Do I really need counselling?

[eternally]

Can't seem to get myself out of "this".
"this" referring to get to knw more married men & hoping for more & more thrilling excitements/actions to happen.

What has become of me? I'm a obedient ger in front of my family, friends & colleagues. But after office hours, I'm a different ger. Does that means I have double personality? Or is it to get the attention from guys Leading me to sink deeply..

And I can't talk this out with my friends or family. Have tried controlling myself to stop meeting them but each time my urge to meet become stronger.
Do I really need to go for counselling?

[hugs]

maybe see a doctor? u look sick(i can be wrong)

[arsenal_84]

so can i presume that you're actually free lunch to these married men ?
or is there some monetary benefits in return ?

seriously, what to you hope to get out of a rs with a married fellow ?

[Komuso]

Perhaps a good place to start is to ask yourself what exactly it is about married men that you find so attractive? Keep pushing your questions in that direction and you might discover what it is you're really after. It may reveal something about yourself that surprises you - for better or for worse.

The concept of being "an obedient girl" is not relevant to the problem here. All that idea means is the act of behaving in manner considered morally acceptable in front of people who expect that kind of behaviour. In theory, if you went to an island where people were having sex enthusiastically all day long with each other with no concern for marriages, you would be the abnormal one instead.

The fact that you use the words "urge", "controlling myself", and "double personality" means that you are already agreeing to the fact that such behaviour is morally wrong, before you can fairly ask yourself what is it exactly that you want.

If you want to stick to the position that dating and/or sleeping with married men is wrong, then yes, you will be faced with a lot of guilt and you probably need to go for lots of counselling to force yourself to change.

If you are not satisfied with simply being what other people say you should be however, then perhaps it's better to give yourself a chance and reflect on your needs and wants in a fair manner. You may find that in the end it's not even married men that you really want.

[Komuso]

Can't seem to get myself out of "this".
"this" referring to get to knw more married men & hoping for more & more thrilling excitements/actions to happen.

What has become of me? I'm a obedient ger in front of my family, friends & colleagues. But after office hours, I'm a different ger. Does that means I have double personality? Or is it to get the attention from guys Leading me to sink deeply..

And I can't talk this out with my friends or family. Have tried controlling myself to stop meeting them but each time my urge to meet become stronger.
Do I really need to go for counselling?
Perhaps a good place to start is to ask yourself what exactly it is about married men that you find so attractive? Keep pushing the question in that direction and you might discover what it is you're really after.

The concept of being "an obedient girl" is not relevant to the problem here. All that means is behaving in manner considered morally acceptable in front of people who expect that kind of behaviour. In theory, if you went to an island where everyone was enthusiastically bedding each other without regard for marriage, you would be the abnormal one instead.

The fact that you use the words "urge", "controlling myself", and "double personality" means that you are already agreeing to the fact that such behaviour is morally wrong, before you can fairly ask yourself what is it exactly that you want.

If you want to stick to the position that dating married men is wrong, then yes, you will be faced with a lot of guilt and you probably need to go for counselling to force yourself to change.

If you don't want to be simply what other people say you should be, then perhaps it's better to give yourself a chance and reflect on your needs and wants in a fair manner. You may find that in the end it's not even married men that you really want.

[heineken]

i think you are too lonely and have a lot of time to spare, find your friends or look for a steady BF to spend with, after sometime you will be able to stop all this.

[etct88]

Can't seem to get myself out of "this".
"this" referring to get to knw more married men & hoping for more & more thrilling excitements/actions to happen.

What has become of me? I'm a obedient ger in front of my family, friends & colleagues. But after office hours, I'm a different ger. Does that means I have double personality? Or is it to get the attention from guys Leading me to sink deeply..

And I can't talk this out with my friends or family. Have tried controlling myself to stop meeting them but each time my urge to meet become stronger.
Do I really need to go for counselling?

Boss will tell you go do charity work, meet nice people, and don't listen to us...:p

[hickeybites]

a person can have many layers/sides/personas (whatever u want to call them) to cope or deal with what's in front of them. it's often not easy to be brutally open with the ones closest to us & confide in them the "ugly" side. at times, it's like u can be with ur friends & family but yet feel so alone cos there's the other side of u can't reveal for fear of being judged. my 2c is that an objective/unbiased listening ear like a counselor is a good option to consider.

perhaps there are other underlying issues that motivate this urge to be with married men. I don't know ur full situation but imo someone who actually questions herself "What has become of me?" is not someone who is blind to the perils/pitfalls but wishes for change.
No harm talking to a professional counselor & just letting it all out... u never know what may come out of the sessions

[sheerfun1977]

Maybe you have a tendency to take something from others. Or things that are untouchable? It is probably true also that you enjoy sex and the thrill of the "unacceptable"..most importantly, ask yourself when you really want to stop this?

[uncle gg]

thrills fades with age by this "time"; time which hypothetically presumed as the period when you start to feel emptiness.

how worthy to spent your effort on such thrills? you may start to wonder. :rolleyes:

[keke]

You only need one counselor here, let me calm you down :p:p

[goodpartner]

Saw this helpline in papers today:

Association for Devoted and Active Men (ADAM)
The crisis hotline for men in Singapore facing marital or domestic problems.

Go google for the number as paper didn't list it.

[tychoon77]

hi,

your case seems to be very diff from others...i have a few questions for u?

1)are u deprived of someone which is important of u in the past?
2)is that sumone being snatched away by a married or maybe a divorcee?
3)mayb i dun agreed that u find married man attractive,rather,they may have something in them which u r looking for...eg,they can listen better,sense of secureness or responsibilty perhaps,& etc...

or maybe,u oni wanted a NCR now,or in the near future???rather then being tied down by one guy???

Inregardless of wad it may b,its not a sickness,dun worry unduly!whatever u do,just make sure u live the best out of everyday in your lifez,enjoy!!!:)

[grandeforte]

wat's so sick? some likes milf, some likes syt, some likes single gals n some likes married woman. so gals can oso like men of different status mah. anyway, most people here r leading a double life so u r not alone.

[eternally]

10s all for the replies. Now my life turns upside down cos of another personal issue. Need sometime to settle dwn or to solve it.

[eternally]

maybe see a doctor? u look sick(i can be wrong)

Thx for ur "blessing". I'm really sick now :(

[hugs]

babe, it was a lucky guess. felt ur tension in ur post so i was hinting u shd look after ur health. emotional stress leads to physically falling ill. i am guessing u wont calm down in a short time(meaning u may be in this turbulence for awhile) so i am trying to make u notice ur health. altho some bro act smart n misread me. anyway look away for awhile from the situation n rest more now. take care.

[thomastankuku]

Well girl ah, if u are who you claim you are and you actually also never let go much leh plus since you also asking about HIV testing and etc best is better fast hand fast legs go look for proper help.

Unless you want to be a whore and find no meaning in life or think u not really alive until play with danger and death really no point troll for attention like this. more likely tio burn.

This is whoring forum not agony aunt or marketplace to fish for Fb so dont know wat thrill u get.

Sick body go see doctor. sick mind also sama sama. Want proper advice must look properly mah! Hang out here u think is like real life sorry u very mistaken liao lor.

[eternally]

Well girl ah, if u are who you claim you are and you actually also never let go much leh plus since you also asking about HIV testing and etc best is better fast hand fast legs go look for proper help.

This is whoring forum not agony aunt or marketplace to fish for Fb so dont know wat thrill u get.

Sick body go see doctor. sick mind also sama sama. Want proper advice must look properly mah! Hang out here u think is like real life sorry u very mistaken liao lor.

it's never my 1st choice to thot of posting here (maybe some will say if not 1st choice then come here post for what) but beside here where else I can tell my problems. Now I'm all alone in this kind of situation, I can't tell this to my family or even closer friends.

I really deserved it to come to this end. Sincerely apologize to cause problems to some. I knw it's no use crying over spills milk now, what I can do now is to seek a correct way to solve it.

Now I'm at a loss too as I will be fighting this all by myself. No family or friends by my side.

[hugs]

thomas can u leave her alone?:mad:

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Foreword: No offend intended and No pun intended.

Sis eternally, our IMH runs an outpatient NASS program (National Addictions Management Service) whereby patients are put through sessions of psychotherapy to help them develop coping strategies for dealing with such addiction and urges.

Again, please do not misunderstand my post and I understand the stigma of being treated for a mental problem may put you off going forward to seek treatment. Your type of case should be at most level 2 (Levels of severity). Please gather your courage to seek treatment early. Good luck! :)

[thomastankuku]

Strange leh why some people act so fake da jie and caring as if only they can be saint!

Dun care lar!

Sis eternally, I dont have many advice for you. Only will say that life is tough and instead of looking for trouble we should try to make things easier.

If you are lonely and need friends be proactive and friendly. It will make a diff

Do not entertain idea that being whore or throw urself at other people will make anyrhing better. Will just make u more dissatisfy ugly and disgusting!

So if you think attention from people with unknown motive from a sleazy hangout like here going to change ur life you just going to be disappointed.

It is right to be responsible for ur action coz show u still got backbone n pride but whatz next? Life is a road must keep walking one! If u need help go helpline like SOS not chatline. If you need medical help go see real doctor.

cannot fight fire with screwdriver correct?

Problem got solution one. And some better than others. No point self pity sob story if not going to do anything.

But dont be stupid look for instant cure and easy solution end up wreck ur life.

Despite wat some people think, I not here to make trouble so will not post here liao. Have a gd life! U dont fight n just give up come here look for frenship or easy fuck will just be fulfil other peoples view n judgement of u liao lor.

[jonrai]

thomas can u leave her alone?:mad:

Hi Hugs, she need somebody or stranger to guide her, i think SBF sis will be more suitable...

[devan69]

Hi sis I do have the some prob as u last time and mostly r cause by stress in work , family or bf if u have . And hw I end up solving tis prob which is I met tis special gal from online , and slowly we become close and tell everything to her. She did her part to explain and share my prob wif mi so I think u need to find tat special to tok to okie ?

[Xgenre]

Asking the question 'do i really need counselling?' is already the first warning sign from your inner conscience. It's always exciting to leave a 2nd life, to meet strangers you will never meet in your own life, to do things that are so absurd that it's like living a dream. Don't complain you've got no friends to confide in. It's because your friends and family doesn't know what you are doing in your 2nd life that gives you some courage to be so 'wild' isn't it? But do you have what it takes emotionally to live such a life?

I really do think you need counselling. Among the sbf ladies that i've chatted with, YOU are the one that strikes me the most. There's a fine line between living an exciting life and living a crazy life. The things you share with me are crazy. In fact, i msn you last week to express concern. I will keep the details to myself.

For some guys, sometimes the excitement from meeting a girl from online is how far more you can get out of a lady stranger. These guys might suggest crazy things that they won't be able to ask their normal lady friends. If the online girl rejects him, that girl has no way of telling his real-life friends what a sicko he is. You are prone to accepting the sicko requests from these guys. That's why I think you are crazy at times...

Only you can stop yourself. I do wish you well sister. Truly.

[hugs]

do what bro X n IK suggested.

i cannot help u much becos i have no exp on addiction like that. but wld like to say this, can u take the devil u will become? n can u later on differentiate which is the real u? can u handle when things start to merge...

[see see only]

Can't seem to get myself out of "this".
"this" referring to get to knw more married men & hoping for more & more thrilling excitements/actions to happen.

Hi TS,

I guess you are just playing a role in life in this period to remind married men to rethink about their marriage life. :) To make them regret on their marriage or remind them how much they love their wife ???? :rolleyes:


But most important of all, you simply enjoy the "winning feeling" over their wife to satisfy your lack of self-confident. Until you get more mature to understand such "winning feeling" means nothing at all or manage to get the right one that can give you the confident, you wont stop.


So in my opinion, nothing wrong or so sick about ....... the day will come but just try not to over do it or hurt anyone too badly ;)

[eternally]

Thx all for the advices & concerns.

Xgenre: forgotten what u msn me .. Only rem u ask me y I posted "something" in my msn. Other than this, I dun rem Liao.
Maybe u can refresh my memory when I get online again.

[eternally]

Express my sincere thx to someone whom stand by me thru a few of your pm though I din reply ur pm. U knw who u r I guess.

And to some, who may think im still looking for married man..pls dun come disturb me now !! I got more issues to solve.

And some who wants to chat out of forum & request to add msn or email.
I was thinking y can't u all give me advices here rather than chat outside?
Is there anything to hide or what.

[orneryjoe]

eternally...

"The way we see a problem IS the problem" (S Covey)

Your interest in married men is not very different from that of men who crave for commercial sex.

It feels exciting to do it, and so you want to repeat the experience. At the same time it also contains risks and your conscience (which is merely the sum total of probably conventional mores) pricks you and so you want to try to stop this guilty pleasure.

I have no advice to offer, since we -- many of us -- are in precisely the same predicament. For myself, I have learned to largely ignore my conscience and just live life -- so long as reasonable precautions are taken and one does not hurt others, I don't consider it a problem at all.

[hugs]

TS u r welcome n thanks for upz.

[yang punk]

What has become of me? I'm a obedient ger in front of my family, friends & colleagues. But after office hours, I'm a different ger. Does that means I have double personality? Or is it to get the attention from guys Leading me to sink deeply..



Hi E

You have low self esteem. The rejection by your first (?) bf so traumatized you that you are now trying to prove to yourself that you ARE desirable to men. All your desire to be a slut and taste for kinky sex are to get back at your ex-bf... revenge in a way for him being so strict with you...can't do this , can't do that, can't wear this or that (he's a prude...right?)

Why married men? Cos they ARE married, that you are trying to prove you are better than their wives.

Don't self-destruct...go seek professional counseling! You are hurting yourself not you ex. Don't hurt your parents...they don't deserve it.

Take care.

[Mitsuki]

to TS..

dear.. there is nothing wrong, it's just your personal preference and how you want to lead your life. however if you think that you might need counselling because of relating to what you had mentioned 'split personality' not really. as 'split personality' you won't even know what the other personality is.

anyway from a psychological point of view, can you ask yourself a few questions?

do you come from a broken family or family problems?
do you think that your friends and colleagues hypocrites?
do you have the attitute whereby you cannot lose to others?
do you feel that with these men you would go on forever?


if the above any one was true then it's because of particular events that lead to you only looking for such men now.
if not, your fine as you are just being who you are.

anyway good luck in your life k.

[hommedoux]

Hi TS,

Came across the following article and you probably might want to take a look.

http://thoughtsondating.com/2010/01/11/woman-the-married-man-syndrome-why-it-happens-what-it-means/

Hope this will help you in whichever little way.

Take care and have a nice weekend.

[hugs]

Hi TS,

Came across the following article and you probably might want to take a look.

http://thoughtsondating.com/2010/01/11/woman-the-married-man-syndrome-why-it-happens-what-it-means/

Hope this will help you in whichever little way.

Take care and have a nice weekend.

QUOTE FROM THE ABOVE MENTIONED ARTICLE.."The thing is, with a women who suffers from the addiction to dating married men, she will feel the physical effects of the heartache more than most and sometimes as much as a person coming off of a hard drug, such as heroin. She may have the shakes, vomiting, fever-the works. And there are only two things to do. Get through the withdrawal so she can be physically fit enough to date another married man to satisfy the psychological craving. the other is to get some help from a doctor who can give medication to make the physical symptoms go away, or at least lessen them some. Then she needs to get into counseling to work out her problems.

What to Do Next?
What a women does next is really up to her. It is not her fault she keeps getting into these situations, but it is the guy’s fault or helping her and not saying no."


TS, pls take care of ur own health ok? perhaps u want to find other form of addiction. like say for me i am addicted to swimming n walking.

[arsenal_84]

I have no advice to offer, since we -- many of us -- are in precisely the same predicament. For myself, I have learned to largely ignore my conscience and just live life -- so long as reasonable precautions are taken and one does not hurt others, I don't consider it a problem at all.

conscience is the only thing that keeps my mind intact when i started chionging. it also acts as a restraint to prevent from overindulging in guilty pleasures...slowly i'm learning how to cope with my HSD.

[orneryjoe]

conscience is the only thing that keeps my mind intact when i started chionging. it also acts as a restraint to prevent from overindulging in guilty pleasures...slowly i'm learning how to cope with my HSD.

What is conscience? Is conscience a reliable guide of behaviour?

When one thinks about it, conscience is merely the sum total of all the messages that one has been fed with from young from various sources such as parents, teachers, peers, priests and media. As such, conscience is no more than the conventional opinions surrounding one's cultural environment. Much of it is not based on informed knowledge at all but it tends to be moralistic and conservative.

A better guide to behaviour than conscience is rational thinking. This is much harder to do though because it means that before one engages on an action, one needs to reason to oneself just what is the appropriate route to take. As an aid to rational thinking, reading and learning from experts would be a big help -- especially the latest research from psychology and other sciences as well as philosophical writings. Any decision one takes is then more likely to be sound rather than based on uninformed opinion.

Aristotle said a long time ago: "The unexamined life is not worth living." Fail to examine your conscience and you become the mere mental slave of your past.

[DAdults]

What is conscience? Is conscience a reliable guide of behaviour?

When one thinks about it, conscience is merely the sum total of all the messages that one has been fed with from young from various sources such as parents, teachers, peers, priests and media. As such, conscience is no more than the conventional opinions surrounding one's cultural environment. Much of it is not based on informed knowledge at all but it tends to be moralistic and conservative.

A better guide to behaviour than conscience is rational thinking. This is much harder to do though because it means that before one engages on an action, one needs to reason to oneself just what is the appropriate route to take. As an aid to rational thinking, reading and learning from experts would be a big help -- especially the latest research from psychology and other sciences as well as philosophical writings. Any decision one takes is then more likely to be sound rather than based on uninformed opinion.

Aristotle said a long time ago: "The unexamined life is not worth living." Fail to examine your conscience and you become the mere mental slave of your past.

I believe you made some good points with regards to the issue of conscience and how it may be shaped by others such that it ceases to be a reliable guide to base your actions upon. Hence the need, ultimately, to reflect upon your morals.

Imho, I believe it still ultimately boils down to your morals; or what you would describe as the individual definition of conscience, correct? My experience is that each of us has his or her set of guiding principles (my definition of conscience btw). It may be, for your case that the general principle is not to hurt anyone in the cause of your actions and anything else goes, which may or may not be the same as the guiding principles of others. So be it. It is, still a guiding principle, and by my may-not-be-accurate definition, it is part of your conscience.

In other words, I am trying to say that doing reflection on your list of guiding principles is good. But not to the extent of abandoning them althogether. I kinda of relate abandoning guiding principles to the denying of the value of all I have done based on those principles abandoned. Hope this makes what you are trying to convey clearer.

As for TS, I am sure she has her own set of guiding principles; principles that has served her well in the past, now and probably in the future. We can't and should not influence her in this matter. What we could do, as she herself have mentioned, is to give her the time to think things through. I only hope by then, she can confide these delicate issues to a suitable candidate, whom she can trust, and will not look at her in another light, thereby affecting the quality of the relationship shared.

I say this now, not in hope, but with certainty, TS will definitely overcome this rough patch! Jia You!

[eternally]

Double posting

[eternally]

As for TS, I am sure she has her own set of guiding principles; principles that has served her well in the past, now and probably in the future. We can't and should not influence her in this matter. What we could do, as she herself have mentioned, is to give her the time to think things through. I only hope by then, she can confide these delicate issues to a suitable candidate, whom she can trust, and will not look at her in another light, thereby affecting the quality of the relationship shared.


wondering who shall be the suitable candidate?
Will it be the more I try to control the addiction, the more I will feel like wanting.

Hugs: I not addicted to any things right now.

[Komuso]

What is conscience? Is conscience a reliable guide of behaviour?

When one thinks about it, conscience is merely the sum total of all the messages that one has been fed with from young from various sources such as parents, teachers, peers, priests and media. As such, conscience is no more than the conventional opinions surrounding one's cultural environment. Much of it is not based on informed knowledge at all but it tends to be moralistic and conservative.

A better guide to behaviour than conscience is rational thinking. This is much harder to do though because it means that before one engages on an action, one needs to reason to oneself just what is the appropriate route to take. As an aid to rational thinking, reading and learning from experts would be a big help -- especially the latest research from psychology and other sciences as well as philosophical writings. Any decision one takes is then more likely to be sound rather than based on uninformed opinion.

Aristotle said a long time ago: "The unexamined life is not worth living." Fail to examine your conscience and you become the mere mental slave of your past.

I hope I dont come across as being too critical, but going through the comments so far I guess even the Singaporeans who frequent this forum are still by and large a very moral bunch! Note the use of terms like 'addiction' and 'conscience'. All I'm saying is that perhaps we should give ourselves a chance and consider whether what is commonly held as 'wrong' really amounts to that. I think Orneryjoe's comment is the most reasonable one I've seen so far. Love that quote from Aristotle by the way :)

While on the one hand we may say TS needs time to think things through, it doesn't make sense to think over an 'addiction' - the use of the word already presupposes that what she's doing is wrong. In that case what is there left to think about?

TS, no offence but if you already feel that you are trying to control an 'addiction', you have already accused yourself of having a problem. But is that really true? Is it really wrong? Think about it.

[eternally]

Its not an addition. Its a power issue. Somewhere along the way, you enjoy the power you have over the married man. The danger of getting caught, is thrilling and exciting. etc etc
.

what do u mean by getting caught? By their wives?

Really thx all once again for the advices. Learning to move on & start a new life. Or shall I say.. Maybe it's time for me to find a new stable fb/lover (not married)to accompany me.

[arsenal_84]

What is conscience? Is conscience a reliable guide of behaviour?

When one thinks about it, conscience is merely the sum total of all the messages that one has been fed with from young from various sources such as parents, teachers, peers, priests and media. As such, conscience is no more than the conventional opinions surrounding one's cultural environment. Much of it is not based on informed knowledge at all but it tends to be moralistic and conservative.

A better guide to behaviour than conscience is rational thinking. This is much harder to do though because it means that before one engages on an action, one needs to reason to oneself just what is the appropriate route to take. As an aid to rational thinking, reading and learning from experts would be a big help -- especially the latest research from psychology and other sciences as well as philosophical writings. Any decision one takes is then more likely to be sound rather than based on uninformed opinion.

Aristotle said a long time ago: "The unexamined life is not worth living." Fail to examine your conscience and you become the mere mental slave of your past.

i believed conscience is a form of reliable guide for behavior.
for most ppl is either conscience or logical thinking that is the last form of self-reflecting before having a mental break, both thought process seldom occur together.
most ppl would use logical thinking to sort out a situation at the first attempt if it doesn't work then they turn to conscience.
one can easily lose his soul in the working world but is the conscience left in him that defines what kind of person he really is.
i feel the values imparted by one's parents is very important coupled with your own personal values cause without them, one can easily become a soulless person.

call me an optimist but i like to to believe everyone is capable in correcting whatever they need to do with their lives.

[orneryjoe]

Insofar as most of us are comfortable about conforming to the conventional mores of our community, I would grant that conscience is a useful guide to behaviour -- just because conscience, too, tends to be in agreement with such mores.

But to really rise above the conventional mores that define a community, relying on conscience just wouldn't do. I would submit that it is the easier solution and mostly a workable one too -- but it is not the best solution. The best solution is working things out for oneself through a process of reflection, study and more reflection.

Conventionally, for instance, monogamy is the dominant paradigm in most developed societies. But it is largely a failed paradigm -- most of such communities suffer from high divorce rates, and on the side, there's a whole lot of cheating going on. Addiction to pornography is also extremely common. Indeed, the popularity of this website is added evidence that man (and maybe even woman) may not be naturally suited to monogamy. But conventionally, because of the cultural norms of the past, everyone has to pretend to be monogamous. Some are racked with guilt for longing to have sex outside marriage -- because they are pricked by their conscience. What a waste of human energy. This is one clear instance when conventional morality is a bad idea.

[eternally]

I have the rights to comment whatever I like in my thread. Not like some pple maybe don't even have the courage to face the problem or even zapping behind pple's back.

[orneryjoe]

Talking about zapping.... I have been zapped often for the silliest reasons.

"I don't agree." -- zap!

"I don't understand" -- zap!

"You make me waste my time reading your thread" -- zap!

No point caring about being zapped. Just say what we think should be said. Fortunately, zaps are really harmless; just that if points hit zero or less, one is under moderation and one's post is delayed. Small inconvenience.

Of cos, sometimes pts are upped without one expecting it.

Just take it as a from of feedback. But don't allow the zappers from preventing one from saying what one wants to say.

[thomastankuku]

Too many selfrighteous pretend "heroes" playing white knight to whores and so call exwhores around here liao no wonder brain juice all dry up.

Bird talk they oso afraid want to shut u up realli sum up their mentality!

Let these no life losers continue thinking they so great just cos got rep points, rep power and own little club of zappers. Actually moderation so wat still can post no big deal wat!?

If their skin so thin or so no lum par can only zap or up or collect point, sell points, rig system to feel self esteem and important then suggest they just stay home n rot lah! Pathetic Nutjobs with issues should face up to their inner psycho instead of hiding behind screen!!

Anyway people say only their opinion. Is up to others to take or believe. If cannot accept also big deal meh?

Same way as conscience work. If heart is clear scared wat? People can accuse and throw lies but at end of day heaven is got eyes and he know who do what evil and how much. Can they hide? Can they give excuse?

You cannot hurt people or do bad things and don't expect karma some day. Even if you never kana pass on the bad how? You want others around you answer for shit you responsible for? Fair meh?

Nobody can tell anyone else how to live. Best is to follow own head and heart but not to extent of end up doing evil.

Small evil or big evil you think these low life can sleep well?

[Komuso]

Insofar as most of us are comfortable about conforming to the conventional mores of our community, I would grant that conscience is a useful guide to behaviour -- just because conscience, too, tends to be in agreement with such mores.

But to really rise above the conventional mores that define a community, relying on conscience just wouldn't do. I would submit that it is the easier solution and mostly a workable one too -- but it is not the best solution. The best solution is working things out for oneself through a process of reflection, study and more reflection.

Conventionally, for instance, monogamy is the dominant paradigm in most developed societies. But it is largely a failed paradigm -- most of such communities suffer from high divorce rates, and on the side, there's a whole lot of cheating going on. Addiction to pornography is also extremely common. Indeed, the popularity of this website is added evidence that man (and maybe even woman) may not be naturally suited to monogamy. But conventionally, because of the cultural norms of the past, everyone has to pretend to be monogamous. Some are racked with guilt for longing to have sex outside marriage -- because they are pricked by their conscience. What a waste of human energy. This is one clear instance when conventional morality is a bad idea.

Orneryjoe - You might want to consider the fact that this seems to be a problem with life in cities, especially highly developed ones where income disparity is proportionally aggravated. In countrysides, and I mean the more or less self-contained types like the Amish community in the southern united states, there seems to be less difficulty realising the meeting of ideals and reality. City life has a way of screwing with the mind, much as Rousseau laments.

TS - have you been to the first world? I mean as in the real first world - North America and Europe etc. If not, you should read up on their views on sex & marriage there; might be a refreshing change of outlook.

It's not easy to find happiness in this city, I'll tell you that. But if you feel that starting a conventional relationship will bring you peace of mind then by all means go for it :)

[blohsg]

T/S : takes 2 hands to clap ... those "husbands" who went along with you weren't helping ... hopefully you find light to your issues & hope you're not carrying too much baggage moving forward ... good luCk ...


Komuso : interesting point ... we strive for the ideals ... once get there we have nothing else better to strive for & our mind/body turns to its basic needs ? or maybe it's just too many distractions in our city life ... everything's about sex ... the appeal of sex ... the excitement of sex ...

Oneryjoe : hey ... I know someone who's got an addiction issue ...

about the zapping ... look @ me ! 15 points zappa from me ... i'm on moderation now !

Thomastankuku : oh ... the points here got worth something? u could join a club and gain a posse of zappers ? guess most zappers prefer to remain anonymous to avoid backlash ...

[makemecum]

You only need one counselor here, let me calm you down :p:p

me 2
i study psychologist sure can help you overcome
if allelse failed, i still on standby to temporary relieve you:p

[Guy_Smiley]

fret not, u r just another basketcase like us. Humans being humans, some will see this as an opportunity to get into ur pants seeing how vulnerable u r. the only thing constant is continue to struggle.

cheers!

[orneryjoe]

Orneryjoe - You might want to consider the fact that this seems to be a problem with life in cities, especially highly developed ones where income disparity is proportionally aggravated. In countrysides, and I mean the more or less self-contained types like the Amish community in the southern united states, there seems to be less difficulty realising the meeting of ideals and reality. City life has a way of screwing with the mind, much as Rousseau laments.

My feeling is that if indeed there are monogamous communities, it is probably because opportunities to stray are much more limited. Rural communities with low population densities could be one such possible scenario.

Man, like the other great apes, probably has a polygamous streak. Given the least opportunity, this tendency is likely to assert itself in one way or another.

[eternally]

*Case closed* i can be a nun now

[arsenal_84]

hope all ends well for you.

[oshkosh]

Can't seem to get myself out of "this".
"this" referring to get to knw more married men & hoping for more & more thrilling excitements/actions to happen.

What has become of me? I'm a obedient ger in front of my family, friends & colleagues. But after office hours, I'm a different ger. Does that means I have double personality? Or is it to get the attention from guys Leading me to sink deeply..

And I can't talk this out with my friends or family. Have tried controlling myself to stop meeting them but each time my urge to meet become stronger.
Do I really need to go for counselling?

yes, please see a counsellor. you may be suffering from BPD borderline personality disorder.

[lemontee]

Everyone of us has a dark side only we ourselves know... As long as you know what you are doing and no one is goin to get hurt in the process. If you feel what you are doing is wrong then try to stop this kind of behavior. You can try to busy yrself with some night courses...go out with some close girlfriends..pick up a hobby etc.. Hope everythin will work out fine for you ya;);)

[eternally]

yes, please see a counsellor. you may be suffering from BPD borderline personality disorder.

pls read my post above. "CASE CLOSED"

[Alf1977]

Although it's case closed, just want to say something to TS..

Why stop what u love to do when u derive satisfaction n happiness with being with married men? Married n single men r pretty different. Who say married man cannot love u, and u cant love him.. I guess if u manage to hook up with a married man that goes to show how much that man loves his wife = zero! The man's marriage may be on rocks already, n he can still love u as much as a single man for all u know.

Go for your happiness! U r not sick, just a different taste in men..

[blohsg]

Case Closed ... finally then :)

You've finally reached the Light @ the end of the woods ?

[eternally]

Case Closed ... finally then :)

You've finally reached the Light @ the end of the woods ?

no ..something happened which left me no choice but to....close this case

[waiwaiz]

no ..something happened which left me no choice but to....close this case

sis.i'm a guy with little words, juz something to cheer u up.








whole cabinet ministers inspecting flood area together...............

http://news.xinhuanet.com/photo/2011-06/16/121545401_521n.jpg

[MonteCristo]

no ..something happened which left me no choice but to....close this case

There is always a choice in all matters, but case closed is always a welcome news. I read your signature. As you say, every story has a happy ending. You will definitely see your happy ending - keep faith and stay positive always! Do not let negativity leave traces on your life - keep moving on!

[eternally]

im fine ...pls do not pm me anymore cos of this issue. Thanks all~