My de facto husband

[Snowkit]

Finding myself falling deeper into the sexual scene with other man.
Deriving excitement, ecstasy, thrill with other man but not him.
I have told myself that it will be the last, but the lust in me won't let me go.

I just don't understand what is wrong with watching pornography that he called me crazy. I used to do that with ex-bf back when we're still together and they find it a major turn on. I was slightly annoyed by his remarks.

I really wish he will initiate, approach or seduce me. He never did (in recent years). I am always the naughty kitten that playfully pull down his boxer.
I am finding myself abnormal.. There are times I start to question his sexual drive. I swear I'm not demanding. Once a week is what I'm asking.

I wish he will snuggle me from behind and make me feel his erected rod, prompting me to pound on him. He never did. Till date, I'm still mulling over this erotic scene that my recent ex-bf has left me with. At times, guilty of lusting for ex-bf because we never had sex before.

I really wish I could leave this place one day. I feel bad betraying him.

Any ladies who have similar experience and is cheating behind hubby?

[HoWT]

Sis

You are not alone. I cheated my wife by bonking FLs and WLs

[banana81sg]

did u ever have a talk with him abt the issue?

[prettymannequin]

Woah usually it's the husband ranting about the wife...

So you never had sex with the husband, ever? Do you know what turns him on? You could try working from there.

[looneytoon]

It's normal that we women have own sexual desires & fantasies. he may not understand as think some men quite straight-forward & not into these kinky foreplays. Perhaps try to talk to him & guide him.

[Jhonbust]

Did you speak to your husband about it?
Sometimes throwing signs around does not do any help.
Problems come with solutions.
:D

[sarahxx]

hi sis,

totally understand how u feel. was in the exact situation as u, but im not married. its my ex bf tht had super low drive. my drive is high, hence i always feel unsatisfied n unhappy bcos i always had to initiate any form of intimacy. we were tgth for a long time but i wasnt happy. until one day i met someone that cld fill that sexual void that he cld not provide me with.. he was fun, spontaneous and sexciting.

but is this really what i want? no. though this guy can provide me with all sorts of fun, we weren't right for each other in other aspects.. character fit, outlook in lfe etc. i do miss my ex, and looking back in retrospect i wld hv been more open w him on how i felt abt our sexual situation. mayb things wld hv been different, i dont know.

anw, my point is. i guess u hv to ask urself how much u love ur hubby vice versa n weigh out the consequences if its worth it or not. having an open convo (which i didn't have w my ex, and regret till this day) will definitely help for u to judge how to proceed further. don't exactly know ur full situation so cant comment much but.. sometimes its better to stop before u're in too deep.

all the best.

[porscheclub]

Sis, you mentioned "In recent years" so how was sexual life with him earlier on? There must be something in him that made him a husband?

Perhaps there's some other issues that you didn't notice & he might be filling sexual needs from 3rd parties as well?

I'm very fortunate to find a wife who's into porn as much or more than me so you're perfectly normal & sometimes she'll watch alone when I'm overseas. In fact, we communicate a lot on this as her happiness is mine and I discovered that she likes being abused, raped, rough sex, the helpless kind of feeling & even S&M. She has never discussed such with anyone before cos she felt dirty & it took months for me to open her up.

There's a problem for you though. Women in our part of the world is branded as sluts for what you're doing & you risk pregnancy other than diseases so please use toys if possible for now. Men can smell a horny woman like piranhas to blood so please take care of yourself especially if he or worse, your friends or relatives found out.

Try to find out the problem in your relationship first & never ever tell him about your trysts.....

[doubletap]

Finding myself falling deeper into the sexual scene with other man.
Deriving excitement, ecstasy, thrill with other man but not him.
I have told myself that it will be the last, but the lust in me won't let me go.

I just don't understand what is wrong with watching pornography that he called me crazy. I used to do that with ex-bf back when we're still together and they find it a major turn on. I was slightly annoyed by his remarks.

I really wish he will initiate, approach or seduce me. He never did (in recent years). I am always the naughty kitten that playfully pull down his boxer.
I am finding myself abnormal.. There are times I start to question his sexual drive. I swear I'm not demanding. Once a week is what I'm asking.

I wish he will snuggle me from behind and make me feel his erected rod, prompting me to pound on him. He never did. Till date, I'm still mulling over this erotic scene that my recent ex-bf has left me with. At times, guilty of lusting for ex-bf because we never had sex before.

I really wish I could leave this place one day. I feel bad betraying him.

Any ladies who have similar experience and is cheating behind hubby?

let me give u a quick roundabout of how things ll revolve u in the time to come:

- u ll still keep on having hyper sex with tat other man (if I m not wrong, he s a married man).

- u ll still be complaining here tat yr husband is not having sex.

- u may not be asking for divorce, but ll still keep complaining abt yr husband n tis gives u a consolation tat u r fucking the other man.

wat I see in u:

- u r more high profile than yr current husband, while tat other man is of higher profile than yr husband.

wat I think u shd do:

- go for a sexcapade with yr husband; which I dun think tis s in yr mind. u would rather to go with the other man. m I right?

well, for u, I really cannot type on more.......... take care n all the best in yr sexual endeavours! n hope yr relatives or frds dun bump into you at the hotel.

[demonhunter]

Finding myself falling deeper into the sexual scene with other man.
Deriving excitement, ecstasy, thrill with other man but not him.
I have told myself that it will be the last, but the lust in me won't let me go.

I just don't understand what is wrong with watching pornography that he called me crazy. I used to do that with ex-bf back when we're still together and they find it a major turn on. I was slightly annoyed by his remarks.
?

I understand what you are going thru . We are of the same kind .

Call me .:D

[Snowkit]

We have been through thick and thin, Forgive and forget.
I am always tempted by the better options outside, but everything has its pros and cons. Finally I'm succumbing to my fate.

It could be that I'm more like a mother to him than how we just started. Which is why he begin to lose sexual interest in me?

Thanks for classifying me under the slut category.
But I would like to reiterate that I am not FL.
I'm a girl, can you feel what I feel when he's not interested to have sex with me and I have to doubt my attractiveness.
I know it's wrong to betray him.. While I'm not sure if he's doing the same?
You could say I'm a open-minded person because I am perfectly fine if he's doing others (as long as it's a NSA, protected sex kinda relationship)

Finally, who doesn't wish her/his husband/wife could fulfill her sexual desire?
To find someone that has best of both world is not easy.
I will try my best to be a good wife.
Thanks all for sharing your thoughts with me.

[sarahxx]

funny how in this society whenever women get into relationships like this we're always labelled and frowned upon. but somehow it seems okay for guys to do it and get away with it.

hope all goes well sis, happy to lend a listening ear. pm anytime.

[porscheclub]

funny how in this society whenever women get into relationships like this we're always labelled and frowned upon. but somehow it seems okay for guys to do it and get away with it.

hope all goes well sis, happy to lend a listening ear. pm anytime.

Well, it was a caution for ladies as this is unfortunately a fact brought on since antiquity & due to the productive organs as well, women have to bear the consequences.

I can relate to how Snow feels because someone close to me had the same problem before only to find out after marriage that the husband does not want children and sex is non-existent. She tried many times to seduce him but failed and it ended with a divorce.

Marriage is a lifetime of commitment & happiness, so I urge her to consider her remaining years if she wants to live in a half-filled life or vibrantly with the right partner. The only advantage is they don't have children but firstly please work out the situation as something else could have triggered the non-interest from the husband or as mentioned he could've been seeing another woman as well.

The sexual partner/s is but a panadol. A quickie to numb the pain but it doesn't treat the sickness.

[Yakuza]

I understand what you are going thru . We are of the same kind .

Call me .:D

lol... u r always the same kind with any ... :D

[Yakuza]

We have been through thick and thin, Forgive and forget.
I am always tempted by the better options outside, but everything has its pros and cons. Finally I'm succumbing to my fate.

I'm a girl, can you feel what I feel when he's not interested to have sex with me and I have to doubt my attractiveness.
I know it's wrong to betray him.. While I'm not sure if he's doing the same?
You could say I'm a open-minded person because I am perfectly fine if he's doing others (as long as it's a NSA, protected sex kinda relationship)...

with an open minded thinking and accepting ur other half NSA ... mmm .. well .. guess u hv the urge of "the grass is greener on the other side of the mountain"

All I can say is, u r perfectly normal. Remember, we r all born and brought up differently and with different backgrd and cultures & habits ... brought together in marriage .. there will be bound to hv differences, and tat's why there's alway conflict of interest.

with his cold attitude towards u... am no surprise tat he may not even bother if u hv any outside NSA or not .. so... just give urself a little bit more time and observe and aso try to hint to him like how's work today, or could we hv a stroll at the beach or are u free tis weekend to visit Ubin Island and see his respond .. that will somehow tells u something ... cheersss

take care

[real_king]

hes got another one la. simple.

[speed0]

Sis, open up and talk to him about your feeling. Don't keep to yourself.

[imdestinyz]

We have been through thick and thin, Forgive and forget.
I am always tempted by the better options outside, but everything has its pros and cons. Finally I'm succumbing to my fate.

It could be that I'm more like a mother to him than how we just started. Which is why he begin to lose sexual interest in me?

Thanks for classifying me under the slut category.
But I would like to reiterate that I am not FL.
I'm a girl, can you feel what I feel when he's not interested to have sex with me and I have to doubt my attractiveness.
I know it's wrong to betray him.. While I'm not sure if he's doing the same?
You could say I'm a open-minded person because I am perfectly fine if he's doing others (as long as it's a NSA, protected sex kinda relationship)

Finally, who doesn't wish her/his husband/wife could fulfill her sexual desire?
To find someone that has best of both world is not easy.
I will try my best to be a good wife.
Thanks all for sharing your thoughts with me.

well, the other side always feels better, always seems to be a better option. While the grass looks greener, every considered how much shit is underneath those grass? If you were to get over there, sometimes, it must just be getting into sh!t more than anything else!

If something is broken, how about fix it? talk about it and work on from there?

[happywoody]

for reasons best know to your hubby, u're not getting intimacy as a wife from him. i'm assuming he's not impotent or suffering from any medical conditions that makes sex not possible.

having an affair whether nsa or otherwise may fill the void temporarily.
u know your marriage best. is there anything worth holding on - kids, family, promises of the future, other commitments perhaps?

if u've tried all means to get funky and elicit no response, then as a husband he's failed in his fundamental duty.

i say enjoy the moment/today until u feel a need to decide.

[jackson555]

Communication is the key. Hopefully you both can maintain an open mind and be receptive to each other's opinion.

[bbmapple]

Sis Snowkit, u are not alone.... It is perfectly normal for women to have higher demands and expectations than their spouse...

But first, if this situation with husband has been going on for many years, IT IS A PROBLEM. talking and trying to seduce won't help at all. I been there too.

Much as I don't agree to having to satisfy yourself outside of the marriage, but what's a woman got to do? Suffer in silence?? Or keep buying new toys??

I don't even care about the other guy(s) now, cos IMHO men are just receptive to almost any pussy... best if the girl is married and won't be able to 纠缠 or be in a position to demand a proper r/s status...

Anyway back to your situation... Not sure why or how u are able to accept the husband who can't fulfill your needs and yet seek outside "enjoyment"... Maybe I read wrongly....
However I do agree with you, if the husband doesn't get intimate with his wife, then the wife will doubt her own attractiveness and even fall into "so called traps" by other sexciting males... This is not our problem cos it is only human...

I guess, u really need to check out your husband...
(1) Is he under any form of medication or hormonal changes which is affecting his drive? May need to seek medical advice.
(2) Did u ever insult him or make fun of his skills and/or tools , during the love making?? Cos it will adversely impact his attraction for u, or even instill fear in him that makes him unwilling to even initiate sex.
(3) Are u more dominant in the marriage? Cos if u are, he may be facing some sort of "self confidence" issues as well. Men can be quite sensitive at times when faced with a wife who is too pretty and/or salary too high. Their low self esteem WILL reduce sex drive too. I think it's an ego issue, as with all human beings.
(4) Did he have any recent change in behavior or lifestyle habits? E.g. Buying new underwear, spray new perfume/ cologne, been staying out late for unknown reasons, got any new female and/or male friends whom he doesn't want to even intro to u?? Cos this may all be part of some telltale signs that he is having "extra activities" and he is not ready to tell u about...

Sis, now we are living in a modern age. Women are no longer dependent on men. And we are just as entitled to own freedom to decide our own fates. I hope u work out your situation with a solution which will make u happy!!

[happywoody]

Sis, now we are living in a modern age. Women are no longer dependent on men. And we are just as entitled to own freedom to decide our own fates.


couldn't be said any much better.
i'm privileged to have met some of these liberated souls who are mistresses of their own fate. applause ;)

[heye]

why u dont ask urself if he is like tis in the past b4 u married him.
Maybe he is suspecting u having an affair outside.
My suggestion is for u to hav a good talk with him.
Personally as a man the only time a husband will not have sex is because he lose faith in you.
there are many factors like are you helping him on household chore and financailly.
i given up on my life and prevent sex bczu i also suspecting her having affair outside and futhermore she is not helpin out at all in the family
Marriage is for life and treasure it

it is nt a role of a man to work out on the marriage.
why not improve urself more and understand each other more.
tinkin abt ur husband bad point isnt goin to work out on anyting.

talking bad abt ur husband isnt right too.
I always believe dont do to others what u dont like others to do it to you.
all other reason is bullshit unless u can prove he is having an affair.

u can always tink bad despite many issue and he is not divorcing u might be because he is still waiting for u to change.

woman nd attention , care , love and a future so do man.
if u are causing him to be insecure then are you nt at fault too.
Every1 marry bcoz of love and why love do not last is bcause being together doesnt necessary means sex only.
we nd sex 200$ can settle how much is he payin to tc the family and his time commiment etc
he is also being binded to stay faithful

[imdestinyz]

so has TS found a solution?

[bbmapple]

Hi heye,

So did u talk to wife also?? Instead of suspecting her having affair, why dont u confront her?? And IF she really is, can u accept & are u already mentally prepared for the worst??

Do u know, if women need sex, we dont even have to pay?? If we ask, I am sure some male friends will "happily volunteer" to "help"....

Sometimes it is really up to the couple involved to weigh things. If the marriage is worth to carry on. All things cannot only hear 1 side of the story. If TS is really not happy in her marriage, she is equally entitled to leave the marriage.

[nicklite]

did u ever have a talk with him abt the issue?

What banana said is true, however talking to him on this issue can be deadly as well. So pick the correct environment and correct time to adjust your emotion before you bring this up. It's pretty sensitive to husband like that. You can also try to let go all mood and casually bring this to tease him. There might be something with your husband that doesn't like about you or your features. You have to know.

[nicklite]

hi sis,

totally understand how u feel. was in the exact situation as u, but im not married. its my ex bf tht had super low drive. my drive is high, hence i always feel unsatisfied n unhappy bcos i always had to initiate any form of intimacy. we were tgth for a long time but i wasnt happy. until one day i met someone that cld fill that sexual void that he cld not provide me with.. he was fun, spontaneous and sexciting.

but is this really what i want? no. though this guy can provide me with all sorts of fun, we weren't right for each other in other aspects.. character fit, outlook in lfe etc. i do miss my ex, and looking back in retrospect i wld hv been more open w him on how i felt abt our sexual situation. mayb things wld hv been different, i dont know.

anw, my point is. i guess u hv to ask urself how much u love ur hubby vice versa n weigh out the consequences if its worth it or not. having an open convo (which i didn't have w my ex, and regret till this day) will definitely help for u to judge how to proceed further. don't exactly know ur full situation so cant comment much but.. sometimes its better to stop before u're in too deep.

all the best.

Wow, i strongly agree with $$$$$! Same thing for guys, joy and fun is just a temp. Their have to know which house for them is the best.

[bbmapple]

Just sharing....

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5691166?ncid=edlinkushpmg00000039

[Snowkit]

Just sharing....

http://m.huffpost.com/us/entry/5691166?ncid=edlinkushpmg00000039

Thanks for sharing that I'm not the only one who felt this way.

I've yet to tackle this issue with my partner.
Thanks all for the advice.

[heye]

Hi heye,

So did u talk to wife also?? Instead of suspecting her having affair, why dont u confront her?? And IF she really is, can u accept & are u already mentally prepared for the worst??

Do u know, if women need sex, we dont even have to pay?? If we ask, I am sure some male friends will "happily volunteer" to "help"....

Sometimes it is really up to the couple involved to weigh things. If the marriage is worth to carry on. All things cannot only hear 1 side of the story. If TS is really not happy in her marriage, she is equally entitled to leave the marriage.

FYI - i had divorce her i found out she had 5 FB and i cant take it despite trying to work things out
Her reason is she needs excitement and new love and she still choose me bcoz i can tc of the family .
She even plan to cheat our flat with 2 of her FB.
She will get her retribution.
I am relieve now and no longer have to worry now,
only heart ache for my kids.
I had tried to wait for her to change too bad she was caught red handed in hotel.
Do remember when a guy bed a gal she will boost.
U dont pay in cash but u pay with ur reputation.

Guys always lose out when divorce but woman always lose out when it comes to flirting

[demonhunter]

FYI - i had divorce her i found out she had 5 FB and i cant take it despite trying to work things out


Guys always lose out when divorce but woman always lose out when it comes to flirting

Whoooah ! 5 FB ... sibeh Pro leh brudder !

:D

[topcook1]

FYI - i had divorce her i found out she had 5 FB and i cant take it despite trying to work things out
Her reason is she needs excitement and new love and she still choose me bcoz i can tc of the family .
She even plan to cheat our flat with 2 of her FB.
She will get her retribution.
I am relieve now and no longer have to worry now,
only heart ache for my kids.
I had tried to wait for her to change too bad she was caught red handed in hotel.
Do remember when a guy bed a gal she will boost.
U dont pay in cash but u pay with ur reputation.

Guys always lose out when divorce but woman always lose out when it comes to flirting

Luckily u asked u ask this woman to get out from your life....

[harddisk]

Dear TS,

In the past have you ever rejected his sexual requests?

Just to share, in the past for almost 2 years, I could hardly get sex from my wife. She would give all kinds of excuses like tired headache ulcer. If she ever agrees, she will lie there and let me do it. No actions from her, just lie there moan softly. Until I totally stopped asking. When it was her turn to ask, I had to reject her because I already unloaded elsewhere.

Will be good to ask if he is emotionally fine. Could be due to stress at work. Show some concern. Drink some alcohol and let loose after that in the bedroom

[demonhunter]

Dear TS,

In the past have you ever rejected his sexual requests?

Just to share, in the past for almost 2 years, I could hardly get sex from my wife. She would give all kinds of excuses like tired headache ulcer. If she ever agrees, she will lie there and let me do it. No actions from her, just lie there moan softly. Until I totally stopped asking. When it was her turn to ask, I had to reject her because I already unloaded elsewhere.
Will be good to ask if he is emotionally fine. Could be due to stress at work. Show some concern. Drink some alcohol and let loose after that in the bedroom

I love that sentence in red .

:D

[a2014]

When it was her turn to ask, I had to reject her because I already unloaded elsewhere.


Harddisk, I think cannot remember how to load already rather than already unloaded everything. It may be true, everybody need sex, but curiously enough there are people after some point in time stop needing it. Just don't understand them.

TS, I guess I cannot blame you for wanting to fill that slot somewhere else but please make sure you know what you are doing and where is the line. Do not cross the line of war. Before you do anything do think twice, it may be something you did not respond to as well, in fact most of the comment here are relevant. It take both hand to clap.

Take Care

[harddisk]

Harddisk, I think cannot remember how to load already rather than already unloaded everything. It may be true, everybody need sex, but curiously enough there are people after some point in time stop needing it. Just don't understand them.

TS, I guess I cannot blame you for wanting to fill that slot somewhere else but please make sure you know what you are doing and where is the line. Do not cross the line of war. Before you do anything do think twice, it may be something you did not respond to as well, in fact most of the comment here are relevant. It take both hand to clap.

Take Care

Bro, there was a short period my ammo dump was locked. Think it was due to work stress and some tight deadlines. Really no mood, no urge. But that was history. Haven't felt that way ever since.

Yes TS, a2014 is right. Do not cross the line if you are not prepared for war.

For me, I think my faith in relationship is over. I may still be married but my heart still hurts.

[a2014]

For me, I think my faith in relationship is over. I may still be married but my heart still hurts.
Harddisk, you need to manage this as it is only one service that you did not receive sometime after you sign your marriage contract. I guess the rest of it are acceptable.

If I can manage this happily without any issue for the past xx years, I belief you can do better than me.

Cheer Up and take care.

[harddisk]

Harddisk, you need to manage this as it is only one service that you did not receive sometime after you sign your marriage contract. I guess the rest of it are acceptable.

If I can manage this happily without any issue for the past xx years, I belief you can do better than me.

Cheer Up and take care.

a2014, do you mean sexual contact with my wife? Actually it has improved a little since 2013 ever since I totally stopped asking for it. She felt something was missing so she decided to initiate and has never rejected me after that. It wasn't very regular but it was something I appreciate.

Then this year, a few months before I found out about her cheating, our sex got more regular. I didn't think much about it. If you had read about it, women tend to give their spouses more sex when they are guilty of cheating. I'm not sure how true it is but I'm not complaining about more sex.

Slowly nearing the weeks when I got suspicious and I had dropped hints, sex got even more.

After the entire episode, I have been getting more than all the sex I had the past year. To be honest, the frequent intimacy I'm getting right now has sort of helped brought us closer.

However the damage has already been done. The faith and trust is not there anymore. It hurts much more because of the married status. Although I personally don't foresee any future, I do not want to spoil my kids'.

U sound like a very sensible bro who has been through a lot too. If you don't mind sharing, perhaps you can pm me. Would be good to hear how other men over come this.

[a2014]

Then this year, a few months before I found out about her cheating, our sex got more regular.
Harddisk, I think what you say was quite true, when people feel that they are guilty they will try to patch up. From what you had written I guess she still love you and value the family that is why she kept a very low profile all along and trying to work it out the other way round. Belief she got too deep into it and in the cross road either.

Mine was different, very career minded and goes home very early so no need to suspect anything. This is a good sign for me. Maybe there is no third party in it that is why can go marathon. However because not guilty so no need to patch up therefore everything become status quo, you look me up I look you up kind of situation.

I agree for your case I guess sometime its better to talk in private.

[harddisk]

Harddisk, I think what you say was quite true, when people feel that they are guilty they will try to patch up. From what you had written I guess she still love you and value the family that is why she kept a very low profile all along and trying to work it out the other way round. Belief she got too deep into it and in the cross road either.

Mine was different, very career minded and goes home very early so no need to suspect anything. This is a good sign for me. Maybe there is no third party in it that is why can go marathon. However because not guilty so no need to patch up therefore everything become status quo, you look me up I look you up kind of situation.

I agree for your case I guess sometime its better to talk in private.

Your issue doesn't sound complicated. I read it as a matter of mutual trust.

Reminds me of my past before I got married. We were both busy with work but I was still faithful.

Back to the topic. If one can love and yet cheat, something's not right in my perception. I am no saint but I do not put my emotions into it when I make such transactions.

[a2014]

If one can love and yet cheat, something's not right in my perception. I am no saint but I do not put my emotions into it when I make such transactions.
Cannot comment much either with limited information, there is a turning point which is she decide to look outside. There must be something happened be it what ever.

If she is having multiple parties outside then that is really bad. However if there is one hanging around then you will need to look at yourself too as to something must have happened. Busy working schedule, a pair of listening ear, good helping hand around a person can sometime change a person perception to things.

Maybe better on PM.

[banana81sg]

FYI - i had divorce her i found out she had 5 FB and i cant take it despite trying to work things out
Her reason is she needs excitement and new love and she still choose me bcoz i can tc of the family .
She even plan to cheat our flat with 2 of her FB.
She will get her retribution.
I am relieve now and no longer have to worry now,
only heart ache for my kids.
I had tried to wait for her to change too bad she was caught red handed in hotel.
Do remember when a guy bed a gal she will boost.
U dont pay in cash but u pay with ur reputation.

Guys always lose out when divorce but woman always lose out when it comes to flirting

good no longer with her. want new excitment, lover plus 5fb.......she might s well b a FL

[arsenal_84]

U dont pay in cash but u pay with ur reputation.


well...ppl who cheat don't really care about their reputation, especially women nowadays who deem themselves as equal to men.

however the same concept applies, sex is never free.
you either pay for it sooner or later, one way or the other.