Should I agree to a FB relationship?

[ghbs]

Dear brothers, as I'm in quite a dilemma now. I have a long term friend that is hinting of a FB relationship. I'm 37 and she's 21. Well the reason I am holding back is because I treasure this friendship and she is one of the few people I can communicate at my level.

It would be good to listen what fellow brothers here have to say about this probable FB relationship and if it's possible to remain as good friends after this sexual relationship? Or should I just steer clear away from this offer?

How do you guys maintain a 'post' FB relationship?

[ghbs]

Just to add on, we're both single and the reason why we can't be in a relationship is because of the age gap and I don't think her parents would approve of us to be in a relationship which would led to marriage.

[sammyboyfor]

Don't do it.

[TheHornyDevilz]

I don't get it. Why can't you both be in a normal relationship? Tha age thing is not that big a deal when lifespans are 80++ yrs.

So start as FB. If passions and relationships develope, go one up and become couple, then marriage. Keep the FB feeling and the excitement may last for decades. Wouldn't that be the best of both worlds?

[joew2005]

ts,although 16 yrs difference is alot ... but it's jz a number.
as both of u r single, why cannot go into a relationship ?

if u realli treasure tis r/s,u wouldn't 1 2 try asking 4 opinion here in the 1s place. u should "steer" away fr tis possible "offer".

btw,what's a long term friend & wat level r u in whereby few ppl can communicate with u ?

[Shuang_Jie_Gun]

Just be good friends, no need think so much if u asked me

[sammyboyfor]

Keep the FB feeling and the excitement may last for decades.

You have to be kidding. :rolleyes: They'll be lucky if lasts for a year.

[alan0338]

dun think too much, sekali is misinterpretation :D

[ghbs]

I don't get it. Why can't you both be in a normal relationship? Tha age thing is not that big a deal when lifespans are 80++ yrs.

So start as FB. If passions and relationships develope, go one up and become couple, then marriage. Keep the FB feeling and the excitement may last for decades. Wouldn't that be the best of both worlds?

Age gap. I have been in past relationships that failed due to age gap. I don't want this friendship to turn sour if our relationship fails .

[goodpartner]

...hinting of a FB relationship.
...a relationship which would led to marriage.
So, you want a FB or a r/s that led to marriage? :confused:
Very different you know.

Since you already determined that her parents won't allow & you feel age gap is an issue, so that means the "r/s that led to marriage" is out of question.

That leaves only "FB relationship"... where your only concern then is "retain friendship if FB r/s fails". To this, I say JUST DO IT, don't forget she is the one that (initiated) is hinting you, if you don't do it, you'll loose the "friendship" anyway. Or worst still, she'll find another friend who will enter the FB r/s with her, and then you're screwed too.

If the parcel is already delivered to your door step, how can you NOT keep it?
:rolleyes::D

[SwingSwingSwing]

Age gap. I have been in past relationships that failed due to age gap. I don't want this friendship to turn sour if our relationship fails .

I think you are answering your own question already but stating this. ;)

[Monkey4]

Don't do it.

err... i oso concurred ~ dun do it .... if u valued the friendship.... cos once the FB is gone... hard to remain as friends...

ps... this is just my opinion only cos i oso dun hv FB to begin with :D

[ghbs]

So, you want a FB or a r/s that led to marriage? :confused:
Very different you know.

Since you already determined that her parents won't allow & you feel age gap is an issue, so that means the "r/s that led to marriage" is out of question.

That leaves only "FB relationship"... where your only concern then is "retain friendship if FB r/s fails". To this, I say JUST DO IT, don't forget she is the one that (initiated) is hinting you, if you don't do it, you'll loose the "friendship" anyway. Or worst still, she'll find another friend who will enter the FB r/s with her, and then you're screwed too.

If the parcel is already delivered to your door step, how can you NOT keep it?
:rolleyes::D

The thing is, she is aware of the tight situation. She knows the party circle is very small in Singapore and if she sleeps around, people will find out. She is pretty well known in the party circle. So I'm pretty sure she's not gonna be looking for someone else unless she found a real steady boyfriend which led to our problem. Communication. We find it very hard to communicate with anyone else other than the both of us, so to speak. We are both out of love. But can't be with each other because I fear to lose her even as a friend in the end.

[ghbs]

err... i oso concurred ~ dun do it .... if u valued the friendship.... cos once the FB is gone... hard to remain as friends...

ps... this is just my opinion only cos i oso dun hv FB to begin with :D

I agree with you, don't do it. I believe I'm at an age where long lasting friendship is more important than a few weeks of sexual fun. But on the other hand we're both humans and we need sex. Right? Not to mention the both of us being single and lonely now.

[owl888]

Juz do it!

Btw, wat did she see in u that she would like to b ur fb?

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

I agree with you, don't do it. I believe I'm at an age where long lasting friendship is more important than a few weeks of sexual fun. But on the other hand we're both humans and we need sex. Right? Not to mention the both of us being single and lonely now.

You started a thread and you answered your own question :rolleyes:
Just go for it la before it's too late, old cow :D
If it makes you feel any better, just blame the small head over big head classic excuse :p

[goodpartner]

We find it very hard to communicate with anyone else other than the both of us, so to speak. We are both out of love. But can't be with each other because I fear to lose her even as a friend in the end.

I agree with you, don't do it. I believe I'm at an age where long lasting friendship is more important than a few weeks of sexual fun. But on the other hand we're both humans and we need sex. Right? Not to mention the both of us being single and lonely now.

Simple, read the above again yourself, and then you'll know that the only way out (or to try) now is to communicate with her and share with her how you feel about going FB, chat about the fear of loosing her as a friend, etc.

Then pls FR here later, we'll give you more adviCe :D

[Stabil0]

Just Do IT ...

[ghbs]

You started a thread and you answered your own question :rolleyes:
Just go for it la before it's too late, old cow :D
If it makes you feel any better, just blame the small head over big head classic excuse :p

It's not just about giving an excuse. It's about the probability of losing a unique strain of friendship that I am concerned.

Simple, read the above again yourself, and then you'll know that the only way out (or to try) now is to communicate with her and share with her how you feel about going FB, chat about the fear of loosing her as a friend, etc.

Then pls FR here later, we'll give you more adviCe :D

Already told her about fear of losing her as a friend as the both of us can communicate well. Seriously, how many fuck buddies end up being friends after one of them end up with someone else?

[hamsapkwai]

In the true spirit of a cheongster if you dont live by the motto below you shouldnt be here in this forum.


之能杀错不能放过

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

What do you really want from her? Pure Friendship? Friendship and sex? Frienship with possibility of an upgrade to Girlfriend with intent to marry?

If only friendship, just stay as friends but then again you have sowed the seed of intend liao (your didi has awaken), no need to seek further justification to go "deeper" into this friendship. Go for it la, treat it as "FwB" if it makes you feel any better. No matter what, once she found a boyfriend, you be side-lined

Ask yourself: How would you feel if she got into a new relationship with a new guy TODAY!!!

1) Happy for her cos she found someone and we can still be great pals?

2) Feel bit sad cos you lost her to a new guy?

3) Bang balls slightly. Missed the boat to have sex with her cos wasted ample time due to seeking justification in SBF instead of listening to my heart and answering the rise of didi

Stop worrying so much, opportunity waits for no one. Once the boat passed suzhou, no more schedule liao
(Chinese wisdom:苏州过后无艇搭 - 凡事不可犹豫,该行动就要行动,否则后悔莫及 :D)

Don't take it the wrong way, I am not suaning you or what. ;)

In the true spirit of a cheongster if you dont live by the motto below you shouldnt be here in this forum.

之能杀错不能放过


I concur :p

[goodpartner]

Ya, bro Ichgo says it all. Don't be too analytical.


Already told her about fear of losing her as a friend as the both of us can communicate well. Seriously, how many fuck buddies end up being friends after one of them end up with someone else?

So what did she say?

Also seriously, so what if you did a poll of all bros here who have had similar sexperiences like you're about to go through now, and the answer is YES/NO after you tabulate the results, then WHAT? If YES, so? if NO, then?

If don't eat now, someone else will; AND then you may still loose her as a friend. Platonic friendship after discussing the risk of being a FB? Haha... Fat chance, but IMHO only ;)

[starz85]

How exactly did she hint that she only wants an FB reln with you?

how did you know she didn't mean to try to be partners but don't be stressed about the marriage part?

ok i mean even if she really said that she wanted sex but doesn't wanna anyhow sleep ard and chose u ..
IT MAY not mean that she's trying to start a relationship with you bro ..


I think there's no right answer to be found here .. only within ur heart ..

even if u dun wanna marry her or have excuses like it can't happen cos of age gap or whatever...
u have to ask urself if u are interested in her ..

jus becos u dun wanna lose a fren doesn't mean that u shldn't try to marry a fren or go into a reln with a fren ..

if so then everyone might as well marry fb have random kids ..
then have friends to talk about life ... or how u divorced ur 2nd fb cos she's too xxx ..


IMHO if u care so much about her ... then i think u shldn't look at it as a FB but like a trial to see if u 2 can really be together ..

jus be honest u dun want it to sour .. if things go bad ..

I think she will appreciate u more ..

[wantanabee]

I don't think you should complicate things by seeing fb as a package which entails whatsoever. make sure both are inline of the mentality. since the hint is there, the conversation shall be unbarred. speak clear cut. this is utmost important

[Satyr69]

OK, I just have to throw my 2 cents in.

There are a few things you have to consider:

1. FwB... The Key is Friends. If you are friends and communicate as well as you say, there is not an issue. FwB can lead to a very good relationship. Any true relationship has to start as friends. The lust only lasts for so long. If you don't have the friendship at the core, once the sex gets boring, there is nothing to hold the relationship together.
Alternately, if you are friends, and don't end up falling in love, then when one of you does find someone for a real relationship, the other will be happy. It is only if one falls in love and the other doesn't that it might sour. But as friends, as long as you DO talk about it, it should be fine.

2. FB... Not really the same. A FB is someone you see just to get your rocks off. No love. Minimal friendship. Most of your conversations are about when to meet up for some sex. These don't last long, as the lust fades, and will never work out for a serious relationship. (You don't really fall into this catagory.)

3. Communication is what will make this work or not. ALWAYS communicate your thoughts and feeling to each other. If you start to fall in love, Talk about it. Age doesn't make that much of a difference.

4. Since she is the one trying to start things, it does make it a little easier.
As another Bro said, she might be trying to take your friendship to a new level.

5. Since you are actually asking for advice it means you are putting some thought into it. That is a very good thing, and shows alot of promise for things working out in the end.

6. You both need sex. Why not get it from someone you care about and that cares about you. If nothing else, the sex can be fantastic...

I have had both FB and FwB before. I'm still friends with with the ones I was FwB with. Not the FB ones though.

[hurts]

OK, I just have to throw my 2 cents in.

There are a few things you have to consider:

1. FwB... The Key is Friends. If you are friends and communicate as well as you say, there is not an issue. FwB can lead to a very good relationship. Any true relationship has to start as friends. The lust only lasts for so long. If you don't have the friendship at the core, once the sex gets boring, there is nothing to hold the relationship together.
Alternately, if you are friends, and don't end up falling in love, then when one of you does find someone for a real relationship, the other will be happy. It is only if one falls in love and the other doesn't that it might sour. But as friends, as long as you DO talk about it, it should be fine.

2. FB... Not really the same. A FB is someone you see just to get your rocks off. No love. Minimal friendship. Most of your conversations are about when to meet up for some sex. These don't last long, as the lust fades, and will never work out for a serious relationship. (You don't really fall into this catagory.)

3. Communication is what will make this work or not. ALWAYS communicate your thoughts and feeling to each other. If you start to fall in love, Talk about it. Age doesn't make that much of a difference.

I have had both FB and FwB before. I'm still friends with with the ones I was FwB with. Not the FB ones though.

bro, u are really lucky.... me not so lucky cos the other party never believe that FwB will works.... so since oredi got FB..... I was being sacrificed :(

[hickeybites]

TS: I agree with Satyr69 - his points make a lot of sense ~ well at least from female POV. I would gather that at the very least she feels that sense of connection with you & believes that she'll be safe & respected whilst being intimate with you -- thereby broaching the subject of having "benefits". Btw, since you guys are already friends, I don't think the term "potential-FB" applies to her any more... (all these terms... confusing at times...:rolleyes:)

It is possible to remain friends even after the said-benefits have been withdrawn. Question is how mature both parties are and if certain lines are drawn clearly first -- best to spell out where the potential potholes are & any hidden jealousy-traps.
I still am good friends with a particular friend & we remain happily so - without any benefit :);)

Just curious - you are sexually attracted to your friend right? I mean, for a lady it's just kinda depressing & a bit of a downer if your hemming & hawing is cos u have little desire for her. However it's great that you value the friendship - your friend is rather lucky :)

[cookiemonsta]

you hesitating as this is really a no brainier... so what are you not sharing (besides the age gap and no parents consent)
to make a consciousness decision you must consider all facts
the fact that she initiate the idea, what have you got to lose really?

[ilovesingapore]

dun. keep the excitement. just do some petting.

[see see only]

Stop worrying so much, opportunity waits for no one. Once the boat passed suzhou, no more schedule liao
(Chinese wisdom:苏州过后无艇搭 - 凡事不可犹豫,该行动就要行动,否则后悔莫及 :D)

Don't take it the wrong way, I am not suaning you or what.

Bro IK,

Almost posted something similar ... :p


TS,

After reading your posts

I believe she has given you her intention to go into some kind of relationship with you, or else you wouldnt have ask .... SO WHAT's wrong with you :rolleyes: She dont seem to worry yet you .................

If you are a man stand up and get into a real relationship with this lady that both of you are interested in. Lead her like a man to face all kind of music if the relationship faces obstacles. Be a real man

However if you are a pussy .... drop the whole idea. PM me her hp number ......... I will be glad to .... ;)

[ghbs]

Just curious - you are sexually attracted to your friend right? I mean, for a lady it's just kinda depressing & a bit of a downer if your hemming & hawing is cos u have little desire for her.:)

Hi, I'm glad you see the fine line I'm walking on? I'm in such a dilemma.

[hickeybites]

Something tongue-in-cheek, which a friend had forwarded to me ;):p (in the spirit of sharing heehee)
So TS... how?
http://iamnotarapperispit.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/07/friends-with-benefits1.jpg

[goodpartner]

Something tongue-in-cheek, which a friend had forwarded to me ;):p (in the spirit of sharing heehee)


This description is more for Fuck Buddy than FwB.
In any case, I like the analysis :D

[viggo]

Hi, I'm glad you see the fine line I'm walking on? I'm in such a dilemma.

TS if u do go into an FB relationship with her kindly remember to use protection.

[meatbb]

I agree with some bros.

If you both have feeling with each other, why can't you get married? 16-years-gap is really not a big trouble.

Unless you got something else you have not stated here.