husband's punching bag

[feelinglost36]

hello everyone,

I would like to seek advice what would you do if you are a husband's punching bag? I would like to check once after being a punching bag, should I go and report police immediately or wait till the blue-black is obvious then report.

If just making report without seeing GP, will it valid for divorce? What if I did not make any report for recent punching bag, based on the old records ( a few years back) does the court still accept it?

I need genuine advise.

Thank you

[nogo]

Hi TS, go straight away and don't hesitate to make the police report. Go with a relative or close friend. You don't have to wait till your bruises show. The police will direct you to a doctor. Don't be afraid to make that report. The law is on your side for whatever reason when a woman gets abused. Don't think of giving him chance because once he lays his hands on you he will not stop. If you are contemplating divorce than get a personal protection order.

[sgjoey]

For your own safety, it is best to make a police report and leave home immediately. Hopefully, your financial situation allows you to do so. Seek help if you can't -- see your MP or an appropriate govt agency.

[Highjoys]

Really, if you had been mistreated, then you should consider ending the r/s early before more nasty things happen as it could be quite dangerous for you. You got to go to hospital to get your injuries checked and verified their causes, and then make a report with it.

It is hard to live with abusive spouse as every day will be like a torture. So for the sake of your safety and happiness, better end it and move on.

[johnnn]

Please go immediately to the police and the doctor. No man should ever lay his hands on a woman. Consider your next step after doing the above 2 first

[t123]

think u better make a report and have your injury check. Spouses should not beat up each other.

[wells]

if you are abused and bodily hurt, please report immediately to the police. They will arrange from there.

[singmarine]

Making a police report or seeking legal advice may be detrimental towards the relationship in the long term with a difficult recourse. I suggest a more amicable solution is to seek professional marriage counselling first before embarking on litigation.

http://app.msf.gov.sg/Policies/Marriages/MarriageCounselling.aspx

http://www.family.org.sg/default.aspx?cat=72

[kgbkgb]

Making a police report or seeking legal advice may be detrimental towards the relationship in the long term with a difficult recourse. I suggest a more amicable solution is to seek professional marriage counselling first before embarking on litigation.

http://app.msf.gov.sg/Policies/Marriages/MarriageCounselling.aspx

http://www.family.org.sg/default.aspx?cat=72

a wife that has become a punching bag means the marriage is beyond savage. make police report asap

[aldof.hilter]

Hi there,

Go and make police report straight away. A husband who hits his wife are the lowest of its kind.

Leave home asap, don't let him hurt you again physically, and emotionally.

Ahee.

[Gixer]

Yes, you should make a police report. But ask yourself, did you do anything to provoke him? Do you have kids?

While I do not condone punching a woman, sometimes women need to know their place. A man can really hurt a woman, do not do anything to provoke him. Better to walk away than pour oil on the fire like I know some women do.

Bottom line is keeping yourself safe should be your responsibility. Just like a man if faced with 10 guys still wants to hero, he deserves to get whacked. Is it wrong? Yes. Did he deserve it? Yes.

Keep safe.

[JavX]

This might be inappropriate for me to say, but i'll still say so.

Can you try finding out why he abuse you? In some cases i've read, the wife is causing stress for the husband. This causes the hb to redirect his pent up stress at the source of his woes, his wife.

By no means am I implying that you are the source of his troubles. He can be abusive for other reasons...but there is always a reason to such behaviour. It really helps if you can find out why.

[Coffeecans]

violence will not be tolerated.

go and make a police report. The more you endure the more hurt you will be going to face.

[Campione1980]

Yes, you should make a police report. But ask yourself, did you do anything to provoke him? Do you have kids?.....

I do not approve of what u said Gixer, regardless what was said or done, there's no reason to raise handsat ur spouse. Once a husband gets away with physically abusing the wife, there will always be a twice and thrice more times to come.

TS, i say end this abuse now. Regardless of whether u have kids or not, harden ur resolve and go to the authorities. What's to stop ur hubby from taking it out on the kids next time or when u're not at home? Go to the authorities and if he is willing to change, u can decide whether or not to salvage the marriage or what's left of it.

I personally have a bad temper, but i have never ever used that as an excuse to raise my hands on my other half.

[wally888]

Best to have some records, really if one day u need to have some evidence of husbands violence behaviour.....

[gotnotime]

Violence towards ladies shouldn't be tolerated unless it's BDSM and she likes it. :p

Which is obviously not the case here, TS I'd suggest you make a police report immediately.

[unsung80]

Please make police report. Don't suffer in silence anymore.

[PassingbyJ]

After so many comments by the bros, my turn to chip in.

The first issue to settle is to get the husband to stop. Hence should go report police first. The police will refer you to get a doctor examination.

For those that says "amicable solution is to seek professional marriage counseling first before embarking on litigation." or Can you try finding out why he abuse you? "

You might be right, but that should come after ensuring her safety first. She might be dead before the counseling session or before she find out the reason for the abuse.

After you filed the police report and find alternative lodging, you can assess consider whether the husband is apologetic before deciding to go for counseling to savage the marriage. While waiting for counseling or him to calm down, you can slowly figure out what went wrong.

Safety comes first. Hope you are alright.

[jameschong1]

[QUOTE=feelinglost36;9099993]I need genuine advise.
==============
go see your MP especially a female MP from the PAP
power to help u

[cawca]

Don't anyone here find it strange that a woman would turn to sbf to seek advice for alleged abuse by her husband?

[illimitable]

He punch you, you kick his balls. Evens.

[1nottiboy]

Anti-social housewife with no frens from a single child family who cant get along with her parents... maybe?

Don't anyone here find it strange that a woman would turn to sbf to seek advice for alleged abuse by her husband?

[feelinglost36]

Anti-social housewife with no frens from a single child family who cant get along with her parents... maybe?

FYI. I do háve friends and I didn't wish to ask them for help because my own Friends sure side me, if it's our common friends, they might be on his side or my sides, do u think it's fair?

That's the reason why I approach this website, all the bro
N Sis here are all strangers. Some maybe giving genuine approach but maybe giving sarcastic remarks. But no matters what thanks for kind words n advise.

[techiedick]

another avenue is to consult AWARE for help.

though they are feminists and bitches. though they have liberal values they may be able to offerr solutions to sis feelinglost problems

[PassingbyJ]

Don't anyone here find it strange that a woman would turn to sbf to seek advice for alleged abuse by her husband?

Actually it's norm for compulsive/abusive husband to separate the wife from society.

Initially it can start by asking her to close FB saying social media is bad,
then ask her not to go out with friends as they are negative influence,
asked/caused her to changed hp a few times resulting in most contact lost, change her email,
alienate her from relatives by quarreling with relatives and force her to side him?

[Lauhuu]

This might be inappropriate for me to say, but i'll still say so.

Can you try finding out why he abuse you? In some cases i've read, the wife is causing stress for the husband. This causes the hb to redirect his pent up stress at the source of his woes, his wife.

By no means am I implying that you are the source of his troubles. He can be abusive for other reasons...but there is always a reason to such behaviour. It really helps if you can find out why.

Errr. Even so, there is absolutely no reason when he can lay his hands on her!

Once a man turns violence, its time to end the marriage. You think now still our grandmothers time when they suffer quietly?

My opinion to TS, ldge police report, do medical exam, see lawyer, file for PPO n dun waste time on this idiot. Nothing good will come out of this even if you give him chanceS.

[Gixer]

I do not approve of what u said Gixer, regardless what was said or done, there's no reason to raise handsat ur spouse. Once a husband gets away with physically abusing the wife, there will always be a twice and thrice more times to come.

The way I see it is that we live in an imperfect world. Its a cold truth that if a bigger guy wants your wallet or he has a weapon, you decide if you want to fight for it or give it up. If 10 men surround you, are you going to back down and try to talk your way out of it? Or are you going to be Chuck Norris and kick all their asses?

Similarly, if your husband has a violent streak, you don't provoke him. i'm not saying it's right, all I am saying is don't make the situation worse. if he gets violent, try to leave the house, give him a blowjob or something to calm things down. Saying you slept with his best friend is not going to make things better, you may think words can hurt him, but a backhand to the mouth hurts more. Sometimes the best way is to keep quiet and give in. Is it wrong? Morally yes, but it keeps you from getting hit. Then its the right thing to do.

I know some women forget they are weaker and get caught up in the whole women's equality thing. If women are equal, don't expect special treatment. If they still want to run their mouth off when a man would know to keep quiet, then they will get hit. All I am saying is don't make things worse if you cannot defend yourself. Even men know when to back down unless they really want to fight, and even then, they will learn to pick their battles.

Some women forget that the only thing that keeps them safe is society. Without social norms governing our behaviour, the weak get dominated and the strong rule. That's just nature, you create allies with the strong by providing a service to them. That's how society forms.

In this case, your husband is an animal, like a gorilla. If you do not please him, or provide a use for him and you provoke him. Then I am sorry, you will get hit.

Bottom line, don't provoke him, try to get away. Keep safe.

[netrot]

Ts... Go any made a police report. The police officer will call ur husband from the station & inform him that u have made a police report against him . They will advise him not to ill treat u again. If he chose not to heed the advice. Than u have to go back to the station & lodge another report. This time the police will help than ask u to get personal protection order aka PPO. PPO mean he cannot come close to 100 m or appear around ur workplace or where ever u maybe , cos u see him , u can call the police and they can lock him up under this ruling. In case u want to stay in these flat , pls kindly inform the officer to escort u home & they will them ask ur husband to leave the house. If he choose not to & he dare to beat or shout at you, at least u got the officer to act as witness when the time come. Hope this info is good for u

[feelinglost36]

Ts... Go any made a police report. The police officer will call ur husband from the station & inform him that u have made a police report against him . They will advise him not to ill treat u again. If he chose not to heed the advice. Than u have to go back to the station & lodge another report. This time the police will help than ask u to get personal protection order aka PPO. PPO mean he cannot come close to 100 m or appear around ur workplace or where ever u maybe , cos u see him , u can call the police and they can lock him up under this ruling. In case u want to stay in these flat , pls kindly inform the officer to escort u home & they will them ask ur husband to leave the house. If he choose not to & he dare to beat or shout at you, at least u got the officer to act as witness when the time come. Hope this info is good for u


I ever made a report before, guess what happened, the police officer never even bother to call my husband. He also never give me medical slip until I must ask from him! going to make a report is just a formality only I guess! They only do their job by taking down statement, and that's all!
I even have to show him I have made a report against him.
So you guys think police report can make him afraid? Nope I don't think so!

divorce is not cheap in Singapore, it can easily up to min $5k to $15k depending if contested it! A normal family how to afford this kind of fees?
Even getting Pro Bono service from volunteer lawyers they wont help
U too as they have their own P&P. So does it mean that a wife without lower income cannot apply pro Bono services from them? So wife has to get violence attack from spouse? Is it fair? in this world all is about $$, no $$ no talk!

Yes I wanted to divorce but i cannot accept the fees. Even checking with pro Bono services, they only help those with very low income. Like us slightly in
Between Lower n middle income, they rejected. Some
Even wants you to go an "interview" to see if you're qualified for their services!

It shows if any woman like me there's no way we can file for divorce.
We can only wait n wait n wait, hoping for miracle to happen!

[pussylicious12345]

hello everyone,

I would like to seek advice what would you do if you are a husband's punching bag? I would like to check once after being a punching bag, should I go and report police immediately or wait till the blue-black is obvious then report.

If just making report without seeing GP, will it valid for divorce? What if I did not make any report for recent punching bag, based on the old records ( a few years back) does the court still accept it?

I need genuine advise.

Thank you

Call AWARE hotline for advice.

[ol'coyote]

Call AWARE hotline for advice.

dear TS...
the above quote is the best help here...
from AWARE (http://www.aware.org.sg/)...the appropriate advices and processes are available...
though i really really hate that AWARE...
but they do serve its purpose...

[DXman]

dear TS...
the above quote is the best help here...
from AWARE (http://www.aware.org.sg/)...the appropriate advices and processes are available...
though i really really hate that AWARE...
but they do serve its purpose...

read pm......................

[kgbkgb]

I ever made a report before, guess what happened, the police officer never even bother to call my husband. He also never give me medical slip until I must ask from him! going to make a report is just a formality only I guess! They only do their job by taking down statement, and that's all!
I even have to show him I have made a report against him.
So you guys think police report can make him afraid? Nope I don't think so!
!

the purpose of police report is not to make him afraid. it serves as a record for yr divorce proceedings later on.

[cawca]

Just approach Family Service Centre or other similar organizations. They are professionals trained to help you and advise you on the best course of action after carefully evaluating your case. Most of the guys here are just giving their egoistic point of view. In fact, approaching family and friends is the much better thing to do as they'd know both parties well.

[t123]

I ever made a report before, guess what happened, the police officer never even bother to call my husband. He also never give me medical slip until I must ask from him! going to make a report is just a formality only I guess! They only do their job by taking down statement, and that's all!

I understand how u feel. I was told to change statement by the female I/O when I was beaten up instead. Visible injury marks too.

[taciturn]

The police called me once and told me that they needed a statement from me because there is a report about me assaulting my wife. The visible injuries my wife had was some scratches on her wrists. That was caused by me preventing her from killing herself. I asked my wife whether she reported and she said she did not. She told me that the only person she had spoken to about the cuts were the doctor that attended to her. Fortunately, the Registrar of the Department was my friend. I contacted him and the doctor apologised. I warned my wife thereafter that if she try that again I would not hesitate to lodge a report against her.

[Brainstorm]

How about approaching your MP? Maybe MP can write a letter to ask why the police didn't follow up. To stop a bully, you need someone to bully the bully. A lot of guys serve NS as a policeman. Maybe you spoke to a NSF that day. With a MP looking into your case, hopefully the police will do more.

Years ago, my ex-gf's father had an affair. The crazy fellow wanted to bring the other woman back to stay. Even suggested to the poor wife that the 3 of them can share a bed and a room. Apparently, the other woman agreed to the deal. Fellow even wanted his own kids to call the other woman mother.

Ex-gf's mum disagreed of course and was beaten up badly many times. The final quarrel happened when the mum said over her dead body will she allow the other woman into her house. Crazy father went to kitchen to take chopper. The mum ran into her room and locked the door. The father started chopping the bedroom door and asking the mum to open the door.

The father left the house after some time. The kids asked the mum to open the door when they had latched the main door from inside. When the mum opened her door, the chopper was stuck in the bedroom door. The police were called in. The father was arrested and spent a week in then Queenstown Remand Prison because none of his relatives wanted to bail him out. He came out a different man because he knew he cannot outgun the police.

The bully has found a bigger bully.

[illimitable]

Go to the family court and get a Personal Protection Order against him. You don't need a lawyer to do this. Your husband need to know how to behave like a man.

[sammicheng1000]

There is always 2 side of a story.
Some woman and even some saint guys who never encounter crazy bitch before have this mental that a man should never use his hand on a woman, in a way yes but I have seen woman even in small argument uses that to her advantage and verbally abuse man in all sort of ways like insulting his sexual abilities, family or anything that is sensitive to him causing him great deal of stress. DO NOT CROSS his limit if you do not want to end up in a body bag.

A punch in the face is as hurtful as a punch in the mind.

TS if u are not the woman I describe and your case is genuine I feel for you and suggest u call the police and hope u are safe.

If you are one of those bitches then I won't give a damn u ended up even in hospital.

[sammicheng1000]

Go to the family court and get a Personal Protection Order against him. You don't need a lawyer to do this. Your husband need to know how to behave like a man.

But some woman don't even know how to behave like a woman.

[francined69]

AWARE is the right approach and AWARE have professionals that will offer free services to help you.

[FrontDesk]

PPO mean he cannot come close to 100 m or appear around ur workplace or where ever u maybe , cos u see him , u can call the police and they can lock him up under this ruling.

She can get a PPO but thats not how the PPO may actually work. I have seen ppl with PPO living under same roof but diff rooms.

TS should check it out themselves to get a clearer picture.

[geckoSG]

A man who strikes a woman is not a man...

[singmarine]

To be fair, both sides of the stories ought to be heard. I believed it can happen to any bro or sis here. Lets be fair to the husband also. The scenerio painted here is that the wife is as innocent as a lamb while the husband is acting like a crazy monster for no rythm or reason.

On the other hand, the scenerio could be the wife have been constantly hurling verbal abuses at the husband even in front of his family/friends etc.

At such, please move to marriage counselling etc for both parties for a more amicable approach. If it fails then proceed to litigation means.

[sammicheng1000]

A man who strikes a woman is not a man...

And a woman who abuses man is not a woman. Therefore still can be strike