made in this way.

From reading the SBF, it seems that there are many bros having FB r/s. I wonder how the lady FBs in those r/s manage their emotion? Are they all hardcore players so no danger of involving any feeling?

Juz side track a bit, can any bros share how to multi quote when replying?

daringwolf

22-09-2009, 11:28 PM

TS, I guess the rest had already spelt out the rules of getting a FB or becoming one to the other persons. If you are not ready to "commit" or stick to the rules, don't start. Not to mention that you said you are attracted to him and if you can't control your feelings, don't start at all.

It is always easy to say that we are looking for FB with NSA but I guess not all of us can really stick to the rules of no feelings involve. As times goes by, you will start to care for each other and it is not going to be NSA relationship anymore.

I had been in such situations before and I was deeply hurt by the relationship. However, that does not stop me from continuing to look for one now because I guess I am looking for someone to talk and share each other's frustrations about our other half. Whether if the "FB" (Shouldn't call my potential this as I am not really looking for a FB) and I are going to go beyond any sexual relationship is another matter. Think thrice before you decide. Ultimately, is the guy worth to be your FB because do you know him well? You could be just his "scores" which he can boasts to his friends. Just my two cents worth...

peanut123

22-09-2009, 11:59 PM

I am very pleasantly surprised by the mostly level headed responses SBF bros are posting in response, urging TS to be careful and to reconsider. I expected a bunch of responses to go "Give me your contact" or "Just go and have sex and post pics".

Anyway, to TS, here are my thoughts :

1. As one of the bros pointed out, a guy who asks a married woman to be a FB is scum. He is deliberately endangering your family with a breakup just to have his free sex. How can you possible have feelings for such a monster ? I can certainly guarantee you that he will dump you after he's had his fun and you will feel stupid and dirty.

2. If your family should find out, you will be in trouble. There are a hundred ways you can slip up and let the cat out of the bag. Your SMSes, photos in your phone, phone call history, a change in your behavior, coming home fresh and showered ( from your hotel room ) at the end of a long "working" day, even a change in the way you dress will trigger alarm bells in your husband who knows you so well.

3. If your teenage child should find out, then I'm afraid you will definitely lose him. Do you want your own child to call you a slut and to not acknowledge you ? A teenager has fragile ego and yet is opinated, and I'm sure he does not want his mother to be sleeping with another man. The shame of it. You might not care about losing your husband, but I'm very sure you do not want to lose your child.

4. If this guy asks you to be his FB, you can jolly well be sure he has asked other women too, though he may deny it. So, if he's sleeping with different women, you are just 1 toy out of his many conquests. Do you want to degrade yourself to be someone else's sex toy ? To be used at will and discarded when done ? And you do risk getting some nasty STD or HIV from him, and passing it to your family. Is it worth it just for some fun ?

I would say : DON'T DO IT !

naturegreen

23-09-2009, 12:16 AM

I am very pleasantly surprised by the mostly level headed responses SBF bros are posting in response, urging TS to be careful and to reconsider. I expected a bunch of responses to go "Give me your contact" or "Just go and have sex and post pics".

Strongly agree with this peanut! Keeping my comments short now as I just got zapped for giving logical comments earlier on, so learning to keep it short and also most of the logical comments already said by other SBF bros/sis

Wynhan

23-09-2009, 12:20 AM

Dear jie jie, pls do think about your teenage child. children don't like to stay in a broken family.

waaaaaa

23-09-2009, 01:02 AM

Probably you should think about your huband and kids again. Try to think back about those happy moment you once shared with them. Think about how you and your huband go thru thick and weals, how he woo you, and those marriage vow u made towards him. Maybe this will help?

yeah, think about the time when you throw your temper and he endure all these, think of the time when you are pregnant with your son and he did every things to make u feel better. think of the time when u gave birth and he hold your hands beside the bed.

its most time when something happen to you and your hubby. u met a guy and feels hes so much better then your hubby. but think of this. how much do we know and see the person we see on the road? you know he snored? u know he like to dig his nose? u know he like to fart loudly? for many guys including me, in order to get into the pants of the gal, we will do most things, shown the best side of ourself.

u mentioned that you are attracted to him. i can tell you i am attracted to most pretty ladies i met so far. but so what? I had FB before, i had a clean cut ones, once i feel that they got too attached, i end the thing. cos i know deep in myself, i will nev give my wife up. and the more u mentioned that you are attracted to him. what if after a few fuck and he leaves u? would crying helps? if your hubby finds out, what will he do? what will u do? if hes good and accept u back, are u able to live with your guilt? i sensed that u would get yourself deeply attached to him till u cant let go. think of your son and hubby. think of the wonderful time u spend together.

its never easy to stay together for 20 over years. you had too much to lose by becoming his FB. His approach is lame...........

hihiz

23-09-2009, 01:58 AM

markck

23-09-2009, 02:19 AM

Hi there, when i saw your threat i told myself maybe i just got to say something. i m a guy who is married, but i m in SB and i had been naughty, so you get my drift? my wife would probably be having the same feeling as you. But don't get me wrong, i still love her and i always do. I know you have needs, just like my wife, seriously if she had a FB now, i would forgive her if i found out, but i can't say the same for your hubby, so whatever you do, just remember there are certain degree of risk and you got to bear the consequences if you are caught. Personally i think if you have found a "responsible" FB who is clean n safe n of cos satisfied u, it is better than ONS cos the risk is lower becos i am sure you still love your hubby n your kids. You got to think this through yourself carefully. but a word of advice, don't put feeling into your relationship with your FB, cos probably he doesn't. And feeling fo set clear guideline with her. Like he can't develop for you, call you at wee hour, expect you to meet him anytime, expect you to call/msg him anytime, anywhere, putting your marriage at risk etc etc. I just hope you find happiness and your marriage remain in contact n your "secrets" folllows you into your grave in the future.

Bangster

23-09-2009, 02:26 AM

Sister TS,

I think you have no idea what an FB is when you can mention you have feelings for him.

Don't think too much,

go pick up that wok and ladle and start cooking up a good meal for your husband who will be coming home in awhile.

When he is lying in bed later, give him a good blow and behave like the dirtiest slut he has ever seen in his entire damn life. Wear something sexy and tell him to fxxk you bad cos you've been craving for something really naughty and you have not had it yet.

It's easy to stay happy.

loneyheart

23-09-2009, 02:41 AM

Hi Sis

After reading yr posting I just smile w yr ignorance n try to give it a passed.
But w a lot of ???? in mind i decided to reply u w questions for yr self reflects n hope it do help u to ans to yr own question:cool:

1. You r a working OC for 20+ years with a teenage child.
R u a real sis as mention in yr post in yr 40+ ? If so u should not hv asked whether u r playing w fire.. u should be mature enough to hv brain to know t ans. OR r u just a naughty boy who just end sch holiday feel bore n try to b funny?

2. Facing the same common problems in marriage as most of you here, sex with hubby is no longer exciting and satisfying. In fact, he is more like a stranger than a hubby to me now.
What did yr husband do to u ? Is he a responsible husband ? Did u try to make a 1st step to talk n share..go for vacation or something ? Did u try something sexy to enhance both sex relationship ?
Beside SEX there still something call SELF RESPECT and RESPONSIBILITY If u dont what diff u make then an animals

3. Although I have many opportunities to get out of my marriage with ppl met thru my career,
If this cross yr mind , r u a flirt n only think for yr selfishness ?

4. I'm not ready to give up my marriage as it will mean hurting both of our extended families whom I have great relationship.
U talk more like a mature n responsible lady ,keep it up.

5. Many months ago , I met a guy (B) whom I'm quite attracted to. We started chit-chatting causally & out of the blue 1 day, he asked me to be his FB!
Only many mths...chit chat CAUSALLY...then asked to b FB ???
Hi sis i think u got more thing to hide dum u ??
How old is he >40+ married w family ? ( If not something wrong w him )
U want to blew up 2 family just to fullfill yr sex desire as a fatal attraction if someone found out ?
Or is he much younger then u , u want to be a OLD COW LIKE TO EAT GREEN YOUNG GRASS ? ...HaHa R u a Chiobu or a MILF in yr 40s as t guy asked u to b FB ? Or r u a rich MLND n he just going for yr $$$ ?

6. FB
Both party meet just purely for sex desire n lusts , no emotion feeling . If one party start to become sticky n show high emotional feeling...GAME OVER.
If never play by t rule it can be turn to b a FATAL ATTRACTION ! So beware.

THERE ARE DIFF CONSEQUANCES TO FACE AMONG MARRIED MAN OR WOMAN WHO CAUGHT FLIRTING AROUND

Man will leble as " Fong Liu" or " Lau Tio Kio "
Most of guys let small bro take control of big bro... after t sex desire n release most bros will return home ,,,n try to b a husband.
Tats why we guys like to just pay for sex n Fuck n Forget wo any string attached. Moreover after all we still need to go back home to become a GOOD HUSBAND n a GOOD FATHER

Woman will be leble as " Cheap " or " slut "
Woman think w only one head .... to hv SEX she must has emotional feeling !st... unless she work hard for $$$ ( FL or Whore )

If a wife found out husband is cheating on her.
Most wife but not all will forgive ( but not forget ) husband if he amid t wrong doing n end t relationship w t other woman. Tats is for t sake of their children as a complete family .
Friends n relatives will asked wife to forgive husband as he " yi shi fong liu "

If a husband found out wife cheating on him.
How many man can withstand a wife who gave him a " Green Hat " wo anger wo doing anything ?
Not to mention he may bit up her FB / Guyfriend or worst KILL him.
THAT A MAN PRIDE

DUM TELL ME ITS UNFAIR... CAUSE TATS NO SUCH THING AS FAIR

Sorry for being such a long winded n hope no offend to u sis .
Hope u found yr ans n WAKE UP be its TOO LATE

To all reader if u disagreed pls dum zap me just my small cent of IMHO

rfnh74

23-09-2009, 02:56 AM

Hi Sis OC....Dont play with fire...Give it a miss ok...

Cheers

steamer

23-09-2009, 10:25 AM

To bro steamer,
From your expereince, how do you keep your feeling or rather how your lady FB keeps her feeling under control?

it is ok to have feelings or even love someone w/out expecting tat person to spend the rest of his/her life with you. Her happiness comes first; if she is happy, I am happy for her; thats enuf.
Juz accept these principles.

cheers :)

yayalor

23-09-2009, 10:33 AM

Hi TS,

From your replies, i guess you sex with your husband is like plain water and never have experience highly charge sexual feeling as described by bros here. Trust me, you are not alone, there are many women and guys (i am one of them) out here life you.
If that what you want, why not go for go for ons ? You don't need to know what is that guy and there is not continuity with him and not emotion attachment.
Like bros here, you have to be very emotionally very strong, the guy who is your FB might have more than one FB and might not be there when you need it.
Go be volunteer work. You will be able to appreciate what you have esp when you see how people are struggling to keep their life going.
If you email me or any of the bros here if you need someone to listen to your problem.

Take care.

naturegreen

23-09-2009, 11:34 AM

Hi OC TS, I can see that most are advising you against this FB thingy. I shall not go too deep into what others have advised you. My stand is:

1) If you are tempted to do it. You feel like doing it and it makes you much happier, then by all means go ahead, do it. But do not forget the consequences which other samsters have advised.

2) Always remember it's just a FB-FB relationship. Unless you are ready for this kind of FB relationship and you think you can be in control of you own emotions.

3) Do note that for majority of guys who "tao jia", they are still able to go back to their home, to their wife whom they still love and treasure at the end of the day, it was their 'lit bro in control temporarily at that moment.
But for females, majority who "tao jia" are not able to do it and tend to let their heart overtake and control anything else. I have many friends who are living examples, the girls "tao jia", in the end they feel guilty towards their husband or fall in love with their FB and thus resulting in a divorce.

4) How trustworthy is this guy who proposed a FB relationship with you? Does he know your family?

5) If it's too risky, then heed the advice of the majority here.

Unless
a) your husband fails to provide the sexual needs which you want
b) romance to a certain degree that is no longer existing between you and your husband
c) excitement which you are seeking for
else I think you should not accept his proposal.

I have my own encounters with ladies who are married and I bet some samsters here do have as well. But these relationships do not last as at the end of the day, you jolly well know you are bonded by what they call it the legal marriage agreement, a bond. A person whom you have wanted to spend your whole life with in the past.

I will not say having a ONS/FB is bad for your relationship with your husband. Sometimes it does opposite and improve your relationship with your partner as you may realize that your husband is the best afterall. Unless your husband is a *@#&*#($@#&(*&$, then what's more is there to consider.
However, despite all our advices and you still persist to go ahead, good luck and enjoy bonking.

On a side note: Most of us are very careful with our usage of verb for advise/advice arbo tio spot by uncle sammy again.

OC.SIN09

23-09-2009, 12:47 PM

Dear bros & sis,

Frankly I'm surprised and heartened by most of your advice. I didn't expect that most of you to advise me against it. From the threads that I read, most bro are looking forward to have FB/s! (**Please don't get me wrong, I'm not here to look for FB.)

To the bros/sis who advised me to work out with my hubby, actually I started the thread with no intention to discuss about my marriage problems but I think I should explain a little so that you can understand better.

My marriage
As mentioned earlier, I'm married for 20+ yrs.
My hubby is my 1st and only man till now. I married young at the age of 20. I'm in my early 40s. My son is in army now.

My hubby is a nice man but he is also a private and cold person. All these years with him, he has never once celebrated any special occasions (birthday, anniversary, mother's day etc) with my son & I. He values his freedom alot so there is no call or reporting on where or what he is doing. I have long accepted that this is his character. As years go by, we just drifted apart. We seldom quarell or argue as we don't really get to see each other much due to our hectic work schedule. Besides work, he is engrossed in his own hobby and activities (not cheonging GL/clubs/pubs) outside work hours. If I were a typical SG gal, believe me this marriage won't last till now.

As for sex, we are still active with at least twice a wk but it is always satisfying him 1st not me. Since he is my only sex partner, I have no way to compare until I came across the porn videos & the stories in SBF. We talked about it before but it is still the same, he cum then clean up and continue to sleep leaving me high and dry! :mad:

My only consideration for giving up the marriage is hurting both his and my parents. I have a close relationship with my in-law. I do not wish to hurt them unnecessarily.

My heart is numb towards him after all these years of 'desertion'. So it is a matter of time that we go seperate way...

I posted above last night but due to moderation, it came out much later which I guess some of the bros & sis posted their advice without much understanding of my marriage situation.

I do not want to dwell too much on it anymore as it would look like I'm talking bad about my hubby. Basically, he is a nice man. He is just not suitable for marriage life, a conclusion after 22 yrs of marriage. About spicing up the sex with him, I just want to say that all that can be done was done including sexy lingerie, toys etc.

Up to-date, I can proudly say that I have excelled in my various roles as a wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, aunty etc but I failed myself miserably. I do engage in many activities to occupy my free time but at the end of the day, the feeling of emptiness is still there...

OC.SIN09

23-09-2009, 01:03 PM

Dear Loneyheart,

I like to clarify some of the pts mentioned below.

Hi Sis

After reading yr posting I just smile w yr ignorance n try to give it a passed.
But w a lot of ???? in mind i decided to reply u w questions for yr self reflects n hope it do help u to ans to yr own question:cool:

1. You r a working OC for 20+ years with a teenage child.
R u a real sis as mention in yr post in yr 40+ ? If so u should not hv asked whether u r playing w fire.. u should be mature enough to hv brain to know t ans. OR r u just a naughty boy who just end sch holiday feel bore n try to b funny?

**I don't blame you for doubting me as I too noticed there are many kids in this forum. Judge for yourself on what I posted if I'm a kid on holiday or not.

2. Facing the same common problems in marriage as most of you here, sex with hubby is no longer exciting and satisfying. In fact, he is more like a stranger than a hubby to me now.
What did yr husband do to u ? Is he a responsible husband ? Did u try to make a 1st step to talk n share..go for vacation or something ? Did u try something sexy to enhance both sex relationship ?
Beside SEX there still something call SELF RESPECT and RESPONSIBILITY If u dont what diff u make then an animals

**Please refer to my post on my marriage.

3. Although I have many opportunities to get out of my marriage with ppl met thru my career,
If this cross yr mind , r u a flirt n only think for yr selfishness ?

**I don't understand your comment.

5. Many months ago , I met a guy (B) whom I'm quite attracted to. We started chit-chatting causally & out of the blue 1 day, he asked me to be his FB!
Only many mths...chit chat CAUSALLY...then asked to b FB ???
Hi sis i think u got more thing to hide dum u ??
How old is he >40+ married w family ? ( If not something wrong w him )
U want to blew up 2 family just to fullfill yr sex desire as a fatal attraction if someone found out ?
Or is he much younger then u , u want to be a OLD COW LIKE TO EAT GREEN YOUNG GRASS ? ...HaHa R u a Chiobu or a MILF in yr 40s as t guy asked u to b FB ? Or r u a rich MLND n he just going for yr $$$ ?

**Yes, he is married, no kid, almost same age as me. I'm not a chiobu by SBF bro standard. But I do get enough compliments from many ppl to know that I'm not that bad looking. Once in a while, ppl do steal a glance at me.;)

kpkprivate

23-09-2009, 01:08 PM

Guess you need to unwind. . .
Play with care.
Matter of hearts, no one can decide for yourself except yourself.

Goodluck!

realfat_joe

23-09-2009, 01:49 PM

Hi Sis.

Reading through your responses i can sense that you're still a very dedicated and loving wife, mother, daughter-in-law who is just going through a rough patch of self-doubt, and wanting to try our something new... something exciting that you have always read about but have not done so yourself, for whatever reasons. This is quite normal especially now that your son has gone to the army and would start his own life... and you are feeling quite 'empty'.

I suppose your husband has found his escape through his activities and hobbies... Perhaps you may wish to take the cue from him and reconsider your thoughts, and redirect it to something else, something decadent and self-indulging... perhaps a good SPA, or a girls-only holiday/cruise with your girl-friends and reenergise. Afterall, when you return, both you and your husband can start planning for your 25th anniversary which i believe would be only a couple of year away? I'm sure your son would be very very proud of the both of you.... and most importantly, you will not have any guilt overlooking your shoulders!

So go ahead with the dream SPA or cruise with the girls!

All the best!

Cheers :)

bochapsing

23-09-2009, 02:02 PM

I suppose your husband has found his escape through his activities and hobbies... Perhaps you may wish to take the cue from him and reconsider your thoughts, and redirect it to something else, sometime decadent and self-indulging... perhaps a good SPA, or a girls-only holiday/cruise with your girl-friends and reenergise. Afterall, when you return, both you and your husband can start planning for your 25th anniversary which i believe would be only a couple of year away? I'm sure your son would be very very proud of the both of you.... and most importantly, you will not have any guilt overlooking your shoulder

i think tis is a pretty good advice....

occupy ur time, pamper urself without having to feel guilty later on....

anyway, as many bro said before, tat guy's approach is lame... can't see him being a serious and responsible FB...

lglg666

23-09-2009, 02:28 PM

Posted their advice without much understanding of my marriage situation.

I do not want to dwell too much on it anymore as it would look like I'm talking bad about my hubby. Basically, he is a nice man.

Up to-date, I can proudly say that I have excelled in my various roles as a wife, mother, daughter, daughter-in-law, aunty etc but I failed myself miserably. I do engage in many activities to occupy my free time but at the end of the day, the feeling of emptiness is still there...

OK....guessed with this, you have more or less know what you should do to live LIFE for yourself! Life is short...and it's decision time for it's now or never! Just remember to do so with both eyes open...and no regret later!

My 2 cents advice!

Frankiestine

23-09-2009, 03:04 PM

From your expereince, how do you keep your feeling or rather how your lady FB keeps her feeling under control?

From woman pt of view, I cannot imagine having sex without emotion. Not even with Andy Lau! We are just not made in this way.

From reading the SBF, it seems that there are many bros having FB r/s. I wonder how the lady FBs in those r/s manage their emotion? Are they all hardcore players so no danger of involving any feeling?

That's the problem, you can't really set the feelings aside. It is easier said then done. The only thing is, will you be able to let go when the time comes to do so...

medicheng

23-09-2009, 05:46 PM

From what i usually know, FB of the female species usually will develop feelings on the male counterparts. I dunno why, perhaps due to the commerical sex available for man instead of woman.

Hmmm, from your postings, I dun think you are able to handle this situation well. You might tio eaten by that guy, coz due to your inexperience.

Pardon my ang mo, is not that good.

Just let nature go its flow, if you wont be asking question and start doing, then i think by then u r ready for a FB relationship.

My liang mao qian.

yang punk

23-09-2009, 07:26 PM

So many hypocrites... guys... look at the 3 fingers pointing back at yourselves!

vin69m

23-09-2009, 09:55 PM

Just 4 ur thoughts, any man tat ask u 2 b his FB is desparated. Or either u r not tat ideal lady he is after. Asked any bro in tis forum Y they RTF even its going 2 cost them $$$. U hav read 2 many stories n get carried away wif wild thoughts. N I can assured U, if u r charming n sexy a lot of BROS will ask U 2 b his lover even u r over 40. Siow Mei U hav 2 move on wif wat u hav now(a family n hubby). Remember tis fact, U r not young any more n wat ever u fine r those other ladies discard. I sincerely hope tat u can see light at e end of e tunnel.

OC.SIN09

24-09-2009, 12:27 AM

Dear all bros & sis who care to post your reply,

I sincerely thank you for all your advice, analysis, thoughts and suggestions. I've read every single post and do my best to understand them. Some bros & sis even PM me with further explanation or caution on how I should handle the situation.

There is 1 particular PM which clearly identified my situation & I would like to share with you below.

"Hi

I have read your posts and empathise with your situation.

Now that your son is more or less independent, life should actually be better for you, apart from the situation with your spouse. If you were to really go separate ways, isn't it going to burden you with some guilt or sorrow, just when the burden of caring for your son is being removed?

At the same time, i suppose you do not have any sense of fulfilment carrying on with your spouse and you do not foresee any happiness with him in your later years.

I think it's a real dilemma, which would take a brave person to resolve in a clinical manner. Having an FB will not resolve the issue as it is purely about one aspect (sexual) of fulfilment in life. U would be using a purely physical (sexual) aspect to address a problem that is both physical (sexual) and emotional (ie your feelings towards your spouse). And I think your issue is more emotional than physical, perhaps 70-30.

Hence, a possible way involves NOT separating from him (as explained above), but at the same time, identify someone who can "click" well with u emotionally ie someone who could be your soulmate and who is willing to be one. If things develop from purely soulmate to something physical, then maybe it is the natural order of things. If that person also has his own family considerations, then both u and him are likely to be discreet and prudent about the soulmate relationship. So, it can continue and last.
I think an FB will NOT be able to perform this critical role."

After hearing many advice from you, I do understand that FB r/s is not what I'm looking for.

I'll let nature takes its course. Someday, maybe I'll meet someone who will treasure and fulfill me.

Btw, pardon my ignorance, are there any FL or WL (man) service available in SG? Where & How to locate them? Just for my knowledge...:p

Bangster

24-09-2009, 02:24 AM

I sensed tons of PMs coming your way offering free help and the aforementioned services...

hehe

Actually, for us guys to work as FL, WM(not WL!), I think most will do the job even without monetary transaction!!!!

Hahaah

NikonCamera

24-09-2009, 09:57 AM

Hi Sis,
You really have to think about it in a clear mind. He have nothing to lose where you have tons of it. Your feelings are there because you are attracted to him in the first place and the problems you face in your marriage. And you kept thinking of the fact that your hubby can't give you a good sex.
How about getting yourself occupy? Go and get some hobbies, things you wanted to do in a long while...

tayweihong

28-09-2009, 10:59 AM

wah lao.. after reading all this.. i also scare my oc will feel this way.. thinking i better go home early and give her a good bonk... hehe.

anyway ocsin09, i think u will do fine, let nature takes its course. a relationship actually take a lifetime to learn about each other, so your 22 years marriage is still "young" there are old couples in the world who are still learning about and from each other.

also dont give in so easily, remember all men are bastards! we will do anything to get lady's pants.

LeongYeah

28-09-2009, 11:08 AM

The issue cannot be settled so easily. Many issues are being discussed and I think you TS should really take the time and identify what are the issues and deal with them separately.

Best wishes to you and your solutions

OC.SIN09

28-09-2009, 04:10 PM

hi bros & sis,
as predicted by bro Bangster, i r'ced many PM offering FL or even free service! i learnt my lesson when wording my post. haha..

however, there are also some sincere PM which i'm grateful for. i made a right decision to seek advice here, afterall, the bros here are not as bad as what the image has projected! as for B, i've rejected him. juz hope that he doesn't pester me..

lglg666

28-09-2009, 06:28 PM

as for B, i've rejected him. juz hope that he doesn't pester me..

Good choice.....:D I am really glad you have come to a good decision!

One thing is sure.....you don't have to keep looking behind your back
as you are doing the right thing!

tahana

28-09-2009, 11:27 PM

OC.SIN09 .... great to know u rejected the offer.. seriously if u think wat will happen to your son if he found out.. his image of you will change forever!!!

kurosaki ichigo

29-09-2009, 01:21 AM

LotusElise

29-09-2009, 02:48 PM

..
I'll let nature takes its course. Someday, maybe I'll meet someone who will treasure and fulfill me.

Btw, pardon my ignorance, are there any FL or WL (man) service available in SG? Where & How to locate them? Just for my knowledge...:p

Hi sis,
yea, i also support tat its better u let nature take its own course.

Agree that its more of emotional needs than physical. The physical activity can help to provide some short term escape, but cant solve the real issue on hand.

Try engaging in some more "healthy" activities? Like taking up a new sport, game, or hobby, etc? Get to noe more ppl and enjoy the beauty of life outside. : )
Just my humble opinions.

geckoSG

29-09-2009, 03:58 PM

I'm no saint, I won't say right or wrong on her decision.
Ultimately, TS has knowned what she is missing in life.

Hope she fills up that emptiness, nevertheless, life is short.
Really short. Do what you feel you wanna do, so wat if you
are in your 40s. A 40s lady can still be matured and attractive.

Can't get the emptiness filled at home, look elsewhere, be discreet.
Importantly play safe...

A soulmate is more suitable for you right now, as you are empty
within, should this soulmate promote to FB, let nature takes its
course.

There's no right or wrong in this world, its how you look at things
yourself... Do watever you want, just dun regret it...

bigass

30-09-2009, 12:28 AM

I believe with a child under your care, there are many decision tt u made which I believed tt u hafta put him into yr consideration. No doubt he is independent but he has emotion still. Don't let a mistake ruin the image of a wonderful mum in his heart.

Face the fact with yr partner. If both of u really hAve a problem, sit down & talk. There are so many family salvation solution provided in the market right now unlike the past. We can't turn back time & we often live with regrets hence if u can foresee these, y not prevent?

FYI, I have not been tru marriage but I can tell u tt I been tru the stage like yr son. Some pple just do not have the luxury for a 2nd chance. Cherish,TS

CatusRose

30-09-2009, 03:13 PM

When you pick up that ring and slip it into his hand, what were the things you promised? Is marriage just about sex? Or is it a commitment when how he/she turned out in age, you will always love him/her like you always will? I did wrong once before and I will like to share my story for your reference.

I got involved with a married lady in her mid 20s. She was my colleague and I can sense that she was unhappy. We sort of talked about it after work one day and she told me the sex was no good. We tease one another and that night, we spent it at the hotel.

Intially, the sex was good and there was no strings attached. But as time got by, we developed feelings. I ask her to leave her hubby and but she wouldn't. So like what a normal guy would do, I decided to move on and find a someone. A gf and not a FB.

When I did, I suggested to her that I wanted to end the FB relationship. She wouldn't and tried to cling on. In the end, she found out about my gf and make a big hoo ha and confronted her. In the end I chose her and she got a divorce.

Things were getting out of hand as she expected a lot more from me as she went through the court hearing and me getting sick and tired of her moaning. In the end, she tried to hook up with some guys behind my back. It drove me carzy and I got a chopper to threaten her. A whole load more silly things I did because we both scracfice a lot and we expected a lot from each other.

We continued for a year before we decided enguf is enguf. We left and I am glad we did. End of the day, don't mess with a marriage and don't get married unless you will live by your vow.

A marriage is a commitment and not a courtship where you can opt out if anything goes wrong.