SEX after Marriage & Childbirth???

[machoman]

"And the hero married his lovely bride and they lived happily after".... that's how the fairy tales and the movies end.

Is that a fact in real life?

So, will they have great sex? During honeymoon, possibly and then may be some more after that. After the baby comes, will sex still be good?

Talk to the married men and you hear a different story from the fairy tale. A typical example is from my friend, Mr O : "Sex, what sex? WTF, I have to wake up and help once the baby cries...change the wet nappy,feed the baby, wash the milk bottle,etc"

That's the common lament of many a married man. The hubby's position as the No. 1 in the wifey's eyes is usurped by the sweet little innocent one and he sadly, without any fault of his own, is relegated to the lower division. The priority of the wifey shifts to the baby and her mothering instinct takes over.

However, all is not lost... he still serves a useful function as assistant to the wifey in catering to the demands of the little "Prince" or "Princess". But most importantly, he morphatises into an "ATM"... dispensing cash in different denominations to feed the family.

The wifey's libido diminishes and the "NO ENTRY" sign is hung on her vagina as she is recuperating from childbirth and she is also exhausted from her endless duties as a new mother.

So what does the poor hubby supposed to do in the meantime? PCC or go for paid sex?

[thaivisitor]

I beg to differ.

Sex after marriage, whether before the birth of your child or after, depends on how you make it out to be.

I've enjoyed every love-making session I had with my wife and I now have 2 sons with a third child on the way (3 month's pregnant).

Before my wife was pregnant, we had our showers together practically every week, our love-making sessions regularly and also on various special occasions, etc. Our love-making sessions were never routine, and we enjoyed them just as we enjoyed them before getting married.

Of course during the 1st 2 months after childbirth, we didn't engage in sex as this is her recovery period as recommended by the doctor.

Also during her pregnancy, I refrain from love-making although the doctor's advice was that it is safe but I'm not a sex maniac so I rather that it be safe than sorry for my coming child.

As for helping out with the child, I find it a joy rather than a chore.

My 1st son is my stepson and I wasn't around when my son was born. Was only able to see him when he's 7 days old and I swear to God that when I first laid eyes on him, he was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.

If my wife puts the children before and relegate me to second division, I would be proud of her as that would have been the right thing to do and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My 2 cents worth.
thaivisitor :cool:

[machoman]

I beg to differ.

Sex after marriage, whether before the birth of your child or after, depends on how you make it out to be.



tv, thanks for your well-written reply.

QUOTE:
"Of course during the 1st 2 months after childbirth, we didn't engage in sex as this is her recovery period as recommended by the doctor.

Also during her pregnancy, I refrain from love-making although the doctor's advice was that it is safe but I'm not a sex maniac so I rather that it be safe than sorry for my coming child."
UNQUOTE

Perhaps, my question was not very clear. Allow me to elaborate to clarify where I am coming from.

Before childbirth i.e. during the wifey's pregnancy, some men like you do refrain from sex for safety's sake and then some 2 months after chidbirth, there is no sex between the couple.

Assuming a normal pregnancy term of 9 months + 2 months recovery period after childbirth = 11 months of abstinence of sex for the couple... maybe the initial 1 or 2 months before the pregnancy is confirmed, the couple might have made love. Even so, that would leave a total period of 9 months of abstinence of sex for the couple.

What I am asking is this: during this period of abstinence for the couple, how is the hubby going to cope with his sexual urges? PCC or maybe resort to commercial sex?

[jungle boy]

i would imagine a combination of pcc, commercial sex and if lucky, ons. you leh?

[thaivisitor]

What I am asking is this: during this period of abstinence for the couple, how is the hubby going to cope with his sexual urges? PCC or maybe resort to commercial sex?
Both, PCC and commercial sex, for that matter, not only during the period of adstinence but also during the whole marriage. but that does not make a guy love his wife any less and they can still have great sex like I do. :D

[tittyhawk]

I beg to differ.
Sex after marriage, whether before the birth of your child or after, depends on how you make it out to be.............
If my wife puts the children before and relegate me to second division, I would be proud of her as that would have been the right thing to do and I wouldn't have it any other way.
My 2 cents worth.
thaivisitor :cool:
I share the same sentiments..... :)

[alphalaw]

Both, PCC and commercial sex, for that matter, not only during the period of adstinence but also during the whole marriage. but that does not make a guy love his wife any less and they can still have great sex like I do.


Brother,
U going to win the most reputatble samster. Think can create another one, Most Noble Samster. :) U can win it too. heehee~

The things mentioned in machoman's statement, I would like to add on:

Many years down the road, WILL one's child side with The father or Mother, siding with one, makes the other one feels out of place. Many married bros here must have realised, Since we Men, mostly work outside, tends not to show up much at home, by the time we are back, they are either sleeping or we only have a few hours, and the best thing is, WE need some time by ourselves, the Child of us, tends not to come into contact with us much, and that distances us. Its still half-chance to say the least, to bridge this disconenction between the Chld and The Father, some might be successful in linking the family up nice and warmth.

Then comes the Wife's problem. With age, her value goes down. (Sorrie to be so direct, but thats the fact...) She is no longer that smooth, that tight, that every little details Men has originated to long and crave for. With Machoman's "The wifey's libido diminishes and the "NO ENTRY" sign is hung on her vagina as she is recuperating from childbirth and she is also exhausted from her endless duties as a new mother. " A majority of men will face this problem, many of which resulted in paid sex.

In short, I'd like to conclude not many of men can be leading a wonderful life Bro TV is leading, the statistic in rocketed failed marriages (divorce) and the increased number og news report on our notorious "fun" area, increased foreign sex imports, truely reflects that sex after marriage is.... pathetic.

Why marry in the first place, some Married Bros might as, some even regretted.. to make life a "complete" one? or to make life challenging?

Your call.

Above mentioned are my own personal opinion :) Read with an open mind!
steady.

[tittyhawk]

Brother,
Why marry in the first place, some Married Bros might as, some even regretted.. to make life a "complete" one? or to make life challenging?
Your call.
Above mentioned are my own personal opinion :) Read with an open mind!
steady.
Another in-depth analysis/comment. Well done. :)

[machoman]

If my wife puts the children before and relegate me to second division, I would be proud of her as that would have been the right thing to do and I wouldn't have it any other way.


I think that what is basically wrong with many marriages as more often than not, the wifey puts the needs of the child/children first before the hubby's.I personally believe that the needs of the hubby should come first like just it was before they became parents.

I also believe that this factor accounts for the breakdown in some marriages and even divorces as the hubby is somewhat alienated from the wifey after childbirth.

IMHO, the lack of sex life due to childbirth, amongst other factors like finance and stress have lead to the declining population.

At the same time, because of the lack of sex due to childbirth, amongst other factors like lust, the sex industry will never be completely eradicated even if it is illegal.

[alphalaw]

Another in-depth analysis/comment. Well done.


Thanks. :)
Thats what I thought loh. hahaha.


In the end, it all lies in each respective individuals; to play around and be alone, not MUCh of worries

or

Settle down and .... face the everything thats coming.

If choose to settle down, consider carefully so as to be ready to uptask this daunting..... hill? :D

[machoman]

In the end, it all lies in each respective individuals; to play around and be alone, not MUCh of worries

or

Settle down and .... face the everything thats coming.

If choose to settle down, consider carefully so as to be ready to uptask this daunting..... hill? :D

alphalaw, thanks for your comments.

It seems that you agree that the married men have to face this problem of lack of sex between the couple.

[thaivisitor]

Brother,
[QUOTE]U going to win the most reputatble samster. Think can create another one, Most Noble Samster. U can win it too. heehee~
No lah... the poll is just for the fun of it.

Many years down the road, WILL one's child side with The father or Mother, siding with one, makes the other one feels out of place. Many married bros here must have realised, Since we Men, mostly work outside, tends not to show up much at home, by the time we are back, they are either sleeping or we only have a few hours, and the best thing is, WE need some time by ourselves, the Child of us, tends not to come into contact with us much, and that distances us. Its still half-chance to say the least, to bridge this disconenction between the Chld and The Father, some might be successful in linking the family up nice and warmth.
As you have so correctly put it, the father spends less time with the children than the mother. As long as we understand that, we shouldn't feel bad or out of place if our children clings to their mums more than to us.

I'm crazy over my son and he knows that too. Many times he will tend to "side" with me but when it is a serious situation, he will eventually goes to his mum. There's nothing we can do to "replace" or compete with our wives over our children, and rightly, we shouldn't do that. We do what we have to do, that is to put bread on the table. We try to spend "quality time" with our families as much as we can within our limits and ability. As long as we put in our effort, our families will realise and appreciate that, and that should be enough for us.

Then comes the Wife's problem. With age, her value goes down. (Sorrie to be so direct, but thats the fact...) She is no longer that smooth, that tight, that every little details Men has originated to long and crave for. With Machoman's "The wifey's libido diminishes and the "NO ENTRY" sign is hung on her vagina as she is recuperating from childbirth and she is also exhausted from her endless duties as a new mother. " A majority of men will face this problem, many of which resulted in paid sex.
All married men will face such situations some time or another. But like what I've said. Even if we engage in commercial sex, that does not make us love our wife any less.

In short, I'd like to conclude not many of men can be leading a wonderful life Bro TV is leading, the statistic in rocketed failed marriages (divorce) and the increased number og news report on our notorious "fun" area, increased foreign sex imports, truely reflects that sex after marriage is.... pathetic.
My "so-called" wonderful life comes after TWO failed marriages. I've learned. And I've analysis what went wrong, like lack of communication, commitement, etc, etc. So I put theory into practice and make my marriage works. Everyone can do that too if they bother to.

Why marry in the first place, some Married Bros might as, some even regretted.. to make life a "complete" one? or to make life challenging?
No answer to that. After my first marriage, I said I'll remain a bachelor but then, it just happensed. Same case after the second marriage failed. I said I want to remain single but then, it happen again.

We don't challenge our "fate". But whatever happends, we try to analysis and do the best out of it.

My 2 cents worth. :D

[thaivisitor]

I think that what is basically wrong with many marriages as more often than not, the wifey puts the needs of the child/children first before the hubby's.I personally believe that the needs of the hubby should come first like just it was before they became parents.
Whoaaaaa..... How do the wife put the husband's needs before the children? Does she make sure she put food on the table for the husband when he's hungry rather than to breastfeed the crying child? Should she buy the husband's beer instead of the child's milk assuming she has only enough money for either one? Should she leave the baby crying by himself in his cot to satisfy her husband's sexual needs first? Should she ask the children to do their homeworks themselves so she can spend that particular time talking to the husband?

If a marriage failed because the husband felt that the wife puts the children needs before his, that husband is a very selfish man.

I also believe that this factor accounts for the breakdown in some marriages and even divorces as the hubby is somewhat alienated from the wifey after childbirth.
Husbands are alienated from the wife after childbirth because they made themselves alienated. Why couldn't the husbands share the joy of bringing up the children together? Is it so difficult to bring your wife and children out together for shopping example? Is it so difficlut to make it a regular event to bring your wife and children for a good dinner outside? Is it so difficult to wake up in the middle of the night to help the wife with the crying baby? Is it so difficult to sit down with your wife to help the kids homeworks?

And please don't give the excuse of us husbands working and tired but is able then to look for "fun" outside and blame our wives for that.

By the way, the way you put it, it is not even the wife's fault, it's the children's fault for coming into this world and causing the wives to neglect the husbands. If any man feels such a way, why the hell they bother to have children?

Also, seriously, I would like to see you scold your mom for looking after you if your dad fools around.

My 2 cents worth. :cool:

[analog539]

Tough call on this one.
Sex life really nose dived after the babies came, that's a fact. We really didn't get back into the groove b4 we're expecting another. Life...
Hoping for better situation after #3 is out, wife says wants to go to spa this time to trim up and get back into things. Can't blame her she's not in the mood, all the hormones and everything else going on with her body. We had a GREAT sexlife b4 the kids. But the kids are wonderful....
so like dat lah! Give up something, get something in return. Life.
:)
Jim

[Wonker]

Tough call on this one.
We had a GREAT sexlife b4 the kids. But the kids are wonderful....
so like dat lah! Give up something, get something in return. Life.
:)
Jim

Great comment - fully agree and in the same scenario as you had described.

It's tiring having a kid - saps your physical and mental energy for sure... that and work and stuff. Unless you work in a very undemanding job or something - I can see how sex life cannot suffer after as a couple has kids.

Usually for me - the only time my wife and I have "time alone" with each other is AFTER 10PM... when our son has fallen asleep. By THAT time - we are both too zonked to even think about sex. Well ... as for me .. I am in a better situtation - atleast my wife still wants it. It's more me... TOO TIRED... and I agree with another poster - it's mental. I swear I smell baby scent on her (must be from handling the baby ie., baby wash / shampoo etc)... real turn off!

If only we had more time... and energy.... OH WELL....

[analog539]

I beg to differ.

Sex after marriage, whether before the birth of your child or after, depends on how you make it out to be.

I've enjoyed every love-making session I had with my wife and I now have 2 sons with a third child on the way (3 month's pregnant).

Before my wife was pregnant, we had our showers together practically every week, our love-making sessions regularly and also on various special occasions, etc. Our love-making sessions were never routine, and we enjoyed them just as we enjoyed them before getting married.

Of course during the 1st 2 months after childbirth, we didn't engage in sex as this is her recovery period as recommended by the doctor.

Also during her pregnancy, I refrain from love-making although the doctor's advice was that it is safe but I'm not a sex maniac so I rather that it be safe than sorry for my coming child.

As for helping out with the child, I find it a joy rather than a chore.

My 1st son is my stepson and I wasn't around when my son was born. Was only able to see him when he's 7 days old and I swear to God that when I first laid eyes on him, he was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen in my life.

If my wife puts the children before and relegate me to second division, I would be proud of her as that would have been the right thing to do and I wouldn't have it any other way.

My 2 cents worth.
thaivisitor :cool:
Hi Mr. Thai:

I agree and disagree. The parts I agree with you on are the taking are of the children, I have no problem with that from changing dirty nappies to getting up several times in the middle of the night, doesn't bother me in the least, they are my offspring and I love them. No problem there..

The problem is with my wife, she is simply not interested in sex anymore. And that gets up my nose. I didn't get married so I could PCC for the rest of my life, that's bullshit. There are such things as duty and responsibilities for both hunsbands and wives. I'm maintaining my end of the bargin and I'm getting pissed off the she is not. Yah, she's a good mother but she's more interestedin her job than servicing her husband and THAT is a problem. And my case IS NOT ISOLATED. You have a great sex life with your Missus and I envy you for it. I want to have one with mine, we had a great sex life before number 1 was born and while she was expecting number 1, but after that...finish lah. I'm getting frustrated and pissed.

Cheers,
jim

[analog539]

I think that what is basically wrong with many marriages as more often than not, the wifey puts the needs of the child/children first before the hubby's.I personally believe that the needs of the hubby should come first like just it was before they became parents.

I also believe that this factor accounts for the breakdown in some marriages and even divorces as the hubby is somewhat alienated from the wifey after childbirth.

IMHO, the lack of sex life due to childbirth, amongst other factors like finance and stress have lead to the declining population.

At the same time, because of the lack of sex due to childbirth, amongst other factors like lust, the sex industry will never be completely eradicated even if it is illegal.
Well said my man, well said.
:)
jim

[kingcopa]

Hi Mr. Thai:

I agree and disagree. The parts I agree with you on are the taking are of the children, I have no problem with that from changing dirty nappies to getting up several times in the middle of the night, doesn't bother me in the least, they are my offspring and I love them. No problem there..

The problem is with my wife, she is simply not interested in sex anymore. And that gets up my nose. I didn't get married so I could PCC for the rest of my life, that's bullshit. There are such things as duty and responsibilities for both hunsbands and wives. I'm maintaining my end of the bargin and I'm getting pissed off the she is not. Yah, she's a good mother but she's more interestedin her job than servicing her husband and THAT is a problem. And my case IS NOT ISOLATED. You have a great sex life with your Missus and I envy you for it. I want to have one with mine, we had a great sex life before number 1 was born and while she was expecting number 1, but after that...finish lah. I'm getting frustrated and pissed.

Cheers,
jim


Bro Jim u r not alone

[Big Sexy]

contradicting yourself here huh????... perhaps you should then change your answer in your "How to completely destroy your sex life?" thread to

Ans :Get married. You've been warned.

to

Ans : having kids.

we had a great sex life before number 1 was born and while she was expecting number 1, but after that...finish lah. I'm getting frustrated and pissed.

[crazyops]

Actually it's not the end of sex after marriage. I feel it's more of a suspension rather that the end.

It's usually avoidence during the pregnancy stage as there'll be fears of harming the baby.

Then comes the delivery and it's also no no for sex as the wound needs time to heal.

Afterthat, it's gonna be inconvenient to do it especially if the wife breastfeed the child. Unless the wife does it with the bra on.

Kinda tough cos it's visually not stimulating and you also can't stimulate the tits with the bra on.

I guess after the whole breastfeeding process is over, it's back to normal again.

I have 2 kids and that's the sequence I've encounter after my first one. Now actually at the last stage cos wife is still breastfeeding.