Advise needed
 

Hi good evening everyone,

I need some advise badly, really hope that someone out there could help, there the story goes :-

I got to know N about 3.5 years ago in a seminar in Philippines, after i came back to singapore, we exchanges emails for few months and started to develop feelings for each other. It was about 3 years ago that she had decided to come to singapore to work, everything was fine, she got her job easily. We promise each other that we will grow old together.

A year after we are together, i found out that she had a baby boy in Philippines and she is divorced. (she send her pay to Phil for the boy expenses) and she was forgiven cos i really love her a lot. (she is a very nice, understanding and sweet ger). During this period, my business failed, i lost everything and yet she is there for me every minutes, taking care of me, we even reach a stage whereby 2 of us have to share a packet of economy rice for a while day meal. I was very down during that period of time, i order to survive, i am giving tuition. things just goes on this way.

On 3rd March 09, she took a month leave to go back to Phil to be with his boy. On 4th April, she is back and things just start to go wrong. She brought back a lappy saying it was from her aunti, when i as trying to help her to configure the lappy, i found out that it was from her ex husband, after probing in further, she confess to me that she slept with him once during her 1 month break. i lost my cool, i slap her lightly on her face once (i know its my fault to lay my hand on a ger) She is once again forgiven.

5th April (Sunday), i went tuition in the morning, when i was back home in the afternoon, she is no longer there, no news at all from her ......, i called the no she called me from Phil (she told me it was her dad's no), i found out that it was actually her husband, we chatted a while, he was angry and sad and told me in Phillinines there is no divorce.

6th April (Mon), i went to her work place to look for her ..... she is not there, we lost communication. (her mobile is not on)

7th April (tue), i cant control anymore, its too painful in the heart, i went to look for her boss and was told that she is on urgent leave.

8th April (Wed), i tried all ways and means to locate her .... its unsuccessful.

9th April (thur), i called her boss at 2pm earlier, was told that he cant locate her also and she is officially terminated. was told by 1 of her friend that she had went back to Phil.

I am totally lost, my heart ache like hell, no peace ...... what shall i do, i really wish some kind soul out there with a clear mind can give me some advise ........

Re: Advise needed
 

Bro Sailfish...

From what you have written, you can see for yourself that actually you have already answer for yourself what you should do..

Bro, letting it go is the hardest especially she follows you thru your most difficult period.. Still, from what you've stated it's pretty clear cut.. She has played the game and realised that she played too deep, thus "evacuate" already..

Take care..

Re: Advise needed
 

And oh yeah... You're gonna get that message from Sammy that your thread title "advise" is wrong but should be "advice".. something like that.. Most people do make that simple mistake so don't take it to heart :D

Re: Advise needed
 

T.S, Do you know what you did wrong?

Re: Advise needed
 

You need to focus on yourself and your own business/financial situation. While it may be comforting to have a woman stand by you she is with her husband. She may not want to be there but you really cannot change it at this moment. I really think you should get back to standing on your own feet and you will be better off. You may meet someone else while you are going through this and that could be the love of your life. Try to spperate the two problems because when you intertwine them it makes things worse. You are the priority.

Re: Advise needed
 

Our greatest strength lies in being able to pick ourselves up after we've fallen.

Bro, you must stop thinking of her now and regain control over your life. She might have just came to SG to seek a means of earning money - which she did from you. Harsh words I speak here, but sometimes being harsh is neccessary to wake someone up.

Give yourself a bit more time to get over this, and then start getting your life back in order. Yes, you can still emo about this issue but, honestly, if she doesn't give a damn about you anymore, you ought to treat her the same way.

Just be wary of falling into the same trap, brother, but at the same time, don't pack yourself up too tightly =)

Re: Advise needed
 

Ah.... clear minded advice? No need la, you already said everything yourself. You forgave all her previous lies what. But this big big lie, she knows she cannot pass liao. Run run away lor. End of story. Icebergs are icebergs, they will never fully surface to the top for you to see everything.

No point sticking on to memories, no matter who stayed with you through your toughest or best time, it is just a matter of timing. When you need her, she also needed you. Fair deal for both. Yes she could have left, but you were too smittened to let her go so she stayed with you lo. Tough to get another guy at so short notice anyways.

Once you accept her true nature, you won't be lost. People only get lost when they tell themselves they need to travel north but yet move towards anything but the north. Time to wake up, she ain't worth it, certainly not another single moment of longing.

Take care dude ;)

Re: Advise needed
 

One more thing:

A scorpion never changes its nature =) Read the story here. Once bitten, twice shy, brother TS...but never forget that your true love is out there, and that that true love should NOT be shortchanged on the trust you give.

Gambatte! =)

Re: Advise needed
 

A Happy GOod Friday to everyone.

I wanna thank everyone for replying to my thread. Indeed it helps a lot, i am feling much better now, the wound will take sometime to recover and during this period, i will get ready for he battle ahead.

May Peace, Happiness and Love be with all of you always.

Re: Advise needed
 

"No money, No honey"

Move on TS. She isn't worth your time.
But some thing you gotta learn to be smarter:

1) If a gal doesn't come clean with her story, such as one in such importants as in your case before she embark on a relationship with you, you gotta be weary and observant before throwing your full committment into the relationship.

2) Learn to protect and love yourself. By forgiving her most of the time despite there was act of betrayal, you are directly giving her the green light to betray you more. And all these is hurting you.

Alot of both men and women could not bear to end the relationship despite it was obvious that it will do no good for them in the long run, for reason that they are used to that someone and fear loneliness again, for lust when they took it as love.

I tell you ppl. If you never want to be good to yourself, no one will be good to you. Not even God can help them.

Re: Advise needed
 

Bro Sailfish,

She didn't come clean from Day 1, one lie after another, she knows she can't cover up any longer so better to disappear. Blessing in disguise, bro, count yourselves lucky.There might be a bigger cover-up....Move on and re-build your life and career.

To You & All Bros :D

Have a Good Friday holiday and enjoy the long weekends!

Re: Advise needed
 

Once again, i wanna thanks those who replied to this thread. You wake me up, thanks !!!!

Thou its still aching in the heart, no peace, missing her .... i guess it will take sometime for me to recover. I will pack myself up, re-build my life.

A Big thank you to everyone! Best Wishes !!!!!!!!!!

Re: Advise needed
 

Now you're goin thru cold turkey like a drug addict...
You'll suffer mentally, and physically as well......
Watever happens, stay focused on your road to recovery, wat you're goin thru now is your body purging the toxins out.
Let the cycle complete and you'll be fine...trust me, been there too:D
Just remember, should the DRUG surface, dun start abusing yourself wif it again, just ignore and walk away from it.
Cos if you addicted to it again, it'll be 1000 more times difficult than this round!

Re: Advise needed
 

Dear TS,

You hve to let go and also to allow yourself to heal. Imgagine what her husband must be feeling now? His wife went to anoher country and shacked up with another guy.

A wise man once said... If you re crying about not being to buy a shoe, think about the guy who has no legs to buy shoes for.

So please be stong, you still have get your business back up and to recover... So do no spend too much time on spilt milk.

Re: Advise needed
 

Should be "I need some ADVICE badly." and "..can give me some ADVICE.".

"Advise" is a verb.

The girl is just screwing around with you. You have served your purpose and you have now been discarded.

Get a new girl.