[lament]

Marriage in the Air

This past week have been rather scary, one of my gal call me from Vietnam and ask for my hand, this is follow up by my gal still in Singapore. Just last night, I got bombarded with another request. My excuse being that I am not able to provide them any support and so I will not agree. If I do want, I have to ensure that they are clean from whatever past trade they are in. Its not that I mind what they do for a living, I don’t really bother.

It also seems like recently many gals from Viet zone is bringing up the topic of marriage to their loved ones. Giving the recent spate of events, this is fast becoming popular once again. Many understand the safety net offered by having a Singapore husband. They are many real marriages but also many scams as reported in the papers.

For the naïve ones whom just their journey into this zone, I like to give my 2-cents worth of advise. To many, marriage means a union of 2 people out of love. With a Viets, it means a union with her and her family

Taking a leaf of a friend of mine whom just got married in Vietnam, his wife is not those whom works in any of the night life joint. Prior to his marriage to this gal, he was with another gal.

For her, he sacrifices his marriage in Singapore and moved to Vietnam to work. Plans of marriage were in place the moment he gets his divorce approved. Things are rosy and fine till her family falls into bad times. He did his best to support her and her family. He even invested in a small café so that the family could earn their own keep. But then they are lazy and simply ask him for help. To him, her own immediate family asking for help is a small matter.

Then the relatives started asking for help too, her family pressured her to ask him to help her uncles and aunties. Being filial which is what most Vietnamese are towards their family. She ask and he helps but then the asking never stops. Hence they quarrel often and thus broke up.

Remember this always. To a Vietnamese, their immediate family always rank high in their priority followed by the siblings of their parents. Friends are next in the list and husband often rank last.

Many a times, the gals here in Singapore are here for a reason and that is to help their own family back home. They pamper the family with most often or not, bulk of the money that they earned. An understanding family will spend wisely but Vietnamese are known gamblers and many parents often squander such wealth on gambling.

I remember a gal whom send half her earnings to her mum whom squander it all in gambling and incur additional debts which even her half have to be contributed and is insufficient. She thus have to return to work to pay off the debts and interest rates from illegal money lenders in Vietnam are very high up to as much as 50%. Unlike Singapore, the police are corrupted and thus do not bother.

I am not against marriages but then before one take that plunge and prepares for marriage. Think rationally and the real reason of it all. The cultural difference of our countries takes time too comprehend. It took me almost 2 years to learn their culture and ways.