What are my options?

[larue]

After years of reading these forums, I am in need of advice from people who have gone through the process of divore or separation.

My marriage is at an end. I am leaving after years of wanting to do so.

I don't care whether it is a divorce, separation or even just nothing of any legal status. I'm leaving and I have offered the best terms I possibly can to my wife, which includes among other things, complete child support.

I am leaving soon, but I have so far not been able to get a straight answer on how she wants to end it. Whether it's a divorce,or a deed of separation.

Now, whichever it is that she serves on me, assuming it is divorce or separation papers, I would like to know the options I have if I find the terms disagreeable and too far from what we have previously discussed, whether it is a divorce being served on me, or a separation.

Without going into details, it can be said that both parties have strong claims against each other. At least as beat as can judge it.

Many thanks.

[makeyouhappy]

Please go into details.

Highlight what are the cases she can make against you.

I hope you don't have too much assets to fight over, don't make promises about anything for now regarding child support.

[larue]

I will be providing child support. That much is certain.

[maxsee]

U need a lawyer to advise u on ur options on assets....etc And for child support, give within ur means, it is after all ur own kid. Just dun give beyond ur means, it will come back and haunt you if you are ever out of job. :o

[sammyboyfor]

After years of reading these forums, I am in need of advice from people who have gone through the process of divore or separation.

My marriage is at an end. I am leaving after years of wanting to do so.



What precipitated this tumultuous event?

[larue]

I turned 40...

[sammyboyfor]

I turned 40...

As good a reason as any. :p

[c0cktailov3r]

Dont sign blindly.... you have to engage a different lawyer....

[erkianpeng]

After years of reading these forums, I am in need of advice from people who have gone through the process of divore or separation.

My marriage is at an end. I am leaving after years of wanting to do so.

I don't care whether it is a divorce, separation or even just nothing of any legal status. I'm leaving and I have offered the best terms I possibly can to my wife, which includes among other things, complete child support.

I am leaving soon, but I have so far not been able to get a straight answer on how she wants to end it. Whether it's a divorce,or a deed of separation.

Now, whichever it is that she serves on me, assuming it is divorce or separation papers, I would like to know the options I have if I find the terms disagreeable and too far from what we have previously discussed, whether it is a divorce being served on me, or a separation.

Without going into details, it can be said that both parties have strong claims against each other. At least as beat as can judge it.

Many thanks.

Don’t anyhow promise anything. I have been reading all the Singapore divorce cases. Very interesting. Here is an example of how ugly things can turn out.

http://www.singaporelaw.sg/sglaw/laws-of-singapore/case-law/free-law/high-court-judgments/14602-choo-hwee-nee-v-tan-puay-kern-2011-sghc-158

https://www.google.com.sg/amp/www.asiaone.com/news/plush/high-price-divorce%3famp

Discuss with your lawyer everything. Don’t decide on a whim.

[larue]

Many thanks for all your input. Indeed, I have decided after settling further counsel from those close to me is that I should seek immediate professional legal counsel now rather than wait to be served something, and that's what I'll be doing.

[PunggolCoastal]

Don't divorce. Its very expensive

[Xgenre]

I don't care whether it is a divorce, separation or even just nothing of any legal status. I'm leaving and I have offered the best terms I possibly can to my wife, which includes among other things, complete child support.

I am leaving soon, but I have so far not been able to get a straight answer on how she wants to end it. Whether it's a divorce,or a deed of separation.

How long has it been since you expressed your wish to divorce/separate? If it has been some time and she has not told you how she wishes to end it, maybe she does not wish to end it. You stopped loving her but it does not mean she stopped loving you.

Why are you divorcing? To re-marry? If there is no one else, why not just do informal separation? Live apart (separate rooms or different homes). You get freedom while skipping the expensive divorce process. Splitting assets is no fun. You have every intention to pay child support anyway so this expense is the same regardless of divorce or informal separation. It will be easier on the kids too if it is an informal separation.

Being single at 40 is no joke. Your friends are busy with kids on weekends. Want to jio friends out for beer also not so easy. Weekends having dinner alone while watching couples/families eating is quite a bummer. Being a married man with lots of freedom is a much better option. Being a divorced guy at 40 with kids is less scary than being a divorced lady with kids. She may find it much harder to find new love.

I met a 35 year old lady with a 8 year old daughter for coffee via wechat. She is actually a very nice lady. Easy to chat with. She told me she prefers to give her husband lots of freedom rather than to divorce. At least he will still come home to spend time with the daughter even though they sleep in different rooms now. She told me it is hard to replace the male influence (male role model) in her daughter's life if she divorces. She is glad he is having sex outside. At least she does not have to feel pressured into having sex. She has low sex drive after pregnancy anyway. To make things more unbelievable, her daughter and her travel together with the husband and his gf. 2 separate rooms, she sleeps with her daughter. Anything is better than divorce for her. If he dies, she gets a fully paid HDB. He can never will away her share of the HDB to his gf even if he wants. At least her daughter and her will never end up homeless.

[damong777]

Bro....get a lawyer specializing in family law most important

Things to do while pending divorce or separation
1) whatever u paying or giving her for maintenance must still continue
2) same for kid
3) dun post or get caught in anything which may be of disadvantages to u
4) if got money in joint account dun touch. Got extra put under parent before being serviced
5) any verbal agreement is useless between wife as no witness. Wait till go to mediation for mutual divorce then agree to anything. Dun commit without ur lawyer especially verbal or written.
6) any amount u agree to for divorce remember if lump sum is 50% payable when intermediate or first judgement come out. 50% when final 3 months later. If got house decide first u want to sell or take over share.
7) never agree to $1 maintenance...will be death knell for u if u do.

This was what my lawyer taught me when I was in midst of my divorce. Hope it will help

[Piak King]

oh ,hope i'm not end up this way ...

[larue]

Thanka for all the information everyone.

We have done a formal separation as a prelude to an eventual divorce. I know it's hard on them, but time will hopefully heal everything.

But indeed it's not easy for everyone at the moment because the adjustment is incredibly difficult, and the hurt still very raw for her.

[abclover]

You have ernormous courage to serve the separation, which is daunting to many. Hope all things turns out well for both party. Most innocent is the child.

As long as both party agrees to the terms of the separation, the legal costs can be greatly saved rather than waste on unnecessary bickering over assets.

[erkianpeng]

Bro....get a lawyer specializing in family law most important

Things to do while pending divorce or separation
1) whatever u paying or giving her for maintenance must still continue
2) same for kid
3) dun post or get caught in anything which may be of disadvantages to u
4) if got money in joint account dun touch. Got extra put under parent before being serviced
5) any verbal agreement is useless between wife as no witness. Wait till go to mediation for mutual divorce then agree to anything. Dun commit without ur lawyer especially verbal or written.
6) any amount u agree to for divorce remember if lump sum is 50% payable when intermediate or first judgement come out. 50% when final 3 months later. If got house decide first u want to sell or take over share.
7) never agree to $1 maintenance...will be death knell for u if u do.

This was what my lawyer taught me when I was in midst of my divorce. Hope it will help

Why agreeing to $1 maintenance can be a death knell? I know that the other side can subsequently request to up it when needed. Is this the reason?

[damong777]

Why agreeing to $1 maintenance can be a death knell? I know that the other side can subsequently request to up it when needed. Is this the reason?

Yes in a way. Depending on the standard of life u used to provide as basis. And imagine u have a new family kid etc then kena hit by a new burden of maintenance.

U never know when ur ex may exercise this option. So try not to be naive when agreeing on $1...sound great but implication not every lawyer will explain.