Breadwinner at an age of 23

[mortar]

this is sort of a sequel of my previous thread http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=215324

just turned 23 last month, and news from my mum that my father just quite his job is very depressing for me..

-father is 59 yrs old and is mild deaf, talks loudly and stubborn thinking, quarrel often with mother. i think that's it for him, sure cant find job one at this age.

-mother, unemployed

-sis, ite dropout, unmotivated, rude to parents, jobless and doesnt bother to find one. only stay at home eat/slp/watch tv and play computer games

-myself, earning around 2k/month, need to pay for poly loan(100 per month), current part time degree, expenses for myself.

Since im still young, i plan to do some 'huo li' stuffs like going overseas trip once every year with my friends or gf, buying a bicycle this year, a car licence(started but haven start practical), braces etc etc..

but now, i have to support my family members, pay bills, money for food, at the same time, to pay for my studies and own expenditures.. really feel depressing and angry when i though of it. Yes i know my parents have given me food, education, a roof for all my 23 yrs, but i am really unhappy from what is in front of me now. It's like 'people have what i have, but i might not have what they have'.

So what now? every month how much could i save? few hundreds? how can i save up for my marriage and house next time? even if i am married in the future, do i need to support 2 families at the same time? sole bread winner for 2 families? god damn it. Hiaz, if it's really in this case, i would rather not have any kids so they wont suffer because of me.

Frankly speaking, among my friends and those i know, there is no one who is in a worse case than me, and i haven met anyone who is as useless as my sis.

Bros, i am really at loss now, and i cant seem to change anything.. :(

[blohsg]

well ... keep your chin up!

You'll find a way ... just have to keep positive ... no matter how bad the situation iz ...

[qazxcvbnm]

Hi bro, do empathize on your situation... Every family got it's own problems, some financially, some emotionally... No matter how bad it is, life still goes on. Take it positively, your situation is not the worst that I encountered.

Brace up and always believe that there's going to be a better tomorrow.

[middleday]

be strong...

u will live thru this, and be more stronger...

all the best and good lucks...

sorry cant do much for you in real life, only can encourage you in thie forum

take care of body health also!

[Glock]

you are responsible for your parents

you are not responsible for your sister



this is sort of a sequel of my previous thread http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=215324

just turned 23 last month, and news from my mum that my father just quite his job is very depressing for me..

-father is 59 yrs old and is mild deaf, talks loudly and stubborn thinking, quarrel often with mother. i think that's it for him, sure cant find job one at this age.

-mother, unemployed

-sis, ite dropout, unmotivated, rude to parents, jobless and doesnt bother to find one. only stay at home eat/slp/watch tv and play computer games

-myself, earning around 2k/month, need to pay for poly loan(100 per month), current part time degree, expenses for myself.

Since im still young, i plan to do some 'huo li' stuffs like going overseas trip once every year with my friends or gf, buying a bicycle this year, a car licence(started but haven start practical), braces etc etc..

but now, i have to support my family members, pay bills, money for food, at the same time, to pay for my studies and own expenditures.. really feel depressing and angry when i though of it. Yes i know my parents have given me food, education, a roof for all my 23 yrs, but i am really unhappy from what is in front of me now. It's like 'people have what i have, but i might not have what they have'.

So what now? every month how much could i save? few hundreds? how can i save up for my marriage and house next time? even if i am married in the future, do i need to support 2 families at the same time? sole bread winner for 2 families? god damn it. Hiaz, if it's really in this case, i would rather not have any kids so they wont suffer because of me.

Frankly speaking, among my friends and those i know, there is no one who is in a worse case than me, and i haven met anyone who is as useless as my sis.

Bros, i am really at loss now, and i cant seem to change anything.. :(

[liwai]

dude, i salute u, keep it up, do not feel depressed.

[mortar]

thank you guys..

anyway i have this thinking a while back.. should i let my gf go?

i am afraid if she sticks with me, she will be struggling together with me to make ends meet. If i let her go, she would definitely find someone more financially stable for her marriage/family.. i mean, whose parents would like to marry their daughter to some poor guy which will struggle after marriage one? :(

really nothing positive to look forward to now..

[jameschong1]

Bros, i am really at loss now, and i cant seem to change anything.. :(
===
sorry to hear about your situation.
1 way to earn $$$ fast and big is to join the property industry. If u work hard and smart, be humble, honest and sincere, $3k to $5k for a start is no problem.

2. ask those how lian bros who tiao huay to lend u some $$$ interest free to tide over.
cherry QQ and all other cash kings - don't pretend u never read this thread.

[sheerfun1977]

hey man, you are still young. Do not be defeated...do not be affected by what you see out there..they are people who live beyond their means and there are those who are worse than u...in short, firstly, settle your parents first. All your other "needs" like your license and braces can wait....even if you dont have them, you will not die...just look beyond the material things first. As for your gf, you should keep her if she is good and one for you. You must keep improving yourself. Once you get your degree, you should at least get a better paying job...

[uncle gg]

you need to wake your sis up for a start. if she can't study, then go do some adhoc work. money don't drop from the sky.
:eek:

[Bunsen]

I feel for you bro. You need to have a talk with your sis. Your father is already closing in on 60, will be hard for him to find jobs. Maybe you can check and see if you qualify for any social assistance ?

[cheena]

bro, just something to share with you, hope that it will make you feel better.
I am 24 this yr, my mum is a part time baby sitter. my dad suffer from stroke. i am the only child in the family, currently i am in debt. due to my addiction of gambling, i owe several bank with a total amt near to 30k. i gonna admit i am a compulsive gambler and i am trying to quit. i am in sales line, and sales hasn't been good these few months. and if this continue, i will be out of job soon. with all my dad medical bills, housing loan installments, daily expenses, and the debt with the bank, i am totally screw up. but what to do? life have to continue. so just have to bite thru it. and things will be better. i hope so.

[mrham]

Bro, I empathise with you. You are not alone here. Be strong.

We all have got to roll up our sleeves and work now... frustrating thing is that we see our more "fortunate" friends enjoy themselves and look at you wierd and cannot comprehend why you cannot join them on a backpacking trip with them to Europe.

[PeteTsang69]

play it smart ... the hand has been dealt to you ......

life is not about what is thrown at us ...but how WE react to it

whats OUR reaction ???


don't waste another second thinking about things BEYOND your control ...
like feeling sorry for yourself & asking why me ???...
why my sis/dad/mum/life/job like that? ...

accept it ..& move on ...ain't easy i know

FOCUS on what is under YOUR DIRECT control ...
your mindset ...
your free time ... look for 2nd job/part time work
think how to reduce expenses ...

"i complained about having no shoes, until i meet a man with no feet"

ask yourself 1 word .. ."HOW?"
this will get you mind focused on what YOU CAN DO NEXT...
rather than think about how you're feeling..
JIA YOU ! ! !

[arsenal_84]

anyway i have this thinking a while back.. should i let my gf go?

i am afraid if she sticks with me, she will be struggling together with me to make ends meet. If i let her go, she would definitely find someone more financially stable for her marriage/family.. i mean, whose parents would like to marry their daughter to some poor guy which will struggle after marriage one? :(


don't ever think about that !
if she sticks with you come whatever hell, she will be a woman worthy of being your life partner, if not then at least you see her true colors before planning for a ROM.
your main worries is how to support your parents.
and as for your sis, perhaps is high time she learn how to support herself.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

......just turned 23 last month, and news from my mum that my father just quite his job is very depressing for me..
-father is 59 yrs old and is mild deaf, talks loudly and stubborn thinking, quarrel often with mother. i think that's it for him, sure cant find job one at this age.
-mother, unemployed
-sis, ite dropout, unmotivated, rude to parents, jobless and doesnt bother to find one. only stay at home eat/slp/watch tv and play computer games......
Since im still young.....but now, i have to support my family members, pay bills, money for food, at the same time, to pay for my studies and own expenditures.. really feel depressing and angry when i though of it. Yes i know my parents have given me food, education, a roof for all my 23 yrs, but i am really unhappy from what is in front of me now.....

Bro mortar, when you were much younger, you have no worries, all you need to do is eat and sleep but now as you have aged, your circumstances have changed and suddenly you realized that you have to shoulder the entire family burden and troubles of other family members

Why ME?–You may ask-It is just so unfair to burden “ME” – a young 23 years old only-son. I am so resentful that I must shoulder the family burden and diminish my own enjoyment in life…Why can’t every member in a home help out and be cooperative?????

Well, 1st and foremost, every family has it's own economic conditions, every family has a skeleton in the cupboard, every family has some sort of trouble and each family has its own problems - 家家有本难念的经.

A 4 brick-walls with a roof do not make a home. It is love and affection which makes it. It is tolerance and sacrifice which makes it. It is mutual faith and trust which makes it. It is the common joys and sorrows which make it. If these things are absent, then it is merely a hotel and not a home. So, home means respecting others, cooperating with others, caring for others, sacrificing for others and having self-control.

As responsible adults, caring sons and daughters, we must never shirk from responsibilities. In fact, we have no problem of choice: the dream must sacrifice itself at the altar of responsibility. Be down to earth cos each of us finds our identity not in dreams but in responsibilities. It is true that you need to struggle to come to terms with reality. But please let this struggle remains personal and never let it spills into neither the family domain nor creating unhappiness among the old folks. You need to be able to shift from diverse dreams to diverse responsibilities and accepts responsibilities without a semblance of protest. Yes, there will be times when you will look at yourself with pity and anger but you will have to come to terms with reality in your own way. Your family’s future may have dark clouds right now. The problems that you now face in your home may get better in the future. There may be some real changes for the good. You need to remember that you are part of the family and your family’s future depends in part upon you. Do your part and lead by example to your lazy sister, motivate yourself and her to get her priorities straight! ;)

Remember the True definitions:

1) Breadwinner - a member of a family whose wages supply it's livelihood

1a) Livelihood - a means of supporting one's existence and securing the necessities of life, especially financially

[K9696]

this is sort of a sequel of my previous thread http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showthread.php?t=215324

just turned 23 last month, and news from my mum that my father just quite his job is very depressing for me..

-father is 59 yrs old and is mild deaf, talks loudly and stubborn thinking, quarrel often with mother. i think that's it for him, sure cant find job one at this age.

-mother, unemployed

-sis, ite dropout, unmotivated, rude to parents, jobless and doesnt bother to find one. only stay at home eat/slp/watch tv and play computer games

-myself, earning around 2k/month, need to pay for poly loan(100 per month), current part time degree, expenses for myself.

Since im still young, i plan to do some 'huo li' stuffs like going overseas trip once every year with my friends or gf, buying a bicycle this year, a car licence(started but haven start practical), braces etc etc..

but now, i have to support my family members, pay bills, money for food, at the same time, to pay for my studies and own expenditures.. really feel depressing and angry when i though of it. Yes i know my parents have given me food, education, a roof for all my 23 yrs, but i am really unhappy from what is in front of me now. It's like 'people have what i have, but i might not have what they have'.

So what now? every month how much could i save? few hundreds? how can i save up for my marriage and house next time? even if i am married in the future, do i need to support 2 families at the same time? sole bread winner for 2 families? god damn it. Hiaz, if it's really in this case, i would rather not have any kids so they wont suffer because of me.

Frankly speaking, among my friends and those i know, there is no one who is in a worse case than me, and i haven met anyone who is as useless as my sis.

Bros, i am really at loss now, and i cant seem to change anything.. :(

Dear TS...

You are not the worst case.. there are cases beyond your imagination.

Don't and never ever compare yourself among your friends. This will make you more negative.

Be positive, Light in the tunnel will shine at you when the time is right.

吃得苦中苦, 方为人上人.

天下无难事只怕有心人..

加油..加油...:)

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

…..Frankly speaking, among my friends and those i know, there is no one who is in a worse case than me…..

Life is full of difficulties and obstacles, from birth to death. Most often, when faced with problems, we often feel, "I am the only one having such problems." or we tend to regard them as most complex, most painful and as an extreme case. We either grumble or find ourselves putting the blame on others - parents, society or the circumstances of life…..But if we look around us, we find people in much worse conditions. As bro PeteTsang69 above said, "I cried and complained about having no shoes, till I saw a man with no legs". It is necessary to accept that life in general is full of difficulties and adversities. It is up to us to create our own destiny.

In addition, you are only 23 years old! Not gonna to say, most of the us here eat more salt than you eat rice :D

…..Since im still young, i plan to do some 'huo li' stuffs like going overseas trip once every year with my friends or gf, buying a bicycle this year, a car licence(started but haven start practical), braces etc etc..

These are, after all, merely self-indulgent activities and can wait. If you don’t have them now, you won't die, you can cope and bear without them. ;)

…..It's like 'people have what i have, but i might not have what they have'

Why? No confidence? Are you of a weaker caliber than they?
Of cos, others have, so can you!
You may accept it as good discipline and look upon it as an opportunity to cultivate yourself to upgrade and work harder to have what other people have (after taking care of your family needs)

…..So what now? every month how much could i save? few hundreds? how can i save up for my marriage and house next time? even if i am married in the future, do i need to support 2 families at the same time? sole bread winner for 2 families? god damn it. Hiaz, if it's really in this case, i would rather not have any kids so they wont suffer because of me……

……
anyway i have this thinking a while back.. should i let my gf go?
i am afraid if she sticks with me, she will be struggling together with me to make ends meet. If i let her go, she would definitely find someone more financially stable for her marriage/family.. i mean, whose parents would like to marry their daughter to some poor guy which will struggle after marriage one?
really nothing positive to look forward to now..

What really frightens and dismays are not external events themselves, but the way in which you think about them. You are thinking too much about yourself, your present conditions and your prospects. Your studies and your efforts are futile if you are disturbed inwardly as doubt and fear belong only to the personal consciousness. It is not things that disturb you, but your interpretation of them. Stop scaring yourself with impetuous notions, with your reactive impressions of the way things are "guarantee" to happen in the future! :(

Yes, I can understand that you are feeling anxious about the future, but at the same time nothing in life is permanent or scheduled and we often seek to come out of an unpleasant situation quickly but we must understand that there’s no quick fix in life. For instance, even if the Japan nuclear reactors are sealed off, the radiation leak will remains for a long time. Similarly, do not expect quick results after having put in the effort; you must be willing to wait. When you get completely involved with the problem and treat it as if it were the whole of life, you could get into a terrible psychic condition

The 1st thing you need to do is to remain focus and pay attention to your own feelings and beliefs about what is "Right & Wrong" that will help you to know the right thing to do. Take a firm position that you are brave and strong enough to endure anything. Make up your mind to go through it, no matter what the circumstances or conditions. Inner strength and self-confidence can help you stand firm, walk away, and resist doing something when you know better that nothing at present is proving to be even more significant to you than your role as a TRUE breadwinner. :)

[Doriemus]

Well, 1st and foremost, every family has it's own economic conditions, every family has a skeleton in the cupboard, every family has some sort of trouble and each family has its own problems - 家家有本难念的经.

A 4 brick-walls with a roof do not make a home. It is love and affection which makes it. It is tolerance and sacrifice which makes it. It is mutual faith and trust which makes it. It is the common joys and sorrows which make it. If these things are absent, then it is merely a hotel and not a home. So, home means respecting others, cooperating with others, caring for others, sacrificing for others and having self-control.

As responsible adults, caring sons and daughters, we must never shirk from responsibilities. In fact, we have no problem of choice: the dream must sacrifice itself at the altar of responsibility. Be down to earth cos each of us finds our identity not in dreams but in responsibilities. It is true that you need to struggle to come to terms with reality. But please let this struggle remains personal and never let it spills into neither the family domain nor creating unhappiness among the old folks. You need to be able to shift from diverse dreams to diverse responsibilities and accepts responsibilities without a semblance of protest. Yes, there will be times when you will look at yourself with pity and anger but you will have to come to terms with reality in your own way. Your family’s future may have dark clouds right now. The problems that you now face in your home may get better in the future. There may be some real changes for the good. You need to remember that you are part of the family and your family’s future depends in part upon you. Do your part and lead by example to your lazy sister, motivate yourself and her to get her priorities straight! ;)



Life is full of difficulties and obstacles, from birth to death. Most often, when faced with problems, we often feel, "I am the only one having such problems." or we tend to regard them as most complex, most painful and as an extreme case. We either grumble or find ourselves putting the blame on others - parents, society or the circumstances of life…..But if we look around us, we find people in much worse conditions. As bro PeteTsang69 above said, "I cried and complained about having no shoes, till I saw a man with no legs". It is necessary to accept that life in general is full of difficulties and adversities. It is up to us to create our own destiny.

In addition, you are only 23 years old! Not gonna to say, most of the us here eat more salt than you eat rice



These are, after all, merely self-indulgent activities and can wait. If you don’t have them now, you won't die, you can cope and bear without them. ;)



Why? No confidence? Are you of a weaker caliber than they?
Of cos, others have, so can you!
You may accept it as good discipline and look upon it as an opportunity to cultivate yourself to upgrade and work harder to have what other people have (after taking care of your family needs)





What really frightens and dismays are not external events themselves, but the way in which you think about them. You are thinking too much about yourself, your present conditions and your prospects. Your studies and your efforts are futile if you are disturbed inwardly as doubt and fear belong only to the personal consciousness. It is not things that disturb you, but your interpretation of them. Stop scaring yourself with impetuous notions, with your reactive impressions of the way things are "guarantee" to happen in the future! :(

Yes, I can understand that you are feeling anxious about the future, but at the same time nothing in life is permanent or scheduled and we often seek to come out of an unpleasant situation quickly but we must understand that there’s no quick fix in life. For instance, even if the Japan nuclear reactors are sealed off, the radiation leak will remains for a long time. Similarly, do not expect quick results after having put in the effort; you must be willing to wait. When you get completely involved with the problem and treat it as if it were the whole of life, you could get into a terrible psychic condition

The 1st thing you need to do is to remain focus and pay attention to your own feelings and beliefs about what is "Right & Wrong" that will help you to know the right thing to do. Take a firm position that you are brave and strong enough to endure anything. Make up your mind to go through it, no matter what the circumstances or conditions. Inner strength and self-confidence can help you stand firm, walk away, and resist doing something when you know better that nothing at present is proving to be even more significant to you than your role as a TRUE breadwinner. :)

Very well said Bro Ichigo_Kurosaki. Up u my humble +1.

[mortar]

To all bros here who replied in my thread, i wanna say a big thank you to u all, especially bro Ichigo_Kurosaki!

I have read all the replies from u guys, and i realize how foolish, how simple minded i was..
Now is really the time for me to take it from here. I will start slow and steady, and can't have any more of selfish thinking anymore.

1st thing for now is to upgrade myself, in terms of knowledge, fitness and character. Next is my family. Luxuries come last.

And to one bro who mention about backpacking in europe, i can tell u i would like to do that sometime, but not now :)

Thanks for listening and reply again bros!

[K9696]

life is full of difficulties and obstacles, from birth to death. Most often, when faced with problems, we often feel, "i am the only one having such problems." or we tend to regard them as most complex, most painful and as an extreme case. We either grumble or find ourselves putting the blame on others - parents, society or the circumstances of life…..but if we look around us, we find people in much worse conditions. As bro petetsang69 above said, "i cried and complained about having no shoes, till i saw a man with no legs". It is necessary to accept that life in general is full of difficulties and adversities. It is up to us to create our own destiny.

In addition, you are only 23 years old! Not gonna to say, most of the us here eat more salt than you eat rice :d



these are, after all, merely self-indulgent activities and can wait. If you don’t have them now, you won't die, you can cope and bear without them. ;)



why? No confidence? Are you of a weaker caliber than they?
Of cos, others have, so can you!
You may accept it as good discipline and look upon it as an opportunity to cultivate yourself to upgrade and work harder to have what other people have (after taking care of your family needs)





what really frightens and dismays are not external events themselves, but the way in which you think about them. You are thinking too much about yourself, your present conditions and your prospects. Your studies and your efforts are futile if you are disturbed inwardly as doubt and fear belong only to the personal consciousness. It is not things that disturb you, but your interpretation of them. Stop scaring yourself with impetuous notions, with your reactive impressions of the way things are "guarantee" to happen in the future! :(

yes, i can understand that you are feeling anxious about the future, but at the same time nothing in life is permanent or scheduled and we often seek to come out of an unpleasant situation quickly but we must understand that there’s no quick fix in life. For instance, even if the japan nuclear reactors are sealed off, the radiation leak will remains for a long time. Similarly, do not expect quick results after having put in the effort; you must be willing to wait. When you get completely involved with the problem and treat it as if it were the whole of life, you could get into a terrible psychic condition

the 1st thing you need to do is to remain focus and pay attention to your own feelings and beliefs about what is "right & wrong" that will help you to know the right thing to do. Take a firm position that you are brave and strong enough to endure anything. Make up your mind to go through it, no matter what the circumstances or conditions. Inner strength and self-confidence can help you stand firm, walk away, and resist doing something when you know better that nothing at present is proving to be even more significant to you than your role as a true breadwinner. :)

大哥.麻烦你以后.写少一点,翻译起来也比较容易...哈哈哈.
那我就大概大概翻译给读华语的朋友吧...
-人生从生到死就是充满幢境, 很多时候我们遇上困难的时候,我们会怨天尤人. 如果我们看看周围的人,有些人还比我们跟槽. 人生本来就是有很多的遭遇和困难,命运是掌握在我们自己的手里.

你才 23岁,我们吃的盐比你吃的米多..

有些生活上的东西没有也没关系,学着去适应它.

你不是弱者,你可以学习怎么样去制造机会给自己-来创造美好的将来,但是你还是要照顾好家里的一切.

最怕不是外来的因素,而是你自己想太多你目前的状况. 别把自己的将来给吓坏.将来之事是无绝对的.

我能理解你的痛楚和担心你的未来.有些时候有些东西不是一朝一夕就可以解决的.
比如日本的核电厂,这需要很长的时间来解决目前的状况.

你目前需要就是关注眼前的对与错,这样你做的事就是对的. 要坚强敢于面对现实,站好脚步,相信自己面对你的挑战,你会成为一个成功的管家.

如果翻译不好,见谅..抱歉.. 哈哈哈

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Bro Doriemus, thanks for the read :)

.....那我就大概大概翻译给读华语的朋友吧...

Bro K9696, Thank you for the translation (翻译) ;)

It was longer but I edited into 1 and half page :o

Old liao, bit long-winded :p

[PeteTsang69]

...Now is really the time for me to take it from here. I will start slow and steady, and can't have any more of selfish thinking anymore....

bro ..natural to beat up yourself ...but you can learn not to self-sabo

watch this very short 3+min video ...best bit is at the 2min mark ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uVhFo2DdE44&feature=related

what we "experience" (reactions) is purely the conversations we have inside our head ...& most times is not real ...it is purely "inside" of heads..

great thing is we can learn to reprogramme our thinking with "rational" thinking ...catch ourselves with self-sabo "conversations" ...
recognise it. stop it. & replace them with rational ones ...
the video gives 1 great example how easy it is change our attitude about someone whom we feel has done great injustice to us ... cheers & jia you!

(FYI. i am going to buy his book. he says taking smalls steps is far more effective better than big steps, cos we tend to delay taking big ones out of fear of failing to achieve it or that they require too much inertia ...e.g. easier & better results from to walking an extra 15mins everyday than join a gym for weekly 1hr sessions .. think about it ... )

[ah_jo]

I always believe....

If the problem can be solved by $, it is never a problem....

Heads Up!!!! You are what you think you are.... Think positive and it wll turn out fine...

GOOD LUCK TO YOU!!! you will need lots of it....

[RealEstateGuy]

Brother, keep you head up high. It is your family and you have a duty to support and help them since they did the same for you.

[DAdults]

TS, I empathise with you. This isn't a situation one would want to be in.

But that is it. Life has to go on, no matter how depressing you may feel. You can't change things by lamenting; you have to focus your efforts on improving your situation. With that, I wish you all the best to improving your situation. Stay positive!

[HCKing]

TS ever heard of the phrase "what doesnt kill you makes you stronger" ? this is in fact not only a good opportunity for u to learn to shoulder responsibilities in life and be a man, it's also the 1st step towards becoming a good husband in future. Be positive, put a stop to yr self pity and face up to the challenges, for the sake of yr future and for those you love and value in life.

[PunjabiPlayboy]

mortar, I understand your position and no, I'm not going to give you advice like life goes on or general motivational advice etc etc etc because YOU and I and EVERYONE else already knows that. The more crucial thing is what you can do to really help yourself.

But what I can offer you is some real genuine advice on how you can help yourself. Because like yourself, I was faced with and am facing similar problems like you.

I'm really glad that you are working and pursuing a part time degree for yourself. Education and continuously upgrading yourself is extremely important.

My financial position is also very bad and my parents are also 55+. My mum is a housewife and hasn't work all her life and my dad is not getting unstable income and owe HDB cash money because my dad has no CPF basically. I, myself, can't get a job because I can't speak Mandarin which is a requirement in most jobs that I seek. Therefore, I'm self-learning Mandarin right now at this point of time.

I had to break up with my gf because I know I won't be able to give her a comfortable life. Trust me, it is tough and heart-breaking to break up with someone you love but you know you don't want her to suffer at the end of the day, struggling together with you to help your family. I don't want to ruin her life. I know I have to pay for our home using my CPF when I get a job. I can't expect my dad and mum to work because of their age. Right now at this moment, I am working part-time temporary jobs just to survive as a degree graduate.

I need to stress this on you though - family comes first. I can see you care about your family and I admire and respect that. You have the same thinking as me. You need to sit down and talk to your sister and share your vision with her to improve your family's financial situation. Get her to help you out by working part-time or get back to school to finish her ITE at least so she can be in a better position to get a job in future.

You can also contact CDC for financial assistance and seek their help on how they can actually assist you. I really wish to share with you more details as I believe we can relate to and help each other out. Please feel free to PM me your contact if you feel comfortable to do so.

I believe keeping a burden and worrying about problems, bottling it up all inside you eats you up slowly day by day. Bring those problems out in the open, face those challenges and overcome them.

[thomastankuku]

Bro, gd that u wise up and like johnnie walker start walking liao.

Other people can look u no up coz they judge that u have "less" but pride and backbone and self respect is something got money want oso cannot buy one!

Anyway hor upgrade is must be continuous. your situation chum others more worst and gov invite so many FTs people livelihood tio affect is a common case!

Wat to do? Only thing is to keep improving urself liao lor. And election time please use vote smartly! ;) :p

But hor blood is blood n family plus filial is important but u oso cannot be a money tree to ur family n tio make use forever. Important to stick together but important to know your limits too! They have to learn to help themselves too otherwise ur sacrifice no point.

Good luck hor!!

[digby]

I was totally exactly like you just that the burden is not as heavy. But i do understand struggling with so many stuff. Advice is never stop studdying, its the best investment in one human life.

There is a bright light at the end of the tunnel. 2k a month is not that bad, i have seen cases worst than you. Trust the government and when they say there will be bread for everyone. Don't think so much about your future just yet, everything will change when your hardwork pays off.

Travelling around the world should not be the priority right now at the age of 23!!! Long way to go bro.. work hard play hard, but dun play to far ciao :)

[paul55ho]

TS, Tough Times Dont Lasts, Tough People Do!

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

-sis, ite dropout, unmotivated, rude to parents, jobless and doesnt bother to find one. only stay at home eat/slp/watch tv and play computer games

......and i haven met anyone who is as useless as my sis.

Bro mortar, I was at Suntec chilling out yesterday and understand that there is a Job Fair and Career Expo at Singapore, Halls 602 & 603, Level 6 on March 26-28 2010, from 10:00 am to 7:00 pm.

Please kick, pull, force or drag your lazy sister to visit this fair with you :D

Please be mindful that the objective is not to expect a high paid job but to changed her lazy mindset into a productibe mindset and earn her keep.

Also must not let her birng any of her friends along (Only you and her) cos if not, she will not able to keep still and will go window shopping with her friends instead of focusing on the fair (Trust me on this girly thingy, I know :D).

As like going to the moon: One Small Step For Her, One Giant Leap For The Lazy Kind ! :p

[Recast]

knn, just started working already think of going overseas holidays. pls lah holiday is just spending moneym which u currently dont have. just becasue you friends can afford overseas holidays mean you should have one too. That is a want, no a need. what u need is to be contended.

as for your gf issue, i cannot comment much but i will say this. If she really love you, she wont mind all these problems. To repay her, just love her more lor. If her love for you is not real, she will leave u in no time.

as for your sister, you and your parents will have to heartless to her. Cut her off from financial handout. cut off the home internet services, dont pay her hp bill etc etc, force her to work for her own upkeep.

i notice u want to learn driving. if you stay near ubi, there a good private instructor i can recommend to you. Because of him, i pass my TP on my very first attempt and i only have the bare minimium supervised hours needed to take the TP test. b4 that, i never sat behind a steering wheel in my life, not even the arcade daytona game. i think i spend less than $ 1500 for my license over 5months. if u interested, i can give u his hp number.
P.S not sure hp number still valid as that was 5 years ago.:D

[Doriemus]

TS, Tough Times Dont Lasts, Tough People Do!

Agreed bro. TS, be humble, be realistic and work ur ass off man...Im sure there will be light at the end of the tunnel.

[HCISB]

Intro your sis books of robert kiyosaki
She can choose to read or listen of videos.

here's some summary of the book he wrote

Poor Dad vs. Rich Dad

My Poor Dad Said: "My house is an asset."

My Rich Dad Said: "My house is a liability."

Rich dad says, "If you stop working today, an asset puts money in your pocket and a liability takes money from your pocket. Too often people call liabilities assets. It's important to know the difference between the two.

PD: "I can't afford it."

RD: "How can I afford it?"

The statement "I can't afford it" shuts down your thinking. By asking the right question, you mind opens up and looks for answers.

"It's not how much money you make that's important – it's how much money you keep and how long you keep it."

Understanding the difference in attitudes between Rich Dad and Poor Dad is essential to taking the first steps to financial freedom.

For a comprehensive look at how to battle the Poor Dad mentality and adopt the Rich Dad state of mind, learn more about the tools we offer to help you on your journey to financial freedom.

[orchideous]

I agree that your sister should work, hopefully your parents can persuade her to get a job.

post above, thanks for the inspiration about robert kiyosaki!

[see see only]

Intro your sis books of robert kiyosaki
She can choose to read or listen of videos.

Hmmmm my fav RK book ... "If You Want To Be Rich And Happy, Don't Go To School?"

TS,

the above book is very good as well, importantly think out of the box to solve your problem ...... for example, any extra rooms in your house to rent out for additional income??? (you & sis ... can share room also :rolleyes:)

:rolleyes:
Anyway TS, since you complained so much about your family issues, be a "big" man now, take this as an opportunity to make some changes for the better.

Stop all the finance support to your family members (except for meals) say $5a day each, the rest ask them to get for themselves ... if this dont work - reduce the $5 down somemore. Make sure they wake up and go get their own income.

Remember soft-hearted most of the time equal to killing someone softly -- worse is end of the day, they blame you for "so-called helping" :o

But TS, do note the best advice usually the very 难听 one. :)

[deelite825]

TS, here's my small advice.

if u are going to be the breadwinner, you should start by doing a monthly budget plan
- utilities bills
- phone bills
- mortgage payment
- food
- $ for parents
- $ for sis. she's not ur responsibility but u can choose to give a bit. if she complains not enough, then it is her problem.
- etc..

make sure you stick to the plan and ensure everyone follows it. i know it's going to be complicated like ur sis may ask more $ from ur parents, etc but that's the only way u can move forward. you need to plan and execute so that you will be able to make ends meet and at the same time maybe save some $ every month (even $50 a month is a good thing).

things will be tight but at least you allocate the $ properly and see where you can improve. for example, u see that you can save more on electricity next month, u can lower the budget or if it went over, you impose stricter rules on electricity usage.

if you can, allocate a bit of money for special occasions. for eg, mom's day or mother's day, eat something better than normal. no need to be luxurious. this small little things keep family tight and happy.

just my humble 2 cents.

[hamsapkwai]

Well you are chosen to shoulder the family`s responsibility for a reason.

Your parents must have done something good in their previous life to deserve you .

Suck it all up brother. Better things are in store for you later in life.

[snap]

Dont worry too much about it. Your situation is not that bad. Your salary will slowly increase over the years. Dont give your sis any allowance and after sometime she will be forced to find a job.

All the best!

[Hayabusa1]

TS, any updates on ur situation?

[blohsg]

tough love for your sis
tough Life for you ... baby steps & it'll get better ...
tough r/s with your gf ... but like bros said ... you'll see the real stuff she's made of ...

sometimes apart from a good fuck, it's revitalizing to get a pat on the shoulder ... so I can only offer "to top up your oil" shouts of encouragement ... remember you are not alone BRO ... SBF ROX !

so how's the road travelled so far ?

[mortar]

Hello bros here, I have read all the replies and indeed, all are very mature replies.

I have been working(often ot) and studying, and situation is the same la, but without any dispute. Few weeks ago i was tried to give mum $50 for her 'makan money' but she decline it no matter what i say.. in the end i told her we split the $50 and she was okay with it. I know they also dun really want to burden me also..

Life if the house is still okay, dinner is already rdy when i came back from work, or supper after i came back from school, i must really cherish this as i know it as i know i will going miss these when my parents are gone in the future. Still financially okay and luckily zhen hu got give us some money for the budget 2011 :D

[fulham]

really nothing much to complain, if you are worst, there are so many people out there worst off that you..good to see that you are sensible, just be fillial to your parents and treat them well, everything else is secondary..

[bigcock69]

Sorry to hijack the thread.....Bro mortar...you got my PM? Appreciate if you can get back to me. Thanks....

[Swagelock]

Sorry to hijack the thread.....Bro mortar...you got my PM? Appreciate if you can get back to me. Thanks....

Whats the PM? Never share? Asking her sis to FL ah? :p

[BlackMuse]

lifes a struggle man.. light at the end of the tunnel is probably that of an oncoming train...
end yr life...

if u cant then learn face the issues...come out stronger.. there are alot of ppl more worse off than you can ever imagine.. count your blessings..