What should I do?

[AA35]

Half year ago, I discovered that my husband is a member of this forum. I have three kids. And to make the matter even worst, my husband had fallen in love with a FL. When I discovered this, I wanted to commit suicide with my three kids. I was thinking why men can't be faithful? We have been married for more than 10 years. And I am a good looking wife. I have lots of opportunity where men come to approach me but I never give a chance because I love my husband. For many years, I know my husband as a good loving husband and a loving father of my children. I never thought that he was one of the samsters here. I do not wish to hurt my husband; this dark secret has been kept between me and him. No one else knows about this. I have to act cheerful and like nothing had happened, before my parents, relatives and friends. As they know I am a cheerful person, I have to act it out even though my heart breaks. As I live with my parent-in-law, I can only release my sadness by hiding in the toilet crying after midnight. As I do not wish to annoy my husband by crying in front of him, so I choose to hide and cry in the toilet. I come to this forum to search for an answer. I now know that it is not because men are selfish, it is because they have their needs. But I don't know why this happened to me. I guess 99% of woman who have this kind of encounter will think this way. Because my husband was KCed by his FL lover that's why he fallen for it. After that I have discovered, my husband tried his best to keep me. He explained that he lost control that's why he does such a thing. I never blamed him for this incident, as I am his first GF/Lover and he does not have any other relationships before. I suggested that I would leave him and let him be with his lover. But he refused to. My husband had posted a topic in this forum. In the topic, he had written about how miserable his lover is and how he needs to help her. At first, my husband just treats her as a friend and hopes to help her out. But she KCed him and make him fall for her. I have seen this lover of my husband before. She is just a normal looking woman which I think I am much better looking than her. She is not young. She is a MILF with a child. I had talked to her on the phone and she had promised not to see my husband again. But she betrayed me as she meets my husband again the next day. She showed my husband her swollen eyes because she cried that few days after her breakup with him. And she even sung him a love song. And because of this, my husband could not get over and posted his rants in this forum even though they are no more in contact. My heart hurts badly even today. I am living in misery. My husband had done a lot of things to win my heart back. He brought me to places we go during our courting time to hold me back. But I am still lost today. I don’t know which path I should choose. The problem lies with me. I could not get over what my husband had done half year ago and what he had written in this forum.

[sammyboyfor]

Not another one!!!!:eek:

If it's any consolation, 90% of all Singapore husbands are members of this forum so what's the big deal?:p

Your case is hardly unique. You're part of the majority. ;)

[weiwei]

At least you aren't alone.

[sammyboyfor]

At least you aren't alone.

There are about 8 guys that I'm on very good terms with.

They're all married. Every single one of them has engaged the services of a whore or two over the last year either at home, abroad or both.

Just get used to it. It's part and parcel of life.

There's no point leaving one man for another. Chances are the next one will be no better than the one you ditched as far as this aspect of life is concerned.

If a man treats you well, loves the children, is financially secure, provides for the family and doesn't come home drunk every day, count your blessings. You're one of the lucky ones.

[alan0338]

u can contribute more to get points and get power, then zap ur husband ... :D

btw, wats his nick :D

[sammyboyfor]

u can contribute more and get points and get power, then zap ur husband ... :D

If she tells me his nick, I'll put him straight into moderation for being such a bastard!:p

[xxxx4]

TS, you seem to be familiar with the terms. MILF, KC, FL, GL, GF,... which i don't really know what those terms mean.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

If I recalled correctly, your husband started a thread in this MOH section about his affair with the FL some months ago. ;)

I have a pretty good idea who is he cos someone claimed to be his wife sent me a pm thanking me for posting in his thread.:eek:

I deleted that pm cos I thought it was a hoax ~ "receiving a pm from a thread starter's wife thanking you" was really very very unbelievable!!!!~ I rather want to believe striking 8 ToTo draws, 12 4D draws and Big Sweep same month is possible !!! :confused:

[goodpartner]

Not another one!!!!:eek:

If it's any consolation, 90% of all Singapore husbands are members of this forum so what's the big deal?:p

Your case is hardly unique. You're part of the majority. ;)

Wow! I thought my guess of 80% is already very generous! Whopping 90%?!! Impressive! LoL
So the song about "Ten Men, only 1 Good" is true...

At least you aren't alone.

Weiwei, maybe this TS is your BF who started a new nick and post similar story with an even more serious case (married for 10yrs with kids) just to let you feel [better] that you're not alone? So coincidental meh? :rolleyes:

[Xgenre]

Think of your 3 kids. Don't anyhow think of suicide. Sorry for saying this but that Bedok Reservoir case is damn sad. Don't be like that. Everything can be discussed. The kids are innocent. Your husband betrayed your marriage but he didn't betray his duties as a father right? If you commit suicide, it's not fair for your 3 kids to be deprived of a mother's love while growing up.

[Iemanishere]

Hi, I do understand how u feeling, as said 90% try talking to him and see how.. Sure as long he treat u well.. Take care.. New to this site but not on others.. Cheers

[goodpartner]

Think of your 3 kids. Don't anyhow think of suicide. Sorry for saying this but that Bedok Reservoir case is damn sad. Don't be like that. Everything can be discussed. The kids are innocent. Your husband betrayed your marriage but he didn't betray his duties as a father right? If you commit suicide, it's not fair for your 3 kids to be deprived of a mother's love while growing up.

Is this the case with the women all dressed in RED (plus red finger nails) together with the 3yo toddler and committed suicide (WITH THE KID) looking for a eeeeeerrie revenge? I heard the husband won the custody of the kid...being one of the reason. This is even more unfair for the kid!

So dun pray-pray with women.... I mean those "crazy" ones. I've encountered these kind before and man....it's realllllly..... CRAZY! Do all sort of stupid bodily harm to make you feel bad... treaten to jump, etc. WTF.

[appleice]

Is this the case with the women all dressed in RED (plus red finger nails) together with the 3yo toddler and committed suicide (WITH THE KID) looking for a eeeeeerrie revenge? I heard the husband won the custody of the kid...being one of the reason. This is even more unfair for the kid!

Yes I think that is the case. Mummies, be strong for your darlings.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Half year ago, I discovered that my husband is a member of this forum. I have three kids. And to make the matter even worst, my husband had fallen in love with a FL. When I discovered this, I wanted to commit suicide with my three kids. I was thinking why men can't be faithful?

…………….……

My heart hurts badly even today. I am living in misery. My husband had done a lot of things to win my heart back. He brought me to places we go during our courting time to hold me back. But I am still lost today. I don’t know which path I should choose. The problem lies with me. I could not get over what my husband had done half year ago and what he had written in this forum.

Every married couples will tell you that all marriages go through phases of love, ups and downs. Even if one's marriage is over, it doesn’t necessarily means your life is over. It is very frustrating many people seemed to believe committing the most horrific acts of suicide is the next best only option and dragging kids into their selfish madness act is justifiable to escape the daily tortures. In your case, you have gone through not 1 but 3 (!!!) nine months of greatness from pregnancy to birth with all the requisite prenatal care, regular doctor appointments and diagnostic test checks to check on the “health of your babies”………… Yet in a moment of despair (forgetting there’s hope in it), you have fail to recognize your profound role as ~ A Mother ~ and that, all your actions will alter your live and others forever……Think about your parents, what will they suffer? Will they blame themselves for not reaching out to you? Your actions could wreck their lives too! Is that what you want for them? They had already lost their daughter. Can you begin to put yourself in their position if they had lost 3 grandchildren as well? I doubt any parents or grandparents would be able to survive it on top of everything else. You wouldn’t know or care less cos you are dead anyway, even if your selfish act leaving family and friends bereft and suffering, with many unanswered questions frequently every nights and all for what!! ~ For the fact that ~ you couldn't ride through the problems and survive to come out of the other side! :rolleyes:

Stop blaming youeslf! If you want to win back your marriage, stop fighting it the “wrong” way. You need to really focus on the “How” not the “Why” and not bringing up past mistakes or reopen old wounds cos you are directing your marriage and yourself leaning towards a “The End” instead of “Once upon a time again” . The more past conflicts come into current thoughts, the less healthy for you emotionally and your marriage. There is always light at the end of the tunnel and no matter how low or miserable you feel now, the only way is recover & up cos any marriage woes could be remedied if both of you are willing to give it a fresh shot at it. Life is for living and in spite of all it has to throw at you, there will be many times ahead of you that make it worth having persevered through the difficult and painful times. Good luck! ;)

[orneryjoe]

TS....

You really need to realise and accept the plain and simple truth that humans are a non-monogamous species. Then you will also realise that much of your misery is needless and self-created. Just snap out of it and live life.

Please do study this site (http://sexatdawn.com/) very carefully. It will increase your chances of happiness with your husband.

[owl888]

TS, you seem to be familiar with the terms. MILF, KC, FL, GL, GF,... which i don't really know what those terms mean.

Weiwei, maybe this TS is your BF who started a new nick and post similar story with an even more serious case (married for 10yrs with kids) just to let you feel [better] that you're not alone? So coincidental meh? :rolleyes:

My suspicion oso........where got so coincidence after wei wei the AA:confused

[Golden question]

TS, you seem to be familiar with the terms. MILF, KC, FL, GL, GF,... which i don't really know what those terms mean.

i know,u want to know?:p:D

[Golden question]

There are about 8 guys that I'm on very good terms with.

They're all married. Every single one of them has engaged the services of a whore or two over the last year either at home, abroad or both.

Just get used to it. It's part and parcel of life.

There's no point leaving one man for another. Chances are the next one will be no better than the one you ditched as far as this aspect of life is concerned.

If a man treats you well, loves the children, is financially secure, provides for the family and doesn't come home drunk every day, count your blessings. You're one of the lucky ones.

Boss i agree with u.The least the man must have is be responsible to his family:)

[mrsg]

Boss i agree with u.The least the man must have is be responsible to his family:)

U need to spice up his life again. Like being his gf again u know.... Those PRC are not simple pple. They r damned streetsmart. I have been hurt before by local gf and I knew wat is like when the sky fallen upon you. Think for the kid, do not do foolish thing. Men like your husband are weak! But he can be faithful if you can become his gf again. Got it? Good luck

[xxxx4]

i know,u want to know?:p:D

Yes, I would to know Bro Gg.

Seems the TS is more a Samster than me ;)

What is MILF and KC she mentioned there?
I know GF and FL :p

[Golden question]

Yes, I would to know Bro Gg.

Seems the TS is more a Samster than me ;)

What is MILF and KC she mentioned there?
I know GF and FL :p

MILF is mature i like to fuck, kc in hokkien is kam cheng meaning interested/courting/chase after in english ;)

[goodpartner]

If a man treats you well, loves the children, is financially secure, provides for the family and doesn't come home drunk every day, count your blessings. You're one of the lucky ones.

This thread gives the erroneous impression that only men are cheats and women are angels.

The reality is that women are just as bad as the men. They're just more discreet and do a much better job at covering things up.

Boss, it's about time the intro need to be re-word : "Matters of the Heart. Has a Commercial Fuck turned into a torrid Love Affair which has turned your life upside down? Fear not. We have experts here who can help you through your roller coaster ride. Tell us your story and we'll do our best to help."

The above also giving erroneous impression that only men have matter of the hearts relating to commercial fuck turned torrid love affair. WE are begining to enjoy participating in such threads like this, so changing it may invite more sis here.

Just a suggestion ;)

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Yes, I would to know Bro Gg.

Seems the TS is more a Samster than me ;)

Now I am not surprise we all kenna mind fuck by same person :o

[DO_YOU_BJ]

Blame not why your man enters his dicky dick into another hole but ask yourself why you cant keep your man's meat stick in yours!

[man2man]

AA35
Your hubby just have a weak mind..or what we men often say, his small head take better control than his big head!!.we have seen many cases like this,,even very prominant , high status man , did the same thing, the end result is often disastrous..I had many friends working overseas ruined marriage bcous the small head overule the big head..
it is in the pre-wired undesirable logic in some men heads..not all though..
so your hubby just belong to that categories...I had seen some young singaporeans men married whores...NUTs...as they give up the decent and better option..nothing against those female sex workers..but, these FL have many sets of stories to tell..it is just their survival kits and means to trap men...almost all mamasan in night club will tell their men customers not to trust any story by these girls...

so judge for yourself if he has come to his senses..if NOT, DONT FEEL SAD..JUST TAKE A BIG STICK AND WACK HIS HEAD../n see if his big head wake up and start take control of his life n family n loved one...

be cheerful..just wack his head..n you will feel good..

[cookiemonsta]

clearly you're not going to find the answer you seek on this forum
no one here claims to be a professional couple's councilors
however, if you want unsolicited advice:

you have to clearly define your intentions
firstly, taking ones life is one thing, taking someone else is another
you dragging your kids into your own selfish acts will not accomplish anything
death will not achieve the results you seek

yes, it hurts, i have no doubt that it does
however, if you intend to hurt your unfaithful spouse,
then do just that, hurt him, not anyone else
if you feel vengeance is necessary action to please one self
then take your actions out on his own accords

is you wish to mend your marriage,
then learn to forgive, no one said to forget
but you will need to forgive him before the healing can begin
i strongly suggest, prenup so he understands what's at stage should he strays again
remember, consequences and repercussions for ones action
and that goes for both parties

imho, despite statistics, i do not agree that men stray for variety
i'm a strong believer in men CAN be faithful with reasoning
meaning, if they're satisfied at home, nothing else will ever come close by comparison
i strongly urge the two of you to work on your intimacy issues by communicating better
HE may have strange fetishes and may sound absurd
but take a chance, hear him out, entertain the idea, both parties to compromise
i'm sure HE would only be too happy to precipitate your fantasies

you never know unless you tried
nevertheless, seek professional help; marriage councilors, sex therapists, psychologists etc...

good luck

[weiwei]

Hahaha it's damn funny how you guys associated the TS to my bf. Anyway, if this is real then she must be in a lot of pain la. And as a fellow female, I totally understand what she's going through. Besides, if one reads SBF enough you will recognize the acronyms easily.

Sigh. This place is bloody addictive, I have learnt so much more from here about men than anywhere else.

[goodpartner]

Hahaha it's damn funny how you guys associated the TS to my bf. Anyway, if this is real then she must be in a lot of pain la. And as a fellow female, I totally understand what she's going through. Besides, if one reads SBF enough you will recognize the acronyms easily.

Sigh. This place is bloody addictive, I have learnt so much more from here about men than anywhere else.

Welcome to the dark side... :D

So now you know why your BF also got addict here? (at this hour)
Not only can he learn from reading but he can also participate in the actions.

Actually, you can too... ;)

p.s. As for that AA35, my logic fails to accept why "she" will only ask "what should I do?" in this very same forum her hubby betrayed her, after 6 freaking month of agony... And "she" seems to be always online (green) with 1 post, as far as I can tell. If not your BF clone, then it's some other trying-to-be-funny-clone who is too free here to tickle you seeing your thread. Lot's of interesting character on this forum!

[Xgenre]

Why do you guys need to be so cynical? Some ladies need courage for them to write their first post. This is afterall a male-dominated forum. It's not surprising that after surfing the forum for close to 6 months, she understands and knows how to use the shortforms. What's your cost or loss if she is indeed a clone? She had already mentioned that she has 3 kids and the thought of suicide did cross her mind. When she wrote out her first post, I do think she is seeking genuine views from us. The cynical replies she get might just be the straw that breaks the camel's back. If you subsequently read about a murder-suicide of a lady with 3 kids, how will you feel?

Sigh. This place is bloody addictive, I have learnt so much more from here about men than anywhere else.

Beyond the anger and the shock of betrayal, do you understand more why men will come to this forum now? Or are you still holding onto your pre-conceived idea of what an ideal partner should be like and should behave like? Many ladies are like you. Here in this forum as a result of a shock discovery. Quite a few are active contributors now. Perhaps you will even write us a story in future. :p

In future relationships, if you can't stop him from having fun outside, try to control him and build trust. Some of the ladies here do so. They limit their husbands to massages that end with HJ and autoroam. The guys appreciate the 'permission' and don't cross that line. When he wants to go for massages, he will inform his partner via sms. The ladies know that he won't be bringing any STDs or mistresses home.

[hamsapkwai]

Pssst dont get mad, get even. Pm me and we`ll set the score right . :)

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Hahaha it's damn funny how you guys associated the TS to my bf. Anyway, if this is real then she must be in a lot of pain la. And as a fellow female, I totally understand what she's going through. Besides, if one reads SBF enough you will recognize the acronyms easily.

Sigh. This place is bloody addictive, I have learnt so much more from here about men than anywhere else.

This thread looks like a 1-post thread and your thread seems like more fun and funny ;)
You really don't seems sad or heart broken cos you always "Hahaha" among other issues like over your best friend's suicide.
"Hahaha" ~ "Hahaha" perhaps you want to start a thread in the swing/orgies section looking for a FB :p

[hickeybites]

TS: I'm going to take a leap here cos your post really resonates with me & I think I understand what you're going thru'. (Aside to weiwei: have fun & be safe ~ the dark side beckons ;))

TS it's been 6 months & for sure it's not been easy-going since you've not been allowed to fully express the pain you're hiding. It sucks when you're expected to uphold the perception that others expect of you -- especially when u may also be struggling under such expectations when you feel that your husband is responsible for destroying the family bliss in the first place. BUT admist all the anger & hurt, do remember -- your husband is feeling rather shitty, guilty & downright horrible too. You're not suffering alone. As much as the betrayed feels as if their whole world is turned topsy-turvy and their self-esteem is blown to bits, the betrayer goes through another kind of hell... the type of hell that sometimes I feel is worse than those who've been betrayed. And I believe your husband is trying his best to make it up to you, whilst feeling guilty, ashamed & helpless.

It takes time.. and believe me, you'll emerge out of this stronger, more realistic; and rather sanguine about things in general. It doesn't mean that fidelity & love & commitment are no longer important, but it means that you come to accept & genuinely appreciate the present. The feelings that your husband had for the other person happened in the past - and remember: feelings are transient. Love is not just feelings; it is an action. What matters are the actions + feelings. Your husband chose to stay with you & is doing things with you now. Moving forward: as your husband strives to cultivate his BFE, you should also contribute with your GFE. Often we take things for granted & let things lag... you 2 have been great parents, good spouses... time to recapture the moments as passionate lovers :)

I agree with you: people (not just women) would ask themselves "Why me?". If you can, try to see the positives in your situation: your husband could have insisted on continuing the affair; the other woman could have confronted you & kids & in-laws at your home; the other woman could have harassed you till the point of breakdown etc etc...
I'm not saying that you should just take things lying down... but by harping on the negatives, your emotions may get more clouded over & ultimately affect your children -- they are innocent & deserve to be protected. Kudos to you & your husband for trying to keep the harmony in the family & not drag the children into the strife.

Take care... do see a counsellor - someone objective whom you can unload/rant/cry/sob confidentially to. Or take up a hobby whereby you can vent out: one gf took up kendo, another guy friend going thru' divorce took up archery. Be strong, look forward & don't allow the past rob you of the present.
Hang in there...

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

.........Or take up a hobby whereby you can vent out: one gf took up kendo, another guy friend going thru' divorce took up archery. Be strong, look forward & don't allow the past rob you of the present.
Hang in there...

Aikido or Muay Thai be best! ;)

Besides, with so many weirdos and perverts roaming our street, self-defense classes are always good to take them down with a Muay Thai "tae" kick to the groin or an elbow "sok ti" strike to the eyes of an attacker if they jump on you :D

[AA35]

Firstly, thanks to all bro and sis who had consoled me and gave me encouragement both in this thread and the PMs. Secondly, for those who do not believe and suspect me and my encounter, do not read further. Please do not hurt me anymore.

Besides, if one reads SBF enough you will recognize the acronyms easily.

For those who do not believe me, please read the date I registered here. I have been here since April. I have been a looker of this forum since then and I mostly look at threads in Matters of the heart. Maybe to find answers for myself. I know ‘some’ members here only visits FL Domes, but sorry not me. Being in this forum for about 6 months, I don’t think it is hard for me to understand the acronyms used here. Thanks to weiwei to support me on this issue. And to clarify, I AM NOT HER BF WITH A CLONE NICK. Please do not hurt her anymore.

Ok, it is because I read weiwei’s thread which inspired me and gave me the courage to start my thread. And reading her thread let me know that I am not alone. That’s why some members here find it somewhat coincident. I chosen the title “What should I do?” because I always ask this question to myself. I am not actually, asking help. Sorry the title might mislead someone. Just wish to write out my problems as I have no one to speak to. I already mentioned that I never let anyone know in my first post.

And sorry to say, the FL is not PRC.

My husband and I had gone to counseling sessions. And every session, I end up crying telling my story. And the counselor helped me to change my idea of suicide. Thank the counselor that I am still alive today. I am a career-minded lady. When I married my husband, I promised that I will be good to his parents and siblings. I can do house work and cook. I think I had done my part as a wife. Yes, I do admit that sometimes, I get hot-tempered and sometimes I do refuse my husband when he asks for sex. Maybe that is why he falls for another woman. After the counseling session, I realized my mistakes. And visiting this forum let me understand more about man. Now, whatever my husband wants from a FL, I can do the same thing to him. And he is satisfied with it. We are actually in good terms now. I have changed from my mistakes to be better. And my husband kept say to me that he love me very much and do not wish to give me up. I know he is also feeling bad and guilty over it. Our relationship is now more loving, like GFE and BFE. But once awhile, I still think of what he did in the past and how he betrayed me. But I still live in the shadows of April. I just cannot get over it. I cried every time it comes into my mind. I just don’t know how to avoid divorce as an option.

I still think he loves his lover very much. As he had written it in his posts. And he writes because he is a married man that is why he cannot be with his lover. I wish to fulfill his dream as I love him a lot. Maybe a lot of you will think that I am stupid. I would just say Love makes you do crazy things.:(

[Xgenre]

I still think he loves his lover very much. As he had written it in his posts. And he writes because he is a married man that is why he cannot be with his lover. I wish to fulfill his dream as I love him a lot. Maybe a lot of you will think that I am stupid. I would just say Love makes you do crazy things.:(

If I were you, I won't do that. Now it's not the time to be selfless, in fact it's the time to be selfish. You have 3 kids. Once he commits to the other side and has a new family, what are the chances of him being a better father to your 3 kids? Probably unlikely. You give him up as a husband now.... could also be seen as your 3 kids losing a father. You will probably struggle to raise 3 kids alone and struggle to afford each of them the attention they would have otherwise gotten from 2 parents. Your health is also not a guarantee. If after divorce, health problems or death occurs to you how? I can't think of a situation where your 3 kids would be better off after their parents had divorced.

Play the family card. Go for family outings. Play games together. Create happy moments. Moments that he know he will lose forever if he leaves. Let him read books in bed to his kids. Go cycling in parks and pinics at beaches. Get your daughter to call him when he's working and ask 'Daddy daddy, what time are you coming home tonight? I miss you daddy... Whatever... play dirty, play hard. Right now, there is the allure of the other woman pulling him away from his family. What do you have that is pulling him back into the family? The worst thing is he leaves you for that woman, loses all his money and scrambles back to you with debts. Will fighting to prevent him from leaving be a pre-emptive measure to protect yourself too?

I have a close girl pal. She struggled with her ex-bf from uni days till he's earning 7 figure yearly. He finally left her for a foreign beauty, who gave him 2 kids but still look 15 years younger than actual age, D cupper with 24 inch waist. My friend told me she suffered a lot in uni with him financially. Scrimp and saved and gave up a lot to build for their future. Trip to Europe becomes a trip to Bangkok, for example. When she sees the other woman wearing branded clothes, driving nice cars and living the lifestyle that is supposed to be hers, it's like salt being rubbed into her wound. Don't be like this pal of mine. Fight for your man, the father of your 3 kids.

If a PRC woman loses her Singaporean husband to a Singaporean lady, do you think she will walk away gracefully without giving a fight, especially when there are 3 kids involved? Just my personal view. If you need ideas and schemes to win him back, pm me.

[Xgenre]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ANXH3UWBzPU

JIA YOU! Stand by your man and defend the wonderful family that both of you had created. Hope the lyrics are meaningful for you.

[alan0338]

Love makes you do crazy things.:(

love dun make ppl do crazy things, its those crazy ppl who does crazy things nia ... :D

[S.B.Y.1]

love dun make ppl do crazy things, its those crazy ppl who does crazy things nia ... :D

Suddenly you become SBF's Loverboy :p

[K9696]

My husband and I had gone to counseling sessions. And every session, I end up crying telling my story. And the counselor helped me to change my idea of suicide. Thank the counselor that I am still alive today. I am a career-minded lady. When I married my husband, I promised that I will be good to his parents and siblings. I can do house work and cook. I think I had done my part as a wife. Yes, I do admit that sometimes, I get hot-tempered and sometimes I do refuse my husband when he asks for sex. Maybe that is why he falls for another woman. After the counseling session, I realized my mistakes. And visiting this forum let me understand more about man. Now, whatever my husband wants from a FL, I can do the same thing to him. And he is satisfied with it. We are actually in good terms now. I have changed from my mistakes to be better. And my husband kept say to me that he love me very much and do not wish to give me up. I know he is also feeling bad and guilty over it. Our relationship is now more loving, like GFE and BFE. But once awhile, I still think of what he did in the past and how he betrayed me. But I still live in the shadows of April. I just cannot get over it. I cried every time it comes into my mind. I just don’t know how to avoid divorce as an option.

I still think he loves his lover very much. As he had written it in his posts. And he writes because he is a married man that is why he cannot be with his lover. I wish to fulfill his dream as I love him a lot. Maybe a lot of you will think that I am stupid. I would just say Love makes you do crazy things.:(

Hi.. Look no where...Look from inside..

1) Self check both RED highlighted thing.. Man do have pride and ego, your career minded mind may also play certain role of neglecting HIS needs and wants.

2) You hot-tempered is also vital, is he not working? ask yourself - remember when you are working for your employer - who does not suffer setbacks? so do you bring your setback from office to home, at times small little thing that he does surely cos annoy to you bcos of your unhappiness in work and make the home become very lousy.

Just remember, things went wrong never always put the blame on other, sit down and think how to solve the problem and now asking elsewhere What should I do..bla bla... ! I also do agree he also make mistake, he is not SAINT, if he is SAINT he will not falls for the LUST etc.

Everything happens do have its own reasons.. Dun look further and ask what should I do.... ask yourself how you want to remedy the RS....

But in BLUE highlighted.. both of you shown improvement, isn't it a good start... then why bother about past.., look at it now and future. If you are serious in your RS and treasure what you have right now, look inside, be blessed.. :)

[sammyboyfor]

your career minded mind may also play certain role of neglecting HIS needs and wants.


Why any woman would want to be career minded is beyond me. :rolleyes:

Money and status mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. It certainly doesn't help in achieving a state of happiness and contentment.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Why any woman would want to be career minded is beyond me. :rolleyes:

Money and status mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. It certainly doesn't help in achieving a state of happiness and contentment.

Boss Sam, can I forward you my bank account since you have achieved enlightenment and money is of no meaning to you? :p

Btw, your site now is worth US$476K (Rounding off) :D

[sammyboyfor]

Boss Sam, can I forward you my bank account since you have achieved enlightenment and money is of no meaning to you? :p


I've already given most of my wealth away or pledged it to honorable causes such as WSPA.

All I have left is what I need for my day to day expenses with some stashed away for a rainy day.

[goodpartner]

Firstly, thanks to all bro and sis who had consoled me and gave me encouragement both in this thread and the PMs. Secondly, for those who do not believe and suspect me and my encounter, do not read further. Please do not hurt me anymore.


Woah.... here's my thought on this. All these cynical posts are just part of what makes a forum lively, and like it or not, still contributes in provoking the TS to react to the comments and share more.

Another side effect from having these cynical posts is that they promote the sense of "righteousness" from others which result in supportive replies & PM for the TS.

E.g. Boss's replies to all these threads are usually cynical to start with. Personally I think it has some kind of reverse psychology effect in a +ve way (for most, not all ;)).

TS, yea that's the way, if you think bros here wronged you, react & stand up for it like now. Just don't disappear into self-pity & destroy yourself & family in the quiet. You'll not be hurt much longer if you begin to defend yourself. I'm still reading. Now I believe :D

love dun make ppl do crazy things, its those crazy ppl who does crazy things nia ... :D

Yes! This I totally agree!!!

[K9696]

Why any woman would want to be career minded is beyond me. :rolleyes:

Money and status mean nothing in the grand scheme of things. It certainly doesn't help in achieving a state of happiness and contentment.

boss.. exactly.. so am i ... i feel so disturbing when she said she is career minded lady....how!:)

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Woah.... here's my thought on this. All these cynical posts are just part of what makes a forum lively, and like it or not, still contributes in provoking the TS to react to the comments and share more.

Another side effect from having these cynical posts is that they promote the sense of "righteousness" from others which result in supportive replies & PM for the TS.

E.g. Boss's replies to all these threads are usually cynical to start with. Personally I think it has some kind of reverse psychology effect in a +ve way (for most, not all ;)).

TS, yea that's the way, if you think bros here wronged you, react & stand up for it like now. Just don't disappear into self-pity & destroy yourself & family in the quiet. You'll not be hurt much longer if you begin to defend yourself. I'm still reading. Now I believe :D!!!

TS, this Bro GP is correct.
Fight back! Be fearless! Fight back with the FL, Fight back your marriage just like you fight back at us !!! :D
May the force be with you ! :p

[hickeybites]

Dear TS,
I agree with Xgenre. Fight for your man ... don't grovel, don't beg, but fight smart. Do it not only for yourself but for your children. Do it also for the sake of your decade-long r/s. Are you just going to roll over & hand your man on a silver platter to another woman who barely knows him & who didn't grow with him? Or are you going to hold his hand tight & together build a more loving relationship together?

I understand what you mean by maybe just letting him go... after all, you don't want to be perceived as the one standing in his way. At times, you wonder if you're the 3rd party right? I've had similar feelings too... Let me put it this way: all just feelings stem from self-pity & sadness & lack of peace. Logically & objectively you know better. Your husband's not going anywhere so why are you in a hurry to push him out of the door?
Secondly, there is no guarantee that your husband would be better off with the other woman. Feelings generated in an affair are illicit, exciting, novel (I know.. I understand) but can they last in the long term? Finally, when you face your 3 children how are you going to explain to them the demise of your marriage: that their daddy wanted to repent but mummy couldn't take it anymore & showed him out the door? Can you do that?

Look... we've all done things that we are not proud of. And yes, your husband spilled out his guts & professed all here... but remember he did so while in the throes of passionate feelings. Such passionate feelings were there too between you & him whilst you were dating.. and other more important feelings, memories are also created exclusively between you 2: when you first dated, your wedding date/ROM, birth of each 3 children etc etc... don't give it all up now. It's a different story if your husband is cruelly abandoning you & is still seeing his affair partner. Now he is with you... Cherish that.

Give yourself time. Marriage is not be entered into lightly; and divorce not something to be brandied about easily as well. If you still feel the same way 1yr from now, there's still the option of separation etc... but at least give your husband, yourself & this marriage a chance ok? Hang in there...my best wishes to you.

Btw, it's ok to sometimes be gripped with sadness or cry when memories catch up with us, or you're triggered by certain things that remind you of the affair. If you didn't feel anything.. that's worrying. Time heals... slowly but surely. Don't let your mind wander too much & focus on the positives. Take up a hobby, exercise -- it really works!

[alan0338]

:D

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUMcA--ejOc&feature=related

[MonteCristo]

My husband and I had gone to counseling sessions. And every session, I end up crying telling my story. And the counselor helped me to change my idea of suicide. Thank the counselor that I am still alive today. I am a career-minded lady. When I married my husband, I promised that I will be good to his parents and siblings. I can do house work and cook. I think I had done my part as a wife. Yes, I do admit that sometimes, I get hot-tempered and sometimes I do refuse my husband when he asks for sex. Maybe that is why he falls for another woman. After the counseling session, I realized my mistakes. And visiting this forum let me understand more about man. Now, whatever my husband wants from a FL, I can do the same thing to him. And he is satisfied with it. We are actually in good terms now. I have changed from my mistakes to be better. And my husband kept say to me that he love me very much and do not wish to give me up. I know he is also feeling bad and guilty over it. Our relationship is now more loving, like GFE and BFE. But once awhile, I still think of what he did in the past and how he betrayed me. But I still live in the shadows of April. I just cannot get over it. I cried every time it comes into my mind. I just don’t know how to avoid divorce as an option.

I still think he loves his lover very much. As he had written it in his posts. And he writes because he is a married man that is why he cannot be with his lover. I wish to fulfill his dream as I love him a lot. Maybe a lot of you will think that I am stupid. I would just say Love makes you do crazy things.:(

My un-called for points to ponder (There are far too many people in here who opines far better than me):

1) In the end, sex is just part of the equation. There are many other things that goes into this transient concept - The one people call love. Despite having many wishing for the eternal, passionate love that may defy all odds, how many can lay claim to achieving it?

2) Someone in this forum once commented that it isn't the major setbacks itself that does the most hurt to a person, but rather, the tiny little moments when we are feel alone, vulnerable, left to wallow in their sorrows that are particularly devastating. I agree.

3) Doubt is a resilient seed. When given the opportunity, they never fail to grow quickly and take root deep in the recesses of your heart. Ask yourself this, TS, are you giving this seed of doubt a chance to grow deep in your heart and darken your perception of things? Are you intimidated by your own insecurities?

4) Before I go in any further, may I ask a seemingly stupid question - Do you love your children and want what is best for them?

5) I hope you and weiwei can find something in this over-hyped song that I like.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0IA3ZvCkRkQ&feature=related

[stone08]

I've already given most of my wealth away or pledged it to honorable causes such as WSPA.

All I have left is what I need for my day to day expenses with some stashed away for a rainy day.

u are in the same camp as bill gates and warren buffet...they gave lots of money away...billions...

[Boliaoz]

Why be faithful when nice guys always finish last ?

[sammyboyfor]

u are in the same camp as bill gates and warren buffet...they gave lots of money away...billions...

I don't have billions to give.

[etct88]

u are in the same camp as bill gates and warren buffet...they gave lots of money away...billions...

.... and also stashed away a lot more.:p

[AA35]

A great thank you for those who cares for me. I am actually writing here just to spill out my frustrations. Never know the response is so high. For those who are still worried about me, please do not worry as I will not commit suicide or with my children. I wish to specially thank Ichigo_Kurosaki, Xgenre and hickeybites for giving me their great advice here. Currently, my husband and I act as a happy loving couple in appearance in front of the crowd. I always wish how good it will be if all this had never happened. For your info, this FL is a local. She is also a divorcee abandoned by her husband. She also has gone through all this misery. Why would she do this to me? My husband always felt sorry for this FL. From sympathize converted to love. After, he came back to me, he always asks why I still felt sad and cries since he is already back to me. What is there to be sad about? But to me, even if he is back to me, I felt that his heart is still somewhere else. Think it is because man and woman way of thinking are different. Since a lot of you ask me to fight back against this FL, I hope to hear some advice from you.

[joscklee]

A great thank you for those who cares for me. I am actually writing here just to spill out my frustrations. Never know the response is so high. For those who are still worried about me, please do not worry as I will not commit suicide or with my children. I wish to specially thank Ichigo_Kurosaki, Xgenre and hickeybites for giving me their great advice here. Currently, my husband and I act as a happy loving couple in appearance in front of the crowd. I always wish how good it will be if all this had never happened. For your info, this FL is a local. She is also a divorcee abandoned by her husband. She also has gone through all this misery. Why would she do this to me? My husband always felt sorry for this FL. From sympathize converted to love. After, he came back to me, he always asks why I still felt sad and cries since he is already back to me. What is there to be sad about? But to me, even if he is back to me, I felt that his heart is still somewhere else. Think it is because man and woman way of thinking are different. Since a lot of you ask me to fight back against this FL, I hope to hear some advice from you.

Advice is give a direct challenge to your husband's lover by becoming a FL yourself- then compare who's FR is better

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

.....For your info, this FL is a local. She is also a divorcee abandoned by her husband. She also has gone through all this misery. Why would she do this to me?

IMHO, she may have an emotional void that she's attempting to fill and trying to hold on to your husband. As a woman herself, I guess she has become "that person" which she professed to despise. :(

.....My husband always felt sorry for this FL. From sympathize converted to love. After, he came back to me, he always asks why I still felt sad and cries since he is already back to me. What is there to be sad about? But to me, even if he is back to me, I felt that his heart is still somewhere else. Think it is because man and woman way of thinking are different.

Like this FL, He is also trying to fill some sort of emotional void with sex and sneaking under her sheets. :o

.....Since a lot of you ask me to fight back against this FL, I hope to hear some advice from you.

Now you need to really drive a wedge between them.
How to do it?
Only you know your husband best and the hits & misses in your relationship ;)

[prccuntlover]

1) divorce and seek maintenance so your ex hubby got no cash to hanky panky
2) your hubby is no angel, caring for another woman while being married is totally crap... So many out there, how many can he care?
3) I dont want to say finding whores by married men is wrong but 1 leg 2 boat is definitely the act of a beast:mad:
4) You have to be tough and selfish in love; if you still love your hubby...; ask him to surrender all his assets to your name at least you have the financial upper hand....e.g house,bank savings shares,etc and all salary deposit into your account until such a time you declare he is no longer and will not stray...

Take care....

[sgjoey]

"The way we see a problem IS the problem." (Stephen Covey)

Understand that humans are a non-monogamous species and you will find that all of a sudden, your problem is not solved, but dissolved!

All this talk about fighting, sueing for divorce etc.... will only cause more suffering all round.

Just learn to relax and let go a little bit, and things might just heal themselves.

[MonteCristo]

I always wish how good it will be if all this had never happened.

Instead of wishing all these had never happened, how about using all the energy to solve your problems? ;)

Problems don't go away just by mere wishing, they have to be resolved by the parties concerned.

[sgjoey]

Sometimes, Tao Te Ching does make some sense:

Do nothing, and nothing will be left undone.

[jadeheart]

I am so sorry for you and hearing weiwei's words makes me think that it is true, I have learned more about men in this forum than anywhere else.

I have no advice to give but I hope you heal your pain

[thomas83]

TS,
venting doesn't help - how would it if it involves opening up old wounds and revisiting and reliving the dark moments of your life in your mind again and again? Please refrain from doing so anymore since we got the jeez of what happened to you. We want to hear about the positive things you are doing to improve your relationship with your husband and how you put into practice the advice that you claim were useful to you.

Misery is addictive - as much as love, anger and happiness. By relating your dilemma in the manner you did, you are subconsciously seeking approval of your self-pity and also sending an open invite to sympathisers that serve little more then fuel and stir up negative emotions.

Stop reminding yourself that it is your right to feel upset -Know and acknowledge that self pity is destructive, selfish and simply a waste of time and energy. Instead, remind yourself that it is your responsibility to maintain your own happiness, not others. It is easier to do so in the company of people, it is almost impossible to do it alone.

Refrain from crying as much as possible - By letting loose and crying to your hearts content, you are not letting go of your ill feelings. you are indulging in them and fuelling your misery in a vicious cycle of venting and crying. Fight to hold back your tears. Feel stronger and more in control of your own feelings.

i had clinical depression too, so i'm not being self-righteous or passing judgement on your posts. I'm saying these because i wish people did not allow me to wallow in self pity and misery and said those words to me. But i'm not blaming others, i'm glad i got outta it. Stay strong for your kids. :)

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

good pieces of advice bro thomas83. hope this will help TS.

[AA35]

当誓言已不存在，心早已离你而去。而我却还停留在他许下承诺的那一天。
心原来可以那么痛，当眼泪打转时却还在保持微笑。。。
而我的悲伤是眼睫毛再也承受不了眼泪的力量，轻轻碰到就会滴落.....

当幸福的玻璃球碎了，那一片片的碎片化成了心如刀割。。
不能怨天忧人，因为这条路是自己选择的.....


也许有一天痛了，泪也留不出了，是时候放手了........

[JOHNBONG]

I think as a woman has to always prepare herself for the worst although she may thinks she's the happiest woman In the world..surprises always happen in life..When bad thing happens at least you can handle in a way of protecting yourself all the time..

No matter whats happening, loving yourself is most important..do not because being betrayed once and feel you are the saddest person in this small world..

After surprises happened and yet, a couple can treasure each other more..this can be a bonus to the couple..

Can nvr erase bad experience..

Stay happy to be a better you..for yourself...!!

[BscBMD997]

Advice is give a direct challenge to your husband's lover by becoming a FL yourself- then compare who's FR is better

This one is a NO NO advice!

[thomas83]

TS, i know i said to refrain from venting but pls give us some response other then a very sad(presumably)quoted mandarin text that you felt reflected your thoughts and intentions. i believe you still visit this thread u started from time to time. if you do not wish to share further, at least talk to a friend, we can only give you our opinions and cant do much to ease ur pain beyond that.

Once again, i must say, whatever you decide to do, have your kids in mind. If you really must end the marriage, at least think it through as to how the kids will be affected financially and emotionally and try to make whatever arrangments you can for them BEFORE u do it.

Be strong.:)

[LED...]

Being human, we make mistakes everyday and are sinner always.......

We cannot overcome on our own and will never be able to since the beginning of time.....

Surrender your soul to the man that die for all of us is your only way out.......

There are no point and reason to resist as we are weak in our flesh and blood....

Repent and believe that he will help you in your devotion which will slowly erase all human confusion.......

I will pray for you sister........:)

[adviseme]

当誓言已不存在，心早已离你而去。而我却还停留在他许下承诺的那一天。
心原来可以那么痛，当眼泪打转时却还在保持微笑。。。
而我的悲伤是眼睫毛再也承受不了眼泪的力量，轻轻碰到就会滴落.....

当幸福的玻璃球碎了，那一片片的碎片化成了心如刀割。。
不能怨天忧人，因为这条路是自己选择的.....


也许有一天痛了，泪也留不出了，是时候放手了........

you sound really down.
be strong

hx

[candypuss]

Firstly, thanks to all bro and sis who had consoled me and gave me encouragement both in this thread and the PMs. Secondly, for those who do not believe and suspect me and my encounter, do not read further. Please do not hurt me anymore.



For those who do not believe me, please read the date I registered here. I have been here since April. I have been a looker of this forum since then and I mostly look at threads in Matters of the heart. Maybe to find answers for myself. I know ‘some’ members here only visits FL Domes, but sorry not me. Being in this forum for about 6 months, I don’t think it is hard for me to understand the acronyms used here. Thanks to weiwei to support me on this issue. And to clarify, I AM NOT HER BF WITH A CLONE NICK. Please do not hurt her anymore.

Ok, it is because I read weiwei’s thread which inspired me and gave me the courage to start my thread. And reading her thread let me know that I am not alone. That’s why some members here find it somewhat coincident. I chosen the title “What should I do?” because I always ask this question to myself. I am not actually, asking help. Sorry the title might mislead someone. Just wish to write out my problems as I have no one to speak to. I already mentioned that I never let anyone know in my first post.

And sorry to say, the FL is not PRC.

My husband and I had gone to counseling sessions. And every session, I end up crying telling my story. And the counselor helped me to change my idea of suicide. Thank the counselor that I am still alive today. I am a career-minded lady. When I married my husband, I promised that I will be good to his parents and siblings. I can do house work and cook. I think I had done my part as a wife. Yes, I do admit that sometimes, I get hot-tempered and sometimes I do refuse my husband when he asks for sex. Maybe that is why he falls for another woman. After the counseling session, I realized my mistakes. And visiting this forum let me understand more about man. Now, whatever my husband wants from a FL, I can do the same thing to him. And he is satisfied with it. We are actually in good terms now. I have changed from my mistakes to be better. And my husband kept say to me that he love me very much and do not wish to give me up. I know he is also feeling bad and guilty over it. Our relationship is now more loving, like GFE and BFE. But once awhile, I still think of what he did in the past and how he betrayed me. But I still live in the shadows of April. I just cannot get over it. I cried every time it comes into my mind. I just don’t know how to avoid divorce as an option.

I still think he loves his lover very much. As he had written it in his posts. And he writes because he is a married man that is why he cannot be with his lover. I wish to fulfill his dream as I love him a lot. Maybe a lot of you will think that I am stupid. I would just say Love makes you do crazy things.:(

AA35, what a small world.. me too in your shoes now. And i somehow got over the pain of being betrayed after one month. My hubby also still love the other woman. The other woman, is actually a friend of mine but now i dun take her as a friend after my last email to her last week. Till now i still feel the pain of being betrayed but try my best to push the thoughts away.. Need a lot of courage n strength to go on daily without breaking down n cry myself to sleep.

Up to now the husband has not ceased all contacts with the other bitchy woman yet. And the other woman's husband knew abt the affair too but what can he do. He cannot stop his wife at all.

[MonteCristo]

问世间情是何物，直教生死相许。
天南地北双飞客，老翅几回寒暑。
欢乐趣，离别苦，就中更有痴儿女。

[goodpartner]

AA35, what a small world.. me too in your shoes now.

Im terms of infidelity, the world is the same everywhere lah, not small.

There's only those who catch/know it, and those who are "blessed" not to know it during the couple's productive lifetime.

It's now that u know it, how u gonna deal with it.

I'm curious how u landed up in this forum?
Wanna say welcome to... I mean just welcome! :D

[AA35]

每个人出生的时候都是原创，可悲的是很多人渐渐都成了盗版。

如果真诚是一种伤害，请选择谎言。
如果谎言是一种伤害，请选择沉默。
如果沉默是一种伤害，请选择离开。

[arsenal_84]

AA35, what a small world.. me too in your shoes now. And i somehow got over the pain of being betrayed after one month. My hubby also still love the other woman. The other woman, is actually a friend of mine but now i dun take her as a friend after my last email to her last week. Till now i still feel the pain of being betrayed but try my best to push the thoughts away.. Need a lot of courage n strength to go on daily without breaking down n cry myself to sleep.

Up to now the husband has not ceased all contacts with the other bitchy woman yet. And the other woman's husband knew abt the affair too but what can he do. He cannot stop his wife at all.

TS case still has hope...as for yours, i'm sorry to say your marriage might go towards the bitter end.

[arsenal_84]

My husband and I had gone to counseling sessions. And every session, I end up crying telling my story. And the counselor helped me to change my idea of suicide. Thank the counselor that I am still alive today. I am a career-minded lady. When I married my husband, I promised that I will be good to his parents and siblings. I can do house work and cook. I think I had done my part as a wife. Yes, I do admit that sometimes, I get hot-tempered and sometimes I do refuse my husband when he asks for sex. Maybe that is why he falls for another woman. After the counseling session, I realized my mistakes. And visiting this forum let me understand more about man. Now, whatever my husband wants from a FL, I can do the same thing to him. And he is satisfied with it. We are actually in good terms now. I have changed from my mistakes to be better. And my husband kept say to me that he love me very much and do not wish to give me up. I know he is also feeling bad and guilty over it. Our relationship is now more loving, like GFE and BFE. But once awhile, I still think of what he did in the past and how he betrayed me. But I still live in the shadows of April. I just cannot get over it. I cried every time it comes into my mind. I just don’t know how to avoid divorce as an option.

I still think he loves his lover very much. As he had written it in his posts. And he writes because he is a married man that is why he cannot be with his lover. I wish to fulfill his dream as I love him a lot. Maybe a lot of you will think that I am stupid. I would just say Love makes you do crazy things.:(

what matters most is that your husband is still with you.
even if you think he truly loves her...do you think he can give up his kids easily ?
since the both of you has already gone to counseling sessions, i believed there is still hope on your rs, is only a matter of when are you willing to forgive him.
i would say you guys are learning to love and cherish each other all over again.
right now, you should look ahead and hope that he truly realized his mistakes.
as for the forgiving part, take your time to forgive him cause looking at his past mistakes will only make you miserable.

wishing you well for a better rs with your husband.

[wahlanz]

I never thought that he was one of the samsters here.

:eek: so bad ah? :eek:

[jolenekoh]

use spacing when u r typing in this forum. or else nobody is interested in wht u gotta say

[jolenekoh]

I've already given most of my wealth away or pledged it to honorable causes such as WSPA.

All I have left is what I need for my day to day expenses with some stashed away for a rainy day.

u know nuts abt anything in this world. just promote ur whores n keep ur shallow comment to urself. kid

[evildolly]

Hi mummy,

Be a silent victim. Treat your husband as transparent. Take care of yourself. Alot of times we neglect ourselves due to kids, husband, family, work and our jobs. Go for spa, buy new clothes and get back your confidence. DO NOT CRY and WALLOW IN SELF PITY.


Bring your kids out without him. You dont even have to inform him. Love your kids even more. When he comes home, just smile and pretend that he is a stranger. When he asks for anything, oblige. Be extremely polite and distant. When he realises that his wife and kids do not treat him like a family member, he will know how much he has lost because of a whore.


I found mushy SMSes in my hb's hp before. That whore even send him a pic of him in a bikini. When I found out, I raised hell. If he wants to play around, then be prepared for my fury. I packed my bags and left. After hell part came the silent treatment. I was nice but extremely distant. He asked me out for dinner, I told him I am meeting a friend. It worked. My hb knew that if I wont hesitant to leave and give him hell for any hanky panky he has done. One of my friends took her hb's car and crashed it into bits and pieces.

Some men are just like that. The more they knew that a woman cannot leave without them, the more they will push their limits.

[bmw7050black]

Hi mummy,

Be a silent victim. Treat your husband as transparent. Take care of yourself. Alot of times we neglect ourselves due to kids, husband, family, work and our jobs. Go for spa, buy new clothes and get back your confidence. DO NOT CRY and WALLOW IN SELF PITY.


Bring your kids out without him. You dont even have to inform him. Love your kids even more. When he comes home, just smile and pretend that he is a stranger. When he asks for anything, oblige. Be extremely polite and distant. When he realises that his wife and kids do not treat him like a family member, he will know how much he has lost because of a whore.


I found mushy SMSes in my hb's hp before. That whore even send him a pic of him in a bikini. When I found out, I raised hell. If he wants to play around, then be prepared for my fury. I packed my bags and left. After hell part came the silent treatment. I was nice but extremely distant. He asked me out for dinner, I told him I am meeting a friend. It worked. My hb knew that if I wont hesitant to leave and give him hell for any hanky panky he has done. One of my friends took her hb's car and crashed it into bits and pieces.

Some men are just like that. The more they knew that a woman cannot leave without them, the more they will push their limits.

LAO CHAR BO

YOU DON'T COME HERE BULLSH*T TALK BIG LA! LOL
CANT IMAGINE WHO's SWAY ONE WILL MARRY YOU

[evildolly]

LAO CHAR BO

YOU DON'T COME HERE BULLSH*T TALK BIG LA! LOL
CANT IMAGINE WHO's SWAY ONE WILL MARRY YOU

Lol. WHo is the one bullshitting. I am not old. You mother is.

[radii]

Forum guy Sammyboyfor would like to thank you TS hypocrite for your most kind contribution to add traffic much thanks for contributing to the very forum that you despise, thank you :p

[bmw7050black]

lol. Who is the one bullshitting. I am not old. You mother is.

lao char bo

pity your husband who ought to face your bloody old haggy looks you go f**k your mother understand!!!

[wells]

Certain times you need to close one eye since he came back to you. Otherwise this issue will never end.

Forgive and forget? Can you?

[AA35]

Please don't tell me not to cry
Please don't say there was a reason why
You don't know what i am feeling
or how much i hurt
The wet spots are from tears on the collar if this shirt
you think I should go on with life
Forget about it and be strong
But deep down I am sad, and I don't want to go along
I don't expect you to understand why
For no apparent reason I break down and start to cry
my life has changed forever, You see
And that is why i am not acting like the same me
So please don't try to acting like nothing happened
Because it's changed my life forever
I will never be the same again
not today, not tomorrow, but never
The best thing you can do for me is just be there
Just like always, My friend
My broken heart is hurting bad
And it will never mend.

[Big Sexy]

nice poem.
and your point is??

Please don't tell me not to cry
Please don't say there was a reason why
You don't know what i am feeling
or how much i hurt.

[kenl8888]

Half year ago, I discovered that my husband is a member of this forum. I have three kids. And to make the matter even worst, my husband had fallen in love with a FL. When I discovered this, I wanted to commit suicide with my three kids. I was thinking why men can't be faithful? We have been married for more than 10 years. And I am a good looking wife. I have lots of opportunity where men come to approach me but I never give a chance because I love my husband. For many years, I know my husband as a good loving husband and a loving father of my children. I never thought that he was one of the samsters here. I do not wish to hurt my husband; this dark secret has been kept between me and him. No one else knows about this. I have to act cheerful and like nothing had happened, before my parents, relatives and friends. As they know I am a cheerful person, I have to act it out even though my heart breaks. As I live with my parent-in-law, I can only release my sadness by hiding in the toilet crying after midnight. As I do not wish to annoy my husband by crying in front of him, so I choose to hide and cry in the toilet. I come to this forum to search for an answer. I now know that it is not because men are selfish, it is because they have their needs. But I don't know why this happened to me. I guess 99% of woman who have this kind of encounter will think this way. Because my husband was KCed by his FL lover that's why he fallen for it. After that I have discovered, my husband tried his best to keep me. He explained that he lost control that's why he does such a thing. I never blamed him for this incident, as I am his first GF/Lover and he does not have any other relationships before. I suggested that I would leave him and let him be with his lover. But he refused to. My husband had posted a topic in this forum. In the topic, he had written about how miserable his lover is and how he needs to help her. At first, my husband just treats her as a friend and hopes to help her out. But she KCed him and make him fall for her. I have seen this lover of my husband before. She is just a normal looking woman which I think I am much better looking than her. She is not young. She is a MILF with a child. I had talked to her on the phone and she had promised not to see my husband again. But she betrayed me as she meets my husband again the next day. She showed my husband her swollen eyes because she cried that few days after her breakup with him. And she even sung him a love song. And because of this, my husband could not get over and posted his rants in this forum even though they are no more in contact. My heart hurts badly even today. I am living in misery. My husband had done a lot of things to win my heart back. He brought me to places we go during our courting time to hold me back. But I am still lost today. I don’t know which path I should choose. The problem lies with me. I could not get over what my husband had done half year ago and what he had written in this forum.
Men will stray due to loneliness.. Since he has already broken up with the FL, it's time to move forward.. Do not wallow in your anger at his betrayal.. Maybe you just did not give him the companionship he craves.. focusing more on your kids.. Remember that your husband is just another big boy.. By forgiving him for his mistake; you will earn his respect..
Doing vice versa will only drive him to the other woman..

[<<totally>>]

问世间情是何物，直教生死相许。
天南地北双飞客，老翅几回寒暑。
欢乐趣，离别苦，就中更有痴儿女。

君恨我生早，我恨君生晚
我生君未生，君生我已老
恨不生同时，日日与君好

君住长江头，我住长江尾
日日思君不见君，共饮长江水

重重迷雾隔锁，盼望窥笑靥
多少胭脂红粉，知心你一人

曾经沧海难为水，除却巫山不是云
取次花丛懒回顾，半缘修道半缘君

空空色色苦无边，心冷火炙亦枉然
贝内贝外珠何处，贝里春秋日月寒

人生若只如初见，何事秋风悲画扇
等闲变却故人心，却道故人心易变


何必多情，何必痴情
花若多情，早已凋零
人若多情，憔悴，憔悴……
人在天涯，何妨憔悴
酒入金樽，何妨沉醉
醉眼看别人成双作对，
也胜过无人处暗弹相思泪

干嘛你们又让我开始emo :(

[Erosqq]

Can't do much though

[Reoxy]

Bro Totally, you are totally emo. :cool:

[<<totally>>]

Bro Totally, you are totally emo. :cool:

Haiz, what to do! I am trying to recover myself through emoing. Need to heal myself from the injuries I suffered. My door forget to lock and got intruder sneaked in. :(

[Reoxy]

My door forget to lock and got intruder sneaked in. :(

Do you mean your Back Door? :eek:

My condolences. You must be strong and move on. :p

[DegenerationX]

Really emo big time leh :eek:

[<<totally>>]

Do you mean your Back Door?

My condolences. You must be strong and move on.

Waliu!! The door to my heart lah. My backdoor 24 hrs protected by a pair of fists. Security has always been tight. :mad:

Really emo big time leh

Oi, backdoor's security has not been breached. V tag leh!! My plug hole does not has the universal adapter function. :o

[porscheclub]

T/S, do you still love him? If you really do love him, you'll have to forgive him. Forgetting all these will take time, maybe years & time heals.

If you still continue to suffer, question, suspect then you're tormenting yourself and might as well let go of the marriage.

Lastly, if the both of you cherish the family & kids then forgive, forget & love again for the family.

If he still continue to fool around then something is wrong fundamentally & both of you should ponder for the worst. Good luck.

[FoolInLove]

There are two paths facing you. Yes or No. Make you choice,TS. Your inability to make a choice is making everyone in the family suffering with you. What do you required more from your husband? Let him know if he can do it. Keeping everything deep down does not help.

[ladyangela]

My heart goes out to you sis who has gone thru the immense pain...not being able to share with others in the family and acting brave in front of them...

I have gone thru similar situation. The pain was excruciating and I vowed to seek my own happiness.

The choice is yours to make because it is your life. How you want to approach the situation is really in your own hands. I'm sure after weighing the pros & cons you will search your heart to confirm the answer. Perhaps your 3 lovely children might also be contributing to your decision.

Some bros shared with me why they cheat and one clearly said that it's not about the looks but the feel, thrill & variety that cheating men seek. It's indeed very common but nonetheless not to be condoned...

[Rickey]

Half year ago, I discovered that my husband is a member of this forum. I have three kids. And to make the matter even worst, my husband had fallen in love with a FL. When I discovered this, I wanted to commit suicide with my three kids. I was thinking why men can't be faithful? We have been married for more than 10 years. And I am a good looking wife. I have lots of opportunity where men come to approach me but I never give a chance because I love my husband. For many years, I know my husband as a good loving husband and a loving father of my children. I never thought that he was one of the samsters here. I do not wish to hurt my husband; this dark secret has been kept between me and him. No one else knows about this. I have to act cheerful and like nothing had happened, before my parents, relatives and friends. As they know I am a cheerful person, I have to act it out even though my heart breaks. As I live with my parent-in-law, I can only release my sadness by hiding in the toilet crying after midnight. As I do not wish to annoy my husband by crying in front of him, so I choose to hide and cry in the toilet. I come to this forum to search for an answer. I now know that it is not because men are selfish, it is because they have their needs.

My heart hurts badly even today. I am living in misery. My husband had done a lot of things to win my heart back. He brought me to places we go during our courting time to hold me back. But I am still lost today. I don’t know which path I should choose. The problem lies with me. I could not get over what my husband had done half year ago and what he had written in this forum.
Dear sis, every1 of us makes mistakes at some stages of our lives :(...its only whether they r major or minor mistakes...we make many minor ones now n then but they r of little consequence...it is the major mistakes we make tat are serious n can break us...None of us human beings are perfect in any way neither are any 1 of us saints nor matter how righteous we feel or believe we are vis a vis others, ONLY GOD IS PERFECT :) whoever we perceive him to be...we always like to condemn others when they make mistakes w/o 1st looking into the mirror ourselves..

So sis, all i can say is tat, i wish u could give ur hubby jus ONE chance IF he does sincerely regrets n repents betraying u which only u will know...i know n can fully understand n feel the hurt u went thru'..n i know too tat it is not easy to forgive and forget...but it is not impossible to do so...we all hv heard of tis proverb "to err is human, to forgive is divine !".. so if u can n i believe u can, it will make u a really magnaminous lady, one of the very few tat stands out frm the rest...surely ur reward for ur goodness n lovingkindness for ur own family wil come frm heaven above in due time...who wil re-unite you, ur 3 lovely kids n ur husband which u love so much for even more happier times ahead again as a family...But do of course make sure u WARN HIM tat tis is his LAST chance...he will not get another...tis is jus my 3 cents worth of tots...I wish u all the best for a happy n loving family re-unification ! :)

[Rickey]

Firstly, thanks to all bro and sis who had consoled me and gave me encouragement both in this thread and the PMs.

My husband and I had gone to counseling sessions. Thank the counselor that I am still alive today. I am a career-minded lady. When I married my husband, I promised that I will be good to his parents and siblings. I can do house work and cook. I think I had done my part as a wife. Yes, I do admit that sometimes, I get hot-tempered and sometimes I do refuse my husband when he asks for sex. Maybe that is why he falls for another woman. After the counseling session, I realized my mistakes. And visiting this forum let me understand more about man. Now, whatever my husband wants from a FL, I can do the same thing to him. And he is satisfied with it. We are actually in good terms now. Our relationship is now more loving, like GFE and BFE. But once awhile, I still think of what he did in the past and how he betrayed me. But I still live in the shadows of April. I just cannot get over it. I just don’t know how to avoid divorce as an option.

I still think he loves his lover very much. he writes because he is a married man that is why he cannot be with his lover. I wish to fulfill his dream as I love him a lot. Maybe a lot of you will think that I am stupid. I would just say Love makes you do crazy things.:(

A great thank you for those who cares for me. I wish to specially thank Ichigo_Kurosaki, Xgenre and hickeybites for giving me their great advice here. Currently, my husband and I act as a happy loving couple in appearance in front of the crowd. After, he came back to me, he always asks why I still felt sad and cries since he is already back to me. But to me, even if he is back to me, I felt that his heart is still somewhere else. Think it is because man and woman way of thinking are different. Since a lot of you ask me to fight back against this FL, I hope to hear some advice from you.
Congrats, sis ! :)..Its great to know tat u n ur family r re-united once again !..tat is already 1 step taken in the right direction..thank u for forgiving him n taking him back..u r really a magnaminous wifey ! The problem now is to permanently separate him frm the FL in heart n mind ..thanks to so many bros n sis here who hv helped u wif advice, i oso strongly believe tat u shd not jus give up to the other woman jus like dat but to compete wif her on every aspect to win over ur hubby's heart once again.:D

I am not an expert in tis but pls do allow me to give one simple n humble suggestion...try n spend as much time tgt wif him as possible so tat u can bond n gel tgt wif him once again like in ur dating days so tat there will be as little chance as possible for him to be wif some1 else on the quiet...u shd oso treat each other as if u r not married yet but r still dating...n do the things tat lovers like urselfs hv been doing b4...many of us seems to hv forgotten abt tis...R/s often falls apart when there is little or no communication or love shown towards each other in everyday life, in speech n in action...so never take each other for granted...say n call each other wif those familiar but effective endearing words like dear, darling, honey etc...engage in anything sexual tat he likes including ph sex if tat is necessary to keep him close to you ..But most of all RESPECT for the HB i believe is VERY IMPT in the marital r/s...respect him by asking his permission to do things tat may affect him personally n never deny him the things he needs if u possibly can..

I hope these n other suggestions from other bros/sis can help you pull ur HB back to urself...My Best wishes to u,sis, n good luck ! :)

[kenl8888]

Learn to forgive and forget.. or else get a divorce.. for this to happen.. you may be partially at fault for neglecting him so that he seeks solace in the company of another.. as he is trying to make up to you.. it's better to forgive him his mistakes and move on with life... Marriage is a long voyage and to be able to weather storms is one way of making the marriage stronger...