Cheating Wife (allegedly) - what do i do???

[johnteo66]

unlike some brothers here who are into hotwifing, i am the total opposite. jealous as hell, i am. you may say i felt this way out of love. which is the reason i have given myself.

since the beginning of the year till now, i started seeing signs of this possibility - that she may be seeing someone secretly. i am not sure about it but there are signs:

- she started to have male "friends" smsing her;
- she goes out more regularly for "girls" dinner;
- she received gifts from "friends";
- she complaints that marriaged life lacks excitment;
- etc.

i checked her handphone once while she is sleeping, but didnt see anything juicy. there are a couple of guys that sms her, but no telltale signs of an affair there though.

short of engaging a PI to tail her (which cost around $1k per week - cant afford this), and i can tail her myself as we only got 1 car, shared; or planting a key-logger in my home PC (she will know - very IT savvy), what do i do?

i want to know. i NEED to know if our 7 years' marriage is coming to an end.

i sort of beat-around-the-bush and asked her once but she denied it.

how man? i am wrecked...

[easyeasy]

where got thing things cheap & good one. hire a PI lah

[BigGuy]

Some women just need that extra attention to see if they are still attractive. But then i cannot say the same for guys who are with her thinking of getting into her pants/skirts. Even if there are juicy smses, i pressume she would have deleted it.

Somethings u may want to consider this:

1. Join her with her so called girls dinner. If she kept saying no then it could ring a bell.
2. Asked her who these male friends are? If she refuses to tell you or intro you, then I guess you have to prepare for the worst.
3. Pertaining to recieving gifts, I stand neutral on this.
4. If she claims marriage life lacks excitement, then go on a break like to Cairns or go clubbing with her.

My ex-gf staying in Jurong also like that. Refused to let me know who she goes out with or who she smsing. Worst got those lovey dovey smses. So be prepared lor. Not much help though. cheers

[jusrassic]

- she started to have male "friends" smsing her;
- she goes out more regularly for "girls" dinner;
- she received gifts from "friends";
- she complaints that marriaged life lacks excitment;
- etc.

i want to know. i NEED to know if our 7 years' marriage is coming to an end.

i sort of beat-around-the-bush and asked her once but she denied it.

how man? i am wrecked...

One of the tell tale signs is tht after her "affair" of hot night of passion, she will become more "kind" towards you...
She will give u the extra attention and even if u say tht u wanna buy something expensive, she will not object to it rather than normally she would nag and nag about how expensive it is..etc..etc...
this happens to cover her guilty feelings of doing it behind ur back..
believe me bro...i have been there....

[seedofcucky]

i sort of beat-around-the-bush and asked her once but she denied it.

how man? i am wrecked...
I hope I am not trying to rile u or rub salt into ur wounds, but this is merely a suggestion. I only have good intentions.

If u want to find out what she is doing, why not bring up the subject, but in a manner as in telling her u fantasise her with another man? If u read Esop's fables, u will know of the story of the Wind and Sun who betted who could get the woman walking below, to remove her coat. The Wind blew and blew, but she only clung onto her clothes more tightly. Then the Sun shone as hard as he could, becoming very hot. In the end, the woman removed her coat voluntarily. Sometimes subtle coercion is better than force.

I know u may find me sick, but don't get mad with me, or with ur wife if she tells u what is happening. U may want to read the story below of a woman who cheats behind her husband's back, mainly because she knows he WON'T accept this, even though she really wishes he could be part of her fantasy. The key is u may want to give her the impression that u are ok with it, for her to reveal anything.

http://www.scandalouswomen.com/discus/messages/9/512.html?1117217803

I know this idea is very radical in our conservative society, but I am also aware that u may be at ur wits' end.

EDIT: The only problem with this idea is this: U must not spring the trap and tell her u are just pretending to fantasise, if u want to continue to know what she does. It may eat u up inside if u keep this secret to urself. But if u DO reveal everything, she will be wiser the second time round, and then that could be the end of her story for u. Just my 2 cents.

[seedofcucky]

Dear johnteo, just some crumbs from my own experience: It was only when I related my fantasy about my gf being with other men, that she finally admitted she actually missed her ex-bfs. She talked to them from time to time, but did not take up their proposals to meet, because of me. She might have been tempted, I wouldn't know, but certainly I would be as mad as u are if I find out she wasn't telling me!

I am glad she told me this, because it's heartbreaking if I were to find out myself. Even though my fantasies were real, and NOT because I merely wanted to find out what she thought of her ex-bfs. Our relationship is more stable and open now, and the trust deeper.

Just some food for thought and my humble 2 cents.

[KingBong]

The sms that she received....take note of the number and then find out who the guy are. Could be just normal friends or colleagues etc. Another way to find out is ask her friends/colleague that you know if she has been seeing someone else.....becos usually the person is someone that she met during the course of her work or through friends. HTH.

[johnteo66]

bros,

Bigguy - i tried to join their girly outing, but she refused. said it is an all-girls affair and she looks bad if i go. i agreed too. wont feel comfortable going. she told me who these friends are, but i knew them from day 1 of our marriage. they are her buddies from uni. doubt it is one of them, but i am not sure too.

Easyeasy - i cant afford a PI. contacted 1 to check the price and was quoted $1k per week, on rolling week basis. no guarantee of results (of course). after paying the load for house, for car, maid, insurance, unit trusts, etc. nothing to spare now.

Jusrassic - after these years of marriage, our relationship sort of "cool" down already. she is seldom especially nice or bad towards me, and neither am i to her. no peaking of emotional showing, if that's what u mean. 1 thing i notice (have to), is that she changed her whole collection of undies to g-strings. only wears the normal ones when she got red flag. this is the reason i started paying more attention.

seedofcucky - she knows me very well (that i am the jealous type), so to suggest i fantasize her with another guy wont work. it's like a complete change of character for me. she will see it a mile away that i am testing her. yeap, know the wind and sun story. to follow your analogy, i would think it is better if i create opportunities for her to engage that guy (if there's one), and PI them. maybe i will do this. at least the PI's cost can be control, with higher possibilities of getting a affirmative result.

kingbong - she usually erase her messages once she read them. but on a couple of rare occasion, i saw some of it and like i said, nothing juicy. but i get the names and numbers down already. but what can i do with it? call that person and ask if they are screwing my wife?! i wander if there's a way to find out their addresses using the numbers i got. any ideas?

sigh...
:(

[ric33]

Bro,

get a few close buddies and tail her..... but the fact is, are you able to take the truth?

On the tailing part, I had the same pbm with my ex. I got my buddies to tail her; once confirmed with another guy, I called to ask her where she is. If she lied, then pretty sure she is doing something behind yor back.

My point is: If there is really nothing, there is no need to hide about a lunch/dinner date with a friend of another gender.


Good Luck Bro!

[johnteo66]

Bro,

get a few close buddies and tail her..... but the fact is, are you able to take the truth?

On the tailing part, I had the same pbm with my ex. I got my buddies to tail her; once confirmed with another guy, I called to ask her where she is. If she lied, then pretty sure she is doing something behind yor back.

My point is: If there is really nothing, there is no need to hide about a lunch/dinner date with a friend of another gender.


Good Luck Bro!
this crossed my mine too. but i cant tell my close friends this - too embarassing. and i cant tell my other friends this. that's even worst. i think i will have to find a way to do it myself. borrow a car? perhaps.

[ivy7]

My point is: If there is really nothing, there is no need to hide about a lunch/dinner date with a friend of another gender.


My STBXH used to go out with girls he met in pubs, even took leave from work to go out with them. When I found out and confronted him, he said "But I tell you for what? You will just be jealous and get the wrong idea" and insisted they are just friends.

NOT. I have more than enough e-mail and sms evidence, even a GF/BF type picture of him and one of his "friends".

Oh, and of course he didn't tell them he's married with kids.

Point is, bro ric33 is right: if there is really nothing, there is nothing to hide!

PIs are ridiculously expensive. I was "lucky" in that they were slatternly in public, his main "friend" lives in the same housing estate as my family and friends so I had plenty of incoming reports.

Talk to her. Chances are, she's in serious denial and lies about everything.

Get concrete evidence (versus speculation) and decide what you want. Good luck and many hugs to you.

[Power]

Try getting a friend who is quite attractive to woo her(with you paying th ecost) . See if she falls into the trap....Jus a suggestion of goodwill.

[lahchi]

this crossed my mine too. but i cant tell my close friends this - too embarassing. and i cant tell my other friends this. that's even worst. i think i will have to find a way to do it myself. borrow a car? perhaps.


bro..perhaps when she go out you can ask where and then rent-borrow car and beo from there...i suspected my ex was seeing someone else..one day i just called her after work( she told me she would be out with the gers for a movie) and asked her which movie..she told me time and venue..only one small problem..the movie wasn't showing at that time at that venue...after that day i followed her and found her out...


moral of story: if anyone cheat..sure get found out...matter of time...sorry to add to your situation..take care bro...all the best..

[MoonBlaze]

..... i cant afford a PI. contacted 1 to check the price and was quoted $1k per week, on rolling week basis. no guarantee of results (of course). after paying the load for house, for car, maid, insurance, unit trusts, etc. nothing to spare now. I guess if you really wanna find out, you really got to dig deep into your pocket for that amount. One more thing, to further enhance the results of investiagtion, you could go away, leave the country, cheapest to M'sia or indonesia, reasons you have to crack your brain for it, work, visit a relative, wedding etc...give her some ample advance notice....if she is really seeing someone, the period when you are out of the country will be time she will be most active with the other guy... Your PI will probably be able to find the answer you are looking for. Good luck and i sincerely hope that your marriage life's passion is just cooling off and not that there's another guy. Without the presence of third party, it is easier to re-inject passion into a married couple. Wish you luck!!! :)

[evo3]

Bro JohnTeo, like what other bros was saying. Maybe, your wife need more attention from you.

Question:-

1)How often you go out with her over weekend ?
2)Are you those very romantic guys?
3)How often you talk to her over the phone while she is at work?
4)When you try to get close to her, did she kind of reject you and give excuses, especially during bed time (bro sorry to post this question to you).
5)Very important, did you yourself having an affair out there with another girl and get caught by her. You know sometime woman just keep quiet, because they dont want to break their marraige because of another woman, especially those wtih kids.

To be honest, I also having a big problem with my wife. :confused:

[tommyboy290906]

Well John, some sharing with you which I’ve my fair share of a problem similar to you.
Married for 10 years with 1 kid & sex was no fun only limited to once in 2 months & over in 5 mins. myself is not a saint with many girls before marriage & freq HC.
Realise, that she likes a bigger dick than my original 5 inch after 10 years, well got into penis enlargement pill for a year & now it is 7 long 6.5 girth. We are having sex every week & last longer. At times, we can’t fight head on for the prob but around it. I did told her if she has sex with someone else better to put on a condom for that guy screwing my wife which I would not know & that statement was made during sex of course & she never query abt my HC activities after that. She loves my big new dick which trial her so often. No more secret phone call / sms / fingers mark on her thigh which I believe someone was holding onto her thighs tightly while screwing her in missionary position & asking if her hole was not big for me most of the time during sex. I guess we got to let go at times & see the prob as it is. I even did discuss to get her a toy boy for the next vacation threesome which her she did not object to this ideal. Well our marriage is better than before after this opening up.

[tommyboy290906]

Well John, some sharing with you which I’ve my fair share of a problem similar to you.
Married for 10 years with 1 kid & sex was no fun only limited to once in 2 months & over in 5 mins. myself is not a saint with many girls before marriage & freq HC.

Realise, that she likes a bigger dick than my original 5 inch after 10 years, well got into penis enlargement pill for a year & now it is 7 long 6.5 girth. We are having sex every week & last longer. At times, we can’t fight head on for the prob but around it. I did told her if she has sex with someone else better to put on a condom for that guy screwing my wife which I would not know & that statement was made during sex of course & she never query abt my HC activities after that. She loves my big new dick which trial her so often. No more secret phone call / sms / fingers mark on her thigh which I believe someone was holding onto her thighs tightly while screwing her in missionary position & asking if her hole was not big for me most of the time during sex. I guess we got to let go at times & see the prob as it is. I even did discuss to get her a toy boy for the next vacation threesome which her she did not object to this ideal. Well our marriage is better than before after this opening up.

[jusrassic]

To be honest, I also having a big problem with my wife. :confused:
bro...tell me who doesnt have problems with the OC?

but to think of it..bro JohnTeo...maybe its the 7 year itch u r experiencing...
i had trouble during tht year also...tht was when she told me abt her affair and all tht...maybe its happening to u too... :(

[easyeasy]

in short you are quite hopeless with your wife. my idea to your first post in this thread

1. tell her nicely first since she know you are a jealous man, tell her to show you what her male "friends" smsing her. if she refuse something is wrong hire a PI

2. ask her which gerfriend she is meeting and the time and location. get a friend to spotcheck her there. if any infomation is incorrect hire a PI

3. ask her to only accept valuable gifts. cheap gifts is to be decline or given to someone else in the guy presence

4. want excitment can ask her to get lost in the same nature reserve the singapore boy and his cousin got themselves lost for 4 days a week ago. it will be damn exciting for her. or she can jump into the crocodile pits in Juroung crocdile farm during feeding time and help feeding them sure damn exciting one.

to talk to a woman dun beat around the bush ask directly and look into her eyes. unless she is a season liar you would have plenty of clues there. if you do again suspect anything hire a PI

[seedofcucky]

Realise, that she likes a bigger dick than my original 5 inch after 10 years, well got into penis enlargement pill for a year & now it is 7 long 6.5 girth.
May I know which penis enlargement pill u bought, and where did u get it? Any side-effects, and how long did u have to take before u attained this size?
I don't wish to have my cock compared with others, should my gf ever sees them.

Yes sometimes I think its better to bring things out in the open, rather than to restrict each other through jealousy. Jealousy is the fear of abandonment, and only breeds contempt.

[sg_boytoy]

Brother John, if you need other brothers to just help you keep an eye or even spot check on your wife when she's allegedly out with her uni friends, PM me. I can relate to your emotional state, though I haven't experienced it before but I think you can enlist the help of brothers here to assist you without any embarrasment.

[japboy]

well, seems like almost all of the suggestions are counter-terrorist measured used by ladies against flirtatous husbands, i.e. get a sista to test him out, etc.

i can tell u wat r sum of the measures gals take 2 snoop ard as I have a super-jealous ex and was living in hell den.

maybe dat will give u sum ideas on how 2 catch her red-handed n also an idea wat's mi definition of living hell is. :eek:

1) she used to snoop ard my credit card bills as this will usually gives u a breakdown on every items n pretty much map out ur activities when not ard her, e.g. maybe one of ur fav haunt is certain restuarant o certain place. den jz stake out at dat place n d guilty party will pop in soon enuff.

2) mobile bills - itemised billings so u can record d number most frequently dialed n trace d call. maybe get a close frenz working in d telcom 2 chk (cannot let boss find out if not he/she will kena sacked for disclosure of customer information to third parties). if she dun have one, apply it on her behalf (u r her spouse wat!). if she ask y, tell her u nid 2 monitor cost from now on n cut fone calls o claim from company etc.

3) if she uses cash, can check out d atm receipt as this will give u an idea where she usually draw money from. if near house, LL find another method.

4) a) get her uni frenz number n on one of d girlie night's out, give her frenz a call, giving excuses like "I can't reach mi wife on her mobile, can u pass d fone to her?" to check out whether she's really w them. Very impt pre-condition: you muz b close to one of her uni frenz prior to making dat fone call as dat will definitely ring a bell on ur wife and her frenz n i'm sure u wouldn't wanna embrassess her in front of her frenz jz like urself. but if u r like mi ex, u dun care n call anyway!

4) b)get to know her uni frenz husband well, so dat when they r out, u can check w their husband n ask them out for a drink o two.. if they said their wife is at home, gd luck!

5) check ur car distometer, always reset 2 zero n turn 2 d ODM so dat she wouldn't suspect anything. check out d car mileage when she returns and ask her where she went, who n where she sent home n verify w d distance travelled. if 2 differs alot, time 2 pay sum cab fare for sum spying of ur own.

6) pops by her office more often for lunch o sending her home, send flowers to her desk (only a little sum) w lovey-dovey msgs, telling all those hungry wolves 2 keep their hands off n oso reminding ur wife she got a loving husband (most imptly, she's married!), den make excuses not to send her home n make her carry d roses all d way back home. if she choses 2 leave d roses at work, 3 days later, sms her n ask her 2 mms d picture of d roses 2 u.. if she sed throw away oreadi, u got a hint there.

7) check out her fones for numbers on both missed calls n received calls, as dis will give u clues on who call her often.. den use public fone 2 call dat number far away from ur house (town area best!), pick up n listen to who answer d call n jz hang up.

8) check out her clothes after she got back home for guys perfume n pubic hair(?!?). does she immed throw d clothes for laundry straight after o jz leave it sumwhere. is there a change of habits recently? den beware...

9) check out d car after she got back. check for pubic hair o hairs that are shorter o longer than ur hair.. not too long lah as dis will most likely b her gal frenz hair.... if u constantly find d same kind of hair, den u r in trouble.

10) check out her shoes.. if muddy when she sed she went for dinner in suntec, obviously she went 2 d beach after dinner w sum one..

still got a lot more methods but dat's living hell for me den... nbz..

but if u have not strayed prior to her, i think u shld jz simply sit down n talk 2 her instead of snooping ard as dis only brings more quarrels as no one likes to be snooped at. have a gd chat w her n hopefully u can sort it out w her. good luck! :D

[Wins88]

since the beginning of the year till now, i started seeing signs of this possibility - that she may be seeing someone secretly. i am not sure about it but there are signs:

- she started to have male "friends" smsing her;
- she goes out more regularly for "girls" dinner;
- she received gifts from "friends";
- she complaints that marriaged life lacks excitment;
- etc.



Bro, I can tell u from experience dat a surefire sign is SMS and these sudden gals nite out with some new so-called gal pals. Most cheating spouses will sms like no tomorrow. I went thru the same thing as u r going thru now.
Just My 2 cents worth - get a PI (a good one) and get your questions answered before it is too late. If nothing - u can sleep easy, if she is cheating - the evidence collected will save you a ton on divorce settlement $$$! Good luck bro!

[johnteo66]

firstly, thanks all bros and 1 sis for replying to this thread. i got a few PMs too and would like to quote 1, no name as he prefers to remain anonymous:

"trust me there is still time to save your marriage. i got a feeling that you have sort of already condemned the fact that she is actually having an affair. thats not right bro. ladies needs attention. and for all you know she is getting attention from some other guys. but maybe theres all to it. nothing intimate. try starting with small little things like reminding her how sexy she looks, how seductive she is when she is applying her night cream and etc. things like these will work up her appetite for you again. trust me bro. but you really got to change your mindset. she is not guilty til proven. for all you know she is really meeting her friends more often because she might feel that there are things she can talk to them about that will not be appropriate to talk to you about."

i agree with what he said and will think through what i am going to do next. to those of you that are having similar problem as me, perhaps this is the time to start thinking too.

the question of whether she is cheating or not is like a fish bone in my throat. i must get to the bottom of it no matter what. and if she is really innocent, i will do what the bro said and all everything within my power to savage this marriage.

suggestions on how to clear this suspicion includes: getting an attractive friend to woo her (!!), rent/borrow a car to tail, leave the country to create opportunity for her to flip, penis enlargement (!!!), verifying her meetings, point-blank ask her and look her in the eyes, and volunterring to tail on my behalf...

man... didnt know there are so many folks like me, knowing that there's an even larger silent majority out there. what's this world coming to??! to hell with those wife-fuckers/husband-cheaters! :mad:

(not that the reverse is right, of course. as in unfaithful husbands...)

i have been playful before i get married - and i bet 99.99% of the male/female are. but i have remain 100% faithful during these 7 years. to the point of rejecting those that are offered.

but she is still innocent, unless proven guilty.

man... i am getting in-coherent. this shit is mind-fucking me!

[evo3]

Bro Japboy, well said.

[sg_boytoy]

Brother Japboy, you're a fucking star! I'll put some of your tips to good use if I ever suspect my CO is screwing behind my back. Thanks!!!

[japboy]

Bro Japboy, well said.

10Q brudder, i can empathise his feelings but being open is always the key for communication n pave d way for trust.... if she doesn't wanna open up, den u'll jz have to keep on trying until sincerity moves her. no harm in trying as both of u r married for so long oreadi anyway... betta 2 save d marriage than letting 7yrs of r/s goes to waste...

dis goes 2 u as well!!! :D

[johnteo66]

Thanks pal! will apply some of these methods where possible.

i may have his number - but dont have a friend working in telcos... and how do u know which telco a number belongs to?

anyone can help here?

[silk_magic]

I believe communication is the best way out. Tell your wife how you feel. Sometimes, couple tends to talk and don't communicate after many years together. That is why people quarrel. Go for a short trip alone with your wife and talk it out heart to heart. Tell her how you feel. If she values the marriage, I am sure she will be open about it.

[japboy]

I'll put some of your tips to good use if I ever suspect my CO is screwing behind my back.

if ur mind keeps on thinking abt dat person, ur wonderful mind will think of smth 2 snoop everything up......

dat's wat mi ex did 2 mi b4... so dun congrate mi on dis... i was in dis living hell for sum time.. cannot cheong, cannot go out... 24/7 w her... machiam a prisoner.. u like dat feeling meh?

but being open is much easier n betta den snooping ard like a thief... :D

[japboy]

i may have his number - but dont have a friend working in telcos... and how do u know which telco a number belongs to?

dun think anyone can help u if u dun have a frenz w telco.... as dis involve dat person's livelihood... not nice 2 get pple sacked.... try other methods... if u still wanna persist on his mobile number, den ask one of ur gal frenz 2 call him up to meet up personally w him.. spring a trap..

[evo3]

Bro Jurassic, my problem lied on myself, and is not my wife. I was given 100% freedom to do anything I want to do, can go out anytime as I like, even 12 mid-nite. Telling her that I will be going to KTV with friends for drinking sessions. Come to the extend that I even brought her to my regular KTV just this month 6/6 (Mon), and also together with my regular gal that work in that KTV. She dont seem to feel anything wrong. Even the gal was sitting so close and talking so soft with me, she is not jealousy. We had married for 14 years and have a daughter. Familt wise still very happy.
She herself is a very homely woman, go to work and come home on time, nothing else. Very simple lady. But the problem is why she did not question me of where I go, who I go with and why every alternate night I need to go out and some more is so late at 10pm and only return home at 5am.
I find that she handle thing too cool, until I am so scare now. If she open her mouth and asked me, I will feel better.
Now that, I suspect she knew that I am having an affair with a lady out there and she just keep quiet and dont want to bring it up. Maybe is because of the family. Afterall, she know that I am a responsible father and husband.
This way I am just cheating my wife instead of her. Nowsaday, everytime when I go out I feel gulity. Dont know what to do with myself. To give up the lady or to carry on :confused:

[johnteo66]

Now that, I suspect she knew that I am having an affair with a lady out there and she just keep quiet and dont want to bring it up. Maybe is because of the family. Afterall, she know that I am a responsible father and husband.
This way I am just cheating my wife instead of her. Nowsaday, everytime when I go out I feel gulity. Dont know what to do with myself. To give up the lady or to carry on :confused:
i am in no position to advise you as i am in deeper shit then u, so just want to share my thoughts.

you still feel guilty means something. to give that up. she's been with you all these years, tolerating your lifestyle. dont you think she deserved something back too? other then money to run the house?

if i am you, i will be very happy! knowing my wife is faithful, while still able to go out and cheong, AND have a good family. wouldnt ask for more you know?

:)

[jusrassic]

We had married for 14 years and have a daughter. Familt wise still very happy.
She herself is a very homely woman, go to work and come home on time, nothing else.

Bro Evo..I have been married for 11 years now..and have two daughters...
I guess I am the opposite of your situation..I work both day and nite..and whenever i dun werk..she will go out...with her "frens"..

Now that, I suspect she knew that I am having an affair with a lady out there and she just keep quiet and dont want to bring it up. Maybe is because of the family. Afterall, she know that I am a responsible father and husband.
This way I am just cheating my wife instead of her. Nowsaday, everytime when I go out I feel gulity. Dont know what to do with myself. To give up the lady or to carry on :confused:

Brother...welcome to the real world....

[evo3]

"she's been with you all these years, tolerating your lifestyle. dont you think she deserved something back too? other then money to run the house?

if i am you, i will be very happy! knowing my wife is faithful, while still able to go out and cheong, AND have a good family. wouldnt ask for more you know?"


Yes, indeed she is a very nice lady where I cant find another one as of now.
Even the gal that I know also said that, because she had saw my wife face to face during her visit to her work place.
The thing is yes I love my Family and child, but is kind of difficult to give up the relationship after so long. being seeing her almost every alternate day.
Actually, I though of telling my wife about this issue, but on the other hand also worry what is in her mind, if out of the blue she tell me to divorce her and married the lady, that I will be in deep shit. If I dont than forever I will not know what is my wife thinking. :confused:

[euphoria777]

Many a times, after a few years in the marriage, the wife will feel bored (c'mon, we do feel bored also right?). That is when she will spend more time outside home, be it with male or female friends, who could offer a listening ear. Of course, there are those opportunistic bastards who pretend to listen but all he wanted was to get into her skirt.

This might be what is happening to you (threadstarter) right now.
Maybe all is not lost. So don't be confrontational, that will drive her straight into that guy's arms. Communication is key. Tell her how you feel. Tell her openly, but in a nice way. Tell her that you are very troubled because of her recent behaviour. If there is nothing, she will come clean and even tell you whats your problem (eg not romantic enough, not caring...). Then both of you can sort things out together.

If there is something and she wants to hide, time will tell.
Then u can do all those things that other Bros have suggested.

I just want to say, whatever you do, dun push her further into the arms of whoever waiting........

[evo3]

10Q brudder, i can empathise his feelings but being open is always the key for communication n pave d way for trust.... if she doesn't wanna open up, den u'll jz have to keep on trying until sincerity moves her. no harm in trying as both of u r married for so long oreadi anyway... betta 2 save d marriage than letting 7yrs of r/s goes to waste...

dis goes 2 u as well!!! :D


Bro JAp thks for your precious advise i will bear that in mind.

[Huluman]

2 ways:

(1) Divorce the bitch
(2) Locate all the guys and beat them up




unlike some brothers here who are into hotwifing, i am the total opposite. jealous as hell, i am. you may say i felt this way out of love. which is the reason i have given myself.

since the beginning of the year till now, i started seeing signs of this possibility - that she may be seeing someone secretly. i am not sure about it but there are signs:

- she started to have male "friends" smsing her;
- she goes out more regularly for "girls" dinner;
- she received gifts from "friends";
- she complaints that marriaged life lacks excitment;
- etc.

i checked her handphone once while she is sleeping, but didnt see anything juicy. there are a couple of guys that sms her, but no telltale signs of an affair there though.

short of engaging a PI to tail her (which cost around $1k per week - cant afford this), and i can tail her myself as we only got 1 car, shared; or planting a key-logger in my home PC (she will know - very IT savvy), what do i do?

i want to know. i NEED to know if our 7 years' marriage is coming to an end.

i sort of beat-around-the-bush and asked her once but she denied it.

how man? i am wrecked...

[KingBong]

JT,
Did you try asking her buddies if she is seeing someone else? Their answer or reaction should give you some clues.
From telephone number you wont be able to know who is the person as I dont think this is publicly revealed by the providers. But if that number appears frequent enough, you have the right to call that person to ask who they are, if nothing to hide they will tell right.
Another giveaway is notice if there's any change in her. Does she make-up and dress up when she's not with you, and ask her where she's going. Wouldnt make sense to dress sexy if she's just out with pals. Does she seem different in mood for no apparent reason?
If you know a person well enough, and ask them a direct question, you should know if they are hiding something from you. But this may further harm the relationship if she knows you dont trust her. Maybe she is just trying to get your attention, so dont jump to conclusions. Sometimes it may be the other party that's paying a lot of attention to her and not her own initiative, so give it a chance to work out since everyone make mistakes.

[wahlau]

Bro,

As you yourself rightly said, you are seeing "signs of your wife having an affair", don't rush out and build a mountain out of a molehill.

It could just be signs and nothing else. So, don't create something out of nothing. You probably see the signs more because of your jealous nature. You may end up fighting over your jealous, non-trusting nature than the actual issue itself.

More importantly, if the truth is out, how are you going to handle it? How will your children be affected (I assume you have kids)?

Don't concentrate on how you can prove your "instincts" right. It will only doom your marriage.

I suggest you relook and see how you, perhaps have "neglected" her and salvage the relationship. Recognise your faults and set it right. Don't go around proving out her errors.

At the end of the day, do you really want a divorce? If the vase is tipping at the edge, push it back in to the center. Once it drops and smashes, no amount of superglue can put it back again like before.

I wish you all the best.

[Castrol]

Come to the extend that I even brought her to my regular KTV just this month 6/6 (Mon), and also together with my regular gal that work in that KTV. :

bro evo3, no offence, but i think this is too much. there is a limit how far we stretch our luck...
the places where we go with other women and the places we go to look for women, is definitely not the places we want our own women to be at...

to threadstarter bro, bro johnteo66, i am married for a few years only. i dont wanna sound like a mcp, but i think it is time you go down hard.
tell her what you dont want her to do, and she better agree out of respect. for example... no more sms or chitchat on the phone with any guy, not even colleagues or boss.

[tommyboy290906]

Hello Seed
Penis enlargement pills: VigRX -you can get it at Forbidden Pleasures #03 at the Arcade at Rafles place, it is a approved pills $139 for a month.
It is not as it claims to be 2 inchs longer in 2 - 3 months. It takes me 7 bottles of consumption before getting this size. The only side effect is heaty & freq couch / at times your bother will be probling away & many hard erection in the morning. Even my wife did encourage for that.

We are all human after all, of course I was jealous, but myself is not any better. I only did find out during sex play when she was into her cuming... by forcing her to tell me if she was having another dick in her & the ans it was a longer bigger dick that did satisfied her. I wan't angry but amused after 10 yrs of marriage plus another 8 yrs of courtship. No wonder she was not worked out for my HC activities. I can't blamed her any any of the guys having a eye on her, the price you have to pay for sexy wife. She did told me no bringing of cows back home, which I totally agreed. Else fatal attration is a big problem.

[johnteo66]

with all the advises here, i have thought it through. this is what i will do.

establish facts
i will go on a business trip next week, during weekdays.
i have spoken to a very close friend awhile back and he is agreeable to help me to follow her on certain time. her work pattern is somewhat predictable.

the objective here is to find out what she did while i am away. at night.

then, 3 possible outcomes: (1) i am imagining things, (2) she is seeing a guy but they are not intimate, or she is seeing a guy but they ARE intimate.

based on facts learned, i shall:

(1) love her more, count my mistakes, be a better loving/romantic husband hence forth;

(2) talk to her straight in her face, look her in the eyes, and asked her about the "chanced" encounter with my friend, and what he saw - from here, she cannot denied. if she agrees to not seeing him, goto (1). if not, we shall file for a peaceful seperation;

(3) i will engage a PI, and create another similar opportunity for her. only this time, i would have gathered hard evidence from a pro, admissble in court. then i will go filing for her adulterous behaviour and hope to save on alimony - though this cannot be certain - and full custody of my kids.

that is it.

[tommyboy290906]

You can get her a telco sim card under your name & you will have access to the list of incoming & outgoing calls at $5 per report. And also additional service like nearest location trecking are offered curently, but rememder the billing have to come to you, else a summary print out of the addtional services will be a give away.

[lifeless99]

Well John, some sharing with you which I’ve my fair share of a problem similar to you.
Married for 10 years with 1 kid & sex was no fun only limited to once in 2 months & over in 5 mins. myself is not a saint with many girls before marriage & freq HC.

Realise, that she likes a bigger dick than my original 5 inch after 10 years, well got into penis enlargement pill for a year & now it is 7 long 6.5 girth. We are having sex every week & last longer. At times, we can’t fight head on for the prob but around it. I did told her if she has sex with someone else better to put on a condom for that guy screwing my wife which I would not know & that statement was made during sex of course & she never query abt my HC activities after that. She loves my big new dick which trial her so often. No more secret phone call / sms / fingers mark on her thigh which I believe someone was holding onto her thighs tightly while screwing her in missionary position & asking if her hole was not big for me most of the time during sex. I guess we got to let go at times & see the prob as it is. I even did discuss to get her a toy boy for the next vacation threesome which her she did not object to this ideal. Well our marriage is better than before after this opening up.

u mean before u went for Penis enlargement pill. Ur wife is having affair behind u is it and u found out ?

[seedofcucky]

with all the advises here, i have thought it through. this is what i will do.

(2) talk to her straight in her face, look her in the eyes, and asked her about the "chanced" encounter with my friend, and what he saw - from here, she cannot denied. if she agrees to not seeing him, goto (1). if not, we shall file for a peaceful seperation;

(3) i will engage a PI, and create another similar opportunity for her. only this time, i would have gathered hard evidence from a pro, admissble in court. then i will go filing for her adulterous behaviour and hope to save on alimony - though this cannot be certain - and full custody of my kids.

that is it.

From the way u described, it sounds rather like a C++ program "if...else...goto...dowhile...return 0". Unfortunately human relationships are much more complicated, there is no right or wrong way.

Dude, don't be too quick to file for divorce. No doubt it is the easy way out to settle the differences between u and ur wife. But in the long run, ur kids will surely suffer. It is real hard, both emotionally and financially to be a single parent, having to play the role of the missing other half, not to mention u have to work. It may be easy for u to understand why u did what u did, but if ur kids are still young, they may not. They still need their mom's love. I know because I was a product of that.

Weigh the short term gains and the long term losses. If there is anything in ur relationship can be salvaged, past mistakes forgiven (not forgotten), do consider giving urselves a chance.

Don't be blinded by fear, hate, anger and jealousy. Fear leads to Hate, Hate leads to Anger, Anger leads to Suffering. Just my humble 2 cents.

[ivy7]

with all the advises here, i have thought it through. this is what i will do.

establish facts



That's the best thing you can do for yourself now. You won't have peace till you know. It'll be painful - kinda like chewing your arm off - but you will dig and dig and dig, want to know more and more and more... want to know everything

Once you have enough evidence one way or another - stop digging and talk to her. Depending on outcome of conversation, you decide your future.

I mean, don't keep obtaining all that evidence and be half-hearted about your decision.


(3) i will engage a PI, and create another similar opportunity for her. only this time, i would have gathered hard evidence from a pro, admissble in court. then i will go filing for her adulterous behaviour and hope to save on alimony - though this cannot be certain - and full custody of my kids.

that is it.

Eh, alimony (maintenance), custody and dissolution of marriage are taken as three very distinct items in the Family Court here. They do not mix. The parent with the kids living with him/her (main custody) can apply for maintenance from the other parent. Adultery does not preclude a parent obtaining custody.

Before I go into a discourse on this... you should really just figure out if she is or isn't first.

*hugs*

[johnteo66]

From the way u described, it sounds rather like a C++ program "if...else...goto...dowhile...return 0". Unfortunately human relationships are much more complicated, there is no right or wrong way.

Dude, don't be too quick to file for divorce. No doubt it is the easy way out to settle the differences between u and ur wife. But in the long run, ur kids will surely suffer. It is real hard, both emotionally and financially to be a single parent, having to play the role of the missing other half, not to mention u have to work. It may be easy for u to understand why u did what u did, but if ur kids are still young, they may not. They still need their mom's love. I know because I was a product of that.

Weigh the short term gains and the long term losses. If there is anything in ur relationship can be salvaged, past mistakes forgiven (not forgotten), do consider giving urselves a chance.

Don't be blinded by fear, hate, anger and jealousy. Fear leads to Hate, Hate leads to Anger, Anger leads to Suffering. Just my humble 2 cents.
that's what i do for a living, cant help it. it may also help you to understand how my brain works - 1s and 0s, black or white. no grey areas.

i am a firm believer of life taking its own cause. do what you think is right, and the situation will unfold itself.

i just cannot live in this constant suspicion - cant work, cant think, cant look at my kids the same way...

there must be a closure to this, good or bad, i will take it as it comes.

[Garf]

johnteo,

I have some suggestions to you too,
1. Yes, your wife can reject you join the gals-talk, but how about you think an excuse to fetch her back home after their meetings? just like you will worry her if too late she go home alone. Can show you are caring too.

2. Next time when she tells you she has appointment, you also tell her you have what guys gathering too. And you must go out more frequent than her. Repeat this, if this method work and she still care of you, think she will go out less than before in order to watch close on you.

Hope these can help. :p

[evo3]

bro castrol no worry no offend ok.
yes the point of bringing my woman there is that i just want her to know where i am instead of she asking me where i always goto.
i dont do it always, but just to prove to her that i am innocent going there with no hanky panky. also is not an easy task to bring 2 women that you love and sit together with nothing happening.
will remember your advise bro castrol, thks

[CNNcmg]

since the beginning of the year till now, i started seeing signs of this possibility - that she may be seeing someone secretly. i am not sure about it but there are signs:

how man? i am wrecked...


Bro John,

I know this is probably very difficult period for you.
On a outsider point, I think all you have now is "suspicion". Nothing is real proof as yet enevn though there are signs...

Relationship i sall about trust and and once this is gone, its gonna be diffucult. If I am in your shoes, I will...

- Keep quiet about it so that in case all this are unfounded suspicion, at least it wont damage the r/s you both have

- Ask a buddy or 2 to tail her or rent or borrow another car to do that.

- Ask her various questions after every activities and recheck what she says a few days or week later and see if they still glue.. Any lies usually dunj stand up to such scrutiny.

Most important is ask yourself and her where each of you draw the line in term or relationship with the opposite sex. Some people think that even a dinner or drink with opposite sex is a no-no. And some people do not think much of it as long as they avoid the touchy and sex part.

Some brother has highlighted this point. Dun over react until the whole relationship is beyond repair if all your suspicion is unfound.

Good luck...

[Castrol]

i dont do it always, but just to prove to her that i am innocent going there with no hanky panky. also is not an easy task to bring 2 women that you love and sit together with nothing happening.
will remember your advise bro castrol, thks

i understand bro, you got a point there. and i believe you may have handled the situation quite well with the both of them there together. otherwise there will be nags and nags, if you know what i mean... ;)

[EvoIX]

(3) i will engage a PI, and create another similar opportunity for her. only this time, i would have gathered hard evidence from a pro, admissble in court. then i will go filing for her adulterous behaviour and hope to save on alimony - though this cannot be certain - and full custody of my kids.

that is it.
sorry to pour cold water bro, but it's a misconception that alimony can be avoided if the wife has an adulturous affair. the fact is, the law still deems women as the "weaker sex" and offers them more protection.

not to say we bros are screwed because you can still take heart, you may not even have to pay anything at all if things really are that bad (ie she's screwing around).

will elaborate further soon.

[sky-bird]

Hi, John

I had the same experience 4 years ago. I even find out the guy's number from my wife's handphone ( althogh she name it as a girl's name ) , but how? just ask yourself how much do you love her? what have you did for her for the past few years? Girl may not change easy if you do not keep them well. they need some attention. since 2001, I have been sufferring with my marriage, no mood to work, moody. but i really try many way to bring her back, because I know I love her.that is not easy. Now we have another baby girl and we live much likely as before...
That is why I asked you How much you love your wife, if you love her give her some freedom, trust her ( don't follow her ) ( take this opportunity to know more friend ) and more caring ( and also care for yourself ) , I think she can feel it. she will know how to decide....

Cheer !! See there are so many friends caring about you. why worry.!!

[SomeGuy_sg]

WTF , this thread started in 2003 . which fool brought it back from the dead ? haha....

Hey John boy, I am not married so i am not the best guy to comment on your situation . I would choose options 2 and 3 . Hire a PI to follow her and get evidence of this possible adultrous act . Than confront her but don't tell her you got a PI to follow her. She what she wants to do after that. Which only is two choices

1, She still loves you but got side-tracked . You forgive but not forget . And carry on for the kids

2, She wants a divorce . In which you can use the PI's evidence as grounds for sepration and take the kids . Giving her ZERO alimony .

Ps; I think you should have gotten a professional from the start and not your friend. Friends have mouths ... no matter how big or small .

[LordVader]

WTF , this thread started in 2003 . which fool brought it back from the dead ? haha....


FYI, this thread was posted a day ago max. The May 2003 is the month and date the user joined SBF.

[plain]

with all the advises here, i have thought it through. this is what i will do.

establish facts
i will go on a business trip next week, during weekdays.
i have spoken to a very close friend awhile back and he is agreeable to help me to follow her on certain time. her work pattern is somewhat predictable.

the objective here is to find out what she did while i am away. at night.

then, 3 possible outcomes: (1) i am imagining things, (2) she is seeing a guy but they are not intimate, or she is seeing a guy but they ARE intimate.

based on facts learned, i shall:

(1) love her more, count my mistakes, be a better loving/romantic husband hence forth;

(2) talk to her straight in her face, look her in the eyes, and asked her about the "chanced" encounter with my friend, and what he saw - from here, she cannot denied. if she agrees to not seeing him, goto (1). if not, we shall file for a peaceful seperation;

(3) i will engage a PI, and create another similar opportunity for her. only this time, i would have gathered hard evidence from a pro, admissble in court. then i will go filing for her adulterous behaviour and hope to save on alimony - though this cannot be certain - and full custody of my kids.

that is it.

Can I help you rephrase the above ?

It should be I WILL

[plain]

wth, 2003 ? just realise it as well :rolleyes:

[edmund899]

Nowsaday, everytime when I go out I feel gulity. Dont know what to do with myself. To give up the lady or to carry on :confused:

ask yourself this question, " who can you live without? ". hope it helps

[evo3]

ask yourself this question, " who can you live without? ". hope it helps


Bro dont understand what you mean by" who can you live without? ". :confused:

[Jari_Owen]

Hmm...
guess you need to put in lot of effort to rekindle the relationship....(she mentioned feeling no excitment in marriage life...)

Put in effort to "woo" her again..show her concern that was shown in courtship days...take her out for dinner...give gift....Yeah...tat men usually chuck their wife aside after 2-3 yr in marriage life....

Btw, any child you have?

Hmm...there must be some reason for her to do that straying (if any).

In General : Show her care, concern, attention...all these might be lacking. And with these, she might be guilty if you do something bad behind your bad..

That's my 1 cent worth of comment and advice

[wahlau]

Bro,

As someone rightly pointed out, your wife's infidelity does not mean no alimony on your part. The family court looks at the settlement of a divorce but not the cause of it. Blame it on the women's charter.

So all your hard earned evidence may actually "backfire" on you.

While it is easy to sit here and decide what you think you gonna do, it is a different situation when the confrontation starts.

There's a vast difference between what we think we going to do and what we actually do in the end.

The right action does necessary amount to the real action. Don't live to regret it.

There's hope. Work on the good, don't major on the bad.

[airbrush]

i am a firm believer of life taking its own cause. do what you think is right, and the situation will unfold itself.

i just cannot live in this constant suspicion - cant work, cant think, cant look at my kids the same way...

there must be a closure to this, good or bad, i will take it as it comes.

...hmm whatever happens and it had already happen don't make the one you love before your enemy....who don,t have to do that...I guess you are between age 28 to 35 correct me if I am wrong....

[ginlee888]

. If nothing - u can sleep easy, if she is cheating - the evidence collected will save you a ton on divorce settlement $$$! Good luck bro!

Not exactly correct bro. If there is evidence, she will need to pay for your PI and legal fees for divorce. But you still need to pay her maintenance fees and half of your assets still go to her.

When there is a divorce, the court does not bother who is right or wrong. The usual division of matrimony assets apply and the woman charter will see to it that she gets her maintenance fees.

That's why...once a man get married in Spore, you are screwed no matter you cheat or she cheat.

[airbrush]

That's why...once a man get married in Spore, you are screwed no matter you cheat or she cheat.

note taken...must consider deeeeeeeeeeeeeeply before married.......or else get screeeeeeeeeeewed up...

[sg_boytoy]

Not exactly correct bro. If there is evidence, she will need to pay for your PI and legal fees for divorce. But you still need to pay her maintenance fees and half of your assets still go to her.

When there is a divorce, the court does not bother who is right or wrong. The usual division of matrimony assets apply and the woman charter will see to it that she gets her maintenance fees.

That's why...once a man get married in Spore, you are screwed no matter you cheat or she cheat.

I though if got evidence of her commiting adultery, no alimony or splitting of assets is required? Like that sipeh loogee leh... :D

[MoonBlaze]

establish facts i will go on a business trip next week, during weekdays.i have spoken to a very close friend awhile back and he is agreeable to help me to follow her on certain time. her work pattern is somewhat predictable.I strongly suggest you engage a PI to do the investigation for you. Hope you had already made sure that your wife do not know this close fren of yours else easy to pichak the whole thing.

the objective here is to find out what she did while i am away. at night. then, 3 possible outcomes: (1) i am imagining things, (2) she is seeing a guy but they are not intimate, or she is seeing a guy but they ARE intimate.I wish your finding is (1) or (4) she is really just with her gal frens. Good luck! :)

[nakamara]

pai seh pai seh side-track abit...if my wife send a PI to tail me den caught me visiting pros or any other form of paid sex is it considered adultary on my part? :)

[easyeasy]

Hi, John

I had the same experience 4 years ago. I even find out the guy's number from my wife's handphone ( althogh she name it as a girl's name ) , but how? just ask yourself how much do you love her? what have you did for her for the past few years? Girl may not change easy if you do not keep them well. they need some attention. since 2001, I have been sufferring with my marriage, no mood to work, moody. but i really try many way to bring her back, because I know I love her.that is not easy. Now we have another baby girl and we live much likely as before...
That is why I asked you How much you love your wife, if you love her give her some freedom, trust her ( don't follow her ) ( take this opportunity to know more friend ) and more caring ( and also care for yourself ) , I think she can feel it. she will know how to decide....

Cheer !! See there are so many friends caring about you. why worry.!!

you are not closing one eye you are closing both eye. no offend take your daughter for a DNA test

[Castrol]

pai seh pai seh side-track abit...if my wife send a PI to tail me den caught me visiting pros or any other form of paid sex is it considered adultary on my part? :)

bro, paisay i dont have the answer to your question. but if i happen to be the PI, i hope you dont bonk too long while i am waiting outside... :D

[ivy7]

Adultery: having sex with someone else other than your spouse.

In the divorce court, you'd need a PI report to prove adultery. Not sure what is in a PI report though he may (will?) be called in court to testify.

If divorce is approved based on the evidence, the petioner (person filing for divorce) can request for the respondent (the person who committed the adultery) to pay all/partial costs for the divorce (lawyer fees, court fees).

Alimony is a separate issue and not dependant on reason for divorce. Thanks to the Women's Charter, as long as you were married, a woman can claim for alimony from her ex-husband. Of course, there are guidelines.

Custody is also a separate issue and not dependant on reason for divorce.. Main custody (i.e. who the children live with, the adult responsible for the children's day to day life) is given depending on age of children, history of care, ability to care, continuity of care among other things. So even if your wife is committing adultery, the important question is: has she been neglecting her motherly duties?

Aiyah, go read the Women's Charter at http://statutes.agc.gov.sg/ lah.

[nakamara]

bro, paisay i dont have the answer to your question. but if i happen to be the PI, i hope you dont bonk too long while i am waiting outside... :D

bro, paisay, i think u would rather i discover u, negotiate terms n pay u better than my wife, and lastly treat u free bonks right? hahaha :D

[Castrol]

bro, paisay, i think u would rather i discover u, negotiate terms n pay u better than my wife, and lastly treat u free bonks right? hahaha :D

hahaha... ok ok lah we friend friend and you willing to blanja me, i will show your wife pictures of you pcc in the toilet, so confirm no adultery lor...! :D

[nakamara]

hahaha... ok ok lah we friend friend and you willing to blanja me, i will show your wife pictures of you pcc in the toilet, so confirm no adultery lor...! :D

scarly choy choy my wife offer u sex back...den u help her again...i think you'll be the happiest PI on earth man!! haha

[Power]

[QUOTE=ivy7]Adultery: having sex with someone else other than your spouse.

In the divorce court, you'd need a PI report to prove adultery. Not sure what is in a PI report though he may (will?) be called in court to testify.

Wah... You sure sound like a pro. :D

[Castrol]

scarly choy choy my wife offer u sex back...den u help her again...i think you'll be the happiest PI on earth man!! haha

cannot cannot, bro wife cannot touch! i dont behave like Magnum PI you know... :D

[johnteo66]

hi,

thanks for all your replies. just check with my lawyer this morning about my various options.

if i get a PI, and a professional one with good track record, all that is need is for the PI to see with his own eyes that she went into a private enclosure (home, hotel, etc) for a period of time that the court deem intimate relation can happen. it doesnt really matter if she goes into the house to play chinese chess or whatever.

it is not necessary to have hard evidence like photos and videos (as we always see in hk drama), though the case will be more solid with these.

once i got the evidence, i can file for divorce on the ground of adulterous behaviour. the judge will have to decide if the evident is enough.

thereafter, if judge agrees that such behaviour exist, and divorce granted, comes to matrimonial assets, alimony, and custody (i got 2 kids).

assets: judgement based on what's necessary for her to live life, who pays for what, etc. it is complex and can happen both ways. not necessary 50/50 down the middle. cases has happened before where men will considered it unjust, but, like someone said, men are screwed if u get married in singapore.

alimony: again, this is quite independent from who's right and who's wrong. remember there was a case where a woman had a baby with another man while she is still married with her husband and he didnt know until the kid is now what, 10 years old? she still got her share of assets and alimony. how to beat that being so unfair for men? most likely, the judgement will goes for the husband to pay for her to maintain her current lifestyle. more if she is not working.

custody: again, very complex, but men usually lose on this. the court seems to think that women are better to bring up kids then men. unless men can prove to court that she is not fit to do so - eg. psychological, alcoholic, illness, etc. this also depends on what is the current situation - who is taking of the kids now, etc. the court will try to maintain the current well-being/situation for the kids as best.

BUT:
- right till now, i have only suspision. not facts.
- i want to know for sure if what i think is true.
- then decide my cause of action based on FACTS.

do i love her? damn right i do. but i am also possessive. higly so. even at my age in mid 30s. what i love cannot be shared. period.

going out with a bunch of colleagues is fine. going out with a bunch of male buddies is fine. going out with male friends is fine. going out with single male is quite alright - though there must be a reason to do so, and the places they go should be public and no-stray-possibility.

going out with ex-bf is not good. going drinking with 1 guy is not good. going on tour with 1 guy is not good. and visiting a male friend's house is not good.

i may not sound very reasonable, but i am sure it is pretty acceptable. i am not extra libral, non am i a control-freak. just somewhere in the middle ground in the sg society. neither extremes.

these rules applies both ways. and we have been living like that for 7 years without problems.

that's why the recent changes caused my suspision...

[nakamara]

[QUOTE=ivy7]Adultery: having sex with someone else other than your spouse.

In the divorce court, you'd need a PI report to prove adultery. Not sure what is in a PI report though he may (will?) be called in court to testify.

Wah... You sure sound like a pro. :D

ya lor...too bad i'm studying commercial law only...no expertise on these areas...haha

[edmund899]

Bro dont understand what you mean by" who can you live without? ". :confused:


sorry, phrased wrongly it should be " who you can live without".

[stephenL]

Johnteso66...
Well, you are really a possesive person, even if one is married, you still can't control what your wife do...she got her right of space to do things, married to you doesn't mean she had to reached home after works and wait on you, it is not applicable in this society anymore, not in present time. You are living in the 50s or 60s!!!!!!!!
As one of my friends did mentioned, "she is not yours even both of you are married and terms husband and wife if both died together".
Adulterly is not an offence in sillypore, you can file for divorce on ground of unreasonable behaviour, and with a 3 yrs of seperation, your div will go thru, no need any PI proof or anything.But the woman carter protects all married woman, that's why all the alimony come in.
Don't tell me you don't go out fuck around?. If you do, so does your wife.

[ivy7]

A marriage is an agreement between two consenting adults to keep one another happy. This agreement varies depending on the people concerned but end result is that both must be happy.

I used the following websites and consulted a lawyer at the Legal Aid Bureau:
http://www.familycourtofsingapore.gov.sg/
http://statutes.agc.gov.sg/

Adultery is not an offence, but is used as a reason for "immediate" divorce. The other reason is unreasonable behaviour - desertion, violence etc. Otherwise you will have to be separated for 3 years if your spouse is agreeable or 4 years if spouse is not agreeable - way too long for some people.

Why I know all this? Going though this crap myself lah, duh. Good thing I have the Women's Charter on my side, but if I don't know what is in the armoury, how can i protect myself?

[10 cc]

Why I know all this? Going though this crap myself lah, duh. Good thing I have the Women's Charter on my side, but if I don't know what is in the armoury, how can i protect myself?
i went thru this as well, not once but twice. good thing they had the women's chapter on their side. i wasted a whole day waiting in the lounge of the family court. @!#$@!#$@!#$

the best way of dealing with these statues is to engage a lawyer. they are not necessary expensive. i paid mine like $600 for a separation partition. package price somemore.

[johnteo66]

something happened last night.

i cannot tahan to keep all these things within me, so i had a face-to-face open talk to her.

she was very forthcoming with me. lots of bad news... yes there's that guy, yes they went out, yes they held hands, yes they kissed (though not french as she insisted), and no they didnt have sex. she is over with him, she claimed. it was just a 3 months' thing.

my mind went blank.

i choose to sleep with my kids.

i didnt talk to her this morning.

my mind is still blank.

now that i know, i am lost.

only 1 thing i know for certain. i still want her. sigh...

:(

(and for that person who deducted my points: be my guest. u think i cared about some points now???)

[WhamBamTYM]

something happened last night.

i cannot tahan to keep all these things within me, so i had a face-to-face open talk to her.

she was very forthcoming with me. lots of bad news... yes there's that guy, yes they went out, yes they held hands, yes they kissed (though not french as she insisted), and no they didnt have sex. she is over with him, she claimed. it was just a 3 months' thing.

my mind went blank.

i choose to sleep with my kids.

i didnt talk to her this morning.

my mind is still blank.

now that i know, i am lost.

only 1 thing i know for certain. i still want her. sigh...

:(

(and for that person who deducted my points: be my guest. u think i cared about some points now???)


bro, it's hard to accept the truth, and the truth definitely hurts... Just my personal opinion, but since your wife has come clean with you, it shows that you're still more important and at least she is not denying the fact that she had someone else... Try to work it out, and after all, you still want her.... Furthermore, you two already have children, and they are innocent....

You are lost because you've never expected your wife to have something for another guy, especially when you guys are already married and have children of your own... Take some time, chill out, but don't let it hang too long... It's up to you to believe your wife now, and maybe you guys should really have a heart to heart talk, and also talk about the future.... together.....

[Wang Ye]

only 1 thing i know for certain. i still want her. sigh...

Bro I know it is hard as you are angry right now but sleeping seperately from your wife may make matters worst.

Since you still want her strongly suggest you have another heart to heart talk with her and sort things out. If all else fails see a marriage cousellor.

Keep your spirits up your bros here will be supporting you silently all the way. Hope to hear some good news from you soon (ie. made up with the Mrs).

Marriages are always work in progress. So got to keep working hard!

[seedofcucky]

i cannot tahan to keep all these things within me, so i had a face-to-face open talk to her.

she was very forthcoming with me. lots of bad news... yes there's that guy, yes they went out, yes they held hands, yes they kissed (though not french as she insisted), and no they didnt have sex. she is over with him, she claimed. it was just a 3 months' thing.

my mind went blank.

now that i know, i am lost.

only 1 thing i know for certain. i still want her. sigh...



The fact that u are brave enough to confront her speaks volumes of ur desire to find the truth.

The fact that she dares to bare her story and comes clean means she is NOT totally dishonest with u. As u know with men, some die hard won't admit their affair. Women don't have this ego thing. My gf did the same some years back, I blew my top and brought the house down initially, but she came clean with me, that helped us to start over. I neglected her.

The fact that u were lost, means nothing in life is black or white, 1s or 0s. Understand that it takes 2 hands to clap, 2 people to have an affair, 2 persons to neglect a happy marriage. There is no "who's right" or "wrong".

The fact that u still love her, gives u a chance to pick up the broken pieces, and its never too late to start again. Think about ur kids' future.

But the fact that she being a woman, and saying that she is over with him, means u as a man must not take her words forgranted. We men seem to take promises as words of honour. Granted that she may swear off him now, but it does not mean she won't be tempted in the future. However it is time for u to make ur move now. Search ur feelings.

Whether u do the right thing or not, at least do it the right way. With all ur sincerity, u can try to bring her closer to u again, or u can ask her to leave u, once and for all. Don't just focus on ur own anger, ur own points of view. Try to empathise, understand why she did what she did. Then make ur decisions.

And yes, WhamBamTYM has stated some valid points. It is easier to break a vase, than to mould it. Think about ur kids.

Thats why like him (though it may not apply to u), I decided its better to let my gf have fun in front of me, than to do it without my knowledge. That brings satisfaction and trust in our relationship.

[TheSting]

Johnteso66...
Well, you are really a possesive person, even if one is married, you still can't control what your wife do...she got her right of space to do things, married to you doesn't mean she had to reached home after works and wait on you, it is not applicable in this society anymore, not in present time. You are living in the 50s or 60s!!!!!!!!

Geez
U're one fucking idiot.
Why don't you read carefully before making any more of your imbecilic comments??

What John has set in terms of his limits are his own!! Who are you to criticize them? If I might add, I personally find his limits mirroring that of my own, and perhaps reflecting the majority of the moderate singaporeans around.

More important, at no time did bro John mention anything about "reaching home after work and waiting on him" ? WTF did u get that from?

What bro John here is worried is about is that his wife is having an affair outside. Period.
Perhaps you might be able to accept that, or even revel in being cockolded. Each to this own.
But I'm sure this is not what most of us (and i've absolutely nothing personal against the rest. each to his own) are able to accept. Or "Applicable to this society" as you put it.



And of cos, most importantly
Don't tell me you don't go out fuck around?. If you do, so does your wife.


.....but i have remain 100% faithful during these 7 years.......

so there.....




bro John, my heart goes out to you man!
Hope all will end well.

[Castrol]

she was very forthcoming with me. lots of bad news... yes there's that guy, yes they went out, yes they held hands, yes they kissed (though not french as she insisted), and no they didnt have sex. she is over with him, she claimed. it was just a 3 months' thing.
)

shits... hang on there bro... it is time for you to make a choice. you know, she can do it once, she can do it twice.
this is serious stuff, but you just have to do this alone, make your own decisions, becos this is your life.

they didnt have sex? i think assume they did lah... :(
i am sorry to be extreme here, it is just something i wont tolerate.

[seedofcucky]

they didnt have sex? i think assume they did lah... :(

In human relationships, it is very easy to assume something and make our own judgements, than to first find out the truth and decide what to do next.

In my own relationship, we learnt things the hard way. Thankfully we learnt.

[chickenzip]

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.

[seedofcucky]

What we see depends mainly on what we look for.
U can't be more right. Human perceptions cloud the truth.

[euphoria777]

i choose to sleep with my kids....i didnt talk to her this morning.

only 1 thing i know for certain. i still want her

You already have the answer....so just do the necessary.
By not talking to her, its not going to help. You want her to go crying back to that guy? Yes, she has strayed, but we all make mistakes.
She has come clean to you, so put yourself in her shoes, dun make her feel worse.....if not, all she can do is to find a listening ear and comforting shoulder elsewhere again....

You take care..........

[chickenzip]

Getting a dog is like getting married. It teaches you to be less self-centered, to accept sudden, surprising outbursts of affection, and not to be upset by a few scratches on your car.

[sg_boytoy]

Johnteso66...
Well, you are really a possesive person, even if one is married, you still can't control what your wife do...she got her right of space to do things, married to you doesn't mean she had to reached home after works and wait on you, it is not applicable in this society anymore, not in present time. You are living in the 50s or 60s!!!!!!!!
As one of my friends did mentioned, "she is not yours even both of you are married and terms husband and wife if both died together".
Adulterly is not an offence in sillypore, you can file for divorce on ground of unreasonable behaviour, and with a 3 yrs of seperation, your div will go thru, no need any PI proof or anything.But the woman carter protects all married woman, that's why all the alimony come in.
Don't tell me you don't go out fuck around?. If you do, so does your wife.

Bro stephenL, I assume you are happily married and your wife is happily enjoying her right of space to do things. She's also not obliged to reach home after work and wait on you, blah blah blah. You very the can! You are the ultimate definition of the modern man! I'm sure you must be very lucky to have friends who also think like you that husband and wife don't belong to each other. I'm very happy that you and your wife permit each other to fuck around. Like I said, you're the man!

However, if you are not married, least of all, don't have a steady GF, then this thread is like asking a Sec 4 student to take his "A" levels tomorrow.

So how? Other than posting erotic stories and naughty pictures, what real life experience have you got to lead to such a comment on a Bro John's predicament?

[sg_boytoy]

Brother John, keep a cool head and make your own decisions. You know your wife better than anybody else. You know your family's needs better than anybody else. You have my moral support! :)

[Castrol]

In human relationships, it is very easy to assume something and make our own judgements, than to first find out the truth and decide what to do next.

In my own relationship, we learnt things the hard way. Thankfully we learnt.

unfortunately, the true answer to the "have sex or not" question is only and will only be known to the parties who were on the bed.

[johnteo66]

in a very strange way, i see things clearer now.

i know what i want - i want her. i want my kids. and i want my family back.

what she did has past. and i think i contributed partly to it. have been working too hard.

even if she has slept with him, so what? i have slept with others before my marriage, and so did she. we are not virgins when we got married. that no one can change.

actually, i want to make a confession. i am no angel as well. we had some problems 2 years back, after my kid is borned, and i strayed. not an emotional encounter, but paid sex. so i am not 100% faithful as i claimed to be...

whatever it is, we both have our faults. this episode acutally makes me dig deep into my emotion for her. and i know where it is now.

i am calling her later for a romantic dinner, buy her some nice flowers (roses?), a pair of diamond ear rings, and book a nice hotel for us to check into thereafter.

next week, i think i am going to bring her away on a short trip... bali?

i will try to rekindle that feeling i have for my that makes us say "i do" in the beginning...

gosh... this feels good!!

:)

[SGJimmy]

That the way to go John, now it up to her to see how she response.

[chickenzip]

Marriage is not just spiritual communion, it is also remembering to take out the trash.

[seedofcucky]

gosh... this feels good!!

:)
Becareful John. Try to talk to her first. She may not be feeling what u are feeling now, and so ur expectations may not be met. She may be feeling guilty, angry, suspicious, tempted, whatever. It's important u both understand each other's thoughts and feelings, make adjustments and compromises before assuming u are out of the woods.

Things that u expect now, may not be the same as hers. U may end up disappointed or shortchanged, and thus get angry again. She may be surprised by ur sudden change in dismeanour. U may relate to her that u are sorry, but she herself may have her own grievances. I am just saying may. The scenario may actually have a happy ending. It's important that ur expectations and her expectations agree, before u both embark on something else. Don't leave each other behind emotionally.

Again just speaking from personal experience and my humble 2 cents.

[nivlac]

sad to hear tt bro.. aniway good tt u r thinking positive.. but sucha thing tk two hands to clap. so u better tink twice sit down n +++ to her abt yr plan. its best she is tinking the same way... work things out. u got a good solution but tt will be temporary if she dun tink the same way as u do. hope u get wat i mean :o

[jungle boy]

bro johnteo66, i wish the relationship with your co improves after this ordeal. sometimes, a little bump along the road can help a lot to straighten things out between a couple.

[sg_boytoy]

Brother John, I'm happy for you! But I'm wondering at no point did you mention wanting to hammer the other bugger? Do you know who he is? Don't you want to give him a piece of your mind as well as a fist sandwich?

I'm sure you'll feel much better knowing that clown will steer clear from your wife henceforth, won't you?

[euphoria777]

Don't you want to give him a piece of your mind as well as a fist sandwich?

Whats the point? Are we sure he is guilty?
When a marriage fails, its never one party's fault.
Maybe John himself didn't do something right?
As long as John gets his happy family back, the rest doesn't matter....

[johnteo66]

Brother John, I'm happy for you! But I'm wondering at no point did you mention wanting to hammer the other bugger? Do you know who he is? Don't you want to give him a piece of your mind as well as a fist sandwich?

I'm sure you'll feel much better knowing that clown will steer clear from your wife henceforth, won't you?
hahaha... i am not so extreme!

last night she told me what he do, and i have got his name and hp. so i can find ways to lure him out. and i have ways to organise a blanket-party, but i wont.

if he can give her better happiness than what i can provide, then so be it. good for her. fair game. (i think my mindset change so much over the last few days).

and if he is a cronic wife-chaser, then sooner of later he will end up with a wrong target and get what he deserves.

seedofcucky - points taken. will be careful and not put too much expectation into this. 1 step at a time.

[lee890]

I also have my 2 cents worth to say:
I have a similiar experience like bro. John, the sad thing is that my wife n I are no more together. Thanks to some guy who like to hang around night spot and have cheap thrill with women. My family is ruined bcos some guy wants a free fuck....I won't wanna go thru details now, but I can understnad how bro John feel, it is very damaging to your mental and physical health....n bcos of what?? bcos some bastard doing something he thinks he can be proud of and can self anounce as a "play boy"? what price is love?

I have read this forum many times and there are many who cliamed they r interested or slept with someone's wife/gf. It is beyond my tolerence/understanding level, Singapore has so many place u can get a fuck, if u don't have any $$, go jerk off, if u have little $$, Desker or Pertain will be ok, if u r loaded, anywhere u can get a fuck, why must anyone go ruin other people's family/relationship just bcos u want a short term fun?? I am not a moralist, I agree that u if wanna cheong once and awile, that is fine, but cheonging is different from potong jalan.

so my advice to some bros here, may b u may flame me for saying this: u wanna fuck, don't be cheap, don't cut into another man's woman. don't let your lust ruin other people's love....

[johnteo66]

so my advice to some bros here, may b u may flame me for saying this: u wanna fuck, don't be cheap, don't cut into another man's woman. don't let your lust ruin other people's love....
i think there are 2 levels of issues here. (1) is sexual and (2) is emotional.

if a guy just want to fuck a married woman for the physical enjoyment only, then i agree with you.

but if that guy is in love with her, then it is a fair game. the husband has the advantage here.

in my situation, i donno what he wants really. but i trust what she told me last night, ie. no sex. so i will brand him in cat2.

i have got a feeling that i will win her over.

conclusion: think twice before you go in and break-up someone's family, so someone will surely break yours up 1 day. retribution exist.

[sammyboyfor]

My family is ruined bcos some guy wants a free fuck....

Your family wasn't ruined by a guy who wanted a free fuck.

Your family was ruined because YOUR (former) WIFE OFFERED A FREE FUCK to a guy who wanted one.

[jng1103]

so my advice to some bros here, may b u may flame me for saying this: u wanna fuck, don't be cheap, don't cut into another man's woman. don't let your lust ruin other people's love....

i can understand how u feel... but IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP. if ur ex-wife DID not know the rules of the game, just dun play it. dun put ur fingers on others for ur failed marriage. pls ask urself why ur wife frequented those nite spots n led to bed.

i tried it once, but i played with the rules.... know ur limit b4 u wanna screw ppl up. just my 20cents

jimbo

[Nesferatu]

Bro John
I wish u well & I wish u all the best in discovering why the both of u fell in love in the first place. :)
Ive been ware you are now & though sometimes the truth hurts, just continue to hang in there, pal!!!! Hopefully, your wife will see thru her momentary blindness.
My heart goes to u & your kids. BTW, try cooking for her. Do something with your hands...women are easily touched by simple gestures such as these.

Vamp

[Wang Ye]

in a very strange way, i see things clearer now.
whatever it is, we both have our faults. this episode acutally makes me dig deep into my emotion for her. and i know where it is now.
gosh... this feels good!!
:)

That's the spirit brother. We are all happy to hear that. Now that is what being a Man is all about. Salute.

[JAXXX]

Whats the point? Are we sure he is guilty?
When a marriage fails, its never one party's fault.
Maybe John himself didn't do something right?
As long as John gets his happy family back, the rest doesn't matter....

dunno leh... most ppl have this thinking that when husband stray, husband at fault... when wife stray, husband to blame too.

It's always like...

"U cheated on ur wife?! KNNB u bastard!"

Or...

"My wife is having an affair"

Followed by....

"U neglected her right?"

[euphoria777]

dunno leh... most ppl have this thinking that when husband stray, husband at fault... when wife stray, husband to blame too.

for me i think that it takes 2 to tango........

[ivy7]

Take whatever she says at face value and work with it. Marriage takes two. As long as both are willing to work on it, anything can happen. But if only one is willing to work on it... would the other be happy with the status quo? Best wishes to you John!

Whether the husband or the wife strays, both were at fault for neglecting the marriage in one way or another. However, adultery is fully the fault of the adulterer and his/her partner, nothing to do with the spouse.

Having said that, sometimes, it is not that the marriage was neglected by one or the other, but just that the adulterer can't keep his dick in his pants/keep a dick out of her pussy.

[dickrick]

Johnteo66. I wish you all the best! I have to say I certainly wouldn't have been that forgiving. Even if I forgave my wife, I would have been more suspicious of her movements from then on.
I have to respect you for making such a decision, a guy like you deserves a happy marriage! I hope you get it. It would be nice to hear how you get on.

[JoyStick]

Some women .......

My ex-gf staying in Jurong also like that. Refused to let me know who she goes out with or who she smsing. Worst got those lovey dovey smses. So be prepared lor. Not much help though. cheers

Wah.....same boat as you brudder!

My ex-gf also like that. Also stay Jurong. Sianz man.

Now you know why she is my ex. ;)

[JoyStick]

Take whatever she says at face value and work with it. Marriage takes two. As long as both are willing to work on it, anything can happen. But if only one is willing to work on it... would the other be happy with the status quo? Best wishes to you John!

Whether the husband or the wife strays, both were at fault for neglecting the marriage in one way or another.

I like the idealistic view of holy matrimony, but I have become a skeptic by now. If it happens, fine. If it doesn't, so be it.

You can work at it, but don't be crushed when it all comes tumbling down. I had to crawl out of the rubble a couple of times to have learnt this lesson the hard way. Almost didn't make it, but pity the exs/bitches that I did. :rolleyes:

Although I myself have become a skeptic on the union of marriage, that does not mean I don't believe in fairytales of happily ever after anymore.

We're human. We all like happy endings.

All the best to brudders who are faced with this issue at the moment. ;)

[JoyStick]

dunno leh... most ppl have this thinking that when husband stray, husband at fault... when wife stray, husband to blame too.

It's always like...

"U cheated on ur wife?! KNNB u bastard!"

Or...

"My wife is having an affair"

Followed by....

"U neglected her right?"

You are ENLIGHTENED! :D

[ivy7]

You can work at it, but don't be crushed when it all comes tumbling down.

Although I myself have become a skeptic on the union of marriage, that does not mean I don't believe in fairytales of happily ever after anymore.

We're human. We all like happy endings.


I agree - the only happy ever afters are in fairytales.

You gotta work on your marriage 24/7, but all is good if BOTH are willing to work together, accept mistakes and learn from mistakes. Once either gives up... it's up to the other to live with it and / or deal with it.

[SomeGuy_sg]

Hats off to you for sticking it out man ... i up you ... hope everything works out for the best

[lahchi]

[QUOTE=johnteo66]hahaha... i am not so extreme!

last night she told me what he do, and i have got his name and hp. so i can find ways to lure him out. and i have ways to organise a blanket-party, but i wont.

Yes...Bro John..nothing gets solved with violence..if you beat the mf up you might just draw your wife closer to him..no point in doing that..what comes around gets around

Yes...spend effort and time to rekindle the union...it was so brave of you to ask her point blank...it showed her that:

a. you noticed the problems
b. you want to do something about it
c. the marraige is worth a lot to you ie you care
d. and that you are a REAL man, you sorted it yourself..without resorting to sneaking around, PI and all that jazz..that money can now be spent on the family...

all the best bro...take care...

[axor3333]

[QUOTE=johnteo66]in a very strange way, i see things clearer now.

Bro John

It good to heard that you had clear up the air and the most important thing now is don't cry over the spilt milk. I had my own exprenice before with my wife when quarrel than old wound will surface up again let bygone be bygone

Look forward to yr kids and the family cheer

axor

[thaivisitor]

do i love her? damn right i do. but i am also possessive. higly so. even at my age in mid 30s. what i love cannot be shared. period.

going out with a bunch of colleagues is fine. going out with a bunch of male buddies is fine. going out with male friends is fine. going out with single male is quite alright - though there must be a reason to do so, and the places they go should be public and no-stray-possibility.

going out with ex-bf is not good. going drinking with 1 guy is not good. going on tour with 1 guy is not good. and visiting a male friend's house is not good.


Like this you call yourself possessive?

For me, it's very simple. My wife CANNOT go out with any guys. Period. Don't care whether it's her ex-classmate or ex-BF or collegue or whatever. Call me MCP or whatever. As far as I am concern, there is no reason whatsoever why the guy should date my wife. No reason whatsoever. Any guy that dates a girl, have a motive. Period. If the guy is so generous, why don't he bring his own mother or sisters out?

For your information, I don't even allow my wife to go for an overnight barbecue. If it is a party of sort, I will send her, and then I will fetch her back, no matter how late. (BTW, I will always determine the time.)

she was very forthcoming with me. lots of bad news... yes there's that guy, yes they went out, yes they held hands, yes they kissed (though not french as she insisted), and no they didnt have sex. she is over with him, she claimed. it was just a 3 months' thing.

only 1 thing i know for certain. i still want her. sigh...
Now that your wife admits her affair, rest assured that many truths have also been hidden.

Many bros will advise you differently, that's because they were not in your position.

Anyway, your action and position puts you in the disadvantage.

Your wife, after admitting to you, only sees a disappointed husband, not an angry one. Had it been you who were the one being discovered by her to have an affair, you think she will just as "cool"? Keeping quiet, feeling lost? Or you think she will have a heated quarrel with you? Breinging in her parents, and yours too?

[thaivisitor]

in a very strange way, i see things clearer now.

i know what i want - i want her. i want my kids. and i want my family back.

what she did has past. and i think i contributed partly to it. have been working too hard.

even if she has slept with him, so what? i have slept with others before my marriage, and so did she. we are not virgins when we got married. that no one can change.

actually, i want to make a confession. i am no angel as well. we had some problems 2 years back, after my kid is borned, and i strayed. not an emotional encounter, but paid sex. so i am not 100% faithful as i claimed to be...

whatever it is, we both have our faults. this episode acutally makes me dig deep into my emotion for her. and i know where it is now.

i am calling her later for a romantic dinner, buy her some nice flowers (roses?), a pair of diamond ear rings, and book a nice hotel for us to check into thereafter.

next week, i think i am going to bring her away on a short trip... bali?

i will try to rekindle that feeling i have for my that makes us say "i do" in the beginning...

gosh... this feels good!!

:)
Wow! I have never seen a guy so "generous" leh. Finding "excuses" or "reasons" for your wife's cheating on you. And "working too hard" is a good reason for her to cheat on you? wow!

And even if she slept with him, so what? What happen to "what i love cannot be shared. Period"?

So now YOU must be the one to make remedial actions for her misdeeds.... arranging romantic dinner, roses, earrings, short trip........ as if you were the one who was found cheating?

Can't imagine how she tells her close friends or whoever...

Wife: "Hey, I admitted to my hubby that I had a 3 month's affair and you know what?"

Friend: "What? did he got angry? Did he hit you?

Wife: "No, he didn't. Instead, he blames himself for that. Kkekekeke, says it because he works too hard, kekekeke. Now, he took me to a romantic dinner, bought me roses, diamond earrings, even planning a trip to Bali, etc, etc."

Friend: "Wow! you really are a lucky lady!"

Wife: "Yes, any time I'm bored, I'll just go for another 3 month's fling, and when he finds out, he'll treat me even better...... and gosh, he even feels good!"

[thaivisitor]

hahaha... i am not so extreme!

I'm sorry, that I do not agree with the other bros comments and advises. I mean, seriously, what "spirit" is there in the actions you have taken? What "MAN" is there to praise? What is so good to "encourage" or "applaud"?

What you have done, is not the sign of a real man. You were not possesive in the first place. You were insecured. For whatever reasons, only you know.

You "think" the thoughts of what men will normally think, like your wife being your wife. But you responded in a totally different way letting your wife gets off scot-free for something she did which even the children could not accept had they been big enough.

Because of that, your wife will always have the upperhand on you.

I'm not advising you anything, or what actions you should have taken. I'm just telling you where you're heading, and my friend, take it from me, that's the wrong direction.

[bhoven]

What you have done, is not the sign of a real man. You were not possesive in the first place. You were insecured. For whatever reasons, only you know.

You "think" the thoughts of what men will normally think, like your wife being your wife. But you responded in a totally different way letting your wife gets off scot-free for something she did which even the children could not accept had they been big enough.

Because of that, your wife will always have the upperhand on you.


An interesting perspective but alas also from one who did not witness what actually happened between the parties involved...maybe the wife also very remorseful and begged for forgiveness etc..which is why brudder JT66 reacted the way he did...

In the final analysis, brudder JT66 will have to sort this one out the way he thinks is best taking all the comments/advice profferred here. Feel that whilst we want to help, it may not be appropriate to be too assertive in our advice. Instead, now that he has cleared the air with his wife, lets all wish that the outcome is a happy one for him and his family....

[ClubMed]

...........Thanks to some guy who like to hang around night spot and have cheap thrill with women. My family is ruined bcos some guy wants a free fuck....I won't wanna go thru details now, but I can understnad how bro John feel, it is very damaging to your mental and physical health....n bcos of what?? bcos some bastard doing something he thinks he can be proud of and can self anounce as a "play boy"? what price is love?

.......there are many who cliamed they r interested or slept with someone's wife/gf. It is beyond my tolerence/understanding level, Singapore has so many place u can get a fuck, if u don't have any $$, go jerk off, if u have little $$, Desker or Pertain will be ok, if u r loaded, anywhere u can get a fuck, why must anyone go ruin other people's family/relationship just bcos u want a short term fun?? ........... may b u may flame me for saying this: u wanna fuck, don't be cheap, don't cut into another man's woman. don't let your lust ruin other people's love....

hi there lee890,

Pertaining to your post, I've read, .. pondered, .. and sad to say, do not concur with you. Kindly allow me to explain my stand.

Not intending to rub salt into your wounds, I'm pretty certain you're aware that it takes two to tango. Your statement simply heaps the blame onto the guy. Is your ex-spouse not culpable?

And as for guys seeking cheap thrills, free shags, etc. Oh well, as the saying goes, "Guys will be guys."

Instances of males coveting members of the opposite sex is a norm. Does being married makes one "unavailable"? Does being married to one's present partner implies that he/she has found his/her ideal FINAL soulmate? Does marriage BINDS one to his/her 1st choice with ZERO/NONE/KOSONG/NIL possibility of any recourse? If any of the above is true, there won't be any divorces, alimony, etc to speak of. Marriage is NOT a 'till-death-do-us-part' contract - at least not to me.

Its the LADY in question that is of utmost importance. Whether she has a husband, sisters, daughers, sons, cats, goldfish, etc - has little or no bearing at all when a guy contemplates pursuing her. For me, I'll be more concerned on our compatibility and if she'll reprociate my feelings/lust/etc.

I guess what I'm trying to express is that, in my opinion, I have no control over the actions/desires/motives that other chaps might have for my partner. Not that I have any control over my girlfriend. BUT her actions and response to such stimuli, would be an indication of the direction our relationship is heading.

And finally, as for your statement: "...u wanna fuck, don't be cheap, don't cut into another man's woman..."

EVERY woman is a father's daughter. When you're dating, ... cuddling around the backrow of cinemas, ... sneaking off to a weekend getaway (with condoms ready in luggage) .... Did you ever pause, and think to ask for her father's approval? Imagine asking, "Uncle, I'll being bring your daughter to Bali for the weekend. Fret not, thou we'll most probably make out. I'll be using condoms. Would Durex meet your requirement?"

Just my few cents worth.

No offence intended.

[JoyStick]

in a very strange way, i see things clearer now.

i know what i want - i want her. i want my kids. and i want my family back.

what she did has past. and i think i contributed partly to it. have been working too hard.

whatever it is, we both have our faults. this episode acutally makes me dig deep into my emotion for her. and i know where it is now.

i am calling her later for a romantic dinner, buy her some nice flowers (roses?), a pair of diamond ear rings, and book a nice hotel for us to check into thereafter.

next week, i think i am going to bring her away on a short trip... bali?

i will try to rekindle that feeling i have for my that makes us say "i do" in the beginning...

gosh... this feels good!!

:)

It’s good if you can find it in your heart to forgive her, but I do hope that she showed remorse when she confessed to her affair. If she begged for your forgiveness and genuinely showed signs of repentance, then things should be looking up for you guys.

If she merely confessed to her deeds in a detached nonchalant manner, then you will probably see an encore of this play. I'm sorry, but this is how it will eventually turn out of she does not show any hint that she wrong.

All the best and hope you guys will not become a part of next year's statistic. ;)

[JoyStick]

Marriage is NOT a 'till-death-do-us-part' contract - at least not to me.




Your marriage counselor and the Singapore Legal system will tell you otherwise. However, you could always annul the marriage or simply file for divorce.

Society can function simply because we are truthful to people we meet most of the time (we lie from time to time, but not all the time) and that is the essence of being human. If you asked around for the time and everyone decides to tell you a different time, the social fabric of society would cease to exist.

If you want to put your name on the dotted line and ink it, vow and all that jazz, then at least be sincere and mean it. If your future wife / wife also thinks the way you do, then more business for me.

Couples just don't know what a marriage is for anymore. I think some people actually look at marriage as legalised cohabiting? Don’t have to be embarrassed when your girl’s tummy swells? Interesting.

Frankly, I'm not complaining. ;)

[elmoboy]

in a very strange way, i see things clearer now.

i know what i want - i want her. i want my kids. and i want my family back.

what she did has past. and i think i contributed partly to it. have been working too hard.

even if she has slept with him, so what? i have slept with others before my marriage, and so did she. we are not virgins when we got married. that no one can change.

actually, i want to make a confession. i am no angel as well. we had some problems 2 years back, after my kid is borned, and i strayed. not an emotional encounter, but paid sex. so i am not 100% faithful as i claimed to be...

whatever it is, we both have our faults. this episode acutally makes me dig deep into my emotion for her. and i know where it is now.

i am calling her later for a romantic dinner, buy her some nice flowers (roses?), a pair of diamond ear rings, and book a nice hotel for us to check into thereafter.

next week, i think i am going to bring her away on a short trip... bali?

i will try to rekindle that feeling i have for my that makes us say "i do" in the beginning...

gosh... this feels good!!




happy for u bro.. :D dammed the woman's charter laws.. :mad:

[KingBong]

It seems that the chase and good sex is the key i.e. courtship leading to climax. Sadly after marriage it ends. You can talk all the talk, love all the love, at the end of the day, the action on the bed decides whether its worth it. I always observe women before and after sex, big difference when they are satisfied. Its the most natural beauty enhancement they can go for. Look at those Ang Pai, they are busy evryday but instead of looking shacked, they are stunning. Whereas wives just have one partner maybe couple times a month, they look older and haggard in quick time. Sorry if I TC too much, just share my idea, maybe the married bros can explain better.

[thaivisitor]

An interesting perspective but alas also from one who did not witness what actually happened between the parties involved...maybe the wife also very remorseful and begged for forgiveness etc..which is why brudder JT66 reacted the way he did...

In the final analysis, brudder JT66 will have to sort this one out the way he thinks is best taking all the comments/advice profferred here. Feel that whilst we want to help, it may not be appropriate to be too assertive in our advice. Instead, now that he has cleared the air with his wife, lets all wish that the outcome is a happy one for him and his family....
My perspective is based on bro JT66's postings, from the time he suspected whereby he puts himself as a very firm person, to the time he discovered his wife's affair whereby suddenly he turned so meek, even accepting the fault as his due to him working hard, and would be so forgiveable even if the wife did have sex with the other guy.

Had the wife become remorseful, begged for forgiveness, etc, bro JT66 would have mentioned it, as his postings are not 2 sentences postings. Of course now he may post as such to defend his wife, but I do not think that would be the truth anymore. There may be postings from bro JT66 to show the wife taking some actions to patch up their love lives, etc... but I think it will only be a screen by bro JT66 to cover up for his wife.

As far as from postings in the this forum about relationship problems or matters where I had the opportunity to give my opinion. Using my experience in life, if my perspective in bro JT66's case is wrong, than this is the first time I'm wrong. Well, there's always a first time and I hope I'm wrong too.

Honestly, I understand the feelings of bro JT66, that he wants to salvage his marriage, and it is his personality and character that makes him do the way he plans to do it.

Like I said, I did not give any advises in my postings, just my opinion from what I see. And in my opinion, justice is not served here and from the look of it, will never be. And if justice is not served, the future will be bleak.

thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

I have a similiar experience like bro. John, the sad thing is that my wife n I are no more together.

I have read this forum many times and there are many who cliamed they r interested or slept with someone's wife/gf. It is beyond my tolerence/understanding level,

so my advice to some bros here, may b u may flame me for saying this: u wanna fuck, don't be cheap, don't cut into another man's woman. don't let your lust ruin other people's love....
I'm sorry to hear of your situation, but then life goes on.

But let's face the reality of life.

Any guy who goes to anywhere, happens to chat up a girl there, gets interested in her, and eventually has the opportunity to have sex with her, would not reject the opportunity when he finds out that she's married. Reason is because it takes 2 to tango.

And the reality is that you too would not have forego the opportunity if you had not been in the situation you are right now. So your tolerence/understanding level changed is because you happened to be the victim.

Have you ever seen a divorcee living happily with her second family? Raising a couple of children, having a proud husband? There are many around. And whose to say that the divorcee did not meet her second husband under the circumstances when she was still married?

This is life, there's nothing fair or unfair about it.

thaivisitor

[WhamBamTYM]

whatever it is, we both have our faults. this episode acutally makes me dig deep into my emotion for her. and i know where it is now.

i am calling her later for a romantic dinner, buy her some nice flowers (roses?), a pair of diamond ear rings, and book a nice hotel for us to check into thereafter.

next week, i think i am going to bring her away on a short trip... bali?

i will try to rekindle that feeling i have for my that makes us say "i do" in the beginning...

gosh... this feels good!!

:)

Great to hear that you're going to rekindle that feeling... after all, after getting married or attached, it's not about just going along with it... It's about maintaining the courtship and make the other party feel wanted... If both parties work on it, you'll always have that loving feeling... hehe... Best wishes to you and your wife, bro!

[DNAT]

Bro JOHN..take care and hope all is well again.
If you are serious abt putting all behind, u better not talk abt this whole episode again...Telling u from my experience..once a glass is broken, no matter how u gel it back...broken line still there , very fragile.
I have tried it once...she Ok lah..its me that is having affairs. Patch up but broke up and divorce.


I saw the thread starter's nick and your nick and wish to make a suggestion to you .. you may 1 2 change your nick to john teo 67 (read in cantonese .. very nice. hahahaha) :D

[DNAT]

Still drunk from orbit sibo.....seriously think of changing nick liao.


I find you a nice nice nick ...

美 娜 鸡 王 minah kway ong

ai mai? :D

[bhoven]

.


As far as from postings in the this forum about relationship problems or matters where I had the opportunity to give my opinion. Using my experience in life, if my perspective in bro JT66's case is wrong, than this is the first time I'm wrong. Well, there's always a first time and I hope I'm wrong too.

Honestly, I understand the feelings of bro JT66, that he wants to salvage his marriage, and it is his personality and character that makes him do the way he plans to do it.

Like I said, I did not give any advises in my postings, just my opinion from what I see. And in my opinion, justice is not served here and from the look of it, will never be. And if justice is not served, the future will be bleak.

thaivisitor

Tks for clarifying brudder...I and certainly many others here appreciate and value your contributions/input! They are always sincere if sometimes blunt ( again apologies brudder ) .

Just that I was afriad threadstarter may get confused and change tack again when it appeared that situation was under some control and returning somewhat to normal..

[rams]

After reading about what the threadstarter did to salvage the relationship, I'm kinda touched.
As a female myself, I wonder if my hubby would even forgive me and recognise that its his fault if I were to stray. I doubt it.
But sometimes no doubt this thought does crept up my mind when things aren't going too smoothly..

[thaivisitor]

Tks for clarifying brudder...I and certainly many others here appreciate and value your contributions/input! They are always sincere if sometimes blunt ( again apologies brudder ) .

Just that I was afriad threadstarter may get confused and change tack again when it appeared that situation was under some control and returning somewhat to normal..
No problemo bro.

I also do wish the threadstarter can go on with his life, and from the advises and different views and opinions, will be much wiser in the future.

Cheers
thaivisitor

[thaivisitor]

As a female myself, I wonder if my hubby would even forgive me and recognise that its his fault if I were to stray. I doubt it.
But sometimes no doubt this thought does crept up my mind when things aren't going too smoothly..
There you see!!!!! My points exactly!!!

When a guy puts the blame on the wife's straying and tries to made amends, what kind of signal is he giving? The one who stray is not in the wrong?

Would you be so forgiving and recognise as your fault if your husband stray? If so, why not let him know now?

[bhoven]

There you see!!!!! My points exactly!!!

When a guy puts the blame on the wife's straying and tries to made amends, what kind of signal is he giving? The one who stray is not in the wrong?

Would you be so forgiving and recognise as your fault if your husband stray? If so, why not let him know now?

Brudder TV

Must hand it to you...looks like we have lotsa of learning b4 us where love relationships are concerned ( takes a deep bow )

[rams]

There you see!!!!! My points exactly!!!

Would you be so forgiving and recognise as your fault if your husband stray? If so, why not let him know now?

well, apparently, it might not be how you see it. If my husband were to stray, frankly I would do some soul-searching to see what has gone wrong in the relationship.
If its because of any shortcoming on my part, I hope to resolve it with a good talk. Do bear in mind that woman are more emotional than physical.
No woman would stray if not for some serious problem in the relationship and reason for straying: attention, to feel love and seldom is it because of lust or sexual attraction.
So can anyone tell me why is it that men of ancient times practices polygamy and everyone thinks its normal but when a woman get involved with someone else other than their spouse, they are regarded upon as sluts?

[johnteo66]

First of all, thanks all the bros and sistas here for their comments, encouragement, analysis, and suggestions.

The past months and especially the recent weeks has been very difficult for me emotionally. Many things are learned during this period. But before I share these, would like to update all a bit on my situation.

Friday night’s dinner with her is very successful. We went to the place where we frequent during our courtship. Old feelings flowed, we spoke at great length about expectations we have on each others, minds merged, and love grows deeper. Her eyes sparkled more then the diamond ear rings I presented her at the end of dinner.

We didn’t check into any hotels, as planned, but went to the beach with a 6-pack and talk more. We hugged and kissed the whole night.

Went home later and watch the kids sleeping. We just stand there for a long long time, she infront of me and me hugging her from behind. She cried and then I did too. And then, we made slow, passionate love.

Sunday, yesterday, was father’s day. The whole family went outing. Kids were laughing and enjoying themselves, we bought them and each other more gifts, and had some great meals. Once home, kids were knocked off immediately. We watch them sleep again. Then we cuddled in the living room, sipping beer, and watched an old movie together. She felt asleep in my arms and I looked at her through the moon light filling the room. She is still the beautiful cute girl that I know from school. Now a mother of 2, but nothing has changed. She is still so lovely. And I love her even more now.


Now, I shall dissect my emotions as objectively, as rigorously, and as critically as I can.

I have the consciousness and the sub-consciousness. The ego and the super-ego. The former feels hurt and betrayed when the truth was realized. I was in a mood of denial. Revenge. Self-protection. Logical. Confused. Wrecked. This is my Self.

After these thoughts settled, the latter came surfaced. I love her. I do not want to loose her. And I love my family. Don’t want to loose that too.

This feeling is stronger then the love for myself. Thus, it prevails. Thus, the soul searching. Thus the forgiveness. And the result? A great family weekend. And a possibility of stronger bonds and better lives henceforth. Love is forged.


I didn’t set out to “be the man”, “great guy”, “hero”, etc etc. that some guys termed me. I just don’t want to loose something that is dear to me. And I am prepared to let myself go to get this back in return.

What I am willing to give may not be what other guys in similar situations are willing to. Which love is more important to you? That of your Self? Or that of her and the family?

I am not sure if she was to stray again, whether I will be as forgiving. Probably not. Though the love may still be the same or even stronger, I am not a fool. But if and when it happens, we shall see.

This is not contradictory. Think about it.

This episode is over and has passed me now.

Hope this terrible experience of mine will be a useful learning experience for other brothers/sisters who may be in similar situations. Now or in the future.

Thanks again for all your supports. Helped me through this hard time…

[nirvana]

After these thoughts settled, the latter came surfaced. I love her. I do not want to loose her. And I love my family. Don’t want to loose that too.
. Which love is more important to you? That of your Self? Or that of her and the family?


This episode is over and has passed me now.
.

Thanks again for all your supports. Helped me through this hard time…



... sir.. cherish the family... think abt the kid..
to love is to forgive..



^_^

[Castrol]

First of all, thanks all the bros and sistas here for their comments, encouragement, analysis, and suggestions.


This episode is over and has passed me now.

…

ok, lets celebrate... who's bringing the whiskey? cheers! :D

[thaivisitor]

well, apparently, it might not be how you see it. If my husband were to stray, frankly I would do some soul-searching to see what has gone wrong in the relationship.
If its because of any shortcoming on my part, I hope to resolve it with a good talk. Do bear in mind that woman are more emotional than physical.
No woman would stray if not for some serious problem in the relationship and reason for straying: attention, to feel love and seldom is it because of lust or sexual attraction.
So can anyone tell me why is it that men of ancient times practices polygamy and everyone thinks its normal but when a woman get involved with someone else other than their spouse, they are regarded upon as sluts?
Well, when that happens, I really would want to see how you react.

If you read back John's posts, his wife strayed because he was working too hard. While a man strife to bring comfort to his family, shouldn't the wife be more understanding when less attention is given to her? Shouldn't the wife do her part by being more considerate to the husband and the family than only thinking for herself?

I shudder to think if your husband were to be posted overseas for long period.

As far as ancient times, sorry sis, I live in the 21st century.

[thaivisitor]

First of all, thanks all the bros and sistas here for their comments, encouragement, analysis, and suggestions.

This episode is over and has passed me now.

Hope this terrible experience of mine will be a useful learning experience for other brothers/sisters who may be in similar situations. Now or in the future.

Thanks again for all your supports. Helped me through this hard time…
I wish you all the best and hope that your relationship works out.

cheers

[Acerpac]

First of all, thanks all the bros and sistas here for their comments, encouragement, analysis, and suggestions.

The past months and especially the recent weeks has been very difficult for me emotionally. Many things are learned during this period. But before I share these, would like to update all a bit on my situation.

Friday night’s dinner with her is very successful. We went to the place where we frequent during our courtship. Old feelings flowed, we spoke at great length about expectations we have on each others, minds merged, and love grows deeper. Her eyes sparkled more then the diamond ear rings I presented her at the end of dinner.

We didn’t check into any hotels, as planned, but went to the beach with a 6-pack and talk more. We hugged and kissed the whole night.

Went home later and watch the kids sleeping. We just stand there for a long long time, she infront of me and me hugging her from behind. She cried and then I did too. And then, we made slow, passionate love.

Sunday, yesterday, was father’s day. The whole family went outing. Kids were laughing and enjoying themselves, we bought them and each other more gifts, and had some great meals. Once home, kids were knocked off immediately. We watch them sleep again. Then we cuddled in the living room, sipping beer, and watched an old movie together. She felt asleep in my arms and I looked at her through the moon light filling the room. She is still the beautiful cute girl that I know from school. Now a mother of 2, but nothing has changed. She is still so lovely. And I love her even more now.


Now, I shall dissect my emotions as objectively, as rigorously, and as critically as I can.

I have the consciousness and the sub-consciousness. The ego and the super-ego. The former feels hurt and betrayed when the truth was realized. I was in a mood of denial. Revenge. Self-protection. Logical. Confused. Wrecked. This is my Self.

After these thoughts settled, the latter came surfaced. I love her. I do not want to loose her. And I love my family. Don’t want to loose that too.

This feeling is stronger then the love for myself. Thus, it prevails. Thus, the soul searching. Thus the forgiveness. And the result? A great family weekend. And a possibility of stronger bonds and better lives henceforth. Love is forged.


I didn’t set out to “be the man”, “great guy”, “hero”, etc etc. that some guys termed me. I just don’t want to loose something that is dear to me. And I am prepared to let myself go to get this back in return.

What I am willing to give may not be what other guys in similar situations are willing to. Which love is more important to you? That of your Self? Or that of her and the family?

I am not sure if she was to stray again, whether I will be as forgiving. Probably not. Though the love may still be the same or even stronger, I am not a fool. But if and when it happens, we shall see.

This is not contradictory. Think about it.

This episode is over and has passed me now.

Hope this terrible experience of mine will be a useful learning experience for other brothers/sisters who may be in similar situations. Now or in the future.

Thanks again for all your supports. Helped me through this hard time…

Nice to hear that bro. A happy ending after all. And this "incident" only make your love to your family stronger. You have my blessing. :)

[seedofcucky]

I have the consciousness and the sub-consciousness. The ego and the super-ego.
Wow u are into Freud too?

[ivy7]

I am not sure if she was to stray again, whether I will be as forgiving. Probably not. Though the love may still be the same or even stronger, I am not a fool. But if and when it happens, we shall see.

Glad to hear that you had successfully talked, and worked things out.

Don't anticipate what she will do or will not do. After all, we cannot control what others do, but are in full control of our own thoughts, actions and emotions.

Love her, love your family. Keep the faith.

[HayHot]

As I had mentioned in one of my previous post, there's just a lot of very hypocritical people in this forum.

Those that criticise the threadstarter for forgiving his wife, I guess either
1. You never stray.
2. You expect your spouse to cry father cry mother once they found out, or scream at you, or kill you, or hit you, file for divorce, commit suicide etc when they found out. Which basically bring us to the point, why stray when u already know the ending ?

Points to note.
1. Apart from those posting in their school holidays, the rest are already matured adults. Should settle things in a mature way.
2. It takes 2 hand to clap. When a relationship gone wrong, most likely it's due to the fault of BOTH party. No point just purely blaming one party.
3. If someone's going to stray, you won't be able to stop it by fetching the person to and fro everywhere he/she go. Unless you are able to stick by the person 24x7, you'll never be sure. BBQ ? Just disappear into a toilet, have a 5 mins quickie. If don't allow him/her to go out with opposite sex, what's there to stop the person from telling u lies if they really want to ? Or to get someone to help him/her to cover up ? If really so possessive, might as well buy a maid/slave. No point getting a wife.
4. People who F**K around should just keep quiet instead of criticising the threadstarter for forgiving his wife. You might need that forgiving some day yourself. :)

[GoForIt]

tis is a lesson on balancing life,if u can control the balance well,everything will be fine :)

glad 4u to bring out the courage to adjust life back to balance

[thaivisitor]

As I had mentioned in one of my previous post, there's just a lot of very hypocritical people in this forum.
Unfortunately, I didn't mentioned in my previous posts, there are some hypocrites in this forum.

Those that criticise the threadstarter for forgiving his wife, I guess either
1. You never stray.
2. You expect your spouse to cry father cry mother once they found out, or scream at you, or kill you, or hit you, file for divorce, commit suicide etc when they found out. Which basically bring us to the point, why stray when u already know the ending ?

Too bad this world is an unfair world. I'm sure you wouldn't mind your spouse straying if you strayed. In that case, might as well just encourage her or tell her she also can stray since you've strayed.

Well for me, I can safely say that I don't stray. I cheong. And if I want to have a mia-noi, I just tell my wife that I'm going to have a mia-noi. Simple as that. And if my wife decide she wants to be with someone else, all she need to do is tell me, and I'll signed the divorce papers with no qualms.

MCP? Yes I am. Just too bad there no fairness in this world.

Points to note.
1. Apart from those posting in their school holidays, the rest are already matured adults. Should settle things in a mature way.
2. It takes 2 hand to clap. When a relationship gone wrong, most likely it's due to the fault of BOTH party. No point just purely blaming one party.
It takes a kid to identify another kid.
How convenient for you to put part of the blame on your wife if you stray? Why don't you try to talk to her now that if you happen to stray, it's because of her fault? So don't put the full blame on you if you stray. Also tell her that if she stray, you'll understand as it will be partly your fault. I'm sure you'll be the coolest guy around if you found out that your wife is having a steamy affair and tell her "it's alright honey, I'm partly to blame."

3. If someone's going to stray, you won't be able to stop it by fetching the person to and fro everywhere he/she go. Unless you are able to stick by the person 24x7, you'll never be sure. BBQ ? Just disappear into a toilet, have a 5 mins quickie. If don't allow him/her to go out with opposite sex, what's there to stop the person from telling u lies if they really want to ? Or to get someone to help him/her to cover up ? If really so possessive, might as well buy a maid/slave. No point getting a wife.
True, but that does not mean I'm going to change. Maybe you like dating someone else's wife, I don't know. But not me. As far as I am concerned, there's no reason whatsoever for me to be out with someone's wife without the husband around. Doesn't matter ex-classmate or ex-GF. I might as well bring my own mother or sisters out instead. How often does one spend such time with his own family and instead want to "catch up on old times" with some ex or whatever? Ther's always a motive for such guys. You may disagree, it's your opinion and your own problem if you want to allow your wife to go out with other guys as and when she feels like it. Who knows maybe you even encourage her if you're busy working.

4. People who F**K around should just keep quiet instead of criticising the threadstarter for forgiving his wife. You might need that forgiving some day yourself.
And people who doesn't know whether others fuck around should also keep quiet instead of criticising those that puts reality into the picture. You might meet reality someday yourself.

thaivisitor :cool:
Oh! by the way, it's alright if you want to vote me as the most lansi or whatever. I undertand completely and won't hold it to heart. :D

[Castrol]

As I had mentioned in one of my previous post, there's just a lot of very hypocritical people in this forum.

:)

and you are absolutely and definitely and affirmatively not one of the hypopocritical people in this forum... ;)

[Ah Dez]

My ex-gf staying in Jurong also like that. Refused to let me know who she goes out with or who she smsing. Worst got those lovey dovey smses. So be prepared lor. Not much help though. cheers

GF and Wife, got a lot of DIFF

[machoman]

This episode is over and has passed me now.

Hope this terrible experience of mine will be a useful learning experience for other brothers/sisters who may be in similar situations. Now or in the future.

Thanks again for all your supports. Helped me through this hard time…

johnteo66, great to know that you have forgiven your wife and look forward to a sronger loving relationship with her.

Wishing you all the best for the future.

[Ah Dez]

i sort of beat-around-the-bush and asked her once but she denied it.

how man? i am wrecked...

I suggest talking into her face about it. Let her know that you are jealous not tat you don't trust her.
don't do something dumm that might ruin your marriage. Nothing better than a talk togther. It is difficult to keep a marriage going, especially 1 long one.

[rams]

Well, when that happens, I really would want to see how you react.

If you read back John's posts, his wife strayed because he was working too hard. While a man strife to bring comfort to his family, shouldn't the wife be more understanding when less attention is given to her? Shouldn't the wife do her part by being more considerate to the husband and the family than only thinking for herself?

I shudder to think if your husband were to be posted overseas for long period.

As far as ancient times, sorry sis, I live in the 21st century.

Yes, Bro.. I agree that John should not be treated for how he has been treated because he is bringing the dough home. Its not able the wife being understanding or not. A wife can be understanding and yet not have her needs met, thus leaving her unhappy. :)
In fact, for my case, I'm the one who brings the dough home and to tell you the truth, my hub did have something to do with this woman on one occasion and I'm still pretty sore about it and I still am. So, can I say that he is not understanding enough? Not to mention, I was preggie at that time but never did I push off sex so no excuse of having any urge from his part.
so, in actual fact, what is fair?
Bottom line is in every family, there's a different story, I'm glad for John that he has regained what he has lost and I hope he treasures his wife more.

[thaivisitor]

I suggest talking into her face about it. Let her know that you are jealous not tat you don't trust her.
don't do something dumm that might ruin your marriage. Nothing better than a talk togther. It is difficult to keep a marriage going, especially 1 long one.
Alamak, his case already settled liow lah bro... kekekekekeke

Anyway, good intention.. although abit too late, kekekekekekekeke

[Ah Dez]

Alamak, his case already settled liow lah bro... kekekekekeke

Anyway, good intention.. although abit too late, kekekekekekekeke
ooppsss...

:D


LAZY to read thru all the trash talking....

[thaivisitor]

Its not able the wife being understanding or not. A wife can be understanding and yet not have her needs met, thus leaving her unhappy.
If such is the case, I would suggest that thw wife talks to the husband about it, instead of straying.

for my case, I'm the one who brings the dough home and to tell you the truth, my hub did have something to do with this woman on one occasion and I'm still pretty sore about it and I still am. So, can I say that he is not understanding enough? Not to mention, I was preggie at that time but never did I push off sex so no excuse of having any urge from his part.
so, in actual fact, what is fair?
Sis, there is no fairness in this world. Why some people are born into a rich family and others are not? Why some people are born healthy and some are born with handicaps? There is no answer but the truth is, there is no fairness in this world. We've got to accept it, learn to make the best use, and live with it.

As for your case, there could be different scenarios for your husband's action.

It could be that one occasion is with a callgirl. That would be called cheonging. Although you gave in to sex eventhough you were pregnant, he may not want to do it with you for whatever reasons, i don't know. My wife is now pregnant and I have refrain from making love to her the moment I discovered she was pregnant because i want to make sure that she and the baby are safe, bearing in mind that it is not easy for me to have kids due to low sperm count. (Guys who want to know how I did it can PM me).

It could be that you only discovered one occasion out of the many occasions he has with another lover. That would be called straying. His reasons??? best known to him as I do not think he will tell the truth and probably cover up with all kinds of stories and lies to make his straying look more "innocent".

I can't say whether he is understanding enough or should be more understanding. You would know better. Bear in mind that I'm not defending him. On the contrary I think you have the right to be sore whichever is the case. Just the same I think my wife have a right to be sore if she found out that at times I also patronise the services of a callgirl despite whatever reasons or excuse I have eventhough I am the one bringing in the dough.

I understand your soreness as you felt betrayed, but unfortunately I am not able to feel sorry for you as I do not know you personally to be able to feel anything. If you were my sister, I would probably have your husband taught a lesson.

Bottom line is in every family, there's a different story, I'm glad for John that he has regained what he has lost and I hope he treasures his wife more.
Yes, every family has a different story, but I hope John's wife treasures him more instead.

[SEXPLORER II]

I suspect my CO is seeing someone from her former company! Everytime, she's on her mobile phone and I ask her who she was talking to, she would skirt around the issue and not reveal his name! That made me more suspicious as I know some of her former colleagues but can't really pin-point who. She's just recently changed company and the calls are still happening, it's making me even more tulan :mad:

[sg_boytoy]

I suspect my CO is seeing someone from her former company! Everytime, she's on her mobile phone and I ask her who she was talking to, she would skirt around the issue and not reveal his name! That made me more suspicious as I know some of her former colleagues but can't really pin-point who. She's just recently changed company and the calls are still happening, it's making me even more tulan

Bro, are you super suspicious because of the phone calls or because you found other incriminating evidence? Not telling you who she's talking to doesn't really mean anything leh... :confused:, BTW, I'm not supportive of screwing another Bro's wife as I don't believe in wrecking families, just commerical sex will do :p

[taurus75]

if really it turns out to be like that...move on brudder. maybe u can wait for her return of heart, but its gonna be tough..most of us will gets by in time..why? becoz time heals...
i been thru that... still today i waited...u can call me stupid..but it's what i think it's best for me to do this than to keep thinking of this and that...
it's either u let go let her fly..or u simply overcome this losing pain and move on...
if not be like me..i just wait and waited...be it that she dun know i'm waiting or not..in the end..what we do or think ..we have to be answerable to ourselves..!

it's gonna be tough but bite thru it...
any thing pm me ..

[SEXPLORER II]

it's gonna be tough but bite thru it...
any thing pm me ..

Bro Taurus, thanks for your concern :D

To all other Bros who PM me to help, thanks to you guys also!

As it turned out, it was a false alarm, nothing serious, nothing incriminating, just me and my super sensitive imagination. That said, it is also a massive relief to me, phew...

Play is play but don't play with people's families and their wives... :D

Once again, cheers Bros!

[Teatree]

Bro JohnTeo66
She mention marriage life lack excitement. Try to plan a trip, surprise her with some flowers, small gift and create more conversation.
Sound stupid but it could win her over.
Even if you have Christie Chung as a partner, as a man, we know that after doing her for 7 years, you also sian right?
Life is about new things, new events. Then it become interesting. Just like if you are going for a trip in Europe, you will be very excited also. ;)