Uneasy situation

[Stud00]

Hey Bros and Sis,

It's just one of those moments when i am caught in a situation and it doesn't seem convenient to share this with anyone that you know, for fear on how they look at you. I am sure that you guys know what i mean.

So, here i am, and i am sharing this in here in hope of asking you guys for your advice.. Constructive advice i hope, i can do without any flaming or any dumbass comments.. Thank you very much.

I am 35 this year and i am dating this gal thats 25, that's 10 years age gap. I feel very comfortable with her, but recently, i found out something, that in the past, she has been very intimate with her male cousin. She shared this with me. The male cousin has a gf too, and in my opinion, he's just making use of her. My gf told me that ever since we got attached, she has stopped all these intimate acts with her cousin. But time n time again, she would receive smses from this cousin, asking if he can stay over and stuff.. and i can see that my gf isn't very firm in turning him down.

There are times when i asked her, if she wants me to talk to her cousin.. and if i do that, it's not going to be too nice. I love her very much, but somehow or another, i keep thinking that there's something going on behind my back. I think you guys know what i mean. I just don't wish to be caught in a situation when i realised that her cousin has been screwing my gf behind scenes. God help him if i ever find out.

What would you guys do?

[homie]

bro Stud00, since u said ur gf has been very intimate with her male cousin den i suggest u go talk to her cousin like a real man (if u know wad i mean).. It's better dis way rather den u keep on thinking what's going on.. Better do this early before things end up worst..

[GDX11]

bro Stud00, since u said ur gf has been very intimate with her male cousin den i suggest u go talk to her cousin like a real man (if u know wad i mean).. It's better dis way rather den u keep on thinking what's going on.. Better do this early before things end up worst..

Your gf is 25 and should be able to stand up for herself. If need be, talk to the cousin. But that should be done only with consensus from your gf, at least that's what I think.

However, if you wanna be a bitch, share these tales with your gf's aunt, who's that man's mother. He will probably shun her for the rest of her life and Chinese New Year union would be his nightmare from then. alright I'm kidding about this para. :)

[joew2005]

if it's yours,it's yours.
if it's not yours,it's not yours.

[Greendevil]

Bro it natural for anyone to feel uneasy if knowing he/her partner is doing something behind the back esp in yr case is someone from the family, and it bond to meet each other.

It is clear that both yr gf and her cousin is attached with their own partner, and you have doubts that they are still fooling around. Well there no foolproof way to prove anything unless u goin to mount a video cam in her bedroom or become a fly and hid in her ear like the monkey god, my suggestion is hv some faith in yr gf, cos no point making everyone unhappy and sour the relationship.

However, something has to be clear with yr gf. Suggest you lay your cards clearly to her i.e. if there is something still ongoing between them, it better stop immediate.And if you found out, let her know what are the action you will do, but my advice is don do anything illegal like beating him up or watsoever or exposing them to their parent, taking vengenceful act if it is the latter case cos no point from friends become enemy. It always best to walk out from such relation. In this way, you kept yr gentleman, and have a the higher moral ground. Also, the guilt will be in her thus it always give u the advantage in the future when meet up. You never know when u need a help from a friend.

[Xgenre]

Ditch this girl. There are other trees in the forest. I think it's very difficult to fully convince yourself she's not sleeping with her cousin behind your back. Will you want this question to be hanging over your head forever?

It's immoral to sleep with one's cousin. If she can sleep with her cousin, she can give you more cause for concern in future. She's 25 and not young. An adult. I will move on if I were you. Some things you just can't give a 2nd chance for...

[hoA123]

OT: ermm...something like that?
http://sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=223591

on a serious note:
the issue is not her imho.
it's whether you can shake off that behind-the-back feel.
like you said, your gf is old enough to think for herself.

if i were in a similar situation;
i would tell my gf the concern and discomfort, and tell her that i would not do anything.
i would not force her to confront that cousin or such.
she is an adult and should be able to think for herself.
she should know how i would be feeling right now.

exercise silence here and see what her response is;
should i ever find out that the cousin stayed over a single time.
i would break up with her.
no confrontation needed for someone who cannot think and weigh out situations.

[hamsapkwai]

her cousin will always be like a ghost in your relationship with her down the road.

being her cousin there`s no way she can lose him in her life

can u accept that?

[alan0338]

no 2nd words, just dump ur GF since u cant bring urself to trust her 100% after knowing she had intimate acts with her cousin :eek: :eek:
tis type of r/s will only bring u more headache and worries down the road, unless u are prepared to face the fact tat even after she is with u, she is still with her cousin doing intimate acts :rolleyes:

[woshixiong]

Talk to him man to man. ask him to stop

or even better ask for his gf contacts. naaaaaaa just kidding :Da

[AmericanExpress]

Maybe its also a case of being too paranoid? they are cousins after all and she may feel that she wants that 'space'. If u tell ur girlfriend - it may seem u r insecure. if u tell her cousin - it may also offend ur girlfriend. sit on the fence and whallop the bugger when u find out he IS indeed doing the dirty deed

[Stud00]

dear bros,
thanks for all the inputs.
maybe like what she said, she has stopped all these. and i am just being pananoid. anyway, i think i would just be careful.
If i ever find out that he's still being intimate with her behind my back. I would make sure he pays.
Darn sian la...

[ah rat]

dear bros,
thanks for all the inputs.
maybe like what she said, she has stopped all these. and i am just being pananoid. anyway, i think i would just be careful.
If i ever find out that he's still being intimate with her behind my back. I would make sure he pays.
Darn sian la...

Ask yourself whether u can forget/forgive what yours GF do in the past.
Since she told u about intimate with her cousin.In fact she can keep her mouth shut,but she choose to tell u.So she must be serious in this relationship with u. No Sian Good Luck To U :D

[bigbirdbird]

Ask yourself whether u can forget/forgive what yours GF do in the past.


Uncle niao chi giving advice :p :D

[ah rat]

Big bird,Why my nick name still not in yours list :D

[orneryjoe]

...It's immoral to sleep with one's cousin...

Is this really true?

How to decide whether something is moral, immoral or neither moral nor immoral?

In this case, I think it's neither moral nor immoral to sleep with one's cousin, so long as it's by mutual consent, and both are not children.

[see see only]

If i ever find out that he's still being intimate with her behind my back. I would make sure he pays.
Darn sian la...

Hopefully ... we do not see another news in the evening paper "Mature man at 35 stab gf's male cousin after he found them on bed" :eek:


God help him if i ever find out.

If you ever found out .... easy --- leave her or forgive her .... ;)

[bigbirdbird]

Big bird,Why my nick name still not in yours list

You're still in my another list lah .... Pai Seh hor ... list too long liao :p



If you ever found out .... easy --- leave her or forgive her ....

Long time no see bro ... 2molo GM hor :D

[Big O]

dear bros,
thanks for all the inputs.
maybe like what she said, she has stopped all these. and i am just being pananoid. anyway, i think i would just be careful.
If i ever find out that he's still being intimate with her behind my back. I would make sure he pays.
Darn sian la...

Bro, u mentioned earlier tat she cant really reject him. Umh... Slightest hesitation.....?..? Think about it!

Secondly , are u choosing to believe from watt u said above?
Sori if I can't help.

[Xgenre]

In this case, I think it's neither moral nor immoral to sleep with one's cousin, so long as it's by mutual consent, and both are not children.

You are right. According to Section 376G of the Penal Code, humping your cousin isn't incest.

Incest
376G. —(1) Any man of or above the age of 16 years (A) who —

(a) sexually penetrates the vagina or anus of a woman (B) with a part of A’s body (other than A’s penis) or anything else; or

(b) penetrates the vagina, anus or mouth of a woman (B) with his penis,

with or without B’s consent where B is to A’s knowledge A’s grand-daughter, daughter, sister, half-sister, mother or grandmother (whether such relationship is or is not traced through lawful wedlock), shall be guilty of an offence.

(2) Any woman of or above the age of 16 years who, with consent, permits her grandfather, father, brother, half-brother, son or grandson (whether such relationship is or is not traced through lawful wedlock) to penetrate her in the manner described in subsection (1)(a) or (b), knowing him to be her grandfather, father, brother, half-brother, son or grandson, as the case may be, shall be guilty of an offence.

(3) Subject to subsection (4), a man who is guilty of an offence under subsection (1) shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 5 years.

(4) If a man commits an offence under subsection (1) against a woman under 14 years of age, he shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 14 years.

(5) A woman who is guilty of an offence under subsection (2) shall be punished with imprisonment for a term which may extend to 5 years.

[Mr_don_juan]

:DHey Bros and Sis,

It's just one of those moments when i am caught in a situation and it doesn't seem convenient to share this with anyone that you know, for fear on how they look at you. I am sure that you guys know what i mean.

So, here i am, and i am sharing this in here in hope of asking you guys for your advice.. Constructive advice i hope, i can do without any flaming or any dumbass comments.. Thank you very much.

I am 35 this year and i am dating this gal thats 25, that's 10 years age gap. I feel very comfortable with her, but recently, i found out something, that in the past, she has been very intimate with her male cousin. She shared this with me. The male cousin has a gf too, and in my opinion, he's just making use of her. My gf told me that ever since we got attached, she has stopped all these intimate acts with her cousin. But time n time again, she would receive smses from this cousin, asking if he can stay over and stuff.. and i can see that my gf isn't very firm in turning him down.

There are times when i asked her, if she wants me to talk to her cousin.. and if i do that, it's not going to be too nice. I love her very much, but somehow or another, i keep thinking that there's something going on behind my back. I think you guys know what i mean. I just don't wish to be caught in a situation when i realised that her cousin has been screwing my gf behind scenes. God help him if i ever find out.

What would you guys do?

Be much better in bed than the male cousin and fuck like a porn star. Generally girls tend to cheat if their bf/husband is unable to perform well. Don't put too much of your heart into the relationship, if she is not putting all her eggs into one basket. Flirt with other girls and show what you made of. If you and her are not married, don't get jealous or mad, improve your skills with your current gf, the next one will thank you for it. :D

[SiliconVibrator]

bro, the fact that she has chosen to tell u the truth abt her cousin may some how means that she is being truthful to you lo. jus try out the relationship with her n if u ever get to know that she is sticking to her old ways, jus dump her lo, best of luck to u bro.

[Stud00]

Ehh bro,
not being booastful, but i think.. i can quite compare myself with a pornstar.. WAHAHAHAHAHA!
DArn Hao lian.. anyway, i know where you are coming from!


:D

Be much better in bed than the male cousin and fuck like a porn star. Generally girls tend to cheat if their bf/husband is unable to perform well. Don't put too much of your heart into the relationship, if she is not putting all her eggs into one basket. Flirt with other girls and show what you made of. If you and her are not married, don't get jealous or mad, improve your skills with your current gf, the next one will thank you for it. :D

[Stud00]

Bro, thanks for the input.. i agree with you.
Anyway, to all bros, i think the most important quality that we all MUST have is that we must be secured of ourselves. In that way, we won't fall into depression or self-doubt when the shit hits the fan (it often does).

For myself, i know what i am capable but it's just the process of getting hurt, am sure that you would all agree with me that wearing a "green hat" is not a good feeling.

Anyway, i would be strong and just take one step at the time. I've told myself that IF i see anything suspicious, i would just walk out of it immediately, no love lost.

No offense, but what the fuck is wrong with this ppl that sleep with their cousins? Sigh, to each their own.. :(

Thanks to all that contributed.


bro, the fact that she has chosen to tell u the truth abt her cousin may some how means that she is being truthful to you lo. jus try out the relationship with her n if u ever get to know that she is sticking to her old ways, jus dump her lo, best of luck to u bro.

[see see only]

Long time no see bro ... 2molo GM hor :D

O hey ... i just knew about your nick ...

I guess next week lor, see u at GM :D

[arsenal_84]

No offense, but what the fuck is wrong with this ppl that sleep with their cousins? Sigh, to each their own.. :(


i would say incest is a greater form of evil than visiting FLs ?
even though she's in a mid 20s, her actions somehow represent what the strawberry generation is capable of...going about their lifestyle with no sense of moral conduct.
while i'm no saint myself but isn't it better to listen to your own conscience ?

[orneryjoe]

Don't presume to judge anyone's "moral conduct" -- because morality is an issue which is more complex than it seems.

What seems morally wrong for one person may not be so for the next. The conscience isn't a big help either because conscience tends to err on the side of conservativism -- prudish, yes, but not necessarily morally reliable.

If two cousins have sex and they are mutually consenting adults, different cultures would interpret this differently. Rationally speaking, there is nothing immoral about this in my opinion.

What would be immoral for instance, is for one cousin to rape another, or, for that matter, for a male to force himself upon another.

The presumptive working definition I am using is that immoral actions hurt others whereas a moral action helps others. Not a perfect definition by any means but a good starting working definition that is still way better than many other naive conceptions of morality, for eg, what is moral is what my holy book tells me is moral.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Seeing is believing! Arrange a night out for dinner or something, see if you be able to spot any strange behavior between them. Still not a green hat alert cos not a wife as yet.

IMHO, if you spot anything out of ordinary, don't walk out so fast, consider if you be able to accept her as an FB, this way, you are actually saving her from sinking deeper into the abyss cos without a real man (especially one with porn star skill :p pun-intended don't mind) her fxxking cousin might make the most out of her situation.

Win-Win for you and her and in line with our motto: Can Eat, Don't Waste (Cantonese). :D

[Aesthetic]

Don't presume to judge anyone's "moral conduct" -- because morality is an issue which is more complex than it seems.

What seems morally wrong for one person may not be so for the next. The conscience isn't a big help either because conscience tends to err on the side of conservativism -- prudish, yes, but not necessarily morally reliable.

If two cousins have sex and they are mutually consenting adults, different cultures would interpret this differently. Rationally speaking, there is nothing immoral about this in my opinion.

What would be immoral for instance, is for one cousin to rape another, or, for that matter, for a male to force himself upon another.

The presumptive working definition I am using is that immoral actions hurt others whereas a moral action helps others. Not a perfect definition by any means but a good starting working definition that is still way better than many other naive conceptions of morality, for eg, what is moral is what my holy book tells me is moral.

Often, there is the conflation between "morality" and "the function of morality", and so happen you just fell into this state of conflation. Let's do away with the driver of religious and ecclesiastical judgement; lets also do away with your poorly constructed parameter of "morality".


Morality is a developing framework of adaptive norms (i.e. hypothetical imperatives) the function of which is to cultivate 'well-being' within sustainable context/s of shared (human & non-human) interests, with sustainability constituting the sufficent condition for cultivating 'well-being'.


The function of morality is the primary reason that morality exists in cultures and subcultures. Cultural moral standards (that define a morality) are cultural norms whose violation commonly engenders the emotion of righteous indignation and the idea that the violator deserves punishment or at least correction. So cultural norms such as whether people eat with a fork and spoon or chopsticks or people more admire wealth or wisdom are usually not moral standards by this definition.

I’ll cut to the chase and make the assertion that virtually all past and present cultural moral standards, no matter how diverse, contradictory, and bizarre, appear to have the following underlying function:

“The primary function of moral standards (the primary reason they exist in cultures) is that they increase the synergistic benefits of cooperation in groups by advocating unselfish behaviors”.

Note this function is only about benefits within a group. It is consistent with groups exploiting other groups such as in slave holding societies and societies where women are morally obligated to be subservient to men.

However, from this function, a moral principle can be derived that appears to be the moral principle underlying virtually all secular morality in modern, liberal cultures. This principle classifies as immoral one group exploiting another as when slavery is morally acceptable and women are morally obligated to be subservient to men.

“Moral behaviors are unselfish behaviors that increase, on average, the benefits of cooperation within groups and between groups”.

Where “benefits of cooperation” and “unselfish” are defined as follows:

“Benefits of cooperation” could be almost any benefits that cooperating groups in some sense ‘decide’ on. Often such a ‘decision’ just culturally evolves over time to be the consensus. Further, people who disagree with their group’s goals may become a sub-group that cooperates to achieve whatever benefits they prefer. All of us are members of many groups such as family, friends, communities, and countries. Together, these groups pursue many culturally agreed on benefits of cooperation. What these benefits can be, however, is logically limited to benefits that increase the overall benefits of cooperation in groups. Seeking a benefit of pleasure produced by killing other members of the group would not qualify as a logically consistent benefit of cooperation.

How groups ‘choose’ benefits is intentionally left undefined except that, in order to be a moral method of choosing, it similarly must not reduce the benefits of cooperation between subgroups in the group.

“Unselfish” refers in the normal sense to behaviors that are concerned with the pleasure and well-being of others and not excessively concerned with one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well being. However, it is the culture that determines, as a function of context, what is excessive or insufficient concern with oneself and regard for others. Cultural judgments will differ about what behaviors are selfish and unselfish within a family, between strangers who have just met, and between people who will never meet. For example, the act of giving what to you is a small amount of money to someone you will never meet could be unselfish, but giving the same amount of money to a family member in great financial distress might be selfish (it shows excessive concern for your own well-being, you should have helped your family member more).

[jessca]

Trust and faith plays a very big part in a r/s. I think you're just insecure that she shared a intimate r/s with her cousin in the past, and find it hard to believe that there's nothing wrong with them now. If you don't trust her, no matter how much she tried to explain, you are not going to believe. hmm...

I think there's nothing much you can do except to trust her? But if you can't, then its better to end it.

[newhere]

Hey Bros and Sis,

It's just one of those moments when i am caught in a situation and it doesn't seem convenient to share this with anyone that you know, for fear on how they look at you. I am sure that you guys know what i mean.

So, here i am, and i am sharing this in here in hope of asking you guys for your advice.. Constructive advice i hope, i can do without any flaming or any dumbass comments.. Thank you very much.

I am 35 this year and i am dating this gal thats 25, that's 10 years age gap. I feel very comfortable with her, but recently, i found out something, that in the past, she has been very intimate with her male cousin. She shared this with me. The male cousin has a gf too, and in my opinion, he's just making use of her. My gf told me that ever since we got attached, she has stopped all these intimate acts with her cousin. But time n time again, she would receive smses from this cousin, asking if he can stay over and stuff.. and i can see that my gf isn't very firm in turning him down.

There are times when i asked her, if she wants me to talk to her cousin.. and if i do that, it's not going to be too nice. I love her very much, but somehow or another, i keep thinking that there's something going on behind my back. I think you guys know what i mean. I just don't wish to be caught in a situation when i realised that her cousin has been screwing my gf behind scenes. God help him if i ever find out.

What would you guys do?

Obviously you have to talk to the male cousin. Gather some evidence before and threaten to expose him to the whole extended family and any potential in-laws in the future, i.e. all of his future gf's mom and dad.

[Stud00]

woah bro... i like what you said here..i think i would do this to other gals.. but for this particular one, kinda hard u know? becos i love her, and if i find out if shes fucking behind my back.. i think i wld be too sick to do anything else.
:(((((

Seeing is believing! Arrange a night out for dinner or something, see if you be able to spot any strange behavior between them. Still not a green hat alert cos not a wife as yet.

IMHO, if you spot anything out of ordinary, don't walk out so fast, consider if you be able to accept her as an FB, this way, you are actually saving her from sinking deeper into the abyss cos without a real man (especially one with porn star skill :p pun-intended don't mind) her fxxking cousin might make the most out of her situation.

Win-Win for you and her and in line with our motto: Can Eat, Don't Waste (Cantonese). :D

[Stud00]

Wah piang a bro...
you scholar ah.. i read from top to bottom..bottom to top.. i still catch no ball.. can u explain in clear english?

:(((


Often, there is the conflation between "morality" and "the function of morality", and so happen you just fell into this state of conflation. Let's do away with the driver of religious and ecclesiastical judgement; lets also do away with your poorly constructed parameter of "morality".


Morality is a developing framework of adaptive norms (i.e. hypothetical imperatives) the function of which is to cultivate 'well-being' within sustainable context/s of shared (human & non-human) interests, with sustainability constituting the sufficent condition for cultivating 'well-being'.


The function of morality is the primary reason that morality exists in cultures and subcultures. Cultural moral standards (that define a morality) are cultural norms whose violation commonly engenders the emotion of righteous indignation and the idea that the violator deserves punishment or at least correction. So cultural norms such as whether people eat with a fork and spoon or chopsticks or people more admire wealth or wisdom are usually not moral standards by this definition.

I’ll cut to the chase and make the assertion that virtually all past and present cultural moral standards, no matter how diverse, contradictory, and bizarre, appear to have the following underlying function:

“The primary function of moral standards (the primary reason they exist in cultures) is that they increase the synergistic benefits of cooperation in groups by advocating unselfish behaviors”.

Note this function is only about benefits within a group. It is consistent with groups exploiting other groups such as in slave holding societies and societies where women are morally obligated to be subservient to men.

However, from this function, a moral principle can be derived that appears to be the moral principle underlying virtually all secular morality in modern, liberal cultures. This principle classifies as immoral one group exploiting another as when slavery is morally acceptable and women are morally obligated to be subservient to men.

“Moral behaviors are unselfish behaviors that increase, on average, the benefits of cooperation within groups and between groups”.

Where “benefits of cooperation” and “unselfish” are defined as follows:

“Benefits of cooperation” could be almost any benefits that cooperating groups in some sense ‘decide’ on. Often such a ‘decision’ just culturally evolves over time to be the consensus. Further, people who disagree with their group’s goals may become a sub-group that cooperates to achieve whatever benefits they prefer. All of us are members of many groups such as family, friends, communities, and countries. Together, these groups pursue many culturally agreed on benefits of cooperation. What these benefits can be, however, is logically limited to benefits that increase the overall benefits of cooperation in groups. Seeking a benefit of pleasure produced by killing other members of the group would not qualify as a logically consistent benefit of cooperation.

How groups ‘choose’ benefits is intentionally left undefined except that, in order to be a moral method of choosing, it similarly must not reduce the benefits of cooperation between subgroups in the group.

“Unselfish” refers in the normal sense to behaviors that are concerned with the pleasure and well-being of others and not excessively concerned with one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well being. However, it is the culture that determines, as a function of context, what is excessive or insufficient concern with oneself and regard for others. Cultural judgments will differ about what behaviors are selfish and unselfish within a family, between strangers who have just met, and between people who will never meet. For example, the act of giving what to you is a small amount of money to someone you will never meet could be unselfish, but giving the same amount of money to a family member in great financial distress might be selfish (it shows excessive concern for your own well-being, you should have helped your family member more).

[teebs_darklord]

woah bro... i like what you said here..i think i would do this to other gals.. but for this particular one, kinda hard u know? becos i love her, and if i find out if shes fucking behind my back.. i think i wld be too sick to do anything else.
:(((((

Bro, if you love her and she loves you, then you should just sit down and have a frank conversation with her regarding your displeasure with her still keeping in contact with her cousin. I'm sure she will be able to understand your worries if she has feelings for you. If she insists that there is nothing between her and her cousin, then you can either choose to believe her or not to believe her.

At the end of the day, there has to be trust in a relationship. If there is no trust between the two parties, then my question is why continue with the relationship?

[JohnnyC.Online]

What's clear to me is that doing any hanky-panky with a relative is gross and very high on my list of taboos. My cousins and I are quite close, but but not intimate, because that is just so wrong.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

woah bro... i like what you said here..i think i would do this to other gals.. but for this particular one, kinda hard u know? becos i love her, and if i find out if shes fucking behind my back.. i think i wld be too sick to do anything else.
:(((((

So it's best to find out and get over with it. :)

There is a Chinese wisdom: 去山中之賊易，去心中之賊難 :D

Good luck and cheers ;)

[TheGod]

Often, there is the conflation between "morality" and "the function of morality", and so happen you just fell into this state of conflation. Let's do away with the driver of religious and ecclesiastical judgement; lets also do away with your poorly constructed parameter of "morality".


Morality is a developing framework of adaptive norms (i.e. hypothetical imperatives) the function of which is to cultivate 'well-being' within sustainable context/s of shared (human & non-human) interests, with sustainability constituting the sufficent condition for cultivating 'well-being'.


The function of morality is the primary reason that morality exists in cultures and subcultures. Cultural moral standards (that define a morality) are cultural norms whose violation commonly engenders the emotion of righteous indignation and the idea that the violator deserves punishment or at least correction. So cultural norms such as whether people eat with a fork and spoon or chopsticks or people more admire wealth or wisdom are usually not moral standards by this definition.

I’ll cut to the chase and make the assertion that virtually all past and present cultural moral standards, no matter how diverse, contradictory, and bizarre, appear to have the following underlying function:

“The primary function of moral standards (the primary reason they exist in cultures) is that they increase the synergistic benefits of cooperation in groups by advocating unselfish behaviors”.

Note this function is only about benefits within a group. It is consistent with groups exploiting other groups such as in slave holding societies and societies where women are morally obligated to be subservient to men.

However, from this function, a moral principle can be derived that appears to be the moral principle underlying virtually all secular morality in modern, liberal cultures. This principle classifies as immoral one group exploiting another as when slavery is morally acceptable and women are morally obligated to be subservient to men.

“Moral behaviors are unselfish behaviors that increase, on average, the benefits of cooperation within groups and between groups”.

Where “benefits of cooperation” and “unselfish” are defined as follows:

“Benefits of cooperation” could be almost any benefits that cooperating groups in some sense ‘decide’ on. Often such a ‘decision’ just culturally evolves over time to be the consensus. Further, people who disagree with their group’s goals may become a sub-group that cooperates to achieve whatever benefits they prefer. All of us are members of many groups such as family, friends, communities, and countries. Together, these groups pursue many culturally agreed on benefits of cooperation. What these benefits can be, however, is logically limited to benefits that increase the overall benefits of cooperation in groups. Seeking a benefit of pleasure produced by killing other members of the group would not qualify as a logically consistent benefit of cooperation.

How groups ‘choose’ benefits is intentionally left undefined except that, in order to be a moral method of choosing, it similarly must not reduce the benefits of cooperation between subgroups in the group.

“Unselfish” refers in the normal sense to behaviors that are concerned with the pleasure and well-being of others and not excessively concerned with one’s own advantage, pleasure, or well being. However, it is the culture that determines, as a function of context, what is excessive or insufficient concern with oneself and regard for others. Cultural judgments will differ about what behaviors are selfish and unselfish within a family, between strangers who have just met, and between people who will never meet. For example, the act of giving what to you is a small amount of money to someone you will never meet could be unselfish, but giving the same amount of money to a family member in great financial distress might be selfish (it shows excessive concern for your own well-being, you should have helped your family member more).

Hi Mr. Scholar,

Can you sum it up in a sentence? I tried to read but doze off halfway.

[Stud00]

Thanks for this..


What's clear to me is that doing any hanky-panky with a relative is gross and very high on my list of taboos. My cousins and I are quite close, but but not intimate, because that is just so wrong.

[Black_Hawk_Up]

dear bros,
thanks for all the inputs.
maybe like what she said, she has stopped all these. and i am just being pananoid. anyway, i think i would just be careful.
If i ever find out that he's still being intimate with her behind my back. I would make sure he pays.
Darn sian la...

i have similar experience as you. although not cousin but with her ex-bf.

in the 1year plus i am with this ex-gf, we broke up 3times before finally calling it quit. everytime is due to she having something going on with her ex-bf. as every person in love, we always find excuse for their behaviour.

the last time she told me she was expecting his child. my world was turn upside down during then. to cut the story short, we broke up and i make it a point never to contact her again. but before that, i did lots of stupid things for her.

my point is as long as she is harbouring feeling toward her cousin, things might go wrong one day even if she is really innocent at this moment. it is very hard to break the cycle. i don't think you are being pananoid. it is her action that cause you to have those thought and feeling.

either you bear with the pain and get out of it now or you might have to live with the constant doubt in your mind and deal with it later. once you lost trust in someone, it is almost impossible to get it back.

good luck and hope things turn out well for you.

[senakunz]

I wonder why would she want to be screwed by her cousin if she really love u...she's not 15, she's 25...so think bro...

[Stud00]

Bro,
thanks for sharing such a heart to heart topic.
thanks for ur advice too.

Cheers



i have similar experience as you. although not cousin but with her ex-bf.

in the 1year plus i am with this ex-gf, we broke up 3times before finally calling it quit. everytime is due to she having something going on with her ex-bf. as every person in love, we always find excuse for their behaviour.

the last time she told me she was expecting his child. my world was turn upside down during then. to cut the story short, we broke up and i make it a point never to contact her again. but before that, i did lots of stupid things for her.

my point is as long as she is harbouring feeling toward her cousin, things might go wrong one day even if she is really innocent at this moment. it is very hard to break the cycle. i don't think you are being pananoid. it is her action that cause you to have those thought and feeling.

either you bear with the pain and get out of it now or you might have to live with the constant doubt in your mind and deal with it later. once you lost trust in someone, it is almost impossible to get it back.

good luck and hope things turn out well for you.

[MengJai]

TS, if she loves u, this shouldnt be an issue at all in the first place.

[Stud00]

Dear bros,
what i have feared from the start has happened.
They got physical.

[SunRayys]

Stud00 bro... u mean u caught them in the act??

if u really loves her n she oso loves u... n both of u r serious in having a lasting relationship together.. mayb u all shld sit down n try to resolve tis issue asap.. no pt in dragging tis for long..

but in the 1st place did yr gf tell u how their relationship started n who r the one who cannot let go.. must find out the root causes n end it once n for all... only when everything is settled then both of u can look forward to a bright future together..

if still cannot resolve tis sticky situation.. n it is causing a lot of pain for both of u.. then as the saying goes.. 长痛不如短痛.. let go of tis relationship..

[Stud00]

She confessed to me. They were at a BBQ with Friends and cousins. After that they ended up alone. and that fucker initated it, and they did it.

[arsenal_84]

She confessed to me. They were at a BBQ with Friends and cousins. After that they ended up alone. and that fucker initated it, and they did it.

time to dump her, shame the buggers before doing so since incest is a powerful issue to provoke.

it has come to a point where old habits die hard, some trees are not worth saving especially this one.

[Xgenre]

wrong post. sorry.

[see see only]

She confessed to me. They were at a BBQ with Friends and cousins. After that they ended up alone. and that fucker initated it, and they did it.

Bro Stud00,

What the reason for her to confess to you ??? :rolleyes:

Let me suggest this, if you sensed that her confession is to let you know she is asking for your forgiveness .... she is just trying to be honest with you and hope to continue with the r/s. --- as a man learn to forgive and even though you cant forget :)

However if you sensed that she's just trying to break up with you and yet dont know how ..... then i guess you got to move on liao ... my friend :cool:

[Stud00]

Dear bros, thanks for ur kind advices.

I feel that the reason why she told me, was becos she truely felt sorry and she wants this relationship. but honestly, i dont think i can trust her ever again.

this guy is now married, from the first post, he was only attached. now he is married with a wife and hes fucking around, sad to say.. with his own cousin which is my gf. i feel like letting his wife know about this, as i feel that she has every right to know. My gf is remorseful and sorry, but this guy, totally cool, i spoke to him and i felt like giving him a punch. i am sorry, but i don't buy the reason of being drunk and getting carried away. to me it's bullshit.
as of now, he has a very fucking pissed bf on his tail, so to those that wants to fuck around with others wife or gf. think twice...

[see see only]

Bro TS,

Learn to accept the fact, now is year 2011.

We no longer keep our virgin for our "wife to be" or "husband to be" anymore. WHY :rolleyes: .... because we have understood that in this modern world, a successful husband & wife r/s do not depends on "i only have sex with you"

It is sincerely more than meets the eye, some couples go to the extends of swinging together to keep both hungry pussy and dick happy ....


Me not trying to brain-washed you. But ask yourself is she your type of woman that you wish to spend your rest of the life with.

OR are asking for this requirement: if she slept with me only ???? tat's makes a loving wife :rolleyes:

Nevertheless the final decision is yours ..... the next one may be worse or not better though :)

[Bazic606]

Bro TS,

Learn to accept the fact, now is year 2011.

We no longer keep our virgin for our "wife to be" or "husband to be" anymore. WHY :rolleyes: .... because we have understood that in this modern world, a successful husband & wife r/s do not depends on "i only have sex with you"

It is sincerely more than meets the eye, some couples go to the extends of swinging together to keep both hungry pussy and dick happy ....


Me not trying to brain-washed you. But ask yourself is she your type of woman that you wish to spend your rest of the life with.

OR are asking for this requirement: if she slept with me only ???? tat's makes a loving wife :rolleyes:

Nevertheless the final decision is yours ..... the next one may be worse or not better though :)

The issues involved here are infidelity, two-timing, immoral, breach of trust.
To put it crudely, fxxking a girl is not wrong, but if I fxxk the same girl after she is married then it is fxxking wrong.
If she gets fxxked before any commitment, it is ok, but if she gets fxxked after having a boyfriend, then it's a breach of trust.

Being dick happy and pussy happy don't really qualify you to go around hunting down wives and girlfriends honestly.

Now, back to the case....
This guy is definitely a fxxking moron by fxxking his own cousin a few days before getting married.
He is asking for hell during every family gatherings I suppose. Probably for the rest of his life, he should pray that things dun get sour between this girl and him, also how about leaking the secret out to other cousins.

And for bro Stud, he will be seeing this cousin every single family outing if things were to work out eventually with this girl. He may join the fxxking moron cousin in prayer too, pretty pretty messy, in my opinion.

[see see only]

The issues involved here are infidelity, two-timing, immoral, breach of trust.


Bro bazic606,

Relax bro ... the thin line between all the above are pretty subjective depending on individual ... :o (For example: My ex-wife trusted me that i will feed her for the rest of her life and doesnt mind me fxxking another woman ... but she mind very much that i failed to bring $$$$$ for her shopping and majong. So she dumped me 7 years ago when my business failed --- can she called this "breach of trust" .... btw yes! she did :mad:, immoral???? she said the kids & herself needed to survice, so with your debts please dont drag us down ... bye!)

But somehow ... my suggestion to TS is to think twice .... for a simple reason, if TS managed to made up his mind ... he would not has posted here for advice.

Obviously he still fancy this gf of his very much and wish to get some advice from us. I believe we should just lead him to his own decision rather than giving him the verdict that we felt should be.

AND the most important fact of all, we have been listening to his side of the story only (dont get me wrong TS - i trust all you said ... but to be fair :rolleyes:) ... no words from the lady herself. :)

[sentsggirls]

She confessed to me. They were at a BBQ with Friends and cousins. After that they ended up alone. and that fucker initated it, and they did it.

confessed to you to make herself feel better because you are his bf, they did it because it takes 2 hands to clap. Very simple and clear cut, time to look elsewhere. There are plenty of good girls out there , time will heal everything .

[arsenal_84]

as of now, he has a very fucking pissed bf on his tail, so to those that wants to fuck around with others wife or gf. think twice...

there's only such a thin line between humans and animals.

fooling around might be fun for most men in this forum but once your boundaries become unclear, is better to keep a distance from such non-rational guys.
i'm a firm believer in not keeping your enemies close, cause you'll never know when they might dish out a powerful stab.

[fendy]

Bro Stud


Since she confess they really did fuck each other up.

Carry on with your life, your so-called GF aint worth your while.


There's plenty of swee and good one outside, you will sure to meet someone

Dont let anger get over you and do something stupid. If angry go over to Gland and let out steam, not good for the pocket but good for health.

[thomastankuku]

Agree wif bro see tat all story got more than one side.

Bro TS, we all feel for you but most imortant is to be locical sensible not tio poison by emotion or worst becum tio manipulate.

U angry and judge other fella but ur gf is equally at fault though we really dont know actually wat happnd.

We not know anything so you got to decide with clear mind wat you want lor.

Love is love but all is fair game in that thing. You prepared to live with wat she told you n possibly more that she never say?

Wont be so easy one so think carefully again if u want something longterm.

True that infidelity hurts la. But knife cut both side. Not sure if TS still got cheong commercial sex or ONS after tio hitch cos it the same. but even if you dont not mean ur partner got same view and value.

so then got to ask if you can accept or not and wether worth or not lor.

If you cannot or think no point tio blood pressure high over something you cannot change and may happen again then just be a man and move on la.

This kind of girl likely got screw loose kind. Pls look and think carefully hor!

[alan0338]

TS will know wat to do, since he said the trust just wont be the same anymore... :)

[Stud00]

Dear Bros,

i told her cousin's wife about what happened. and needless to say, she is flaming mad and wanting to divorce him. best part is, this fella is still lying (don know how true) it is, he is saying that my gf seduced him and keep pestering him to go out and etc. But the smses on her phone from him proves otherwise.
Now i am triple pissed, firstly he screwed my gf, and he lies about it to his wife plainly. i hate this kind of person, dare to do, dare not admit, still wanna lie about it, and portray that my gf is a slut to his wife. Whats next?

I still love her and i wanna be with her. I just wanna say that, the main reason why i told his wife was that, she has every right to know, and no.. i don believe in revenge. He told my gf that he needs sex becos his wife doesnt give it to him at all, not true at all, his wife says that she gives it to him almost every night? ccb... at home got sex still not enuff, wanna eat outside, and knn eat until my gf. wtf is wrong with this ppl sia..

I know that most of the bros here wld recommend me to break off and move on, i wld say and think that way too.. that seems to be the right thing to do, but trust me, when u r in my position, u wld feel how i feel. KNN, last time no money, no career, also kenna two-timed.. nw got money n career, also kenna two timed, worst part, must be the cousin.. i honestly tell you all, i lost faith in relationship, love already. now i understand why some of my friends, refused to get married or date, but have fuck buddies, flings, ons and etc.. simple reason, they dont get fucking hurt or heart broken. maybe i shld join them.. this is the only place where i can pour all of these out, i don't know how to share with close friends.. paiseh to share also. knn... kenna wear green beret!

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Bro Stud00, I can't say I feel your frustration or what but I can understand such taboo is beyond the comprehension of us. Anyway, she is only your girlfriend (or soon-to-be-ex-girlfriend) It's not a green hat. Money and career have got nothing to do with what happened in this relationship. Don't be dishearted or let this scar affect you in your path and direction for a new relationship. Good luck! ;)

[arsenal_84]

I know that most of the bros here wld recommend me to break off and move on, i wld say and think that way too.. that seems to be the right thing to do, but trust me, when u r in my position, u wld feel how i feel. KNN, last time no money, no career, also kenna two-timed.. nw got money n career, also kenna two timed, worst part, must be the cousin.. i honestly tell you all, i lost faith in relationship, love already. now i understand why some of my friends, refused to get married or date, but have fuck buddies, flings, ons and etc.. simple reason, they dont get fucking hurt or heart broken. maybe i shld join them.. this is the only place where i can pour all of these out, i don't know how to share with close friends.. paiseh to share also. knn... kenna wear green beret!

don't worry, you can share your sorrows here.
hmm...look on the bright side, at least you know your gf is not for long term.
touch your own heart and ask yourself truthfully, can you really trust her again ?

one way to let your gf have a taste of her own medicine, is to downgrade her status from gf to fb.
when she does eventually feel that your attitude towards her is somewhat different then ask her the most thought provoking question "is this the same way how your cousin treat you after he got what he wanted ?"
if this doesn't wake up her inner senses then you really can classified her as gone case and go get a move on !

[see see only]

.......... last time no money, no career, also kenna two-timed.. nw got money n career, also kenna two timed, worst part, must be the cousin.. i honestly tell you all, i lost faith in relationship, love already. now i understand why some of my friends, refused to get married or date, but have fuck buddies, flings, ons and etc.. simple reason, they dont get fucking hurt or heart broken. maybe i shld join them.. this is the only place where i can pour all of these out, i don't know how to share with close friends.. paiseh to share also. knn... kenna wear green beret!

Mate,

It not all about money or how sucessful u r (it could only be a plus point when u have them) ...... when you come to r/s :)

[Stud00]

Thanks all bros.. appreciate all the advice.
Guess. i have to move on!!

[Stud00]

So now, ex gf or gf.. blames me for telling her cousins wife about this incident and making her in a tough situation..

is it my fault?

[DAdults]

So now, ex gf or gf.. blames me for telling her cousins wife about this incident and making her in a tough situation..

is it my fault?

Enough have been said about your problem... What's done is done. Now isn't the time to be pointing fingers and arguing whose fault it is. Move on.

[arsenal_84]

So now, ex gf or gf.. blames me for telling her cousins wife about this incident and making her in a tough situation..

is it my fault?

she is already in the ex-zone, so is not your problem anymore.

besides you did what most ppl would do morally when being cheated upon, therefore blaming you is just a defensive way of making herself feel good about her own conscience.
humans do that all the time in pushing the blame away even when in fault.

in short, she's just has no control over her own lust.

no secrets will stay buried forever, they will come to surface eventually.

your heart is clear, so there's nothing to feel guilty about on your part.

[raiders]

So now, ex gf or gf.. blames me for telling her cousins wife about this incident and making her in a tough situation..

is it my fault?

My brother, you did the right thing by telling his wife. As for your ex gf, I can only say that "it takes 2 hands to clap" She had a choice not to open her legs. What you should do is to move on. And moving on means not coming back to this thread to tell us how miserable you are, how your ex gf blames you for her tough situation. Ask her to fuck off and move on with your life. There are plenty of trees around :D

[joew2005]

wat goes around,comes around.
yr ex gf & her cousin would get 2 taste their own medicine ..... soon !!

[see see only]

An eye for an eye ... :eek: tat's what most people will do

But what's done is done my friend ...


Sorry TS me have to suggest this to you .... some truth can be kept untold ....... because some can be extremely hurting and maybe even life and death.

All i can say ... you did it out of anger we can understand. Should the innocent newly wed lady ... cant take it and divorce immediately or even ju..p ...... will you feel better & will you be able to turn back the clock :rolleyes: ..... although me quoted something really extreme and very unlikely to happen but ............ you think about it pa :o

I guess most mature samster here will just move on quietly :) Anyway i guess you just have to cool down maybe take a short holiday pa ....

[arsenal_84]

The only thing necessary for evil to flourish is for good men to do nothing.
Edmund Burke

[今晚打老虎.]

get on with life... since she is already an ex.
but at least we know some of the stories here about cousins might be true.. =p

[Stud00]

SIgh.. i guess it's easy for u guys to say since u are not in my shoes. but then again., i guess i need all the strength that i have to move on.

[Bazic606]

SIgh.. i guess it's easy for u guys to say since u are not in my shoes. but then again., i guess i need all the strength that i have to move on.

Nope, it ain't easy, whether you are facing the waterloo or crescendo in life, it will definitely pass.
Maybe a few years down the road, you might be telling your future wife or some friends about this little episode over a nice dinner.
Meanwhile, just keep yourself occupied loh, I believe you are not that free rite.:cool:

[daniboy]

now that it is in the open, everyone involved will be forced to sit back and reflect when the dust settles.

reckoned you did the right thing by nipping the problem in the bud since problems always have a history of rearing its ugly head when remained unsolved.

grab yourself a beer bro. you deserved it.

all the best.

[arsenal_84]

we all know talk is cheap...just remember:

“You may make mistakes, but you are not a failure until you start blaming someone else”

likewise, i think this quote also somewhat applies to your ex.

[今晚打老虎.]

SIgh.. i guess it's easy for u guys to say since u are not in my shoes. but then again., i guess i need all the strength that i have to move on.

it takes 2 hands to clap, judging from what i see here, I think you are a nice person and deserve someone better, I might be wrong about your ex but time heals everything. Go out and interact more with your female peers.. things might turn for the better.

ps: to the bugger who zapped me. pls have the decency to leave your nick

[arsenal_84]

somewhat applicable for TS as well:
http://www.womensinfidelity.com/

[Stud00]

Good topic,
thanks for sharing.
as time goes past.. i hope my wounds are healed. started going out with new gal frens for movies.

[arsenal_84]

Good topic,
thanks for sharing.
as time goes past.. i hope my wounds are healed. started going out with new gal frens for movies.

glad to know that you're doing well.
perhaps fate might smile upon you soon enough ? :D

[Stud00]

Haha.. just take it easy for now.
Don't wanna rush into it. :)

[Stud00]

Bros, i screwed up again.. i am prob the world's dumbest guy.

i gave her a chance.. and we got back together..she started working in a new place, and before she started working, all was ok.. but once she work in this new place, mingling with new guys n gals... she change.. cant find her, if i don sms or call her she wont reply.

Last sunday, we had a heated arguement, n she ended it, i tried to salvage it but to no prevail.
i just found out today, that she has been seeing her colleague, the same guy which i hv warned her about. break off sunday, and tues together with him.
i dont know what to think or say. but i know myself, once a slut, always a slut. i m the worlds dumbest guy. gotta let go n move on..

[arsenal_84]

but i know myself, once a slut, always a slut.

more like once a leopard, always a leopard.
works the same for both genders.

[kurbit]

bro, good to hear that u intending to move on le. Make sure u stick to it n follow it through. Dun be soft anymore. This will be a good learning experience tat u will never forget in the rest of your life. Good Luck! :)

[johndoe8808]

dear bros,
thanks for all the inputs.
maybe like what she said, she has stopped all these. and i am just being pananoid. anyway, i think i would just be careful.
If i ever find out that he's still being intimate with her behind my back. I would make sure he pays.
Darn sian la...

aiyoh.
but this cousin still stays over with your gf?
to do what.

discuss politics?
play chess? ...

[Stud00]

aiyoh.
but this cousin still stays over with your gf?
to do what.

discuss politics?
play chess? ...

The last time i checked, they played Human sushi. :(