Partner cheated

[JuzALocalGuy]

Hi guys, have been around this forum for quite sometime but didnt registered an account. Just see see look look.

Sharing my true story and hoping you guys for advice.

Have been with my gal for 5 years. Applied BTO. Bought wedding rings. Have plans to get ROM and stuff. Recently, my gal told me her affair with another guy. The affair happened somewhere around the 3rd year when I was too busy with work for a few months.

Its kinda my fault for neglecting her. Any one have similar experience before?

[lawry]

Hi guys, have been around this forum for quite sometime but didnt registered an account. Just see see look look.

Sharing my true story and hoping you guys for advice.

Have been with my gal for 5 years. Applied BTO. Bought wedding rings. Have plans to get ROM and stuff. Recently, my gal told me her affair with another guy. The affair happened somewhere around the 3rd year when I was too busy with work for a few months.

Its kinda my fault for neglecting her. Any one have similar experience before?

Just fuck it and break up.

Happens once will happen twice.

Straits times report early this year. 50% of adultery are committed by women now.

[sammyboyfor]

Hi guys, have been around this forum for quite sometime but didnt registered an account. Just see see look look.

Sharing my true story and hoping you guys for advice.

Have been with my gal for 5 years. Applied BTO. Bought wedding rings. Have plans to get ROM and stuff. Recently, my gal told me her affair with another guy. The affair happened somewhere around the 3rd year when I was too busy with work for a few months.

Its kinda my fault for neglecting her. Any one have similar experience before?

What about you? Have you cheated on her in the last 5 years?

[justl00king]

Have been with my gal for 5 years. Applied BTO. Bought wedding rings. Have plans to get ROM and stuff. Recently, my gal told me her affair with another guy. The affair happened somewhere around the 3rd year when I was too busy with work for a few months.

Its kinda my fault for neglecting her. Any one have similar experience before?
Your gal have affair, it becomes your fault? :confused:
The only similar experience I have, with my gal while also having affairs with other gals all the time, n it's all their fault! :cool:

Ok serious advice now, consider carefully, next better player pls.
In marriage, trust is of utmost importance. If married, next time u busy with work again, yr mind will go wondering, get my drift?

[Triple70]

Does she still love you?
Is she still boundryless with you?

[Greendevil]

there may come to a time in one career that he/she may need to neglect family or love one for a period of time, for example overseas posting for several weeks/months, does that mean it licence to cheat?

but again ask yoourself, have you ever cheated? like going for FL, escort,KTV, ML etc. if you have, then you no saint yourself as well. but this is probably on a different scale as these are fire and forget and cheating is otherwise, with emotion string attached. end of the day, ask yourself if you can accept and ready to move on. dont start digging this few years down the line and bitch about it.

[maxsee]

If you have cheated on her even visiting FL counts...this would be karma...else if u have never cheated on her and she cheats on you...dump her and move on with ur life....there are better women out there....:D

[JuzALocalGuy]

I didn't cheat on my partner. At most just see video and forum only.

Have an overseas attachment that period. So.. :(

Thanks for the advise btw.

[CallMeSam]

Yes............... he regularly accused me of cheating before then though.......... f"*cking idiot wasted my time ......... I didn't like him that much to begin with

[kpkblppl2]

there may come to a time in one career that he/she may need to neglect family or love one for a period of time, for example overseas posting for several weeks/months, does that mean it licence to cheat?

but again ask yoourself, have you ever cheated? like going for FL, escort,KTV, ML etc. if you have, then you no saint yourself as well. but this is probably on a different scale as these are fire and forget and cheating is otherwise, with emotion string attached. end of the day, ask yourself if you can accept and ready to move on. dont start digging this few years down the line and bitch about it.

Sure have cheated lah!
TS already said his fault.
The fact he knew how to create a new clone account without using his senior account means he cheated for using SBF.

[kpkblppl2]

If you have cheated on her even visiting FL counts...this would be karma...else if u have never cheated on her and she cheats on you...dump her and move on with ur life....there are better women out there....:D

True and very true.
You wrote like the person in the International thread about karma.

[cassano10]

Time to scrap old car since someone else is driving it n change new car.

[SnowLeopards]

I have heard of this 'you have too much work so I had an affair' bullshit on numerous occasions.

Just dump that female and move on to a hotter partner.

Oh yeah, and about cheating, it happens more than once. ;)

Pierre.

[voluptuousvenus]

Brother, it is easy to advise you to leave that bitch but I will be more pragmatic because I know u love her and willing to spend your forever with her...

We are all human. We get temptations everywhere. Men cheat and say they can separate sex and love. But 'normal' women cheat and usually gets emotionally attached. So if you are really willing to forgive her and move on, make sure she is really over the other guy and is 100% out of her life and not resurface after you're married.

Next, women also cheat because we need constant attention. So sooner or later, during the course of your marriage, if she is suddenly feels neglected, she may look for attention elsewhere. Not because she was once a cheater but because every woman is capable of cheating.

Please keep this in mind, it's never just about u. Don't ever blame yourself.

Only 2 important things:
1. communicate. If u forgive, make sure you will put this behind you and try to rebuild that trust again.
2. Don't neglect each other. 5, 10, 15 years down the road, life will be mundane, it becomes a routine, you will both have needs that you should satisfy. You have to work hard to fulfill that. Marriage is a daily yet rewarding 'chore'.

All the best to you.

[voluptuousvenus]

And by the way, from the way you put it, seems like she wants to come in clean.

It's a good sign brother. She wanted to start with a clean slate and she thinks that she has to tell you because it could be bothering her.

Listen to your instincts. Good luck.

[PandaFluff]

I agree with voluptuousvenus, the fact that she has the balls to tell you must count for something. However this does not negate the fact that she cheated on you.

If you can forgive and forget ( extremely hard to do ) then you might want to give it a second try. Just remember one's mind is a evil thing, meaning that whenever you are away on business or from home your mind will wonder and think "I hope she is not cheating on me"

The most important thing is if you do give her a second change you can never hold the fact that she cheated on you against her. That is a sure way to kill the relationship or marriage.

I also second that it is not your fault. We are all raised to know what is right and wrong. That fact that she landed her self in the temptation to cheat on you shows that she made a cognitive decision to do so. No amount of you working away from home or long hours influenced her that she was unable to distinguish between what is right and what is wrong.

Last words of encouragement if you truly love her and she you then I think you should see if you can make it work. However that decision lies with you and I do not for 1 minute envy you on having to make such a decision.

Peace.....

[kpkblppl2]

And by the way, from the way you put it, seems like she wants to come in clean.

It's a good sign brother. She wanted to start with a clean slate and she thinks that she has to tell you because it could be bothering her.

Listen to your instincts. Good luck.

When there was a strain in the rs then tough to start again.

[randyrockhard]

It's a tough call when someone you love cheated on you.

When your woman cheated on you, you need to make it very clear to her that she would no longer be your 'queen'. She, first and foremost must be made aware that she has relegated her position in the relationship into something that is of lesser than your equal.

I think the biggest soul searching that you need to find is whether or not you are are type of person who would constantly hold her hostage for her betrayal. If you do, then you may want to reconsider breaking it off now.

If let's say that you still want to be with her, it would be prudent for you to name your terms, by making legal agreement with her to ensure that in the event of a future split she would give up her rights for settlement.

I would present that as take it or leave it offer. Always remember this, Women are like monkeys. They would only let go of the branch that they're holding once they are already grabbing to another one. In other words, the only reason a woman is with you now, is because she has not found someone else better.

[MalcomX]

Always remember this, Women are like monkeys. They would only let go of the branch that they're holding once they are already grabbing to another one. In other words, the only reason a woman is with you now, is because she has not found someone else better.

Wow can't agree more with your statement.

[Fur82]

Bro, I can understand howhy you feel as I'm going through the same process. If she's able to disclose this event to you means she is willing to start afresh in this r/s before entering the next chapter. This is time not to make any quick decision, take your time to understand and listen to her core reason that leads her to the affair. There could be more than just negligence. Talk to her calmly without any defensiveness and you will find more to that reason.

Be honest with her on your feeling on how this has affected you. If she can empathise with you, it shows that she wants to work on your r/s. Both of you have to work through this layers and leave no stones unturned. Be willing to forgive when she earn back your trust. Don't "forget" as this should be a reminder not to make future mistake.

Communications is essential now and don't make hasty decision which you will regret later. It's also never your fault as you didnt put a gun on her head to have an affair. But do apologies if you did do your part in the r/s.

Be calm and rational.

[lawry]

It's a tough call when someone you love cheated on you.

When your woman cheated on you, you need to make it very clear to her that she would no longer be your 'queen'. She, first and foremost must be made aware that she has relegated her position in the relationship into something that is of lesser than your equal.

I think the biggest soul searching that you need to find is whether or not you are are type of person who would constantly hold her hostage for her betrayal. If you do, then you may want to reconsider breaking it off now.

If let's say that you still want to be with her, it would be prudent for you to name your terms, by making legal agreement with her to ensure that in the event of a future split she would give up her rights for settlement.

I would present that as take it or leave it offer. Always remember this, Women are like monkeys. They would only let go of the branch that they're holding once they are already grabbing to another one. In other words, the only reason a woman is with you now, is because she has not found someone else better.
Very true.
Further to add.
Most of the time men cheat is for shoot and forget.
Women cheat with feelings.
Means your position is no longer important.
Just that the men she cheated does not want to commit so she lppl come back and tell you because she wants to be so called "clear conscious " with herself.
However, using Randy words. This monkey is already in position to swing and has swing before but swing back cause the other branch broke, this monkey will definitely swing agAin.
That's why forgiving men cheat "call chicken" is ok. Cause no emotion attached the men still love the women.
But forgiving women cheat is another thing. Feelings have been involved.

[voluptuousvenus]

You all seem to make it look like it's ok for men to cheat and women cheaters are called monkeys.

Typical men... Double standards... And we women must just accept you back with open arms?! Ladies now can survive on their own and won't need men to feed them. Thank you very much.

[nutman38]

Well, that is the stereotype for most of the earthlings....

Man cheat is OK - cause only to fulfill their sexual needs - No feelings involved.
But I believe some men will have their feelings involved too.

Women cheat is not OK cause women 90% will have their feelings involved.

So what is right and what is wrong?:confused::confused::confused:

[randyrockhard]

I find it hard to believe that any woman would confess about ever cheating, especially to the man she's about to marry. If she really wants to marry him, normally any woman would try to keep it secret from him.

... say the affair DID happen. It could very well be that her affairs went sour. So bad that in order to remove the element of surprise, she confessed because she knew the cat was about to get out of the bag.

However, the most plausible explanation, I suspect she may actually just want to leave him as soon as possible.

And the sure fire/nastiest way is by telling him that she has cheated on him (it doesn't matter whether this is actually happened or not). If he got upset and leave her, she gets what she wants. If he swallows his pride, she could then say 'I could never be with the man without pride, a man who can not stand up for himself', she also gets what she wants.

I could be wrong though....

[maxsee]

The best thing is still marry someone with good moral values, sex might not be so great but life would probably be fantastic with her :D... Not forgetting that sex only dominates a small part of our life :p.... why would u marry a lady who cheats...it can happen once, it can happen twice...why take the risk :confused:

[freezetheDB]

No one can advise you, because only you will be dealing with the consequences.

[sunkingdonut]

Go google surviving infidelity.

[demonhunter]

Organize a gang bang session for her

:D

[Bullshitlar]

Dump her. Once a cheater forever a cheater, i been there myself. Gave her many chance but still continue.

If her excuse is because u neglect her for awhile or etc then she will do it again and again because in life u cant always be there 100%. They dont have integrity to give u trust and respect then why give them that?

Imagine if u busy again or she busy with work one day? Then spend more time with colleagues. End up will bang colleagues in the car, hotel and etc. She doesn't love you, she just loved to be loved and companionship

Walk away, its hard but it is for the better.

[voluptuousvenus]

Dump her. Once a cheater forever a cheater, i been there myself. Gave her many chance but still continue.

If her excuse is because u neglect her for awhile or etc then she will do it again and again because in life u cant always be there 100%. They dont have integrity to give u trust and respect then why give them that?

Imagine if u busy again or she busy with work one day? Then spend more time with colleagues. End up will bang colleagues in the car, hotel and etc. She doesn't love you, she just loved to be loved and companionship

Walk away, its hard but it is for the better.

I guess you are right. Once a cheater, forever a cheater. Goes for men and women. Why do people want variety? Why can't we just be happy with what we have? Or we are just to weak to avoid temptation? Or is there seriously something missing in our lives?

[pisaiah79]

I guess you are right. Once a cheater, forever a cheater. Goes for men and women. Why do people want variety? Why can't we just be happy with what we have? Or we are just to weak to avoid temptation? Or is there seriously something missing in our lives?

Yes I agree that once a cheater forever a cheater. It takes two hands to initiate a relationship or affair. Likewise, it also takes two hands to break it. I believe that it depends on what an individual would seek in his or her life whether for worthy memories for us to reflect during old age, true love, companion or just for f***. Though it is easy to say than do it. Thus, it is critical for us to maintain our moral values. With that, it would at least act as a guide for us to decide what we really want or do not want...

[pisaiah79]

I guess you are right. Once a cheater, forever a cheater. Goes for men and women. Why do people want variety? Why can't we just be happy with what we have? Or we are just to weak to avoid temptation? Or is there seriously something missing in our lives?

Yes I agree that once a cheater forever a cheater. It takes two hands to initiate a relationship or affair. Likewise, it also takes two hands to break it. I believe that it depends on what an individual would seek in his or her life whether for worthy memories for us to reflect during old age, true love, companion or just for f***. Though it is easy to say than do it. Thus, it is critical for us to maintain our moral values. With that, it would at least act as a guide for us to decide what we really want or do not want...

[cumball]

Fuck her as much as u want then dump her assume. Not worth yr time bro

[Zeelova]

Move on.

She thought she tasted something better.
Then she realize it was better but without commitment
She came running back to you and confess coz she know you well.
Just leave because once she face the same situation again, never know if she will do it again.

You will end up hurt again.

[patrickwei]

I don't believe in relationship anymore in this time of the world, humans have changed, girls have changed. Alone better, buy a sex doll fuck and die with it.

[nutman38]

True, nowadays Girls Change really fast!!! :confused::confused::confused:

[cumball]

Worst if u go on n marry her, women charter is against u. If u cheat on her then her previous cheating is also boh pah kay

[rainynite]

If its me i think if she cheat dont ever let me know.. And if i know definitely i will ditch her. And i think women thinks the same way also, if she know i cheat on her i think she will leave me as well. This is to avoid any conflict in the future as well.

[iloveu1985]

got a fren who called it off just before the wedding. Better to know it before than after. If u can accept it then just go with ur heart. Cos this will linger in ur mind forever. When there is any argument after marriage, there is a chance the other party will bring this up. The ramification would be worst. So are u prepared for it?....

[Cherrygen]

My bf's bro caught me with another guy, he was very upset but he still forgave me and we got married eventually recently. However, my hubby will bring this this up whenever we argued.appears he has the upper hand in our marriage.

TS, ur Wifey-to-be is very upfront.. do forgive her & don't bring this up during argument if possible. If possible, I will not want my partner to know my wrongdoings. :p it takes a lot for her to confess..

[Archerguard]

she asked me:" if one day, my heart is with another guy, what will you do?"

i told her:" only if you ever put into serious thoughts about it.. then we need to discuss.. so it frees up two innocent souls."

..about a year later

she told me:" after putting into serious thoughts.. i need to exit from this relationship.."

..reason was because.. (not important at all even she cheated and my intuition was because of someone else' existence)

i replied her:" i still love you! so please take good care of yourself!"

..and the damn thing was.. we hung out together lovey dovey as Friends six months later.. :p

[Archerguard]

I don't believe in relationship anymore in this time of the world, humans have changed, girls have changed. Alone better, buy a sex doll fuck and die with it.

the day you view the world differently, signified the positive changes in you..

enjoy doing sports is a process.. driving luxury cars is a process.. so do love and relationships.. :)

[happywoody]

getting married is serious stuff.
it shouldn't be taken lightly. forget the legal aspects for a moment, but it's a pledge that you and your partner will go through hell and high water together, start building a home and bring forth new life. it's a commitment to stay together as a family.

so before you plunge into marriage, there is still a chance of calling it off.
cancelling bookings may be face-losing but getting married with hanging doubts would only end in suffering.

yes you can get a divorce later if things don't work out. There are enough stories about how easy and liberating a divorce can be; but there are also stories of bitter battles for custody and financial ruin. And the years in your lives that will be lost.

TS, is your fiancee really over the guy? did she break it off? or the relationship couldn't continue?

a pertinent question: would she have left you for the guy if she could then?
do you think you can ask her that and expect a truthful answer?

just my perspective.

you know your situation best and you will live with the consequences of your choice.

good luck.

[innocentindeed]

Wtf, get one last session then break off!