Illegitimate child

[Skarlett0]

Hey guys, this would be my first thread. Need to hear from a man's point of view about the sticky situation I'm in at this moment.

Characters:
-myself, late 20s.
-my child, 1 year old.
-my child's birth father who is 40 this year.
-his wife and kid
-his another lover (who is attached to another man and about to get married)

So yes I'm in a very messed up connection with this man that I really love.
I don't call him my boyfriend because he never treated me like I was his gf nor mistress. Part time couple maybe.

We were in a relationship for a year plus before I got pregnant. It wasn't planned. When he subsequently found out I was pregnant, he insist that we meet and talk about it. But in the end the meet up wasn't conclusive at all. All he said to me was that he is not the kind who will ask any female to go for an abortion(not just because it's me). Yet he can't ask me to keep the child because he is not ready to take up responsibility. On my part, it was a huge struggle. In the end I decided to keep my baby and carry on. And his stand never changed, he didn't want to make any decisions.

So throughout my pregnancy, he was there for me emotionally sometimes. Never there for me financially, I wouldn't allow him to (nor expect him to). Maybe in his heart he also didn't want to pay, he just made it sound nicer. We met up a lot lesser. In fact throughy pregnancy I probably met him less than 10 times. Sometimes he is there for me (on phone), but most of the times he doesn't show much concern. Sometimes he is nice but most times he is just cold to me.

When I was about to give birth, he will message me almost everytime to remind me to update him if I was in labour. He raised my hopes that he will be there for me but in the end it never happened. He was never here for me. He only message me. Time and again he toyed with my hopes and ruin me. But I chose to believe that he care. I did not expect him to pay for anything, all I wanted was time from him, but sadly both never happened. But I was still full of hope, or rather delusional.

He has only met our baby once. For a few minutes and that's about it. It was an emotional turmoil for me. I went through a life of roller coaster, I was in misery, post natal depression, etc. you name it I got it. All because of a man I love. And yet in the end, he never once show any sincerity In seeing us. He makes comment like, our baby is really cute etc, and appears to really like her. And when I get emotional, I will ask if he truly cared about the baby, he always say yes. When I get I to an arguement saying he doesn't care about us, he flies into a rage and say I'm thinking too much. I know that in actual fact, we don't really mean anything to him. At least that's my point of view. How can anyone say they care yet could go without seeing the child for so long?

His words confuses me. Right up till this stage I'm still in a draggy relationship with him. I'm pretty tired and torn apart. (Oh did I mention while I was pregnant, he met up with the woman he claims that he love a lot since many years ago?) and he chose to not keep me company. Sigh what a pathetic life.

My question now is, if any of you have an illegitimate child, and you know the child's mother has always been there for you even during the toughest time of your life, do you really care ? Or you just feel bad to abandon the mother and child? What are your views? Does he really care about the child at all? I'm asking all this because I want to move on with my child. All this emotional torment is destroying my life.

Ps: he doesn't love me. He just likes me. And he knows I'm the one who will go through thick and thin with him. The amount of things I have done for him is insane.

Pardon my poor command of English and thank you all for taking time to read my lengthy post. Thanks!

[jnudes]

Hey guys, this would be my first thread. Need to hear from a man's point of view about the sticky situation I'm in at this moment.

Characters:
-myself, late 20s.
-my child, 1 year old.
-my child's birth father who is 40 this year.
-his wife and kid
-his another lover (who is attached to another man and about to get married)

So yes I'm in a very messed up connection with this man that I really love.
I don't call him my boyfriend because he never treated me like I was his gf nor mistress. Part time couple maybe.

We were in a relationship for a year plus before I got pregnant. It wasn't planned. When he subsequently found out I was pregnant, he insist that we meet and talk about it. But in the end the meet up wasn't conclusive at all. All he said to me was that he is not the kind who will ask any female to go for an abortion(not just because it's me). Yet he can't ask me to keep the child because he is not ready to take up responsibility. On my part, it was a huge struggle. In the end I decided to keep my baby and carry on. And his stand never changed, he didn't want to make any decisions.

So throughout my pregnancy, he was there for me emotionally sometimes. Never there for me financially, I wouldn't allow him to (nor expect him to). Maybe in his heart he also didn't want to pay, he just made it sound nicer. We met up a lot lesser. In fact throughy pregnancy I probably met him less than 10 times. Sometimes he is there for me (on phone), but most of the times he doesn't show much concern. Sometimes he is nice but most times he is just cold to me.

When I was about to give birth, he will message me almost everytime to remind me to update him if I was in labour. He raised my hopes that he will be there for me but in the end it never happened. He was never here for me. He only message me. Time and again he toyed with my hopes and ruin me. But I chose to believe that he care. I did not expect him to pay for anything, all I wanted was time from him, but sadly both never happened. But I was still full of hope, or rather delusional.

He has only met our baby once. For a few minutes and that's about it. It was an emotional turmoil for me. I went through a life of roller coaster, I was in misery, post natal depression, etc. you name it I got it. All because of a man I love. And yet in the end, he never once show any sincerity In seeing us. He makes comment like, our baby is really cute etc, and appears to really like her. And when I get emotional, I will ask if he truly cared about the baby, he always say yes. When I get I to an arguement saying he doesn't care about us, he flies into a rage and say I'm thinking too much. I know that in actual fact, we don't really mean anything to him. At least that's my point of view. How can anyone say they care yet could go without seeing the child for so long?

His words confuses me. Right up till this stage I'm still in a draggy relationship with him. I'm pretty tired and torn apart. (Oh did I mention while I was pregnant, he met up with the woman he claims that he love a lot since many years ago?) and he chose to not keep me company. Sigh what a pathetic life.

My question now is, if any of you have an illegitimate child, and you know the child's mother has always been there for you even during the toughest time of your life, do you really care ? Or you just feel bad to abandon the mother and child? What are your views? Does he really care about the child at all? I'm asking all this because I want to move on with my child. All this emotional torment is destroying my life.

Ps: he doesn't love me. He just likes me. And he knows I'm the one who will go through thick and thin with him. The amount of things I have done for him is insane.

Pardon my poor command of English and thank you all for taking time to read my lengthy post. Thanks!

Sis, I am 36 years old this year and not in the same situation like you as I never married or have kids with any woman or girl before. I am still single and my opinion is I think your man is an irresponsible person.

I am quite confused why you want to love and have a baby with a married man. YES I know you love him but he is married. Why can't you select a single person. There are many fishes in the pond for you to choose.

I feel sorry for your baby as he/she will probably not see his own father when he/she grows up one day. Being a single mother is tougher than a couple to raise a child. And also it is quite expensive too nowadays to raise a child.

That's why I always having sex using condom to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancy. And in my own view what you had done are so complicated that it will not give any benefit to anyone and I must mention your man is one selfish and disgusting playboy for his own pleasure benefits without caring for the other opposite feeling.

One day he will finally REGRET and receive RETRIBUTION for his past actions. Hope you can be strong enough to raise the child by yourself. Good luck sis!

[Skarlett0]

I forgot to mention, I didn't know he is married man. And when i finally did, I was already pregnant. I will never mess with a married man if I had known earlier. I'm cheated inside out. But all these don't really matter anymore. Cos I don't want to be with him anymore, just want to know what is my child's position in his heart and preparing what I should tell my child in future if things turns out ugly between the adults.. I'm just deeply confused.

[maxsee]

It is quite obvious he is an extremely selfish person and he don't love you....Being a single mum will definitely be a big problem for you in the future...I have friends who are single mum and it is really a tough life out there...good luck to you...

[Skarlett0]

...

I am quite confused why you want to love and have a baby with a married man. YES I know you love him but he is married. Why can't you select a single person. There are many fishes in the pond for you to choose.

I feel sorry for your baby as he/she will probably not see his own father when he/she grows up one day. Being a single mother is tougher than a couple to raise a child. And also it is quite expensive too nowadays to raise a child.

That's why I always having sex using condom to avoid STDs and unwanted pregnancy. And in my own view what you had done are so complicated that it will not give any benefit to anyone and I must mention your man is one selfish and disgusting playboy for his own pleasure benefits without caring for the other opposite feeling.

One day he will finally REGRET and receive RETRIBUTION for his past actions. Hope you can be strong enough to raise the child by yourself. Good luck sis!

I'm not the kind of person that will play with fire. I know this does not benefit anyone, but going for an abortion does not too. I'm taking up the responsibility because I brought my child to the world. He did not volunteer to be conceived so how could I take his life away just because I m afraid of trouble? It's my mistake not his. Anyway all these are past now. We each have our own views. I hope we do not judge one another. Thank you for your input anyway.

Just to share, my child is doing well so far. It's tough for me but I am happy to have him around. The purpose of this thread is to have an idea of how much would a man ever care if he has an illegitimate child. since I can't get the truth from the father of my child, I can only ask for opinion and guess. I need to know what to tell my child in future if he asks about his dad. I would like to end this messy relationship for the benefit of my child. But I'm just unsure.

[skaa]

I don't think you need to worry too much about what to tell your child. The key thing is to totally forget the man and focus on getting the best for your child . This means getting yourself on a stable financial footing (e.g. jobs, child maintenance against the father), shelter and necessities. You need to move on for the sake of your child. And through your sacrifices and through the difficulties that both of you will experience together, he will come to realise who truly loved him and reciprocate.

When your child is older, you have the options of telling the truth or provide a simpler reason that he passed away. This is secondary at the moment since your child is still so young.

[jnudes]

Just to share, my child is doing well so far. It's tough for me but I am happy to have him around. The purpose of this thread is to have an idea of how much would a man ever care if he has an illegitimate child. since I can't get the truth from the father of my child, I can only ask for opinion and guess. I need to know what to tell my child in future if he asks about his dad. I would like to end this messy relationship for the benefit of my child. But I'm just unsure.

Most man would not care, I say 90% of them, that's why a mother is always the best friend to her baby. This is not the first case about guy abandoning pregnant woman mentioned at SBF.

I remember got read one thread about one 20 year old gal needing to go through abortion by herself after having one night stand with a guy after he does not claim responsibility and ignore her, now the thread had been deleted.

Well, you can just tell him truth, you didn't know him when you guys in relationship that he is married. After knowing you pregnant, he did not want to take any responsibility so only you take care of him as single mother.

[loneyheart]

I agreed with woman said ... giving birth is like going to hell n U turn ... N u know he dum care
WHAT good u see in him ?? N he still hv a lover after after u
I think u know yr ans .... just face it n move on .... my wishes n regards to u sis

[arsenal_84]

Sounds like a typical flowerpod thread...anyway good luck then.
If he is not with you during your worst period, don't expect him to be around in the future.

[observer85]

My advise is to totally forget about him. This kinda of man, or should I say beast is totally a piece of shit that's not worth of ur time. Don't have anything to do with him anymore, just concentrate on rising ur child and carry on with ur life. Hopefully u can find someone who's really give his heart out to U and take care of u... Jai you and gd luck..

[Skarlett0]

I think I'm not clear with what I said. The directions are not what I'm looking for but nvm. I have the answer yes, just seeking opinions. Thanks all for your input, and blessings. Please ignore thread.

Thanks again.

[observer85]

Personally as a guy myself.. I think he's just finding a part time lover and toyin with ur feeling... Not all man are like this.. Seriously, just forget everything about this asshole and start a new with ur child ya.
All the best to u and gd luck sis .
Hope u can find ur happiness soon :)

[Wintermelontea]

You are very brave and have done extremely well despite what you have been through.

If you can, forget him and move on. Change your phone number as well as other things that you normally share with him.

Think for yourself and your daughter's sake now. :)

Talk to us and perhaps more like minded people will support you or your future actions. You must jia you!

[Skarlett0]

Personally as a guy myself.. I think he's just finding a part time lover and toyin with ur feeling... Not all man are like this.. Seriously, just forget everything about this asshole and start a new with ur child ya.
All the best to u and gd luck sis .
Hope u can find ur happiness soon :)

You are very brave and have done extremely well despite what you have been through.

If you can, forget him and move on. Change your phone number as well as other things that you normally share with him.

Think for yourself and your daughter's sake now. :)

Talk to us and perhaps more like minded people will support you or your future actions. You must jia you!


Thanks guys for all your kind words.

One of my worries is if I cut contact with him, he will give me trouble. He is usually an egoistic piece of crap. Not saying that he will find us to want us back but more of like because I dumped him or Smthng. And because I do not know exactly what he takes my child for, I'm worried one day he may come disturb our life or try to take my cchild away from me. He is well to do and has a booming business. I know it's not easy for him to take my child away from me but judging from financial capability it's obvious he is way better than I am to provide for the child. These are my fears. I can't read his mind.

[Tai_zi21]

Love is blind to mostly gals i would say expecting the guy will change for them

First let me ask u a few ques
1)wat are you hoping for now in the near future with him?
2)do u think he will leave ur family for u?
3)are u willing to be the third party to destory their family?

Awaiting ur answer

[Wintermelontea]

You need not read his mind. And,

He has more to lose actually. :) egoistic is just his business. Not yours.

And you can just live your your life with your daughter the way you want it. If he really bother or cared for you both, he would have.

What you need to do now is to take care of yourself and baby. Find some good friends to support you. Find support from family or relatives.

Stabilize your job, your emotions and try to look for support online. I know MCYS (name changed liao) has some form of support to single parents...look out for it?

Jia you!! You have carried your pregnancy so well. Given birth and now at this stage, do not give up.

[Skarlett0]

Love is blind to mostly gals i would say expecting the guy will change for them

First let me ask u a few ques
1)wat are you hoping for now in the near future with him?
2)do u think he will leave ur family for u?
3)are u willing to be the third party to destory their family?

Awaiting ur answer

I never ever had the thought of him to change for me.

I do not hope for anything with him. I'm more concern about if he could play a part or not in my son's life. And honestly I don't want him back even if he wants.

He will not leave his family, even if he does it would not be for me. And I'm not expecting him to do so.

I never wanted to destroy their family. I never knew he was a married man to begin with.

[Wintermelontea]

On taking away your child, he is the natural father. Legally, he can file to stake claim on your child provided he is ready to admit that he is the father in the eyes of the law. Doing this means his wife etc will know about it.

Yes, rich men will resort to many ways to stake a claim on the things that they want...if they want it in the first place. They are after all richer than the normal average person on the street.

Then again, in your situation, I think he will not do the above mentioned. He will not divorce his wife nor will he want to risk losing his estate. Sg is a cruel place for men under going divorce proceedings.

So, don't worry for this now. He can't do anything...at least not now. Furthermore, why would he want a daughter? Egoistic men typically wants a male child more than female (wild guess).

Test water by changing phone number. If he harass you by visiting your place, ask him to back off or else call the police straight after he leaves. And seek legal protection. I hope none of these will take place. Peaceful resolution is still the best.

[Skarlett0]

Did I say I had a daughter? It's a son I have.

[Tai_zi21]

I never ever had the thought of him to change for me.

I do not hope for anything with him. I'm more concern about if he could play a part or not in my son's life. And honestly I don't want him back even if he wants.

He will not leave his family, even if he does it would not be for me. And I'm not expecting him to do so.

I never wanted to destroy their family. I never knew he was a married man to begin with.

Sorry just saw u r seeking opinions only,i felt that u should be looking for a new guy in ur life to accept you and the child cos i dun think the father of the child would wan to do anything with it! From you are pregeant till u give birth may i know wat comfort he have given u?

Give ur child a complete family by choosing someone who truly love you and not someone who dun deserve it

Have a gd day and god bless
Cheers

[HappyOwl]

I need to know what to tell my child in future if he asks about his dad. I would like to end this messy relationship for the benefit of my child. But I'm just unsure.

Sis. Skarlett0, eventually your boy needs to know the truth isn't it? & eventually you will also feel so much lighter isn't it? That should be around 20 years down the road. You need to be strong.

Take care always. :)

[imdestinyz]

Dear sis,

You have been very strong to make the decision of being a single mum and to go against society's stereotyping.

Please please please do stay strong. I understand that someday you will have to reveal to your son this messy r/s. However, for him to fully understand it will be many years down the road. Spend more effort on improving your life and find your own directions first. I believe by then the answer will come.

All the best!!

[stillgottheblue]

Since now you know he's married, and he's irresponsible, you should leave him. You're fucked up now that you brought in an innocent kid into the picture. Please insist on condom or take medicine if you are going to have pre-marital sex in future.

[Wintermelontea]

And yet in the end, he never once show any sincerity In seeing us. He makes comment like, our baby is really cute etc, and appears to really like her.

Perhaps a typo :rolleyes:

[Intltuk]

Sis, from ur story, u're his spare tire and since u went ahead to hve the child despite signs tat he is not taking responsibility, please move on with ur life.

Women Charter is on ur side. As long as u've shown u can provide for ur kid, he cannot take the child from u; in fact, u can make life difficult for him as he has a responsibility for the upkeep of the child.

Anyway, I'm not advocating u go after him; I think u've make peace with urself. Don't worry about him as I think he would be more worried about u. Yes, he has money and can drag this out in court but will he as he will hve much more to lose.

It is brave of u to bring up the kid on ur own. Cont'd on the road u're on and if u meet the right guy who can accept ur kid...great. When the time comes to `break' the news to ur kid......u will know wat to do. It's not easy and the kid may want to know who is the dad...etc, etc. Just tell the truth.

All the best.

[Ken79]

when he said he is not the type to ask a woman to go for abortion nor he is willing to accept the responsibility of supporting the baby, what he actually wants is u voluntarily suggest u want to abort or say that u will support the child yourself and not ask him to share the burden, all he wants is enjoying the fun art with u, when the time comes to foot the bill he will excuse himself and says he needs to go to the toilet (not in a literal way).

[3Dragon]

Can I just ask whats the situation with the father of ur own child?

[maxsee]

Don't think you can claim child maintenance from him as you are not married to him....Your son will be a major issue if you ever decided to get attached... a lot of decent guys are there are going to mind about this...And it is made worse by the fact that it is a son.....

One day, when you look back at everything you are going to regret this decision....but what is done is done....take good care of the little guy meanwhile...:D:D:D

[collin_23]

Sis , forget this guy and move on . In my view , he is using u for sex only . If u continue to meet him , I worry u may get cheated again , end up pregnant second time . How nice if he no need take care his son , got woman help him take care ? He is selfish and calculative . If u wish to take care your son yourself , which I do not encourage , find your family for help to take care , while u try to improve your financial status . Pls find minister of parliament for help also . If not , pass your son to him to take care , while u concentrate on your career . Also , try get his DNA , go for lab test to prove he is father of your child , get maintainence , trick him he only need to pay ceremonial 1 dollar per month will do . Once he agreed , when your son grow up in future , u can find lawyer help to increase the maintainence from 1 dollar to more . If chinese , change or threaten to change your son's surname to your surname . NEVER be tied down by this selfish guy , do try find a guy who will love u and your son while u still young . Lastly , this is a commercial sex forum , pls go to flowerpod forum instead , for u and your son's safety , a lot of bad people here including me .

[collin_23]

He is your son , he is not illegitimate son . Most women make the mistake of keeping their child with them for instance during divorce , I understand completely the deep bond between mother and child . However , by keeping your child beside u now , u may not be able focus on your career now . Let his dad go take care him , after u become successful in your career , get your son back . Explain to him , he will understand .

[Scala]

Think the guy is just using you.

[collin_23]

I am glad he is egoistic , this kind of guy most easily take care . Flame his ego , his weakness . If he talk big , just say u want pass your son to him , watch his reaction . Better still if he has status and reputation , find reporters ask for help , see his wife , family , neighbours , colleague reactions . Don't let him get away , find lawyers who help people for free to assist u .

[Skarlett0]

Thanks all for your input. I didn't really get what I need to know but I supposed it should come within me and not from anywhere else. Please ignore thread, thank you for your time and all your kind words. :)

[collin_23]

I just read all your postings . U know this guy from clubbing haiz . . whatever u do , think for your son first , u will need the money for your son's future . Good luck .

[Xia406]

Perhaps a typo :rolleyes:

Just to share, my child is doing well so far. It's tough for me but I am happy to have him around. The purpose of this thread is to have an idea of how much would a man ever care if he has an illegitimate child. since I can't get the truth from the father of my child, I can only ask for opinion and guess. I need to know what to tell my child in future if he asks about his dad. I would like to end this messy relationship for the benefit of my child. But I'm just unsure.

Perhaps a pair of glasses is needed :cool: :rolleyes:

[Skarlett0]

I just read all your postings . U know this guy from clubbing haiz . . whatever u do , think for your son first , u will need the money for your son's future . Good luck .

It's not what you think it is. But anyway not important.

Yes, my son is my priority now. We are doing well so far and I have good family support. Thank you for your blessings.

[flowbow]

Don't worry too much sis. I highly doubt he'll be able to take your son away from you. IF that happens, all you have to do is prove that you have the means to take care of your son, that you are the one who has been caring for him even before he was born, and that the father does not care about his son at all, be it in terms of financial, physical or emotional support.

Anyway what's important now is not about finding answers. Sometimes we try so hard to find the answers but they don't come, and we get more confused than ever. If you really have to know, the best way would be to ask him instead of speculating. And if he refuses to give you an answer, then you'll just have to accept it and move on. I know it may be easier for you to accept if you can get the answers you need, but sometimes we just can't force things. And if he refuses to give you an answer, what can you do?

Take time to forget this guy because he's really not worth it. You may love him deeply now but in time to come when you've healed, you'll realize that you were just being foolish. What's the point of giving so much and getting nothing in return? You're not even truly happy. Someday you'll meet someone who can give you the kind of love and affection you need, and it's probably only when that day comes will you understand the point we are trying to put across.

I see you've somewhat made a decision and made up your mind about it, which is good. It's a brave first step you've taken, but there's a long way to go still. Please stay strong and I wish you all the best.

[Skarlett0]

Hey flowbow, thank you for ur encouragement too.

Yes I. Do know what I want to do now.
And to the other guys who had left a comment, thanks too. Be it judgmental, positive or negative input. It's fine. Love for him is just a feeling that can be kept away I believe with the help of time. Some of you had misunderstand my intention of this thread. I never ever want this man back again. I am ready to move on. The only concern I have right now is my child. But again, maybe I should start worrying 15 years later from now like what most have said.

I hope this thread would end here. Appreciate your time and reassurance to certain things. God bless all.

[porscheclub]

Miss. It seems that there are a lot of legal issues that you have not thought about or know till now.

#1 Can we assume that your son's surname is with you & father's name is not in his birth certificate?
A. If so it's better, then it'll be difficult and expensive for him to fight for custody provided he needs your son in future (not sure if he has a son) He has to deal with his family about introducing an illegitimate son to his family & usually your son will not be well look after by them. He may not want him now but that doesn't mean he won't fight for him later on.

#2 Your son's well being in the years to come especially education & health. You need to start saving up for nursery, K1/K2 followed by enrolling into Primary school, tuition, ECA etc which every month will start to cost you anything from S$500 to S$3000 depending on what kind of education you want to give him. These are excluding his milk, medical, injections, clothing etc.

#3 You can file for maintenance. *Sorry guys* but you'll need to spend good money to hire the right lawyer which will involve DNA tests etc. & being whipped in news, called a home wrecker etc. So be emotionally prepared if you want to go this route.

It's too late to scold you for being careless but a lot of people want love, fun & don't know the ordeal of upbringing a child. I'm not here to lecture you but sharing as I'm also a parent to 4 kids and 2 wives.

From your postings thus far. He is a scumbag who has no responsibilities. If he cannot provide you and child with time & love then at least provide money for comfort. Milk powder & pampers will empty your savings fast. Hope your parents are helping to nurse him while you work. It's not easy for a couple and very difficult on a single parent.

Since he has given you nothing much & not there when you needed him most during the 10 months of pregnancy through delivery. You should just disconnect with him & sever all ties. Inform your family so that they can assist you with your decision.

Informing your child? It's too early to worry about now. Dad can be dead, overseas, ran away etc but eventually he will know then let him decide when he's matured.

Good luck and move on please.

[hikosan]

My question now is, if any of you have an illegitimate child, and you know the child's mother has always been there for you even during the toughest time of your life, do you really care ? --> I will care if I am him. But he is out to cheat in the 1st place. Cos you don't know he is married. Just curious his wife should be there during his toughest time too...

Or you just feel bad to abandon the mother and child? What are your views? --> I will feel bad if I am him. But I don't think he has a choice. Unless he want to divorce his current wife to be you. I don't think his current wife can accept your present.

Does he really care about the child at all? -->I believe he care about the child based on your narration. Unless he is inhuman. But I guess he dare not openly accept the child cos this will affect his existing family.

I'm asking all this because I want to move on with my child. All this emotional torment is destroying my life. --> Put it this way. A lot of lives are damaged. Although the major fault lies in the guy...

Qns 1: do you want the child to have a father?
If yes, ask his father whether he want to be in the child's life?
If yes too, let him visit and update him any important date.
If no, just leave him alone.

Qns 2 : the kid will ask for his dad when 3 yo which I don't know how you going to tell him? I guess he will only understand you after 6 yo.

Qns 3 : I don't think he going to fight custody with you if his current marriage is not damage. But do you want to let your son know who is his father?

[karoosel]

I was raised by a single parent. My father left us when I was very young. It helped that my father was clearly out of the picture because my mother and I were focused on each other. Someday you can explain to your child when he is old enough to understand. Godspeed to you!

PS. as for your question about your child's father loving the illegitimate child: only time can answer this question. I'm a legitimate child but my father has not shown care for me since he left 20+ years ago. Trust me, it's not about the legitimacy.

[BiRd13]

I will say not many men will treat the illegitimate child of his own. For a start maybe yes... but as time goes and especially when both have own child, he will show more care and concern towards their own, rather than the one is not.

I am one of those man myself. But my ex wife have 2 kids with her ex instead. As I truly love her, I helped her in getting out of her past with ex, and even got together with her, despite knowing she have 2 kids with her ex. We went through thick and thin together and settle down one day. I treat both kids like me own.. giving them all the necessarities in which they need. Work 2 job just to support them... and eventually we got married. A year after marriage, she was pregnant with my kids. Though I assured her that I will still treat the other 2 as my own... however I need to say that after our child was born, I doted on her more than the other 2. Though still dote on the 2.. but to wife, I more doted on the youngest...

Eventually we separated as she had an affair... anyway, that is side story in which I dun think is related to your topic..so wont bring up...

[Skarlett0]

I will say not many men will treat the illegitimate child of his own. For a start maybe yes... but as time goes and especially when both have own child, he will show more care and concern towards their own, rather than the one is not.

I am one of those man myself. But my ex wife have 2 kids with her ex instead. As I truly love her, I helped her in getting out of her past with ex, and even got together with her, despite knowing she have 2 kids with her ex. We went through thick and thin together and settle down one day. I treat both kids like me own.. giving them all the necessarities in which they need. Work 2 job just to support them... and eventually we got married. A year after marriage, she was pregnant with my kids. Though I assured her that I will still treat the other 2 as my own... however I need to say that after our child was born, I doted on her more than the other 2. Though still dote on the 2.. but to wife, I more doted on the youngest...

Eventually we separated as she had an affair... anyway, that is side story in which I dun think is related to your topic..so wont bring up...

My child is fathered by him, not my ex.

[BiRd13]

My child is fathered by him, not my ex.

Sorry. My mistake...

Your case is similar to my ex wife... just she had 2 kids instead...with her ex and both not married..

She managed to move on after much struggling and encouragement from her friend which include me. Perhaps most of the time I was with her... emcoiraging and giving her support in physically and mentally which she moved on...n we fell for each other despite lots of bad comments from my social circle of friend and even family...

Though now we are not together... but I nvr regretted of being with her...

I will say ur bf... or her bf..m is just being irresponsible... the kids is innocent... from the way he act... he dun even want to be responsible..but just letting time pass...n pray n hope u will give up the rs one day... so no one will say he is irresponsible n dun want u...

Choice is there for u... it only depend on which path u want to take... take care..

[FatSpider]

u = sperm deposit bin aka cum tissue

move on