Could you do without sex in marriage?

[snuggles]

Perhaps one for fellow female samsters here.

Being male, I wanted to know... if life was busy with kids, work, etc... would sex be just dropped on the wayside? Would this be okay with you (male or female)?

I ask this only because I will follow up with the inevitable "what next" question and for some of your advice.

By the way, my view is that I got married so that I could have more sex (safe sex) with someone whom I love and definitely did not do so to end up being a monk. Monks don't get to have sex, right? Or maybe they do, but secretly. :cool:

Thanks.

[Faidenk]

Simply explained, men give love to have sex and women give sex to have love.

[Reoxy]

Simply explained, men give love to have sex and women give sex to have love.

Well said.

Interestingly, the same formula also works when Love is substituted by Money.

[snuggles]

So if she's got my love, then where's my sex?

Perhaps I should just ask who's not had sex with their wife for XX months? years?

[abchow]

HI TS ,

Sex and love goes hand in hand in a happy Marriage.

If there is love but no sex , then something is amiss.
If both man and woman is healthy and normal , there should be a healthy appetite for this.
But if kids and work come in between this, then both must try to work out time for each other. Or else the marriage become a piece of contract.

Sooner or later , they will have problems in the marriage.

Try to make time for each other and not take each other for granted.
Man or woman .. !!

good luck.
Cheers!!

[jasdude]

Seek professional help . Both you guys should sit down and talk first about the issue and go for Sex and Marriage counseling .

[joew2005]

Marriage is a social union or legal contract betw ppl tat creates kinship.
It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate & sexual, r acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. Such a union, often formalized via a wedding ceremony, may also be called matrimony.

People marry 4 many reasons, including 1 or more of the following: legal, social, libido, emotional, economical, spiritual & religious.
These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children & public declaration of commitment. The act of marriage usually creates normative or legal obligations betw the individuals involved.
In some societies these obligations also extend 2 certain family members of the married persons. Some cultures allow the dissolution of marriage thru divorce or annulment.

Marriage is usually recognized by the state, a religious authority or both. It is often viewed as a contract. Civil marriage is the legal concept of marriage as a governmental institution irrespective of religious affiliation, in accordance with marriage laws of the jurisdiction.

2 read more on marriage, pls continue @
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marriage#Types_of_marriages

[orneryjoe]

Marriage is a failed social institution in most developed societies.

Divorce rates are high and even when couples do not divorce, there is plenty of unhappiness in many marriages. Extra-marital affairs are fairly common as are instances of serial monogamy. Indulgence in porn is widespread. Visiting sex workers or finding fbs is for those who feel that fantasy is insufficient.

How has marriage failed humans? By insisting that we should be restricted to one, and only, one partner. It goes against our natural inclinations.

Nature can be repressed, but the costs for doing so is tension that often manifests itself in some of the ways listed above.

Where did we go wrong? A long, long time ago, unfortunately, when we discovered agriculture and began to adopt a sense of ownership towards land and gradually... everything else, including sex partners. Religion sealed our fate further when the number of partners was restricted to one.

Is there a way out of this morass? Yes, but it is not an easy one. For the uncommitted, just do not get married. For those already married, the pill is more bitter. Ideally, couples should come to a new understanding and adopt an alternative non-monogamous lifestyle. Doing that in an honest, open fashion is far from easy.

[burningicez]

Perhaps one for fellow female samsters here.

Being male, I wanted to know... if life was busy with kids, work, etc... would sex be just dropped on the wayside? Would this be okay with you (male or female)?

I ask this only because I will follow up with the inevitable "what next" question and for some of your advice.

By the way, my view is that I got married so that I could have more sex (safe sex) with someone whom I love and definitely did not do so to end up being a monk. Monks don't get to have sex, right? Or maybe they do, but secretly. :cool:

Thanks.

Y get married in exchange for sex in the 1st place?

[arsenal_84]

please have an open discussion with your wife first.

[RealEstateGuy]

Absolutely not. If can't do without it as a bachelor why would that need change? I mean the frequency might change from every other day to every few days but if you are talking about once a month then it would be extremely hard.

[Gaofar]

Sigh.. Try 3 months once.. How about that?.. :(

[Reoxy]

Sigh.. Try 3 months once.. How about that?.. :(

There are many options available when the need arises.:)

Once in a while you should come out of "retirement".

[Gaofar]

Haha.. Maybe I should.. :)

Cheers!

There are many options available when the need arises.:)

Once in a while you should come out of "retirement".

[McSqueezy]

no sex before marriage is possible but in a marriage?? i feel sorry for those guys:(

[aqcmme]

the frequency of activity drops, the longer together, the lesser the numbers. Throw in a kid; then two. Additional stress for those staying with in laws. Throw in work if work environment if stressful.

Add the stress up and you can see why some look out of marriage for hot sex?!?

[Bris7]

Perhaps one for fellow female samsters here.

Being male, I wanted to know... if life was busy with kids, work, etc... would sex be just dropped on the wayside? Would this be okay with you (male or female)?

I ask this only because I will follow up with the inevitable "what next" question and for some of your advice.

By the way, my view is that I got married so that I could have more sex (safe sex) with someone whom I love and definitely did not do so to end up being a monk. Monks don't get to have sex, right? Or maybe they do, but secretly. :cool:

Thanks.

I don't really agree with your view on 'marriage to have safe sex'. Sex is an activity that's naturally happen between you & your spouse. Maybe you don't really mean it that way; it just did not come out right.

I sympathize with you and unfortunately I am also in a situation similar to yours (for the past 9 months). Initially, I was dishearten and don't feel good.

But it is easier for me now. Primary reason is because I no longer have much feeling towards her. I've think about divorce but with a child, it is not an option as I do not want my daughter to have a broken family.

So now, I only concentrate on work and bring up my daughter. My spouse is only legally my wife but she is just a housemate as far as I'm concern.

As what the others have suggest, consider counselling. It is not the end of the road yet till all options are exhausted.

Good luck bro

[adver]

Perhaps one for fellow female samsters here.

Being male, I wanted to know... if life was busy with kids, work, etc... would sex be just dropped on the wayside? Would this be okay with you (male or female)?

I ask this only because I will follow up with the inevitable "what next" question and for some of your advice.

By the way, my view is that I got married so that I could have more sex (safe sex) with someone whom I love and definitely did not do so to end up being a monk. Monks don't get to have sex, right? Or maybe they do, but secretly. :cool:

Thanks.

Maybe she not so into you, have you given that a thought?

[Fuchsia]

Maybe your sex skill not that good?? :p Just kidding..

Or is it she suspected you having affair outside?
Long time ago, I suspected my bf "poke" other girls outside, I stop letting him "poke" me. Then we broke up.

Maybe she don't trust you anymore. Speak to her then.

Anyway, if a woman don't let you "poke" her, you will still go out look for other gals what? So => No more trust => Divorce => The End

[arsenal_84]

something useful for reading...
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6020_needs.html


I dedicating my virgin post on this topic. And trust me, it's very hard to phrase it properly.. Since I am finding it hard to find the right words to explain.

Firstly, I would think that it is a mistake for girls to adopt the mentality of rejecting sex due to small reasons (Of course there are times I understand girls are not feeling well etc), but the girl has to understand why it is not a good idea to just wave off sex with any whimsical excuse. Do allow me to explain.

In a marriage, (I consider a courtship a kind of marriage anyway, but except that I believe that sex is for after marriage, I am traditional that way..), a man has chosen a girl to be his wife, choosing to forsake all others, and trusting his wife and only his wife to meet his need for sex. Imagine the spot he is in when after marriage, he sees that his wife often brushed aside.

I would like to, at this point, clarify that I do not condone the action of a husband who has extra marital affairs. And I would like to emphasis that there is no black and white in the dealings of relationships due to the dynamics of the individuals. What I am saying is just a general opinion, food for thought, which may help both guys and girls to reconsider their opinion regarding the importance of honoring your marital duties.

In short, I would like to talk abit about prevention of an affair, rather than what to do when an affair happens.

So like I was saying, a husband has chosen to trust his need to only 1 person - his wife. So the wife should realise the huge responsibility and the need to be sensitive with that need. Likewise, a wife has chosen to entrust her heart and body to 1 person, her husband. I believe most girls here, would first confide to her SO, in her times of need, or would like it if her SO would confide to her first in his time of need, instead of telling the entire world before coming to her.

Now, at this point, there may be podders who would say "What a pig! He should not want to marry me because of sex, but for love, companionship, and fellowship."

I gently submit to you, that if all a man wants is love, companionship, and fellowship - he would not be with a woman, he'd just keep a golden retriever.

I think that most podders know that sex is an intricate part of a healthy relationship - thus why most councilors would ask a problematic couple, "When was the last time you both had sex?".

Therefore, before you lightly brush off his need, do consider the fact that he has only you to meet his needs, denying him, doesn't make the need go away. By denying him, you are opening the marriage to temptation - and when things happen, it will be very painful.

Likewise, a girl trust her need of communication and emotional sharing to her husband/bf. He should not treat it lightly, and keep brushing her off. Brushing her off doesn't make the need disappear, she may be tempted to seek out someone to share. Something which only the SO should have the honour to share with.

Of course, when the wife is really sick and not feeling well, then to still demand is not being sensitive.

And most importantly.. I also don't think sex deprivation as punishment as a good idea. However, I think using sex as reward and motivation to get her SO to do what she wants is very advantageous to women. :P

[bloopz]

sigh.. another case of expectations not tallied before marriage..

" By the way, my view is that I got married so that I could have more sex (safe sex) with someone whom I love and definitely did not do so to end up being a monk."

ts, u mentioned u got married to have more sex.. how can u be sure u can have more sex just by getting married? did u state that when u proposed to ur wife? :confused:

as many bros mentioned, women give sex for love.. r u sure u have given her unconditional love or have u conditioned ur love so much that she can't even bear to have sex with u?

or is something bothering her? is the intercourse too painful for her? is she too stressed by work or worried if she get pregnant u will not be able to afford?

try to understand what is bothering her instead of coming here to complain she is not having sex with u. get professional help if u don't know how to communicate with ur wife...

[Ken79]

Can you do with a bathroom without soap?

[knnb40]

base on what I heard from some coffee session, your topics is not new.
I have heard from both sides of the story.

Some due to female, some due to male.
101 reasons for not having sex and so far I have not heard any of them can get out the situation, not even with professional help.
Ofcaused I still encourage you to try professional help, at least you do what is possible.

Bless you......

[天山童老]

professional helps like counselling are BS de la....

Think back on the times that you both still regular the exercise and revise what is different between then and now. Refresh the long lost chemistry. She might not dare to initiate and grow shy more on bed stuff as you both too long nv do. Or perhaps she tried to hint you before but you nv realised so she give up thinking that you lost interest in her body.

Try to relax you body and mind from the stress in the working day life and think back the days how you get her to be your wife, how you used to bed her. Create the romance ambience that female genders love and you might find yourself over the cloud once again!

[pickaphreak]

So now, I only concentrate on work and bring up my daughter. My spouse is only legally my wife but she is just a housemate as far as I'm concern.




the best ans so far.

[Sen5eS]

hahaha that's an interesting mindset from Bro Bris7 :D

Guess no sex in a marriage is route to ending one.

[BiRd13]

Think possible ba.. especially if both are 80s or so...

Anyway, I did had an relationship whereby there's no sex involve for the first 3yrs... Well, think max is hj or bj... but no fj... I wonder if that is consider too...

[iPhone]

most men can't (no offence to anyone)

[garryman]

the reason for marrying a woman is to establish a family.

If all other matters, you can always cohabitant and still have your sex buddies.

[mona]

After reading all these treads, the only thing i m going to do tonight after work is give my wife a real bonking. Going to unload all i hv got. Sometime in life don think too much....4 hrs more to go b 4 heading home....hehehe.

[loveWNBA]

A marriage without sex is just like ice kachang with no ice....think about it.what's the point of ordering ice kachang then?!?!??!

Sex between a married couple is one of the most essential ingredients to keeping a strong and healthy relastionship, haven't u noticed no matter how much you have fought, but that next 5 minutes after you cum during sex, all is forgiven and the world seems so beautiful...both of you become so affectionately comprising. The couple bonds better than any kind of industrial adhesive, superglue,etc.....natural loving bonding man,bro!

Then again knn if a marriage has no sex, my advise is please go see a marriage counsellor and sort things out....or whatever beliefs that brought you two together will just vanish into thin air.

[inlaw]

the frequency of activity drops, the longer together, the lesser the numbers. Throw in a kid; then two. Additional stress for those staying with in laws. Throw in work if work environment if stressful.

Add the stress up and you can see why some look out of marriage for hot sex?!?

well said, and i believe sex sometimes is the best stress relieving action :D

[joncheong]

sex is magical...no matter how troubled or stressed we are...when we are high in the midst of bonking...everything is forgotten...and the magical moment of seeing your loved one cumming the expression on her face and then you cumming shooting into her love hole...then after that hugging snuggling together in bed...caressing her hair, kissing each other's body...wonderful...

couldn't imagine a marriage without sex...

[shctaw]

I prefer

Sex without Marriage.

And I believe all bros here do not mind. :D

[kennylee]

Sure will have, question is how often....as the years goes by, with kids, work, etc the frequency gets lesser. Sex is not everything in a marriage, part of it, marriage comes with commitment. Wife is wife, no matters what, at the end of the day, we still will come home. Men do enjoy outside, but at the end od the day, still stays committed to the family and our love ones.

[mustachio]

I don't really agree with your view on 'marriage to have safe sex'. Sex is an activity that's naturally happen between you & your spouse. Maybe you don't really mean it that way; it just did not come out right.

I sympathize with you and unfortunately I am also in a situation similar to yours (for the past 9 months). Initially, I was dishearten and don't feel good.

But it is easier for me now. Primary reason is because I no longer have much feeling towards her. I've think about divorce but with a child, it is not an option as I do not want my daughter to have a broken family.

So now, I only concentrate on work and bring up my daughter. My spouse is only legally my wife but she is just a housemate as far as I'm concern.

As what the others have suggest, consider counselling. It is not the end of the road yet till all options are exhausted.

Good luck bro

In another post i estimated that 7 out of 10 of us here are having some kind of relationship problems. Counselling will only work if both are willing.

I have been putting up with my wife's lies, nonsense and constant refusal to have sex. The last straw was when she flirted with people on line. A few months ago she even went to visit this guy overseas using the excuse of wanting to go into business with him. To me this is utter crap. I am in my early 50's and have a physique and look that will pass me off as early 40's. This ang mo is 64 big, fat and ugly and reportedly impotent. Maybe that is a ploy to make women feel safe to be with him. She said she felt comfortable visiting him because he is impotent. She will consider going into a relationship because he cannot and she also cannot. She said she will not find another able man and end up back to square one. What kind of woman is that? Menopausal?

Sure we had sex 2 or 3 times a month at most over the last 10 or 12 years because the kids are in the same room and we live with my parents and need to be discreet. The work stress and her body aches all add up. It is always quick cap it, put it in and you cum. I don't want to cum and sometimes it is faster, faster finish it. It never was like that when we were courting and before the kids came along. We quarrelled numerous times over this sex issue. I surmise that the dissonance in our sex life is the sole cause of our breakup. We got sucked into the viscious cycle of no sex leading to frustration and it goes round and round in circles. I ask myself can a marriage survive without sex? The answer is yes and no with so many scenarios to cite.

I am in the process of filing for divorce after tolerating for so many years. I held back because of my young children. Like you I did not want to raise my kids in a broken family. Now that we have come to this stage with no more feelings the best is to divorce and then treat her like a tenant who does not pay rent but helps out in looking after the kids.

Yes. The kids do matter and like you i will focus my energy on my kids. Don't be disheartened as there is still life. There will always be a leaf to complement a flower! You just have to find the right match.

Bless you!

[blohsg]

sigh ... perhaps it's an emotional need from the angmo fella that your X is looking to fill ...

Sorry to hear it didn't work out and it's like living as house mates ...

Guess compromise can only get you so far ... Hope there's a 2nd life waiting fer ya :)

[Super White]

Sex is required for a healthy marriage. A woman withholding sex in a marriage is like a man withholding talking in a marriage. A marriage missing either intercourse will fail.

Not referring to you but I have no pity for those who sound high and mighty about saving sex for after marriage and then citing sexual incompatibility as a reason for divorce.

Not making sure before hand is a gamble. Buy 4D don't strike got refund meh? :D

Be serious about making sure the right boxes are ticked.

Please fuck before marriage. :p