Question to all hubby

[inkthatsmile]

Hi, not really a newbie here but I've Never sign up an account to read. However some basic intro about myself. I'm pretty young but alr a mum of 2 kiddos. One infant and one toddler. Married with my hubby for 3 years together for about 5 years.

I've been reading -wife and sex- Going through the motion and I realize some hubby is really unhappy with wifey not giving sex.

However I myself have to admit that aft my #2 my sex drive really have a drastic changes especially right now. Maybe due to after giving birth may lower women's libido or plainly because I'm over tired from the stress from taking care of kids.

My question is, Is sex really that important in a marriage? My husband is really high sex drive and i admit that sometimes errr nope i mean everytime he intiate sex whenever i reject he will be unhappy with me and show me the "Sian" face. However one thing I don't understand if we are really really not in the mood for sex how are we suppose to react? Are we suppose to ACT like we want it or simply reject Cause we REALLY don't want it.

I admit, sometimes hubby ask me for sex no mattwr how unwilling i am i will just try my best to entertain him for that good 30mins. However my husband take a loong time to shoot sometimes in purpose to drag the time.


Maybe it only applies to me but I don't understand, who the heck say last longer in sex means he very good in sex? However no complains about my my husband sex skills or what..just plainly curious why is SEX that important. Thanks (:

[DemonicSS]

Hi,

I think that there is really no point in your question of asking why is sex really important. It is subjective. Some have it high, others low. In your case, you don't find it important, but your hubby does. The question I think u should be asking yourself is what u are willing to do to balance the 2 extremes. Likewise another question I would ask u is that since sex is unimportant to you, why not give him free rein to do what he wants sexually as long as he is being responsible doing it? Based on how you framed your question, your answer will no doubt be a resounding NO. You will think of many reason why it is so, then I'd ask you again... Is sex really important ? :D

[vice83]

I've ever heard of wife divorce hubby coz hubby not performing well enough and active enough on bed...I married my wife 30-40% coz she gave good sex compared to all my ex...even after having 1 baby she's still good...

[Firstry]

Hi,

Agree with Bro Demonic, the matter is so subjective and it seems the ball is in your court. From your husband point of view, sex with you is so important for him. I have heard from so many seniors that good and active sex life make relationship strong. And I bet, men urge to have sex almost instant and anytime, so you got to balance that also. Understand it will be tiring to have good sex after whole-day entertaining your kids and household activities, but if you have the will you may find a way. You may get some good supplements for yourself for example. Hope this will help.

Take care:)

[Joe Fox]

Hi, not really a newbie here but I've Never sign up an account to read. However some basic intro about myself. I'm pretty young but alr a mum of 2 kiddos. One infant and one toddler. Married with my hubby for 3 years together for about 5 years.

I've been reading -wife and sex- Going through the motion and I realize some hubby is really unhappy with wifey not giving sex.

However I myself have to admit that aft my #2 my sex drive really have a drastic changes especially right now. Maybe due to after giving birth may lower women's libido or plainly because I'm over tired from the stress from taking care of kids.

My question is, Is sex really that important in a marriage? My husband is really high sex drive and i admit that sometimes errr nope i mean everytime he intiate sex whenever i reject he will be unhappy with me and show me the "Sian" face. However one thing I don't understand if we are really really not in the mood for sex how are we suppose to react? Are we suppose to ACT like we want it or simply reject Cause we REALLY don't want it.

I admit, sometimes hubby ask me for sex no mattwr how unwilling i am i will just try my best to entertain him for that good 30mins. However my husband take a loong time to shoot sometimes in purpose to drag the time.


Maybe it only applies to me but I don't understand, who the heck say last longer in sex means he very good in sex? However no complains about my my husband sex skills or what..just plainly curious why is SEX that important. Thanks (:

women love to talk.... why is talking important?
how abt shopping?

anyway.. men are programmed like this... its just like asking why men sucks at multi tasking

pandas may go extinct cos they hv problem hvg sex...

[asdfghjkl]

Hi, not really a newbie here but I've Never sign up an account to read. However some basic intro about myself. I'm pretty young but alr a mum of 2 kiddos. One infant and one toddler. Married with my hubby for 3 years together for about 5 years.

welcome to this forum, here you will find many members who have the ability to offer excellent advice. enjoy the ride! :p

[escaflower]

Are you giving ur hubby a chance to eat.. I not sure how your hubby handle you when u keep rejecting sex request.. but just that when we guys really need it, that sexual hormones are driving us for it.. so its kind of bad when we cant get what we want.. end up sometimes need to force it which end up turn bad.. from point of ur view, I understand that taking care of ur childrens probably giving u stress especially nowadays need two income sources.. so I suggest u really had a talk with your hubby heart to heart..

Do let him understand your work stress and children stress... see how each of u can accommodate each other... just wan let u know once you two really cut off the sex thingy, its will be tough to find them back again and you both will feel like strangers living in same house.

[Sg35Drew]

Well Sex for me is still important as i think it natural for guys to release sex but if wife reject meaning that the wife does not luv him more and for gals do you wanna your husband to go out to prositute to get SEX ? I dont think so right ! so sometime you will have to give in and most prob is that give him a great blow job with strong suction maybe a CIM and it would stop his sex drive dfor at least 3 days without thinking of more sex... my point of view

Hi, not really a newbie here but I've Never sign up an account to read. However some basic intro about myself. I'm pretty young but alr a mum of 2 kiddos. One infant and one toddler. Married with my hubby for 3 years together for about 5 years.

I've been reading -wife and sex- Going through the motion and I realize some hubby is really unhappy with wifey not giving sex.

However I myself have to admit that aft my #2 my sex drive really have a drastic changes especially right now. Maybe due to after giving birth may lower women's libido or plainly because I'm over tired from the stress from taking care of kids.

My question is, Is sex really that important in a marriage? My husband is really high sex drive and i admit that sometimes errr nope i mean everytime he intiate sex whenever i reject he will be unhappy with me and show me the "Sian" face. However one thing I don't understand if we are really really not in the mood for sex how are we suppose to react? Are we suppose to ACT like we want it or simply reject Cause we REALLY don't want it.

I admit, sometimes hubby ask me for sex no mattwr how unwilling i am i will just try my best to entertain him for that good 30mins. However my husband take a loong time to shoot sometimes in purpose to drag the time.


Maybe it only applies to me but I don't understand, who the heck say last longer in sex means he very good in sex? However no complains about my my husband sex skills or what..just plainly curious why is SEX that important. Thanks (:

[oldnewbie]

IMHO
Your husband married you to have 100% of your time and love (5hrs a day excl. sleep/work[he thought so]), so in a month works out to around 60hrs and sex every other day

in reality,
with kids,work ,others you are lucky to be to giving 10 hrs a month of your time to him, which is much lower to what he expected

and with 10hrs and 21 days/month(menses,not your fault) and what is going to happen to the passion between two of you ,and how many opportunities for sex will he get?

IMHO
therefore he will feel deprived, and will want to have sex with you whenever there is an opportunity

don't be frustrated , put yourself in his shoes and you can understand him better

[lightweaver]

"Men need sex to feel loved, women need to feel loved before sex"

guys will tend to help out in the hope of tat reward. However once this reward chain is broken its a vicious cycle.

Guy realize no reward, gives less love, women feel less love then hv lesser sex and on it goes.

In short, do start the positive ball rolling. Satisfy him, then he responds positively and reward him. Sex dun hv to b 30 min. Let him know if this is a quickie just for him or on special occasion be tat horny lady that you once were before reality and kids set in

[Brainstorm]

I admit, sometimes hubby ask me for sex no mattwr how unwilling i am i will just try my best to entertain him for that good 30mins. However my husband take a loong time to shoot sometimes in purpose to drag the time.

Just be thankful for what life gives you. You are a mother of two. Figure not as good as before marriage, pussy not as tight as before child birth. He still wants sex with you, that is a blessing. You said you read this forum so you should know a lot of men find sex outside because they don't find their wives attractive after childbirth. Is that a better scenario for you? I can understand why you have no mood for sex but can you understand the consequences of consistently rejecting him?

Be thankful he can last 30 mins. Many other guys out there are 1 min warriors. Longer sex is more enjoyable for guys. Yes the joy from orgasm/ejaculation at the end is the same but during the process of reaching ejaculation, guys also enjoy that. Maybe he wants to drag because he doesn't know when the next sex session will be. So enjoy as much as he can because getting you to agree to sex is so difficult. So the way to make him cum faster might be to reassure him of increased frequency of sex.

[alan0338]

just plainly curious why is SEX that important. Thanks (:

sex is not important,but sex with hubby is important cos if nv fuck ur lao gong then he will find excuse and tao jiak .... :D :D

[unsung80]

Simply put it this way, at least his high sex drive is making love with you, not with other women outside. I think TS is also stress with her children and work too, so I can understand where she is coming from. Need to reignite your sexual passion so you can enjoy it better rather than a bedroom chore.

[wtfman]

a good wife nvr lets her husband go out hungry or horny... ;)

[Hanoimaw]

I can tell you the period after my wife had babies was really bad for us. Not much sex and we almost talked about divorce. Later she for some reasons recovered (maybe talked to someone or wake up) and we started having more regular sex. More intimacy and the r/s becomes better.

I dun even think about eating outside leow and even the thought of visiting prostitutes turn me off sometimes. Seriously, not all men want to makan outside if there are homecook food available.

Try to respond to the needs of your hubby.

[craves]

Happened to be in the same predicament as your hubby.

Has 2 kids who are constantly driving wife crazy with their attention seeking behavior, sucking the life force out of wife.

End result is that by the time we are resting on bed, she is drained, mentally and physically.

Of course, many nights of requests and attempts to initiate sex and arousal were met only with rejection, rejection, rejection.

TS, please click on this link and read.
http://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/sex_and_intimacy/understanding-your-husbands-sexual-needs/sex-is-an-emotional-need.aspx

Concur with all the rest of readers urging you not to stop the intimacy with hubby.

[windows8]

guys will tend to help out in the hope of tat reward. However once this reward chain is broken its a vicious cycle.

Guy realize no reward, gives less love, women feel less love then hv lesser sex and on it goes.


I agree with this bro lightweaver. It may not be the only thing in a marriage but it is a factor that is capable enough to break up marriages. Dont let it sink into a vicious cycle like what this brother here has mentioned so correctly.

Instead, ask yourself why are you not in the mood for sex? Sex is an enjoyment and a relaxant. It is a testament of your love for each other and keeps the relationship strong and build bonds. As a mother, I am sure you can feel the bond with your kids because you spend so much time looking after them etc. But as a couple, how do you bond? Sex is a great bonding factor, provided both must relax their mindset to enjoy it as it is.

Is taking care of the kids putting a toll on your physical state thats why you feel so tired? Dont let it cause another vicious cycle to put you into the road of depression or even physical exhaustion. Take a break, pass the kids to your parents or in-laws over the weekend, forget them for a while, spend time with your husband, rekindle the love and have wonderful sex. You will feel recharged after a weekend like this.

I know many mothers who devote themselves completely to their kids to the point that they cannot let go even for a while. It is not wrong to love your kids and give them the best, but don't forget about other loved ones around you and there is life is going on too, other than the kids.

Re-assess your situation now, are you like that? Perhaps you would deny as most won't be able to see it themselves. Just like drunk people never admit that they are drunk or gambling addicts never admitting that they have a gambling problem.

It is not too late to turn back things. Remember, take a break from your family chores and give yourself a break. Look for support around you if you think you are taking on too much responsibility of looking after your kids without any help from others, including your husband. Have a chat with him if he is not putting enough effort to help with the kids. If he wants sex as a husband, he jolly well has to do his part as a father too. Don't work yourself to the point of exhaustion, depression and worse, family breakup.

The best marriages work out because partners make the effort to make time for each other.

[littlepok]

u cannot change others, only yourself. u can deprive your hubby of sex but u cannot stop him from satisfying his needs/wants outside. if that is fine with u, perhaps you should tell him direct.

know each other needs and expectations, lesser areas of conflicts.

try telling a man sex is not impt, dont do so much is akin to telling the tiger go vegetarian. the effect will rebound and eat u up instead

[DemonicSS]

From littlepok try telling a man sex is not impt, dont do so much is akin to telling the tiger go vegetarian. the effect will rebound and eat u up instead

I like this statement man.

lol :D

[ishiok]

Hi,

I think that there is really no point in your question of asking why is sex really important. It is subjective. Some have it high, others low. In your case, you don't find it important, but your hubby does. The question I think u should be asking yourself is what u are willing to do to balance the 2 extremes. Likewise another question I would ask u is that since sex is unimportant to you, why not give him free rein to do what he wants sexually as long as he is being responsible doing it? Based on how you framed your question, your answer will no doubt be a resounding NO. You will think of many reason why it is so, then I'd ask you again... Is sex really important ? :D

well said bro...

[tanhockgin]

Hi, not really a newbie here but I've Never sign up an account to read. However some basic intro about myself. I'm pretty young but alr a mum of 2 kiddos. One infant and one toddler. Married with my hubby for 3 years together for about 5 years.

I've been reading -wife and sex- Going through the motion and I realize some hubby is really unhappy with wifey not giving sex.

However I myself have to admit that aft my #2 my sex drive really have a drastic changes especially right now. Maybe due to after giving birth may lower women's libido or plainly because I'm over tired from the stress from taking care of kids.

My question is, Is sex really that important in a marriage? My husband is really high sex drive and i admit that sometimes errr nope i mean everytime he intiate sex whenever i reject he will be unhappy with me and show me the "Sian" face. However one thing I don't understand if we are really really not in the mood for sex how are we suppose to react? Are we suppose to ACT like we want it or simply reject Cause we REALLY don't want it.

I admit, sometimes hubby ask me for sex no mattwr how unwilling i am i will just try my best to entertain him for that good 30mins. However my husband take a loong time to shoot sometimes in purpose to drag the time.


Maybe it only applies to me but I don't understand, who the heck say last longer in sex means he very good in sex? However no complains about my my husband sex skills or what..just plainly curious why is SEX that important. Thanks (:


Hi Inkthatsmile,

First, I want to thank you for bringing this up. I am going thru' exactly that with my wife and I feel that many of us, here, are experiencing the same situation at home. I hv done the works; 1 to 1 talks, pte vacations and counselling.

For my case, it is to the point of considering a divorce but it will probably not happen because there are kids involved. Just dun wan them to get hurt because of us.

I can complain the same thing to u, that I'm not getting sex at home and feel the need to look up porn for sexual gratification or perhaps, take a mistress for companion. The opportunity has passed several times is in front of me and I am at the crossroads now contemplating if this is a temporary/permament solution to the problem.

Wife, doesnt want to have sex but I do. There is only so much porn you can take before boredom creeps in. A mistress may solve the problem but it brings a host of other problems. Suffice to say, the consequences are all over the papers.

But as a woman, will you be agreeable if your hubby eats out on occasion but still comes back to you at nite? Will that solve the problem of you not having to give sex and let others do the sex for you? And your husband comes back all happy and satisfied and life goes on?

[sgjoey]

The urge to have sex is present in all species, not just humans. It is a very powerful urge - a primal instinct. And men do have lots of sperm to give away, and they are programmed to want to do so again and again. It's in our genes, baby.

Do you feel that it's important that your husband turns only to you to fulfill his sexual needs? If yes, you had better work hard - unless you want him to fulfill them elsewhere -- as he surely will, if he's not getting enough at home. In fact, you should be thankful if he remains contented enough for you to be his exclusive sex partner. That kind of idyllic situation may not last for long anyways if your hubby is someone with a strong sex drive.

Of cos, if you are nonchalant about this silly idea of monogamy anyway, you can relax a little and allow him to play the field. Sometimes outsourcing is a good idea where sex is concerned. It could even make for a happier marriage for both husband and wife in the longer term.

[ishiok]

a good wife nvr lets her husband go out hungry or horny... ;)

love yr quote...hope my wife see it

[PeaceWithin]

Take another perspective... don't look at it as sex... look at it as intimacy.

Wouldn't you want more intimacy with your hubby? Yes... men are sexual animals... but that means he also wants to be intimate with you. That cannot be a bad thing even though the end product is sex.

[tanhockgin]

Take another perspective... don't look at it as sex... look at it as intimacy.

Wouldn't you want more intimacy with your hubby? Yes... men are sexual animals... but that means he also wants to be intimate with you. That cannot be a bad thing even though the end product is sex.

That's a very good change of perspective and advice.

[rapier1978]

IMHO
Your husband married you to have 100% of your time and love (5hrs a day excl. sleep/work[he thought so]), so in a month works out to around 60hrs and sex every other day

in reality,
with kids,work ,others you are lucky to be to giving 10 hrs a month of your time to him, which is much lower to what he expected

and with 10hrs and 21 days/month(menses,not your fault) and what is going to happen to the passion between two of you ,and how many opportunities for sex will he get?

IMHO
therefore he will feel deprived, and will want to have sex with you whenever there is an opportunity

don't be frustrated , put yourself in his shoes and you can understand him better

Good point mentioned

[naan1974]

It's like why women needs hugs and kisses ...and men dont
man are from mars... and women are from venus....
once you accept this fact that man and women are different with
different needs... you will feel better. I know of people who cant
accept this fact and spent their entire life agonising over it..
you cant win this fight... it's the creator's

[Bryan747]

If I calculated correctly.. I had only 5x of sex whole year of 2012.
Most of the time after long begging.. also the 5x comes with condition.
but I bring her out for shopping > 3x a week.
I wonder if sex is similar to shopping that will be great.
now I no longer request her for sex n if she want it also I dowan.. I'll always settle myself. I don't think she cares also..

[deathuser]

personally, i do find it's an important role in marriage or relationship...its a physical bonding between the 2..

moreover, you guys are married..if he doesnt find you to have sex with, he will definately feel lost and will try searching for other sources...

He's a man, your husband, he only wants to have you by his side to release his urge, but you dont want...
Scared by that time, it could be too late..and probably you will be the one feeling lost, not him..so try to work something out on your part..anyway, i find using 'sex' is a lil vulgar, i like to use 'making love'...sounds more appropriate.. :)

[chnhubby71]

delete post

[owl888]

if dunn feel like making love, maybe u can HJ, BBBJ until your hubby cum :confused: Oso learn some JG skills :D

[TheGreatOne]

Sis,

the fact that your hubby still fancy a romp with you is totally a bliss, don't see it as a problem.

Because if one fine day you suddenly decided to give him hellavu good time and he say "No thanks", that's when the real problem begin...

Conclusion - do it while you still have him.

[timcrusader]

Reply to TS, firstly, I do feel sorry for you.

And also, it is not about sex important or not. There could be other parts of your relationship which does not click. Or he doesn't 'get' you or you don't 'get' him in some ways..... therefore, your body behaves in the same way (retaliation), you don't want him to get you, your physical body.


Sex is just a manifestation of greater hidden problems within the relationship.


When I don't feel like having sex with this girl or that girl (just no desire anymore, even if they initiate), I know it is time to end the relationship. Just gf or fb, no desire to even have sex, what else is there to talk about?


Yet within the same period, I can simply go out meet another girl and get rock hard, hot and steamy.

Why? Nothing to do with SEX. To do with the other person. To do with me.

The problem has something to do with your husband and something to do with you.

Not all about sex.

Who knows... you may meet someone tomorrow who gets you all fired up (maybe a lot of forummers already PMing you... sensing a point of entry) and you drop your panties and fk like no tomorrow. Is it about sex in that case?

No. It's about the person.

Since your husband still wants to have sex with you (surprise, many husbands DO NOT want to have sex with their wives after birth)... that means he probably feels the same for you. So who changed? Could be you?

Maybe it is the children and you are feeling overwhelmed... so a bit protective because you don't want more of the same stress. Understandable.

Or other problems in the background or swept under the carpet.

Some men cannot peform with their wives. But go prostitutes... very able. Basically too comfortable with the wife? Too familar?
Or actually too alienated because of too close a proximity physically, yet no open communication? Face to face in person, yet no meeting of hearts?

This is not about sex per se, as I said. You need to solve the issue, have a good talk with your husband. Open yourself up and share all that is inside. Good and bad. Always good idea to start with the good first.


All relationship problems are communication problems. Much better to have 1 good talk with your husband than 100 good chats with forummers. Problem is still there and won't solve by itself.


Many women also divorced their ex husbands because the women don't get enough sex or quality sex. Is this fair?
I think COMMUNICATION is much better. And fair to all. At least be open. (These women who 'dont want to hurt their male pride', keep quiet and divorce on other reasons... hurt the men more because the men don't even know what the heck happened while they only recalled busying putting food on the table and then suddenly all alone and ditched by a woman whom they thought they knew and could depend on. Kenna ditched, without knowing why. What do you think the psychological damage on these guys could be)?

Be open. Talk things out. Respect your feelings. Bring them into the open.

Many people stick to their own thoughts and let their problems grow greater than the marriage, when the key is to strike down the problem, together as a couple.

Just one simple example: I knew this girl.... who seldom had sex. She was married. And won't give sex to her husband because he does not do it the way she wants him to.

And the saddest thing I heard from her.... was that they only had sex during festive seasons. Like CNY, etc.

W.T.F........................... .

That is super damn very, very sad.

After she met me, I can have sex ANY TIME I wanted and she is always wet.
I never had to ask. And I never had to do it 'her' way because there isn't such a thing as her way. But nonetheless, sex with me was great, as was sex with her. We could do it again and again and anytime I wanted.

Eventually we got into a relationship and she divorced her ex. This is just one example. Many others I know in real life.

So sad their long relationship ended because of communication issues over sex. Not being sacarstic, but just observing. If she opened up.... maybe things could be better. Since she suffered in silence till everything hardened and she died inside.... even if I wasn't there, there would be other guys. And yes, there were.

Never believe that 'third parties' are to be blamed. Look at yourself and your relationship honestly, first. If it was so strong and well, NO third party in the world can even make a dent. And don't give me crap about which cat don't eat fish. Many men are very loyal even in the face of temptation. Even I stay loyal when I am in a fulfilling and happy relationship.
Which cat don't eat fish? The cat who is already full and satisfied. The happy cat. The cat in love.


So to answer your question is SEX important?
Of course sex is important. Important to the species. Without sex, none of us would be here.

When you desire to be closely intimate with that person, that's when sex is important.
When you cannot... then there are issues to be addressed.

Some people cannot even be intimate with themselves. They too, have issues which they must settle, within themselves.

End of the day, it is open communication which can solve the real issues behind the apparent 'sex' issue.

The 'sex' itself may not be an issue, because with another person, the issue of 'I don't feel like it today' simply disappears.

[yuvichao]

try telling a man sex is not impt, dont do so much is akin to telling the tiger go vegetarian. the effect will rebound and eat u up instead[/QUOTE]

Like the sense of humour and straight to the point

[unsung80]

I presume this is one of the best discussion thread in this section. ;)

Let the inputs keep rolling in.

[Tomthefucker]

dont you think that its not that bad a thing after all? Imagine if one day you suddenly realised that its been donkey months since he asked for sex and when you offered it to him he replied "nah its ok dear no worries.."

making love is an intimate thing men do at home with his wife. Its something done out of love. What men did outside with other women is having sex. You get the difference.

If you dont even bother about taking care of your husband's needs at home, ask yourself will you then allow him to "take his meals outside"? If you cant, and you reject him at home, what is he then?

If your hobby is shopping or doing manicure/pedicure, and you are deprived of these..how?:)

[LovePotion]

so many great inputs... keep it up

[sggamer]

When you are hungry, you need to eat.
When men's small bro is full of sperm, he need to release.

How do you feel when you are not given food when you are hungry? frustrated right?
This is the law of nature.

i believe husbands dont ask for sex everyday.
when he wants it, usually is when his storage is so full of it which cause him to have great urge.

are you (and the wives) so busy that you cant even dedicate one day a week for your husband?

everytime you reject your husband, you are just giving him a reason to go out to release his urge.
dont regret when your husband is not asking you for sex anymore because he is sick of getting rejected (not because you are fat or lose figure) and turn to someone who will not reject him.

it is like, every week only do once also need to beg.
why not look elsewhere to save the frustrated feeling.

sex to men is like money to women.
will you be happy without money?

Are you wondering why men always think of sex?
Well, we are wondering why women always think of money.

[Opportunist]

Just remember this, you don't pleasure your hubby, don't complain when he gets his pleasures elsewhere.

[inkthatsmile]

Thanks for all the replies and sorry for the extremely late respond. However YES I do understand that man need SEX. However I do satisfy him Maybe twice a week or sometimes thrice. Yes it might not be as frequent as when we were dating but I swear I did tried my very best to satisfied him, but it doesn't seems satisfied him at all. Many times I caught him masturbating beside me while I WAS sleeping. This action really disgust me alot and I wonder how much respect he have for me as a wife.... and I've caught him many times EVEN quarrel with him, times aft times situation doesn't seems to involve and Yes I feel that his sex demand is too high for me to handle... but as a wife I still DO satisfied him, so I guess after all I DID do my part as a wife isnt?

[inkthatsmile]

Over the years Maybe the passion has somehow died off I do have a few girlfriends that are having very active sex life but the current me really don't have much interest in having sex. Maybe giving birth does affect me that much but I seriously believe that non of the MAN here would like to be "entertained" for sex isnt?

I don't know about other wife but each time I reject my hubby for sex I really feel guilty but taking care of an infant thats barely 4-5 months is really not easy. Day and night, rain or shine, plus I'm living with in laws makes everything harder.

One thing I don't understand is how can man get so irritated and pissed when They get rejected for sex, isn't sex supposed to very mutual? Everytime I see his irritated and angry face it disappoint me totally. Make me question myself what is marriage all about, and I did realize that whenever we don't have "enough" sex he will be hot tempered throughout.

My point is, if the whole marriage can be destroy by JUST one point then how strong this marriage is? However no offence to anyone here. Just my personal opinion. And thanks for really responding to my thread and all the PM.

[Forgot]

Sometimes, things that don't matter to you most matters to the one closer to you.

[ed00]

Hi Sis,

Reading your latest reply tells me that you are feeling very stressed up dealing with your 2 kids, your husband as well as your in-laws. It is not good to keep all these stress to yourself. It is good that you had actually share your problems here so that we can give you advises.

However, i hope that you are not suffering from any form of post-natal blues. Most people actually don't realize they are suffering from it until something more serious happens which most people will live to regret it. Help yourself and your beloved by seeking advises from professional help. I believe they can help you solve your issue and even rekindle your relationship with your husband.

Hope my advise is of help to you.

[sgjoey]

I am puzzled why you should feel annoyed when your husband masturbates. It's got nothing to do with respect for you at all. He masturbates because he needs to release his sexual tension. Does it make you feel better if he fulfills his sexual needs by seeing other women?

I do empathise with the idea that taking care of young children and living with your in-laws can be a mental strain.

Perhaps you should consider allowing your husband to perform some kind of sexual outsourcing. Sex workers are quite ideal for this purpose as they can fulfill your husband's sexual needs without the emotional attachment. If both of you exercise sensibility about this issue, you could still have a wonderful marriage. I suspect that many marriages adopt this kind of solution although people will not generally admit that they are employing such strategies.

[DemonicSS]

TS is trying to justify what she does is right... She thinks she's the good guy. So, are you? Let me go through the breakdown with you TS...

I do satisfy him Maybe twice a week or sometimes thrice

You already said he has a high sex drive and you are trying to justify that you gave him MORE THAN THE QUOTED FIGURE IN THIS THREAD. You know his sex drive is alot more than that.. why are you still harping on it?

I did tried my very best to satisfied him, but it doesn't seems satisfied him at all

Now, why wouldn't he be satisfied? . I think the clue comes from the next one...

Many times I caught him masturbating beside me while I WAS sleeping. This action really disgust me alot and I wonder how much respect he have for me as a wife

DaDAH!!!. Hello??? are you daft or incredibly stupid? you already said that he has a high sex drive, and you CURB his only form of release?
Most likely your husband is being hand pecked by you to the extent that you are most likely doing it in the bedroom too.

This cannot lah...that cannot lah... everyone also cannot... even PCC also cannot... how?

I still DO satisfied him, so I guess after all I DID do my part as a wife isnt?

Answer: If you did you part and think what you are doing is right, then you wouldn't be out here asking and trying to get justification.

So NO, you DIDN'T do your part.

I don't know about other wife but each time I reject my hubby for sex I really feel guilty

Personal opinion is that if you feel guilty. You should do something about it. You will CLAIM THAT YOU TRIED... but you didn't, not enough anyway. As to why it is so.. I shall not say because this topic goes really really deep. However, this part I may believe as what others here have said. YOU HAVE A PROBLEM... Go seek a professional to settle your own issues.

One thing I don't understand is how can man get so irritated and pissed when They get rejected for sex, isn't sex supposed to very mutual? Everytime I see his irritated and angry face it disappoint me totally. Make me question myself what is marriage all about, and I did realize that whenever we don't have "enough" sex he will be hot tempered throughout.


I believe it all started the day you began hand pecking him, and because you brilliantly started even to DARE CONTROL HIS OWN BODY and make decisions for him, what do you think is going to happen?. He can only get frustrated and angry. Any little thing will rile up and blow out of proportion.

Think about it.. Since you hate sex sooo much, what if I controlled you and forced you to orgasm once everyday, will you be pissed?

My point is, if the whole marriage can be destroy by JUST one point then how strong this marriage is?

The marriage is only as strong as you.

This topic is not about sex already. I believe that it is alot deeper than that. Sex is but one that is bringing out the demons from within.

If you cannot come to terms with each other, then seperate. Alot of people will not agree with me because it is currently a taboo in our culture to do so, but I personally feel that having an unhappy union does more damage to the kids as god knows what fallout from you both might lay on them. You both get riled up, quarrel, then turn focus and may then pick on their kids. Negativity radiates and affects everyone around, even a master of emotions cannot prevent that.

To have a happy home, the source must come from the parents. If things really cannot be compromised, then walk out. At least the kids will grow up learning from their parents that its better to be careful and take their time to find the one to settle down with.

To the TS, there's nothing more you can already say. Words cannot solve your problems, only your decisions and actions can. I would not say that you are mean or evil, but rather at this moment. You are not communicating to your hubby.

You have riled me up because you seem not too different from a girl I was with for many years. I hope you are not that person. Go seek help.

[chnhubby71]

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[PeaceWithin]

All relationship problems are communication problems. Much better to have 1 good talk with your husband than 100 good chats with forummers. Problem is still there and won't solve by itself.


I absolutely agree... especially all r/s problems are communication problems... or the lack of it.

[imaginative]

My opinion:

In all marriage, sex plays an important role.
Sex is a MUST have for all marriage to continue.

Some people think sex is 30% of a marriage, some think 50%, some think 70% and some think 90%.

Problem arises when husband and wife have a different VIEW on this.

When this happens, communication is important.
You have to talk to your husband so that you both can understand the discrepancy and "compromise". You need to understand the high sex drive of your husband is just a NATURE. If you don't feel like having sex, then allow him to satisfy himself and you can even do the HJ for him. Conversely, your husband should NOT give you a Sianz face if he understands your thoughts and sex drive difference.

Ya it's easier said than done. But just do it.

[Orchinno]

Enough said of the consequences of the rejections and you have experienced the resulting behavior of the rejections. The key thing is that changes has to come from within and cannot be enforce from without.

From your description, neither is willing to back down and change. Physically you are drained by the daily exertions and physically he's driven by his testosterone. Both of you are right and both of you are wrong. If you want to save your marriage, you better get third party professional and objective counseling for both of you. Brothers and sisters from this forum will not be able to help you since we are already skew towards high sexuality here.

[Window7]

A man should make his women's pussy wet, not her eyes.........

A women should make her man's cock hard, not his life.........

Jln emo, last night wife promise ML but end up I pcc(again)

[timcrusader]

It's quite sad lah... when sex has to be 'promised'. Even more sad when you had to pcc to release, bro.

Sex should be anytime, anywhere (your body is my body), this is ideal.

Problems arise when my body is my body, your body is your body and it becomes a 'VS' game instead of 'US' game.

I think many couples really need to sit down and square off with each other. Talk through every single little thing.

'What did we sign up for, how did all this begin, are we happy, and how'?

Etc, etc, etc.

Communicate. Express yourself.

Wishing all the couples best of luck.

[chnhubby71]

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[lovekoh]

I agree to all the comments here.

Sex brings a closeness that is beyond words. It relaxes you, puts you in tune with each other, and smoothes over all the everyday trials and tribulations.

I think sex is really important for men, having sex makes us feel proud of virility, and know that their wife finds them sexually attractive.

Men’s attraction is visual — they need you to be attractive to them. All around us we see couples breaking up or having affairs, and it is nearly always down to a lack of sex in the marriage. Sex can’t become a habit — you need to be inventive, and surprising, and work at it.

As other bros said, TS u must be lucky enough that your husband still interested to have sex with you. It does means that you are still attractive to him.

[Rated-R]

My key take-away from reading all the bro-comments is this:COMMUNICATION.

And I don't mean communication as in just talk and argue and disagree...then you go do your own thing, I go do my own thing.
I mean communication as in...talk, compromise and reach an agreement.

inkthatsmile, ..you really don't have to understand why men ( in general ) has our sexual needs and how we like to do it..etc etc. You won't be able to fully understand ALL men.

You just have to understand your own husband. And you just have to communicate with him on your concerns. That's all.

But it's just my opinion. :)

[porscheclub]

Hi TS, I've been through your cycle twice.

First time, it destroyed the marriage.

2nd time. We saved it & I can relate to why you really switched off your sex siren. Some men including me don't understand how tired it is to wake up every 2-3 hours to feed the baby. Prolonged deprivation of sleep is worse than no sex, you'll be so exhausted that your mind is totally switched off on most things especially sex & women need feelings to feel aroused unlike men.

Luckily I have good comm with my wife now & she'll make effort to give us private time, be it a dinner, movie, 2D1N holiday or just an overnight sex romp. And I take the initiative to be a better husband, father & lover now. I don't ask for daily sex. In fact keeping away from it sometimes add to our desire ;)

So to answer your questions:

Yes, sex is important in a relationship, it's the reason for marriage so two persons of opposite sex can enjoy this activity "legally", healthily & procreate. Sex is a beautiful thing to do, there is lust, voyuer, fitness, creativity, love. Everything.

He takes 30mins can be two issues. Either he's really good or he cannot come which in your case, I think it's #2. A man will come quite fast if he has a very strong urge to have sex with the female & after a while, he'll try to last as long as he can to enjoy and enhance their experience which you're probably dried by 15mins...

My advice is to take some effort on your part to give the two of you some dating time again to rekindle the courtship experience. Let him take leave to run your lifestyle for a day or two, throw everything to him & including the kids then he'll understand what you go through.

When the two of you are in better position, please come back here to learn new tricks from us :D

[porscheclub]

Hope you can really understand why we seek sex outside which some females really love to be licked and sucked for hours which make us feels like a King in bed.

+1

Men are egoistic animals. We like to have big, long dicks & last long in bed but all that can be an illusion as long as that woman is a magician :p

[Naim]

You really need to ask yourself an important question, and that is how important your husband is to you. Do you still love him or is it just a commitment to the marriage?

Sex is not everything but it is a very important part of a marriage. It is about the closeness and the shared bonding.

Maybe you and your husband should have a romantic getaway. and always remember to date weekly. Sometimes, we are so caught up in being parents, we forget we are a couple.

[highlysex]

If I calculated correctly.. I had only 5x of sex whole year of 2012.
Most of the time after long begging.. also the 5x comes with condition.
but I bring her out for shopping > 3x a week.
I wonder if sex is similar to shopping that will be great.
now I no longer request her for sex n if she want it also I dowan.. I'll always settle myself. I don't think she cares also..

Have to admit me also no sex from wife also 2 kids, i will not divorce wife because of kids , that's why need to settle myself.
Good luck TS

[bochapsing]

sex is not the only thing in a marriage, but it's definitely an important and essential part of it.

i cannot agree with TS for getting annoy when she finds out hubby is masturbating.
masturbation is a perfectly normal for a guy no matter he is single or married.
it's definitely not a show of disrespect to the wife.

ts, it seems tat ur hubby has very high sex life, even with the 2-3 times per week, it's still not enough for him.
so do u wish to see him release outside or d.i.y beside u?

i'm not saying tat u r wrong or ur hubby is right, but try put urself in his shoe, look at things from both sides and understand him....

not just think of "I have done tis.." "I did tat..." "I feel tis way..." " I am tired...." "disguted ME..." "HE SHOULDN'T do this..." "HE MUST do tat..." ....

[Absolute]

Dear all,

Thank you for affirming that marriage is not necessarily a path that we must all walk in our transient lives.

After reading to all your candid views, I feel so fortunate to have withstood the social pressure of remaining single for all my life so far and continue enjoying my bachelorhood life. I never look back with regrets but many people with fucked-up sex lives often tried to "educate" me about the idea of settling down with a woman.

I guess if you people out there really believe in the institution of marriage, then sex or no sex, don't complain. It comes as a total package, just like your job. You may like your job nature but you don't like working with your demanding boss. It's simple as that. You cannot ask for everything your way because there is no perfect job.

In the same way, there is no perfect marriage (and hence, sex life) and I personally do not believe that after having the most sincere heart-to-heart talk with your wife until both of you started crying and then both of you started making the most passionate love of your fucked-up life thus far, your sex life will suddenly be a happily-ever-after affair.

Wake up, people!

[sgjoey]

Marriage is society's time-honored way of regulating the sex drive of its members. To an extent, it does tend to promote some degree of social harmony by signalling which members are still eligible to be wooed, and which aren't.

Whilst marriage may be advantageous for society as a whole, it may not necessarily be good for the individual. The idea of one man, one woman, till death do us part, for instance, is not as great as it sounds. Indeed there is evidence that seems to indicate that humans are not even naturally meant to be a monogamous species.

If I were to live my life over again, I wouldn't want to marry. Easier said than done of cos since I can never live my life over again. And even if I could, it is very difficult to escape the propaganda concerning marriage which everyone has been exposed to from young.

[inkthatsmile]

Hi, maybe like what some bros say here, YES my hubby does have a high sex drive however, I do not have such high sex drive and YES giving birth to two babies within such short period of time has taken a toll on me, no matter physically or mentally. However, me and my husband has agree on the 2-3 x per week thing.

Im sure most wifey CANNOT take it when hubby DIY beside them because TO ME it simply mean that he doesn't respect me. Anyway like what I've mention, this is all personal opinion. :)

[Rickey]

As a hubby, we fully understood the difficulties of our Mrs taking care of our kids and household chores and Stress in Work in their daily life.

But how many MRS really know their hubby SEX Drive of their and what they really enjoy in SEX.

We should conclude Most of the MRS reluctance to understand what the hubby really want in SEX that resulted them to taste other Abalone outside.

Once their hubby tasted a GREAT Juicy abalone, they become addicted and there is No Kick for them to eat those left over abalone anymore. Please take note my dear.
It's heartening to note n see so many quality advice n POVs frm bros here for the sexual problem TS sis n wifeys like her r facing wif their HBs...tink by now, she n those many others in her shoes shd understand tis problem much beta n be able to see it frm the HB's POV...

Almost all agree tat sex is REALLY important to most if not all husbands, unless of course he is one of those few rare guys found wif LSD...wifeys shd giv sex to their hubbies esp when they ask, after all they shd get to enjoy the act too if both the couple do their part...o/w who is the HB gonna get sex frm when he needs it ?...another woman outside n not frm the one expected to ??...n if there's really a good reason to decline sex to the hubby, wifey shd do so politely n lovingly...i believe the husband will understand n appreciate n wait for the next opportunity...

cos there r many wifeys out there rejecting sex to their hubbies as shown in the thread "Wife & Sex - Going thru the motions" & "Wife Don't Like sex"...many HBs hv to resort to DIY or PCC more n more often as the yrs go by...as their wifeys lose more n more interest in having sex wif them...so not surprisingly, hubbies indulge themselves in masturbation cos they either dun get sex at all frm their wifeys or dun get enough frm them...masturbation is a common practice among both men n women, married or not, when they r horny n cannot find someone else to help release their load...so wifeys shd not feel offended when they see their HBs masturbating...they shd in fact take it positively wif an attitude to help find the reason why to help him back to themselves...the other alternatives r of course, we all know...some HBs will go 'eat' outside i.e. hv ONS, FKBs, visit FLs, WLs, prostitutes etc...perhaps neither of the couple shd be blamed for not wanting to hv sex anymore wif each other as time goes by...they each hv their own good reasons not to...be they good or bad reasons...sigh

one thing for most women it tat as they age esp after menopause, their sex drive n urges oso diminishes to the point of zero is some severe cases...perhaps the impt thing is do for TS n others like her is to hv open communication wif their HBs to find out truthfully why one or the other is not enjoying or worse not wanting to hv sex anymore...



A man should make his women's pussy wet, not her eyes.........

A women should make her man's cock hard, not his life.........

Jln emo, last night wife promise ML but end up I pcc(again)

Haha !...Tats a good, humorous one, bro ! ...a short "shd-do" list for men n women where sex is concerned...so many quality posts by so many bros here...tink the sis TS, shd understand her problem much beta now...

[porscheclub]

In the same way, there is no perfect marriage (and hence, sex life) and I personally do not believe that after having the most sincere heart-to-heart talk with your wife until both of you started crying and then both of you started making the most passionate love of your fucked-up life thus far, your sex life will suddenly be a happily-ever-after affair.

Wake up, people!

Well, marriage doesn't equate to sex like love doesn't equate to marriage either.

If marriage is an hour then Sex is just a minute & kids will complete the time.

One of the happiest thing in life is to have your children hug you tight, it's better than your lover ;)

[jamesdeak]

My question is, Is sex really that important in a marriage? My husband is really high sex drive and i admit that sometimes errr nope i mean everytime he intiate sex whenever i reject he will be unhappy with me and show me the "Sian" face. However one thing I don't understand if we are really really not in the mood for sex how are we suppose to react? Are we suppose to ACT like we want it or simply reject Cause we REALLY don't want it.


(:

Well, here's the real question, would you mind if your husband has sex with other women? After all, sex isn't important to you. If you can accept this fact, then yeah sex isn't important and I believe marriage can survive without sex with the wife.

[Wipedout]

Im sure most wifey CANNOT take it when hubby DIY beside them because TO ME it simply mean that he doesn't respect me.

How the fark is that not respecting? He wanted to 'respect' you but you don't want, so he has to R(espect)IY.

The lack of clear thinking is absurd. You want him to only want to ML with you, yet when you don't want to he cannot solve his own problem because of your irrational bias against masturbation?

[zzakk]

To the TS inkthatsmile, I am also affected hubby. We are here with reasons. May I know, how you get to know this forum, what you expect from here. You said, you are not interested in sex.

[zzakk]

Hi, not really a newbie here but I've Never sign up an account to read. However some basic intro about myself. I'm pretty young but alr a mum of 2 kiddos. One infant and one toddler. Married with my hubby for 3 years together for about 5 years.

I've been reading -wife and sex- Going through the motion and I realize some hubby is really unhappy with wifey not giving sex.

However I myself have to admit that aft my #2 my sex drive really have a drastic changes especially right now. Maybe due to after giving birth may lower women's libido or plainly because I'm over tired from the stress from taking care of kids.

My question is, Is sex really that important in a marriage? My husband is really high sex drive and i admit that sometimes errr nope i mean everytime he intiate sex whenever i reject he will be unhappy with me and show me the "Sian" face. However one thing I don't understand if we are really really not in the mood for sex how are we suppose to react? Are we suppose to ACT like we want it or simply reject Cause we REALLY don't want it.

I admit, sometimes hubby ask me for sex no mattwr how unwilling i am i will just try my best to entertain him for that good 30mins. However my husband take a loong time to shoot sometimes in purpose to drag the time.


Maybe it only applies to me but I don't understand, who the heck say last longer in sex means he very good in sex? However no complains about my my husband sex skills or what..just plainly curious why is SEX that important. Thanks (:
To TS, don't take it wrong asking this. You said, not interested in sex. Are you sure, you won't sex with anybody other than ur hubby. Because, I believe, most of wives got boredom with hubby, not really about sex. But one naughty guy outside, she can accommodate. Any comments on this.

[siham]

Respect you sis. Very complicated issue..... is like asking which comes first, chicken or egg....

[chnhubby71]

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[divedeeper]

Hi, not really a newbie here but I've Never sign up an account to read. However some basic intro about myself. I'm pretty young but alr a mum of 2 kiddos. One infant and one toddler. Married with my hubby for 3 years together for about 5 years.

I've been reading -wife and sex- Going through the motion and I realize some hubby is really unhappy with wifey not giving sex.

However I myself have to admit that aft my #2 my sex drive really have a drastic changes especially right now. Maybe due to after giving birth may lower women's libido or plainly because I'm over tired from the stress from taking care of kids.

My question is, Is sex really that important in a marriage? My husband is really high sex drive and i admit that sometimes errr nope i mean everytime he intiate sex whenever i reject he will be unhappy with me and show me the "Sian" face. However one thing I don't understand if we are really really not in the mood for sex how are we suppose to react? Are we suppose to ACT like we want it or simply reject Cause we REALLY don't want it.

I admit, sometimes hubby ask me for sex no mattwr how unwilling i am i will just try my best to entertain him for that good 30mins. However my husband take a loong time to shoot sometimes in purpose to drag the time.


Maybe it only applies to me but I don't understand, who the heck say last longer in sex means he very good in sex? However no complains about my my husband sex skills or what..just plainly curious why is SEX that important. Thanks (:Sis, if your hubby doesn't get sex from you, he will get it somewhere else. If you want to keep your hubby for yourself, you need to be his only. The only way to be his only is to keep him satisfied sexually. I say this from personal experience. If you have no interest in sex, eventually he will find someone who is interested. It's up to you. If you try to fight this, you will lose.

[PurpleWing]

Hi, maybe like what some bros say here, YES my hubby does have a high sex drive however, I do not have such high sex drive and YES giving birth to two babies within such short period of time has taken a toll on me, no matter physically or mentally. However, me and my husband has agree on the 2-3 x per week thing.

Im sure most wifey CANNOT take it when hubby DIY beside them because TO ME it simply mean that he doesn't respect me. Anyway like what I've mention, this is all personal opinion. :)

Erm.. I'm a wife myself.. Actually I'm fine with Hub DIY infront of me.. because at least he is honest & comfortable with u that's why he does that infront of u... Rather than he go stray out & eat isn't it? & I agree when kids come in.. It will be physically & mentally tired.. BUt this won't last long.. eventually kids will grow up.. & u both will have more time together... Sex is important .. marriage cannot stay without sex too.. & if u both agree on 2 to 3 times a week should be quite ok..

[chnhubby71]

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[Orchinno]

Err..

When does a women hit menopause? 30? 40? Actual rsesearch done in the West on farang women shows that their sexdrive peaks around 30 - 40 years old before going downhill.

Farang men sexual drive peak around mid-20.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2007422,00.html

Women do not hit menopause until their 50's.

one thing for most women it tat as they age esp after menopause, their sex drive n urges oso diminishes to the point of zero is some severe cases...perhaps the impt thing is do for TS n others like her is to hv open communication wif their HBs to find out truthfully why one or the other is not enjoying or worse not wanting to hv sex anymore...

[Softcore]

Not sure why men here are offering their advice (personal or otherwise) when it appears clear the topic starter in question is seeking justification for her self centred views. Time is money!

[Rasta Marley]

Well, marriage doesn't equate to sex like love doesn't equate to marriage either.

If marriage is an hour then Sex is just a minute & kids will complete the time.

One of the happiest thing in life is to have your children hug you tight, it's better than your lover ;)

I like what you have written brother, makes absolute sense and well said too :)

[Rickey]

When does a women hit menopause? 30? 40? Actual rsesearch done in the West on farang women shows that their sexdrive peaks around 30 - 40 years old before going downhill.

http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,2007422,00.html

Women do not hit menopause until their 50's.
Thanks for the link, bro...a good article wif much truth in it...abt the high libido or HSD of women in their 30s to 40s...n yes, u r rite, most women i tink shd menopause by age 50 or thereabt on a case-to-case basis...

[livergreen]

a good wife nvr lets her husband go out hungry or horny... ;)

I like this statement !

[imaginative]

Im sure most wifey CANNOT take it when hubby DIY beside them because TO ME it simply mean that he doesn't respect me. Anyway like what I've mention, this is all personal opinion. :)

It's totally the opposite. It's because your hubby respects you and your wish not to have sex on a particular night, he has to DIY instead.
If you are not going to satisfy him nor to let him DIY at home, would you want him to satisfy elsewhere or get someone else to DIY for him???

[sammicheng1000]

Sex commitment in marriage is there whether u agree with it or not. Who the fug would want to marry you if u straight tell him no sex after give birth. U can be damn sure he rather dont have children.

[cockup]

Just read a news that a Japanese wife had filed for divorce with reason that her husband only hum her less than 10 times of their 7 years of marriage.

So if a woman had higher sex drive than her husband, is it the woman fault?

[Dsolsz]

Hi, not really a newbie here but I've Never sign up an account to read. However some basic intro about myself. I'm pretty young but alr a mum of 2 kiddos. One infant and one toddler. Married with my hubby for 3 years together for about 5 years.

I've been reading -wife and sex- Going through the motion and I realize some hubby is really unhappy with wifey not giving sex.

However I myself have to admit that aft my #2 my sex drive really have a drastic changes especially right now. Maybe due to after giving birth may lower women's libido or plainly because I'm over tired from the stress from taking care of kids.

My question is, Is sex really that important in a marriage? My husband is really high sex drive and i admit that sometimes errr nope i mean everytime he intiate sex whenever i reject he will be unhappy with me and show me the "Sian" face. However one thing I don't understand if we are really really not in the mood for sex how are we suppose to react? Are we suppose to ACT like we want it or simply reject Cause we REALLY don't want it.

I admit, sometimes hubby ask me for sex no mattwr how unwilling i am i will just try my best to entertain him for that good 30mins. However my husband take a loong time to shoot sometimes in purpose to drag the time.


Maybe it only applies to me but I don't understand, who the heck say last longer in sex means he very good in sex? However no complains about my my husband sex skills or what..just plainly curious why is SEX that important. Thanks (:

Give him a bj instead haha

[apemcc]

Guess as many as shared with you it is a subjective matter between you and your husband. Sex was important as it benefited you both with your 2 young kids. If there were no sex, no kids. Unless you are saving after your #2, you have totally lost your sex drive. Fortunately for us men, most or some of us can just have sex anytime. Men sexuality is driven by visual and mind. Women are more emotionally driven... So it can be taken as a good thing that your husband still finds your attractive that he wants to have prolonged sex with you ;) ... If you aren't in the mood, perhaps give him the pleasure of you blowing him or even letting him lick you :p ... Perhaps after some foreplay... you do get turned on for sex? Anyway just my 2cents, end of day the decision is actually yours now.

[apemcc]

Good for you bro that your wife was willing to explore and end up helping to improve your sex life. But such can only happen when our spouse are willing to explore. But when their minds are closed, that's when we end up in trouble of getting a divorce, or straying... Kudos to your wife for willing to try.

To me sex is just like a mutual communication. Without SEX marriage is meaningless to each others.

Even my wife do intro some of her g/f to have sex with me as she claimed she have a low sex drive.

I did have sex with some of her g/f before but I told her I am not really keen to have SEX with other unless she really do not wish to have SEX with me.

And hope you can learn a GREAT lesson with ALL bros/sis in SBF. Cheer!!!!

[asdfghjkl]

good read of the year, bookmarked! ;)

[deludedgal]

Over the years Maybe the passion has somehow died off I do have a few girlfriends that are having very active sex life but the current me really don't have much interest in having sex. Maybe giving birth does affect me that much but I seriously believe that non of the MAN here would like to be "entertained" for sex isnt?

I don't know about other wife but each time I reject my hubby for sex I really feel guilty but taking care of an infant thats barely 4-5 months is really not easy. Day and night, rain or shine, plus I'm living with in laws makes everything harder.

One thing I don't understand is how can man get so irritated and pissed when They get rejected for sex, isn't sex supposed to very mutual? Everytime I see his irritated and angry face it disappoint me totally. Make me question myself what is marriage all about, and I did realize that whenever we don't have "enough" sex he will be hot tempered throughout.

My point is, if the whole marriage can be destroy by JUST one point then how strong this marriage is? However no offence to anyone here. Just my personal opinion. And thanks for really responding to my thread and all the PM.

haha.. i think girls get grumpy when they dun get enough sex too

[ah_heng81]

Over the years Maybe the passion has somehow died off I do have a few girlfriends that are having very active sex life but the current me really don't have much interest in having sex. Maybe giving birth does affect me that much but I seriously believe that non of the MAN here would like to be "entertained" for sex isnt?

I don't know about other wife but each time I reject my hubby for sex I really feel guilty but taking care of an infant thats barely 4-5 months is really not easy. Day and night, rain or shine, plus I'm living with in laws makes everything harder.

One thing I don't understand is how can man get so irritated and pissed when They get rejected for sex, isn't sex supposed to very mutual? Everytime I see his irritated and angry face it disappoint me totally. Make me question myself what is marriage all about, and I did realize that whenever we don't have "enough" sex he will be hot tempered throughout.

My point is, if the whole marriage can be destroy by JUST one point then how strong this marriage is? However no offence to anyone here. Just my personal opinion. And thanks for really responding to my thread and all the PM.

I remember when my wife and i first had our son we hardly had sex till he was about 2 years old. Back than i was 22 and she was 19 , Looking after my son really took up all our time when come to bed time, we were super tired after running around like a headless chicken the whole day. However when my boy grown up a little, things got better . I really can't remember how i manage thru but all i can remember was, every day was very tired helping to look after him after i get back from work. And there was a peroid of time where my wife was just too stress out with having all her time tie down looking after the baby.

[freezetheDB]

remember sex is a part of marriage. Think of it as a limb. The marriage (host) sure can survive without it but it will definitely be less than perfect.

some men shun sex with wives because their erection are no longer as hard, or they are 10sec warriors. Sex doesnt mean must be purely vaginal intercourse, there are other ways to pleasure one another.

In the end marriage is not about hiding or accusing one another's weakness or failures, but to work together and face it together. Communication, understanding and compromise are key

[applefruits]

What is considered good sex from wife? Recently I just found out my hubby has been going to pros though he claimed he loved me a lot. We do have great sex..hence its just upset that he visit pros. I would like to hear guys view on how you think a wife should satisfy her hubby so that he does not stray?

Will a man ever stop going to pros once started? He told me that he will really stop but I am having doubts as we have been married for so many years and all along I am kept in the dark till recently.

Why would guys who claimed they really love their wife do such silly things to hurt the women they love?

We are trying to make this marriage work now however its very difficult for me to trust again but i do not wish to lose this marriage hence we are trying...anyone been thru it to share it here?

[chnhubby71]

delete post

[wells]

2-3 times a week is quite ok leh...you hubby sex drive seems to be at the higher side. but this 2-3 times is consider satisfying for both of you anot? If you are just entertaining him, always praying hard for him to shoot fast then to him is just a quick fix. The wolf will still be hungry until you really shack him off.

Masturbating beside you is not respecting you, i can feel how that feeling sucks(so near yet so far). If you are unable to satisfy him, then he got to DIY if that urge comes. He ask you for sex is still positive. To a day he does not ask you for sex is the day he has other pussy elsewhere. You want this to happen?

[Wipedout]

We do have great sex..

'great' according to whom? Maybe it's not so great for him, maybe it's because there are things he wants to do but which you refuse to.

[applefruits]

We tried to talk it out however he refuse to share details and just told me that he's ashamed. We should be going for counselling soon as we both do love each other lots to want to lose this marriage but i dont know if i am able to move on with it. The thoughts of him with those gals keep coming to my mind.

How about things with your wife now? Are you on the road to recovery with her? How can you make her trust you again?

My husband is trying to make me trust him again and i am really trying very hard too to be normal and try to make it work but there is a lot of questions in my mind that he willnot be able to ans me. Does it mean he wont change cos he do not want to share it with me?

Great Sex..I do not know if its great to him perhaps after going to the pros its not so great to him anymore compared to those gals but to me its still great and satisfying. I asked him if there is anything he would like to try it with me, he just say no i am a attractive wife and the problem does not lie with me. So what can be the problem?

Will you guys cheat again when your wife finally forgives you and move on?

[oldnewbie]

What is considered good sex from wife? Recently I just found out my hubby has been going to pros though he claimed he loved me a lot. We do have great sex..hence its just upset that he visit pros. I would like to hear guys view on how you think a wife should satisfy her hubby so that he does not stray?

Will a man ever stop going to pros once started? He told me that he will really stop but I am having doubts as we have been married for so many years and all along I am kept in the dark till recently.

Why would guys who claimed they really love their wife do such silly things to hurt the women they love?

We are trying to make this marriage work now however its very difficult for me to trust again but i do not wish to lose this marriage hence we are trying...anyone been thru it to share it here?

my 5 cents.....Thought this might help if you still love each other

mentally SEPARATE the act and the feeling
your hubby did the act without the feelings with the pros
your hubby did the act WITH feelings with you

don't associate the act with loyalty
NOW...
what you want is the loyalty with the FEELINGS... right??..
whats the use of him not doing the act with the pros if he does not have feelings for YOU

.....just providing another angle of thought
hopefully this can help you forgive....the rest is up to you two

[sane]

We tried to talk it out however he refuse to share details and just told me that he's ashamed. We should be going for counselling soon as we both do love each other lots to want to lose this marriage but i dont know if i am able to move on with it. The thoughts of him with those gals keep coming to my mind.

How about things with your wife now? Are you on the road to recovery with her? How can you make her trust you again?

My husband is trying to make me trust him again and i am really trying very hard too to be normal and try to make it work but there is a lot of questions in my mind that he willnot be able to ans me. Does it mean he wont change cos he do not want to share it with me?

Great Sex..I do not know if its great to him perhaps after going to the pros its not so great to him anymore compared to those gals but to me its still great and satisfying. I asked him if there is anything he would like to try it with me, he just say no i am a attractive wife and the problem does not lie with me. So what can be the problem?

Will you guys cheat again when your wife finally forgives you and move on?

Some men see commercial sex just like ladies see facial, pedi/mani as a form of service and a platform to destress. It's no fault of yours.

Since both of u still love each other alot, give him a chance and put this behind u. Don't ever bring this up again.

However, be firm about your plan and decisions if u EVER caught him cheating again. DO u have kids?

Both of u should reach a mutual agreement if he ever cheat again. Separation? Have a good discussion. It's not a easy route to recover.

[applefruits]

I totally agree with Sane that it will not be easy a route to recover so am trying very hard to put this behind me and move on. Never easy to rebuild trust once betrayed.

Thank you all for your advise and oldnewbie, after reading your post I do see it in a different angle that perhaps make me feel little better. Just wish I never knew...ignorance is always a bliss...

[gumupai]

I didn't marry just for sex, but I also didn't get married so that I can't have sex!

TS, you're v gd to yr hubby alrdy, 2-3 times a week you gave him.

That might be what I'm getting in a whole yr.
Yah, communication is impt, if....both willing to listen.
I almost give up Liao, when I Try to COMMUNICATE nicely, her reasoning make me v TL, she said:" before marriage you also survive without sex what....why now need to have sex?"

I was speechless at the reasoning, I endured and be a guai boy...waiting for the "license" , then upon getting it, got this kind of stupid reasoning.

Now I go massage with release, once in a while...no FJ yet, ( still give her some respect )but dunno how long can I last...

[Psam]

I am more or less in the same situation as you, getting your release outside can be addictive.
Once you start it is hard to stop, esp if sex with your wife is just routine.

I didn't marry just for sex, but I also didn't get married so that I can't have sex!

TS, you're v gd to yr hubby alrdy, 2-3 times a week you gave him.

That might be what I'm getting in a whole yr.
Yah, communication is impt, if....both willing to listen.
I almost give up Liao, when I Try to COMMUNICATE nicely, her reasoning make me v TL, she said:" before marriage you also survive without sex what....why now need to have sex?"

I was speechless at the reasoning, I endured and be a guai boy...waiting for the "license" , then upon getting it, got this kind of stupid reasoning.

Now I go massage with release, once in a while...no FJ yet, ( still give her some respect )but dunno how long can I last...

[AgentSmith]

To TS:

Yes, good intimacy feel is VERY important to a man.
Run the risk and face consequences.

As much as you may disagree but the fact is that Sex is VERY important to men.

Cheers

[Littleboy81]

Hi, i'm a father of 2 kids and I understand where you are coming from.

We man are created this way and always in need of sex, that is how it is. Just be happy an glad that your hubby still enjoy making love to you and not other woman. I understand your tired from taking care of the two kids, I'm suggesting that maybe you can talk your hubby to help you more in taking care of your kids when his at home and you just take a few hours break from the kids, when you are back just try to have some crazy time together or you can send your kids to the in law house.

Try to enjoy sex more as it's a personnal thing between you both. If your not happy, he will not be satisfy also. Dun give yourself too much stress on his sexual needs, just go with the flow.

[TreakSYT]

I didn't marry just for sex, but I also didn't get married so that I can't have sex!

TS, you're v gd to yr hubby alrdy, 2-3 times a week you gave him.

That might be what I'm getting in a whole yr.
Yah, communication is impt, if....both willing to listen.
I almost give up Liao, when I Try to COMMUNICATE nicely, her reasoning make me v TL, she said:" before marriage you also survive without sex what....why now need to have sex?"

I was speechless at the reasoning, I endured and be a guai boy...waiting for the "license" , then upon getting it, got this kind of stupid reasoning.

Now I go massage with release, once in a while...no FJ yet, ( still give her some respect )but dunno how long can I last...

Hi gumupai,

Think we shld come out lim kopi and talk abt it?
We are having the same predicament. Those bro that says women need to feel love to get sex is bullshit! Dont tell me my wife dun feel love? Its just that she dun want anything to do with sex. Your wife reasoning is really TL. My wife is also no better, she said "if u want child, then go and find another job that can earn more money" fyi financially we have no prob, this is just her excuse.

TS can at least give in, my one just scold me till no mood.
Seriously are you thinking of divorce? I do sometimes but always just dun dare. Feel guilty.

[Psam]

Just to share and rant.

I am sure everyone have a different case and experience.

Sex has always been great, during courtship, after marriage even after birth etc.
Then work, responsibilities takes takes over..

I am getting less and less of it, till a point I am just taking care of her, I won't say we are strangers under a roof, we are still close and loving but sex is just a routine.

After a while it gets tiring to ask for it and I start exploring other means of getting sex, did some online sex chats, then massages with extra, then FLs.

Now I find it hard to have sex with my wife, my expectation is different, sometimes I cannot get it up when she make me feel she is doing me a favor to have sex.

It can be quite confusing, there are times I want to stop visiting FLs but the urge and temptation can be overwhelming. I don't think much of commercial sex, not proud of it too, like someone said in this thread, it is just like getting a mani or pedi.

I do know it is not healthy in the long run..

Things turned even worst when someone from my past is back to haunt me, wanting to meet up for some action, I am resisting it now as I am not ready for an affair but how long can I resist? when someone comes along and tries to replace my wife, I don't know.

TS. try to work something out, do not make sex a chore.

[Intltuk]

Happily ever after; we complement ea other, we've the same sex drive, we are in sync, we want the same nbr of kids, we are of the same mind of how kids are brought up, we love our parent in laws, we do everything together, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Fairy tale? Yes for most pple. Marriage as with everything else in life, is made up of compromises. Why, bec ea individual is different and hve different expectations, outlook, personality, values, etc, etc. When we marry, certain aspects of the other party attracted us to them. As we go thru' life, we change but do we change together? Some naturally do, some don't...but the key to be align is communication and compromise.....wat some call....give and take.

Marriage breaks down when we do not communicate and find an amicable solution. Marriage breakdown when we don't try to understand our spouse. Marriage starts to breakdown when we use too much of the letter `I'; I'm tired, I'm busy, I've a headache, I need it now, I hve high/low sex drive, I I I I I I I I I , etc, etc.

There is no perfect marriage, just good loving marriages with couples working things out and cont'd to work on it. It's takes two hands to clap; unfortunate tat marriages breakdown when the other hand can't/don't or refuse to clap in unison.

Not all marriages will work out as some differences can be too great to bridge; extreme eg, a high sex drive of 5times a day vs a calibate or one enjoys hving children and the other abhors hving children.

There is no one formula for a successful marriage as it depends on the individual couples to discuss on how to make it work. It is not about `I'm right and u're wrong'....it's about `this is not working out and what can we do to fix it'.

[selflick]

Sis. It's a simple answer. Before you had kids, did u think sex was important? Did you enjoy sex back then? The answer is yes isn't it?

It's only after u had kids that your sex drive went down. Your hubby hasn't changed. You've changed.

The problem here is the "I" mentality. I don't like and therefore, why should I? This mentality is killing lots of relationships.

[TreakSYT]

Just want to rant here, i know there is no correct or wrong answer

Sometimes i feel that if it is retribution. When young, i have quite a few hot gf, they can give you bbj, sex anytime, most of them are virgin some more. There is no force, its all willing parties. But because financially not stable at that time and also maybe i am not too sure if they are the correct one to be wife? I always think that a wife should have some maturity, cannot be too naive, like to chiong that kind, these kind maybe will cheat outside. So eventually i choose my last gf(my wife now). She is pretty, intelligence, but not much sex drive. Only holiday then she is willingly to let you touch her but also not passionate that kind. I thought, thats fine since maybe she wants a home, somewhere private then maybe can have some passionate sex. I was totally wrong!

My friends, family, relative all ask me, gov give such good bonus, why not have a baby. You all already married for five years. I always just say still trying. She hear already also pretend nothing happen. Really envy those gf in shopping center wearing hot pants, i asked her to wear she says looks like china girl. Why i like?

I do engage in commercial sex although i feel guilty everytime. But what can i do? I also have needs. Thinking back my life, mayb i should just marry my ex who is not so pretty but at least she likes to have sex. But again maybe after giving birth, dun like sex also. Then back to same situation.

[Intltuk]

Just want to rant here, i know there is no correct or wrong answer

Sometimes i feel that if it is retribution. When young, i have quite a few hot gf, they can give you bbj, sex anytime, most of them are virgin some more. There is no force, its all willing parties. But because financially not stable at that time and also maybe i am not too sure if they are the correct one to be wife? I always think that a wife should have some maturity, cannot be too naive, like to chiong that kind, these kind maybe will cheat outside. So eventually i choose my last gf(my wife now). She is pretty, intelligence, but not much sex drive. Only holiday then she is willingly to let you touch her but also not passionate that kind. I thought, thats fine since maybe she wants a home, somewhere private then maybe can have some passionate sex. I was totally wrong!

My friends, family, relative all ask me, gov give such good bonus, why not have a baby. You all already married for five years. I always just say still trying. She hear already also pretend nothing happen. Really envy those gf in shopping center wearing hot pants, i asked her to wear she says looks like china girl. Why i like?

I do engage in commercial sex although i feel guilty everytime. But what can i do? I also have needs. Thinking back my life, mayb i should just marry my ex who is not so pretty but at least she likes to have sex. But again maybe after giving birth, dun like sex also. Then back to same situation.The grass always look greener on the other side...till u are on the other side. Eg, if u'd married a high sex driven girl and during marriage, she complains u're not keeping up with her and she eats out...how then??
U married wat u've chosen. Try to appreciate her good qualities and try to work out a compromise...which actually also means u compromising as well.....u may not get all u want....and neither will she...tat's why it's a compromise.

[gumupai]

TreakSYT,

I have 2 lovely kids, divorce is out of the question.
What I can do now is to have some compromise. Occupy myself more, tone down sex drive, if wanna release, release responsibly, reduce risk to minimum. So only massage with HJ, tried bj but don't really like it. Bbbj is out. Yah, so many restrictions might as well don't cheong, but for me it's better than none Liao. And I do love massage by pretty gers. Yeah, to me sexual outer course works fine too, as long as got release. Ask my wife for massage with HJ if she dun like sex? Wait long long lah, won't happen, always will say v tired.

Life's like that. Maybe a eunuch suits my wife more, she just want to have the manpower to help in the daily chores, without the sex part.

It hits me real hard, I have been a goodie goodie boy, waiting for sex to happen only after marriage and yet I Kenna this. Toto and big sweep didn't let me Kenna. Lol.


Hi gumupai,

Think we shld come out lim kopi and talk abt it?
We are having the same predicament. Those bro that says women need to feel love to get sex is bullshit! Dont tell me my wife dun feel love? Its just that she dun want anything to do with sex. Your wife reasoning is really TL. My wife is also no better, she said "if u want child, then go and find another job that can earn more money" fyi financially we have no prob, this is just her excuse.

TS can at least give in, my one just scold me till no mood.
Seriously are you thinking of divorce? I do sometimes but always just dun dare. Feel guilty.

[Alami]

Just to share...

When we were seriously dating, sex was the norm. After marriage, sex was still good until no 1 came. it was still ok when no 2 arrived. Then it went down hill partly because she was helping me in the business and tired out at end of the day. This last for 10 years. When we were able to holiday again after 10 years, we re-discover our sex lives. But it was short lived because she was diagnosed with uterus cancer. Its been two years since the operation to remove the uterus. Sex life since then was zero.

I get my release once a while through massage. Life still goes on and I still love my wife and... my other one...;)

[WertyQ]

This is a very interesting thread. To hear both sides of the story and to learn that there are sis out there who very wisely play the "dutiful wifely role" vs others who are less bothered about their spouses' needs.

TS, it can be terribly frustrating for your hubby, especially when he has high libido and he's not getting enough from you. I'm speaking from personal experience and can fully empathize with his "situation".

Wish you best of luck and you hope can come to an "understanding" with your hubby re what is enough.

[Lovewoman]

I didn't marry just for sex, but I also didn't get married so that I can't have sex!

TS, you're v gd to yr hubby alrdy, 2-3 times a week you gave him.

That might be what I'm getting in a whole yr.
Yah, communication is impt, if....both willing to listen.
I almost give up Liao, when I Try to COMMUNICATE nicely, her reasoning make me v TL, she said:" before marriage you also survive without sex what....why now need to have sex?"

I was speechless at the reasoning, I endured and be a guai boy...waiting for the "license" , then upon getting it, got this kind of stupid reasoning.

Now I go massage with release, once in a while...no FJ yet, ( still give her some respect )but dunno how long can I last...

Can't believe I kana the same reasoning...also totally speechless...
Love your saying "I didn't marry just for sex, but I also didn't get married so that I can't have sex!" ...

I guess the way to a man's heart is not his stomach as it's six inch too high... :(:(:(

[real_king]

Can't believe I kana the same reasoning...also totally speechless...
Love your saying "I didn't marry just for sex, but I also didn't get married so that I can't have sex!" ...

I guess the way to a man's heart is not his stomach as it's six inch too high... :(:(:(

at least your wives are around. mine isnt.