Is there something going on

[white30x]

Hi bros just wanted an opinon. My wife and I have a common couple friend in their 40s and we are in our early 30s. We were close in terms of supper and a couple of overseaa trips.

Recently i notice my wife had been super bz texting and on a couple of occasions i had managed to sneak a peek and see she was texting him ~ D .... i waived it off as just chatter
But my gut feel started to get the better of me, esp one night her phone went off when she was sleeping. I saw the text from D that his wife is back and he will go dowstairs to reply her.

Din managed to get any intimate text cos she locks her phone.

Then i started realizing each time she goes to the bath or toilet her whatsapp status will be online and so will be his. Either early in the morning or late in the night.

Ive asked her whats going on between them she tells me nothing and shes not texting him wgen i show her the time stamps of her and D going online and offline almost together

Am i over suspicious or should i take it a step further by trailing. Gettimg access to her phone os impossible

[3Dragon]

You are definitely not over suspicious. You should be prepared that theres something going on.

[FatSpider]

santa elfs come with 2 hat vartieties

sadly i think yours is the green
better start getting PI
http://www.bigfatblog.co.uk/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/christmas-elves.jpg

[white30x]

Its how to nail it so i don't have to keep thinking about it. She doesn't ask him to buy her anything coz all her wants comes thru me. Theres no dates coz she's bz with her own biz except for mabbe an hour on Sundays when she send the kids for classes. My car is super obvious so i cant trail her without her realizing its me ...

Sigh ... i mean im ok with paid sex but anything thay drives a r|s thats e end for me

[nitecrawllerr]

Signs written all over the wall.

[steventan85]

Someone aiming ur wife pussy and gonna dig further in with his stick..remember to check ur wife pussy frequently

[noobie77]

Bro,

How was her reaction to your accusations? What did she say? Has she been cold towards sex lately? Ask her to show phone msg and you show her yours. Don't talk about trust, what trust is there if she locks the phone from you.

Or perhaps you haven't been showing enough love and concern for her? Once become husband and wife, many take their partners for granted. Flirting then becomes an excitement. Human always like new stuff. Like the iphone. Try courting her again to reignite the flame.

In my opinion it all boils down to the end result you want. Do you love your wife and want to salvage the marriage or you want the truth and file for divorce in the event things turn sour with wifey. If there are kids involved then you should consider salvaging.

1) Sound out to your male friend of your suspicion, but do not mention your suspicion of him. Hopefully he will back off, and you show more tlc to your wife and try to make her guilty hopefully she will stop the flirt which hopefully has not turned out to be an affair. Most women are sentimental type. Like I say most. Maybe these days women are different.

2) Hire PI, show them the evidence file for divorce and give them your blessings. There are still many women out there. You are still young. Better do it before having kids.

3) She play hers you play yours... Years to come do you think you will still be making passionate love? It will just be companionship.

If I were you, and there are no kids. Find out the truth secretly, and if there is an affair file for divorce and move on. Thats just me...

[Brunt]

Tell tale signs everywhere. Be on constant look out like if she carry exceptional perfumes, new clothes or accessories or even conscious of outlook features..check on how she respond to text msgs if she carry smiles or eyes glistened

[white30x]

We ve got 3 kids and that joker has a kid too.

I dont think a PI can get anything easily coz shes really cautious over the phone.

Ive tried walking in on her when both r online and u can see she's quickly trying to delete the chat by how she pressess e screen

Yup prob true on e taking for granted part.

She prob oso knows ive been suspicious and she's been sending me screenshots of her chat with her gfs like see wanna buy this or that.

So ya i dunno which way to take this. Suck it up n try to be nice n loving or i dunno how to catch her.

[acidicavex]

Look like Both is cooking a pot of soup........

Ts bro time to be on guard.

[noobie77]

Show some appreciation, after all she bore you 3 kids. Bring her out for dinner this xmas, get her a xmas present (phone with spyware, joking). Hold hands see xmas lightings... Or do something you know she will enjoy. Tell her how much you love her and thank her for giving you 3 wonderful kids. Everyone wants to feel appreciated. Wouldn't you? Praise her for the wonderful love making session. How it gets you excited to hear her moaning. Praise her outfit. How sexy she is... Flirt with her over msg.

Talk no need $$$... Won't die right... Be it to salvage or destroy, just don't do something you will regret for the rest of your live. Think twice, thrice before doing something drastic.

Btw, how is your sex life? Do you spend enough time on foreplay?

[noobie77]

http://www.americanrhetoric.com/MovieSpeeches/specialengagements/moviespeechbraveheart.html

One of my fav movie. Duty honour country. Steady bo. Just don't do something or in this case do nothing and regret in your deathbed. Do not wait till its too late. Its now or never...

Oh and don't get me wrong, I am not trying to tell you to annihilate your enemy, well at least not in the manner of the movie.

And I am not trying to tell bros here to fxxk like there is no tmr :p

[jazp]

bro, one question.

do you feel hurt (1) becos of your love for her or (2) becos of your ego that she may be giving you the green hat to wear?

there is certainly a mixture of (1) and (2) but if (2) is more than (1), then its hard to solve things as ego is at play. in the event if you do find some concrete evidence, the consequence will be dire.

all the best, bro.

[Grumbler]

Start getting close with the wife of other couple on the pretext of ur suspicion.

[white30x]

When we were much younger we ve been together 10yrs ya we wanna get it on anywhere n everywhere... after marriage sex was ok coz we were trying for our first ger ... basically after the 1st ger we were mainly just petting till she cums coz she doesn't like penetration much. Till we were trying for no 2 & no 3 back to same routine n then its back to petting till she cums n the occasional sex when shes into it ... i knoe its her to be low on the sex drive so i dont complain much ... just suck it up like most of e married bros here

Yup i haven't been extremely romantic coz shes bz with her biz n me with work

I wonder if its e stress or lack of sex thats getting to me

[Special Spawner]

Well I think his wife would be interested too. Why don't you try sorting her help? It's often easier for wife to check husband's phone but never the other way round :)

The fact is your wife is texting him? If you are sure about that, then I am really sure there is no accusation or wrong in getting suspicious. Just sort his wife's help. Just say something like you have been seeing both texting each other, and was wondering if they are pulling a surprise party for the two of you. Women instinct usually quite strong, so she will start noticing, and she will do the check herself.

However, checking your partner's phone usually means distrust so you need to be mindful not to push too hard.

I used to be so trusting that I was blind, untl I walked in with the 2 in bed...your call..

[Wipedout]

Bro you already made one mistake in revealing the little bit of evidence that you collected (timestamps). Now she will be even more careful.

Women will never admit their wrongdoing unless confronted by overwhelming evidence, and even then they will turn around and blame you.

Get a PI, build up your evidence, then choose whether you want to get a divorce or go for reconciliation. If you confront her, make sure you have a damn solid case with clear evidence, otherwise you will fuck up your chances as the law heavily favours women.

[TheGreatOne]

Women will never admit their wrongdoing unless confronted by overwhelming evidence, and even then they will turn around and blame you.

Truth of the day!

[noobie77]

Go buy a massaging oil, some aromatherapy and give her a good full body massage. I believe with her hectic schedule, she will appreciate it especially when it is coming from you.

Spend more time on foreplay, lick her everywhere. Take it slow and easy. Perform cunninlingus on her not before you tease her first. Don't attack her clit immediately. Kiss and lick the area near it and on her inner thighs.

Next start licking, kissing and sucking (lightly) on her clit. Make sure she is wet by touching outside the entrance. Once it is wet, insert a finger in. Do a hooking motion. Keep it to 1 finger since she doesn't enjoy penetration.

My ex a shy and conservative msian, cannot endure the hooking will always ask to be penetrated.

[Elstrom]

Go buy a massaging oil, some aromatherapy and give her a good full body massage. I believe with her hectic schedule, she will appreciate it especially when it is coming from you.

Spend more time on foreplay, lick her everywhere. Take it slow and easy. Perform cunninlingus on her not before you tease her first. Don't attack her clit immediately. Kiss and lick the area near it and on her inner thighs.

Next start licking, kissing and sucking (lightly) on her clit. Make sure she is wet by touching outside the entrance. Once it is wet, insert a finger in. Do a hooking motion. Keep it to 1 finger since she doesn't enjoy penetration.

My ex a shy and conservative msian, cannot endure the hooking will always ask to be penetrated.

You keep advocating for TS to improve thew sex but u ever consider that the othr guy is much better than TS in bed? Sex is not everything la pls.

[Maxlion]

why married for 10 years still need to lock Hp??

Why go bathe need take Hp into bathroom??

If not feeling guilty need show u texts of her chatting with gals friends??

Sorry to say this bro..

I can confirm that surely happens between them..just dunno into which stage that all...

May god bless u and solve the problem asap...

[white30x]

Thanks for all the advice

Ill definitely be doing some investigation on the pretext of believing what she says.

As they say paper cannot wrap fire. If they r at it ill surely get something.

How deep i really dunno... might be a bitching friend or mabbe more.

Yup i will definitely try to turn on the courtship niceness.

To the bro who walk into his wife with another guy i really feel for u. If that was to ever happen or even if i track them being intimate in a cafe i wonder how ill react.

For good in bed, hmmm his wife once told my wife his stamina is really bad. So whats e attraction to 40+ guy. I wonder

[sadfa]

TS,

Your suspicions r correct.

The messages can't be abt work or business cos no reason yr wife have 2 hide frm you.

It can b personal to the guy like his marriage in trouble or he secretly gay n yr wife dun wan u to know cos you got a big mouth.

Go get a gd PI if u Muz know. There are sum lazy fuckd up wans who collect money n expect you to come up wif ideas 4 them.

N they dun nd 1 hr to cheat on you.

Juz remember. If u divorce, she cheat on you, she still can get t kids n maintenance frm u n your money.

[DemonicSS]

Hi ts, perhaps you should also consider a 'what if' scenario. If its true, what would you do? And what you should do when the truth is out. I say this because we often will search for the truth, then after which we kind of get lost on what to do upon getting it.

[Kooker]

hey bro, maybe you could try going away with her for a while.
maybe a week in Maldives, just to try to rekindle the fire.
no phones, laptops or any techie stuff.
hopefully everything will be ok when you come back.

[IwantbustyKim]

Is she using a whatsapp on a iPhone or an Android? You actually don't need to access her phone to check her messages.

You can DL her whatsapp history by searching for the database file in her phone directory. You can do this plugging her phone to a PC or laptop. Its how pplbackup their whatsapp manually.

If her phone is android, use this:andreas-mausch.github.io/whatsapp-viewer/

[white30x]

U have something for iphone 6

[white30x]

Ill play dumb n be nice ... but i will be doing my spying ...

[kakiglf]

Through my experience there is something on, why should she take the phone to bathroom if the is nothing fishy? There are few option, one of it is to highlight this to the guy wife either anonymously or openly and counter check if both are texting each other.

BTW you have to be brave and accept what ever the outcome, If you love your wife it is still not too late.. perhaps


Thanks for all the advice

Ill definitely be doing some investigation on the pretext of believing what she says.

As they say paper cannot wrap fire. If they r at it ill surely get something.

How deep i really dunno... might be a bitching friend or mabbe more.

Yup i will definitely try to turn on the courtship niceness.

To the bro who walk into his wife with another guy i really feel for u. If that was to ever happen or even if i track them being intimate in a cafe i wonder how ill react.

For good in bed, hmmm his wife once told my wife his stamina is really bad. So whats e attraction to 40+ guy. I wonder

[noobie77]

Not only does women have physical needs but emotional ones too. she probably enjoy the attention and flirting.

That said, it is always easier to blame others than to do self reflection. Blame heaven blame earth blame the whole world. It is difficult for outsiders to judge who is right or wrong. Maybe TS was caught surfing sammyboy. :p

If you still love your wife and considering you have 3 kids then do something. Like bro kooker says go for a short trip if possible w/o the kids and rekindle the passion. Tell her how fortunate you are to have married her etc... Best wishes!

[a2014]

Through my experience there is something on, why should she take the phone to bathroom if the is nothing fishy?
This is certainly fishy, looks like there was something that TS did not fulfill as far as his wife is concern and this guy happen to come with.

As TS said before, no more sex after 3rd child, this I can understand how he feel, but for she as TS said before as well that she don't like penetration. Woman some how are human as well, they have feeling and desire, penetration is only one way of having sex. Just my thought. Maybe TS all along only into hardcore penetration and after 10 years how to ask him to change pattern and maybe this guy come with pattern.

Another possibility is that there is actually nothing in between except the wife is not satisfy with TS for certain reason, maybe after 10 years of marriage a lot of minor issues have been overlooked and this guy come with a pair of listening ear but the wife do not want TS to feel bad that she is talking to another guy.

I ever lend a pair of listening ear to someone before and end up got both man and woman having a huge fight, no doubt nothing in between us. Only when the woman is unhappy with the man, I just act as a consultant to explain how guys think and console her that's all. However the man suspect otherwise and on the other hand when I am unhappy she lend me her listening ear. This is a very very dangerous game because one feeling creeps in real problem will arise. Therefore we decided to part way.

Before TS figure out which is which better not act rashly.

[Heshame]

You're a man, the other bloke is also a man.... if you are not to happy or feeling uneasy about their interaction, go up to him, just ask him bluntly. Go with "I see you've been texting with my wife a little bit too much, what are you guys talking about?". If this fella is a real Bro, holds bro code dearly, he would not tell your wife you confronted him. If he did, then something is up... Even better, his wife have no clue, just make it a point talking to him when you have a couple date thing. He cannot react harshly, and he has to hold his cool. Works every time for me, be it work related or personal, no reason it won't work for you.

[sadfa]

You're a man, the other bloke is also a man.... if you are not to happy or feeling uneasy about their interaction, go up to him, just ask him bluntly. Go with "I see you've been texting with my wife a little bit too much, what are you guys talking about?". If this fella is a real Bro, holds bro code dearly, he would not tell your wife you confronted him. If he did, then something is up... .

Sorry la bro. Think this type of confrontation wun work unless TS got all the cards.

Confront t guy if TS wife Is cheating, of cos he will deny n alert t wife.
Even worse, he may make TS look like a immature guy n say he 2 possessive n suspicious when the guy n nt TS is in t wrong.

N if t guy cheating wif TS wife, what bro code is there?

[IwantbustyKim]

U have something for iphone 6

Use this www.hacktrix.com/extract-whatsapp-chats-messages-from-whatsapp-backup-file

Its a bit technical but should do the trick.

[Heshame]

Sorry la bro. Think this type of confrontation wun work unless TS got all the cards.

Confront t guy if TS wife Is cheating, of cos he will deny n alert t wife.
Even worse, he may make TS look like a immature guy n say he 2 possessive n suspicious when the guy n nt TS is in t wrong.

N if t guy cheating wif TS wife, what bro code is there?

Accusing of cheating and asking him about the context of the text with his wife is a totally different subject all together. If the fella did what you said up there, then TS can confirm this fella cannot be trusted and does have an intent if he hasn't yet, bed TS' wife.

Immature is when you stalk your wife, try to unlock her phones and think of all sorts of scheme, to a point of hiring a PI. You can always go up to the guy and ask him straight out like how I presented - in your Singaporean slang style - "Wah, you and my wife become super text buddy eh? What so interesting bro?", do it when they are out on a couple's date, take him aside and just ask him in a very nonchalant manner.

And the last question - if he is, then of course the bro code is out of the window, hence the confrontation. Why bit around the bush, when you can man up and do it directly? That way if they didn't cheat TS won't come out looking like a fool, better than going behind the back of both of them, get caught snooping around will make TS looked like a fool.

Where I am from, we thrashed shit out in the open. Don't go watching too much of those Jerry Springer, in real life, it ain't like that....

[white30x]

Thx for all the advice.

Confronting him straight up would be tough coz i dont have flat out evidence, but based on what i have observed and figured.

Getting her phone to plug into a laptop to pull history is unless i can unlock e code if not itunes would notvlet me access.

Im thinking of a gps tracker coz she drives my car. I could then turn up at wherever which is not home n office.

[white30x]

I wonder for married guys ... how many of u wouldn't think much of a breakfast or coffee with the same guy .... say at least once a week

[BuTTerFlyer]

Bro

Try to look normal and don't make your suspicion obvious. My take is better act on it..

2 choices:
1) try to salvage relationship by going back to basic.
2) hunt them down.

I'm sure you don't want to lose half of what you own if things turn sour right.

Good luck

[DemonicSS]

Thx for all the advice.

Confronting him straight up would be tough coz i dont have flat out evidence, but based on what i have observed and figured.

Getting her phone to plug into a laptop to pull history is unless i can unlock e code if not itunes would notvlet me access.

Im thinking of a gps tracker coz she drives my car. I could then turn up at wherever which is not home n office.

You can try, but my guess is that she will park the car at a known location, only to be picked up and driven off in your friend's. GPS tracker would work better if you can attached it on both cars. Of course it would be best if you could install the tracker on her phone, because you have no access to it, thats out of the window.

[Wipedout]

Eh heshame you actually think the bro code is a thing? Grow the fuck up!

You are giving retarded advice, once you beat grass alert snake(free translation provided ;-) ) then all is lost. Any bros reading better remember, once you open fire better have mortar arty nuclear bomb ready to shoot, otherwise you will lose, and when you lose you lose your family, your peace of mind, and your wife will wear a 18 inch strap-on dildo and fuck you in the bank account.

[Heshame]

Eh heshame you actually think the bro code is a thing? Grow the fuck up!

You are giving retarded advice, once you beat grass alert snake(free translation provided ;-) ) then all is lost. Any bros reading better remember, once you open fire better have mortar arty nuclear bomb ready to shoot, otherwise you will lose, and when you lose you lose your family, your peace of mind, and your wife will wear a 18 inch strap-on dildo and fuck you in the bank account.

Yeah beating around the bush like pussies are the way to go.... grow a pair. prick.

[newyorker88]

We ve got 3 kids and that joker has a kid too.

I dont think a PI can get anything easily coz shes really cautious over the phone.

Ive tried walking in on her when both r online and u can see she's quickly trying to delete the chat by how she pressess e screen

Yup prob true on e taking for granted part.

She prob oso knows ive been suspicious and she's been sending me screenshots of her chat with her gfs like see wanna buy this or that.

So ya i dunno which way to take this. Suck it up n try to be nice n loving or i dunno how to catch her.

I guess there is more than just these to your problems. There could be things you all took for granted between both of you. It would be best if you take it easy and show more attention to her and pay more attention to her talks. Texting may not mean much, but tell tale signs are like what other brothers say, new perfume, and lipsticks and other signs when she seems more happy when she going out alone...

Suggest you work on your relationship. If she sees the value in the marriage, she will stop her nonsense. And talk more to you. communication is the key.

[Xgenre]

Did you sound out his wife if she has the same suspicions? Unlike a normal 3rd party affair, you know his wife.

So what if there is something going on? You will still be the ultimate loser in a divorce due to the Women's Charter. Might wish to think clearly before you expose her. You have 3 kids and surely you will wish to continue to be a part of their lives.

[sg_boytoy]

She is not craving sex, she is craving love and attention.

Bro TS, you know what to do.

No need to get suspicious, just work on salvaging the marriage.

Also, best to distance yourself from the couple.

Which man doesn't a fling by the side?

That 40-plus uncle also itchy one!

[tnuc]

get a PI to find the evidence

locking handphone and behaving suspiciously means confirm an affair is going on

[CockworkOrange]

Bro Whitex30,

My sympathies to you and I understand and share the turmoil that you are going through. I have been through something similar not too long ago.

My advice or suggestion to you is to work on multiple fronts. But firstly and most importantly, the question that you have to ask yourself is - 'Do I want to salvage and make the marriage work?'. I asked myself that and I knew I want to, I had to make it work. For the sake of my kids, myself and my wife.

If your answer is the affirmative, then try to do something like what i have done (at least it worked for me).

From what I can deduce, she is highly likely to be an 'Emotional Affair'. She may not have 'cross the line' so to speak. Do some searching on the net for the signs and definition of emotional affair. There may still be some hesitation from her side, maybe is it the guilt, the feeling of responsibilty to the kids and to you. Whatever the reasons maybe, it may not be too late to stop this. Many professionals/counsellors take a stand that an 'Emotional Affair' is actually more devastating than a physical affair, and it is harder to recover from. As for me, even till today, my mind still flashes back to the things that my wife had said/lied and deceived, even though I believed that she had ended it.

When we have been in marriage for long, with kids, busy with work, finances, our own family etc, it is very easy [and slipped our notice] to take things for granted. Everything becomes a routine, and mundane and we forgot about why we are or got married. There is a saying - Kids are important, but equally as important is the person who helped us made them!

For me, after our first kid, things just went gradually downhill - we focused on our work, paying bills, our own family etc. We ended up quarrelling and bicker over all things and any thing. Rarely a day will pass without us fighting. Sex was minimal. Things went on like this for years until I noticed a behavioural change. She started working late, was on Whatapp a lot and was on the computer messaging a lot etc.

I started to get suspicious and started to watch and observe her behaviour. She knew that too as it was initially very difficult for me to keep an even face. Don't ask me how but I gained access to her computer and phone, managed to record and read all the communications. The turmoil, the hurt, the anger that I had, reading all these communications was overwhelming.

BUT, it takes two hands to clap.

You need to take a step back and reflect. Don't talk to her yet or worse still confront her until you have taken stock of the situation.

Have you been taking things for granted? When was the last time you did something for her? Done something romantic together, without the kids? Likewise when was the last time she did the same for/to you?

My advice to you :

- Continue to monitor. I will PM you for the programme which can gain access to her iPhone Whatsapp, without needing her passcode. There maybe be other forms of communications as well, so be aware. This is actually not a good thing to do, as it will 'eat' you from the inside, but I believe that having the information about the situation between them outweighs the costs. But you will need to stop when your relationship is back on track again (Easier said than done! I know.)

- Go and seek professional help. This is very important. If you don't know where to start,let me know, I can pass you the contact. Don't need her to go with you first. You need to be brave and go first. Open up and trust the counsellor to guide you. But you need to do all the hard work yourself, there is no easy way out. When things are better, the counsellor may ask your wife to join.

- Keep a detailed journal, daily of what you said, what she said and your feelings. It helped me to write things down and reflect on it. Just make sure that she does not see it, at least for now.

- Communication. Keep the lines of communications open between you and her. Don't fight, don't let anger take over, don't confront her. Increase your communication, communicate positively and open up. When things get out of hand and is heading to a fight, walk away BUT tell her that you will be back. This is important. You are just walking away to clear your thoughts. A couple will never agreed on everything but it is important to realised that and accept your partner as she is. She is brought up differently, different family value etc.

She most probably knows that you are now very suspicious about her and she will be extra careful about leaving a trail or traces. Send her emails, messages when you don't want or not confident about bring up the emotional affair topic. But don't insinuate or incriminate. Be objective about it.

- Do things as a family. Every weekend, arrange for something to do, as a family. Go to movies, go to the beach, go to a park etc. Spend time with her and the kids, let her see how good you are with the kids and her. But this must be genuine, from your heart and you must believe it. After a few times, it will be a habit for you. The kids will love you more for it.

- Do things for her, surprise her. Girls like men to do things for them. It is just a girl thing. It is called 'Acts of Service'. Search on the net for 'the five languages of love' and read it. You will be surprised and learn things from there. Remember - good deeds begets good!

This is a long haul thing. It will take months to recover what we have neglected for years but things worked out. You need patience, perseverance, understanding. Even if eventually things don't work the way you wanted, at least your conscience is clear. The 'divorce' word will not come from you!

Hang in there buddy! And go talk to a counsellor tomorrow. There is hope at there still!

Cockworkorange.

[white30x]

Thats a really insightful view. Definately lots of pointers and a big thank u to bros who have pm ed me as well.

Ill try and gather my thoughts and see where to move on