Cheating Wife (allegedly) - what do i do???

unlike some brothers here who are into hotwifing, i am the total opposite. jealous as hell, i am. you may say i felt this way out of love. which is the reason i have given myself.

since the beginning of the year till now, i started seeing signs of this possibility - that she may be seeing someone secretly. i am not sure about it but there are signs:

- she started to have male "friends" smsing her;
- she goes out more regularly for "girls" dinner;
- she received gifts from "friends";
- she complaints that marriaged life lacks excitment;
- etc.

i checked her handphone once while she is sleeping, but didnt see anything juicy. there are a couple of guys that sms her, but no telltale signs of an affair there though.

short of engaging a PI to tail her (which cost around $1k per week - cant afford this), and i can tail her myself as we only got 1 car, shared; or planting a key-logger in my home PC (she will know - very IT savvy), what do i do?

i want to know. i NEED to know if our 7 years' marriage is coming to an end.

i sort of beat-around-the-bush and asked her once but she denied it.

how man? i am wrecked...

[easyeasy]

where got thing things cheap & good one. hire a PI lah

[BigGuy]

Some women just need that extra attention to see if they are still attractive. But then i cannot say the same for guys who are with her thinking of getting into her pants/skirts. Even if there are juicy smses, i pressume she would have deleted it.

Somethings u may want to consider this:

1. Join her with her so called girls dinner. If she kept saying no then it could ring a bell.
2. Asked her who these male friends are? If she refuses to tell you or intro you, then I guess you have to prepare for the worst.
3. Pertaining to recieving gifts, I stand neutral on this.
4. If she claims marriage life lacks excitement, then go on a break like to Cairns or go clubbing with her.

My ex-gf staying in Jurong also like that. Refused to let me know who she goes out with or who she smsing. Worst got those lovey dovey smses. So be prepared lor. Not much help though. cheers

[jusrassic]

Originally Posted by johnteo66

- she started to have male "friends" smsing her;
- she goes out more regularly for "girls" dinner;
- she received gifts from "friends";
- she complaints that marriaged life lacks excitment;
- etc.

i want to know. i NEED to know if our 7 years' marriage is coming to an end.

i sort of beat-around-the-bush and asked her once but she denied it.

how man? i am wrecked...

One of the tell tale signs is tht after her "affair" of hot night of passion, she will become more "kind" towards you...
She will give u the extra attention and even if u say tht u wanna buy something expensive, she will not object to it rather than normally she would nag and nag about how expensive it is..etc..etc...
this happens to cover her guilty feelings of doing it behind ur back..
believe me bro...i have been there....

[seedofcucky]

Originally Posted by johnteo66

i sort of beat-around-the-bush and asked her once but she denied it.

how man? i am wrecked...

I hope I am not trying to rile u or rub salt into ur wounds, but this is merely a suggestion. I only have good intentions.

If u want to find out what she is doing, why not bring up the subject, but in a manner as in telling her u fantasise her with another man? If u read Esop's fables, u will know of the story of the Wind and Sun who betted who could get the woman walking below, to remove her coat. The Wind blew and blew, but she only clung onto her clothes more tightly. Then the Sun shone as hard as he could, becoming very hot. In the end, the woman removed her coat voluntarily. Sometimes subtle coercion is better than force.

I know u may find me sick, but don't get mad with me, or with ur wife if she tells u what is happening. U may want to read the story below of a woman who cheats behind her husband's back, mainly because she knows he WON'T accept this, even though she really wishes he could be part of her fantasy. The key is u may want to give her the impression that u are ok with it, for her to reveal anything.

http://www.scandalouswomen.com/discu...tml?1117217803

I know this idea is very radical in our conservative society, but I am also aware that u may be at ur wits' end.

EDIT: The only problem with this idea is this: U must not spring the trap and tell her u are just pretending to fantasise, if u want to continue to know what she does. It may eat u up inside if u keep this secret to urself. But if u DO reveal everything, she will be wiser the second time round, and then that could be the end of her story for u. Just my 2 cents.

[seedofcucky]

Dear johnteo, just some crumbs from my own experience: It was only when I related my fantasy about my gf being with other men, that she finally admitted she actually missed her ex-bfs. She talked to them from time to time, but did not take up their proposals to meet, because of me. She might have been tempted, I wouldn't know, but certainly I would be as mad as u are if I find out she wasn't telling me!

I am glad she told me this, because it's heartbreaking if I were to find out myself. Even though my fantasies were real, and NOT because I merely wanted to find out what she thought of her ex-bfs. Our relationship is more stable and open now, and the trust deeper.

Just some food for thought and my humble 2 cents.

[KingBong]

The sms that she received....take note of the number and then find out who the guy are. Could be just normal friends or colleagues etc. Another way to find out is ask her friends/colleague that you know if she has been seeing someone else.....becos usually the person is someone that she met during the course of her work or through friends. HTH.

bros,

Bigguy - i tried to join their girly outing, but she refused. said it is an all-girls affair and she looks bad if i go. i agreed too. wont feel comfortable going. she told me who these friends are, but i knew them from day 1 of our marriage. they are her buddies from uni. doubt it is one of them, but i am not sure too.

Easyeasy - i cant afford a PI. contacted 1 to check the price and was quoted $1k per week, on rolling week basis. no guarantee of results (of course). after paying the load for house, for car, maid, insurance, unit trusts, etc. nothing to spare now.

Jusrassic - after these years of marriage, our relationship sort of "cool" down already. she is seldom especially nice or bad towards me, and neither am i to her. no peaking of emotional showing, if that's what u mean. 1 thing i notice (have to), is that she changed her whole collection of undies to g-strings. only wears the normal ones when she got red flag. this is the reason i started paying more attention.

seedofcucky - she knows me very well (that i am the jealous type), so to suggest i fantasize her with another guy wont work. it's like a complete change of character for me. she will see it a mile away that i am testing her. yeap, know the wind and sun story. to follow your analogy, i would think it is better if i create opportunities for her to engage that guy (if there's one), and PI them. maybe i will do this. at least the PI's cost can be control, with higher possibilities of getting a affirmative result.

kingbong - she usually erase her messages once she read them. but on a couple of rare occasion, i saw some of it and like i said, nothing juicy. but i get the names and numbers down already. but what can i do with it? call that person and ask if they are screwing my wife?! i wander if there's a way to find out their addresses using the numbers i got. any ideas?

sigh...

[ric33]

Bro,

get a few close buddies and tail her..... but the fact is, are you able to take the truth?

On the tailing part, I had the same pbm with my ex. I got my buddies to tail her; once confirmed with another guy, I called to ask her where she is. If she lied, then pretty sure she is doing something behind yor back.

My point is: If there is really nothing, there is no need to hide about a lunch/dinner date with a friend of another gender.


Good Luck Bro!

Originally Posted by ric33

Bro,

get a few close buddies and tail her..... but the fact is, are you able to take the truth?

On the tailing part, I had the same pbm with my ex. I got my buddies to tail her; once confirmed with another guy, I called to ask her where she is. If she lied, then pretty sure she is doing something behind yor back.

My point is: If there is really nothing, there is no need to hide about a lunch/dinner date with a friend of another gender.


Good Luck Bro!

this crossed my mine too. but i cant tell my close friends this - too embarassing. and i cant tell my other friends this. that's even worst. i think i will have to find a way to do it myself. borrow a car? perhaps.

Originally Posted by ric33

My point is: If there is really nothing, there is no need to hide about a lunch/dinner date with a friend of another gender.

My STBXH used to go out with girls he met in pubs, even took leave from work to go out with them. When I found out and confronted him, he said "But I tell you for what? You will just be jealous and get the wrong idea" and insisted they are just friends.

NOT. I have more than enough e-mail and sms evidence, even a GF/BF type picture of him and one of his "friends".

Oh, and of course he didn't tell them he's married with kids.

Point is, bro ric33 is right: if there is really nothing, there is nothing to hide!

PIs are ridiculously expensive. I was "lucky" in that they were slatternly in public, his main "friend" lives in the same housing estate as my family and friends so I had plenty of incoming reports.

Talk to her. Chances are, she's in serious denial and lies about everything.

Get concrete evidence (versus speculation) and decide what you want. Good luck and many hugs to you.

[Power]

Try getting a friend who is quite attractive to woo her(with you paying th ecost) . See if she falls into the trap....Jus a suggestion of goodwill.

[lahchi]

Originally Posted by johnteo66

this crossed my mine too. but i cant tell my close friends this - too embarassing. and i cant tell my other friends this. that's even worst. i think i will have to find a way to do it myself. borrow a car? perhaps.

bro..perhaps when she go out you can ask where and then rent-borrow car and beo from there...i suspected my ex was seeing someone else..one day i just called her after work( she told me she would be out with the gers for a movie) and asked her which movie..she told me time and venue..only one small problem..the movie wasn't showing at that time at that venue...after that day i followed her and found her out...


moral of story: if anyone cheat..sure get found out...matter of time...sorry to add to your situation..take care bro...all the best..

[MoonBlaze]

Originally Posted by johnteo66

..... i cant afford a PI. contacted 1 to check the price and was quoted $1k per week, on rolling week basis. no guarantee of results (of course). after paying the load for house, for car, maid, insurance, unit trusts, etc. nothing to spare now.

I guess if you really wanna find out, you really got to dig deep into your pocket for that amount. One more thing, to further enhance the results of investiagtion, you could go away, leave the country, cheapest to M'sia or indonesia, reasons you have to crack your brain for it, work, visit a relative, wedding etc...give her some ample advance notice....if she is really seeing someone, the period when you are out of the country will be time she will be most active with the other guy... Your PI will probably be able to find the answer you are looking for. Good luck and i sincerely hope that your marriage life's passion is just cooling off and not that there's another guy. Without the presence of third party, it is easier to re-inject passion into a married couple. Wish you luck!!!

[evo3]

Bro JohnTeo, like what other bros was saying. Maybe, your wife need more attention from you.

Question:-

1)How often you go out with her over weekend ?
2)Are you those very romantic guys?
3)How often you talk to her over the phone while she is at work?
4)When you try to get close to her, did she kind of reject you and give excuses, especially during bed time (bro sorry to post this question to you).
5)Very important, did you yourself having an affair out there with another girl and get caught by her. You know sometime woman just keep quiet, because they dont want to break their marraige because of another woman, especially those wtih kids.

To be honest, I also having a big problem with my wife.