Do I really need counselling?

eternally · #1 19-03-2011, 02:02 PM

Can't seem to get myself out of "this".
"this" referring to get to knw more married men & hoping for more & more thrilling excitements/actions to happen.

What has become of me? I'm a obedient ger in front of my family, friends & colleagues. But after office hours, I'm a different ger. Does that means I have double personality? Or is it to get the attention from guys Leading me to sink deeply..

And I can't talk this out with my friends or family. Have tried controlling myself to stop meeting them but each time my urge to meet become stronger.
Do I really need to go for counselling?

hugs · #2 19-03-2011, 02:11 PM

maybe see a doctor? u look sick(i can be wrong)

arsenal_84 · #3 19-03-2011, 03:19 PM

so can i presume that you're actually free lunch to these married men ?
or is there some monetary benefits in return ?

seriously, what to you hope to get out of a rs with a married fellow ?

Komuso · #4 19-03-2011, 03:19 PM

Perhaps a good place to start is to ask yourself what exactly it is about married men that you find so attractive? Keep pushing your questions in that direction and you might discover what it is you're really after. It may reveal something about yourself that surprises you - for better or for worse.

The concept of being "an obedient girl" is not relevant to the problem here. All that idea means is the act of behaving in manner considered morally acceptable in front of people who expect that kind of behaviour. In theory, if you went to an island where people were having sex enthusiastically all day long with each other with no concern for marriages, you would be the abnormal one instead.

The fact that you use the words "urge", "controlling myself", and "double personality" means that you are already agreeing to the fact that such behaviour is morally wrong, before you can fairly ask yourself what is it exactly that you want.

If you want to stick to the position that dating and/or sleeping with married men is wrong, then yes, you will be faced with a lot of guilt and you probably need to go for lots of counselling to force yourself to change.

If you are not satisfied with simply being what other people say you should be however, then perhaps it's better to give yourself a chance and reflect on your needs and wants in a fair manner. You may find that in the end it's not even married men that you really want.

Komuso · #5 19-03-2011, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eternally

Can't seem to get myself out of "this".
"this" referring to get to knw more married men & hoping for more & more thrilling excitements/actions to happen.

What has become of me? I'm a obedient ger in front of my family, friends & colleagues. But after office hours, I'm a different ger. Does that means I have double personality? Or is it to get the attention from guys Leading me to sink deeply..

And I can't talk this out with my friends or family. Have tried controlling myself to stop meeting them but each time my urge to meet become stronger.
Do I really need to go for counselling?

Perhaps a good place to start is to ask yourself what exactly it is about married men that you find so attractive? Keep pushing the question in that direction and you might discover what it is you're really after.

The concept of being "an obedient girl" is not relevant to the problem here. All that means is behaving in manner considered morally acceptable in front of people who expect that kind of behaviour. In theory, if you went to an island where everyone was enthusiastically bedding each other without regard for marriage, you would be the abnormal one instead.

The fact that you use the words "urge", "controlling myself", and "double personality" means that you are already agreeing to the fact that such behaviour is morally wrong, before you can fairly ask yourself what is it exactly that you want.

If you want to stick to the position that dating married men is wrong, then yes, you will be faced with a lot of guilt and you probably need to go for counselling to force yourself to change.

If you don't want to be simply what other people say you should be, then perhaps it's better to give yourself a chance and reflect on your needs and wants in a fair manner. You may find that in the end it's not even married men that you really want.

heineken · #6 19-03-2011, 03:39 PM

i think you are too lonely and have a lot of time to spare, find your friends or look for a steady BF to spend with, after sometime you will be able to stop all this.

etct88 · #7 19-03-2011, 04:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by eternally

Can't seem to get myself out of "this".
"this" referring to get to knw more married men & hoping for more & more thrilling excitements/actions to happen.

What has become of me? I'm a obedient ger in front of my family, friends & colleagues. But after office hours, I'm a different ger. Does that means I have double personality? Or is it to get the attention from guys Leading me to sink deeply..

And I can't talk this out with my friends or family. Have tried controlling myself to stop meeting them but each time my urge to meet become stronger.
Do I really need to go for counselling?

Boss will tell you go do charity work, meet nice people, and don't listen to us...

hickeybites · #8 19-03-2011, 04:18 PM

a person can have many layers/sides/personas (whatever u want to call them) to cope or deal with what's in front of them. it's often not easy to be brutally open with the ones closest to us & confide in them the "ugly" side. at times, it's like u can be with ur friends & family but yet feel so alone cos there's the other side of u can't reveal for fear of being judged. my 2c is that an objective/unbiased listening ear like a counselor is a good option to consider.

perhaps there are other underlying issues that motivate this urge to be with married men. I don't know ur full situation but imo someone who actually questions herself "What has become of me?" is not someone who is blind to the perils/pitfalls but wishes for change.
No harm talking to a professional counselor & just letting it all out... u never know what may come out of the sessions

sheerfun1977 · #9 20-03-2011, 10:03 PM

Maybe you have a tendency to take something from others. Or things that are untouchable? It is probably true also that you enjoy sex and the thrill of the "unacceptable"..most importantly, ask yourself when you really want to stop this?

uncle gg · #10 20-03-2011, 10:29 PM

thrills fades with age by this "time"; time which hypothetically presumed as the period when you start to feel emptiness.

how worthy to spent your effort on such thrills? you may start to wonder.

keke · #11 21-03-2011, 11:37 AM

You only need one counselor here, let me calm you down

goodpartner · #12 21-03-2011, 02:18 PM

Saw this helpline in papers today:

Association for Devoted and Active Men (ADAM)
The crisis hotline for men in Singapore facing marital or domestic problems.

Go google for the number as paper didn't list it.

tychoon77 · #13 21-03-2011, 03:40 PM

hi,

your case seems to be very diff from others...i have a few questions for u?

1)are u deprived of someone which is important of u in the past?
2)is that sumone being snatched away by a married or maybe a divorcee?
3)mayb i dun agreed that u find married man attractive,rather,they may have something in them which u r looking for...eg,they can listen better,sense of secureness or responsibilty perhaps,& etc...

or maybe,u oni wanted a NCR now,or in the near future???rather then being tied down by one guy???

Inregardless of wad it may b,its not a sickness,dun worry unduly!whatever u do,just make sure u live the best out of everyday in your lifez,enjoy!!!

grandeforte · #14 21-03-2011, 04:01 PM

wat's so sick? some likes milf, some likes syt, some likes single gals n some likes married woman. so gals can oso like men of different status mah. anyway, most people here r leading a double life so u r not alone.

eternally · #15 21-03-2011, 05:34 PM

10s all for the replies. Now my life turns upside down cos of another personal issue. Need sometime to settle dwn or to solve it.