A big headache

[tom79]

Dear bros,

I have a big problem now and I just hope to get some advices from bros here.Kind of feeling lost and regret now... I had this relationship 3 months back with this colleague of mine who actually fallen for me even thought she already know I have a stable gf and was about to marry early next year. She say she understand but just want my accompany this few months and will leave me when due time.Things of cos started well and we even gone for a short holiday trip. I told her about me feeling very bad and guilty after 2 months and told her we need to stop the whole thing. She told me she cannot accept it and ask me to stay with her, she even threated me that she will find my gf and told her all about us if I refuse to stay with her. So I just try to accompany her 2 or 3 days per week just make sure things do not blow up.But soon Im getting really tired doing this, I lost the feeling for her totally after she keep threatening me. Meanwhile, my gf and I are in the mid of preparing for our Big Day but I keep thinking of her spoilting my day, my gf and I have been together for many years and I really look forward to spend my life with her. Now it will be all over if she come and crush my dream.. Wonder if any bros here ever has the same incident as me and what is the best way to deal with such problem?

[sammyboyfor]

Originally Posted by tom79

Dear bros,

I have a big problem now and I just hope to get some advices from bros here.

You reap what you sow.

Can someone else do the "advices" bit. I'm getting really tired of the responsibility.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

Can someone else do the "advices" bit. I'm getting really tired of the responsibility.

Since it's thanksgiving day, I give thanks for your kindness.

Advice and Advise.

Advice is a noun; Advise is a verb.

1) His advice was useful.

2) I was advised to purchase a more economical sex package.

"Advice" is a non countable noun; you do not add an "s" to make it plural.

"Advice" is like "Rice". You say... "Please pass me the Rice." You don't say "Please pass me the rices" because "Rice", like "advice", is a non countable noun.

Happy Thanksgiving to all Bros/Sis.
Have a good long weekend! Cheers.

[see see only]

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

You reap what you sow.

Can someone else do the "advices" bit. I'm getting really tired of the responsibility.

Most of us have mixed up the advise & advice things for more than 20 years BOSS I think you may need at least 10 years to put the two words right here


Btw as for TS, why not break up with both and start afresh but do learn something after that "There is no free lunch in this world"

Or else me suggest that you have to really analysis your part time gf's charactor see see "if she is those who talk talk only" if you sure she talk talk only then just ignore her and as for your job if needed Change hor

But if you think she will come, wow sincerely good luck to u

[Max77]

Originally Posted by tom79

...

Jus act as nothing happen lor. Anyway u mentioned she say will let go when the time comes mah, so u shouldn't feel so guilty ah. The most important thing now is ur wife-to-be. So to stop seeing tat FB of urs IMMEDIATELY is a must the first step.

When she call u (and ur wife is around), jus speak up like a man, don't hide hide, tell her tat u love ur fiancé a lot, plse stop calling u already. When ur fiancé ask, jus tell her she's ur ex who came back looking for u.

Last, if u tell ur fiancé the very truth, u can kiss ur wedding good bye.

(Remember, she told u she will let go one, not ur fault)

[QQBoy]

You can share her phone number / msn / facebook with the brothers here. We'll help you to keep her busy while you prepare for your big day. I'm sure we can manage her better than you do.

[see see only]

Originally Posted by Ichigo_Kurosaki

Since it's thanksgiving day, I give thanks for your kindness.

...................................

Happy Thanksgiving to all Bros/Sis.
Have a good long weekend! Cheers.

Wow you super man, me upz u again ........


O ya TS you can oso try ask any bro here to go court her, maybe even with a fee ...

[HCKing]

TS it seems like this colleague of yours is serious abt u now. has she added u in facebook? if so she might have the chance of getting in touch with yr gf via facebook, furthermore since the 2 of u are colleagues if she wants to be nasty she can create a big hoo ha in office to make u lose yr face and worse, yr job. i think the safest will be to cut off all contact with her which means u might want to consider changing company and hope that she will forget u soon. also pray alot that u will not bump into her on the street when ya out with yr gf cos sg too small.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

You know why your colleague is doing this to you now?

While you were enjoying the sexxion and trips with her and concurrently preparing for your wedding bells with your girlfriend..something called "fatal love" developed in her....When she told you that "she just want your accompany for few months and will leave you when due time" was because she holds on to the belief that there is a remote possibility that you will leave you girlfriend and choose her, she probably won’t feel the need to expose this affair – she undoubtedly loves you and would not want to cause you such harm for the benefits of all parties. BUT once she realizes that she can NEVER have you because you are marrying your girlfriend and not her, then she has nothing to lose now. She is trying to get even with you aka “reciprocity” – since you have ruined her life and dream, then she will try to ruin yours too. Who's fault?

Solutions:
2) Beg for forgiveness with your colleague to seek a better man (Please refer to point 6)
3) Have your wedding done elsewhere or overseas
4) Don't invite any colleagues including your boss, keep it private
5) Leave this company and change phone numbers
6) Since every bros above conclude that you should pass on your colleague contact. Think can consider. Your problem and her problem might be solve with a great sex with a new guy.

Missing Solution 1: I wrote a straight solution but removed it several times before posting because I feel it a tough one and you are not really ready to face the consequences or accept it. It will freak you OUT!

Btw, how your colleague got to know your girlfriend in the 1st place?

[tom79]

Originally Posted by Ichigo_Kurosaki

You know why your colleague is doing this to you now?

While you were enjoying the sexxion and trips with her and concurrently preparing for your wedding bells with your girlfriend..something called "fatal love" developed in her....When she told you that "she just want your accompany for few months and will leave you when due time" was because she holds on to the belief that there is a remote possibility that you will leave you girlfriend and choose her, she probably won’t feel the need to expose this affair – she undoubtedly loves you and would not want to cause you such harm for the benefits of all parties. BUT once she realizes that she can NEVER have you because you are marrying your girlfriend and not her, then she has nothing to lose now. She is trying to get even with you aka “reciprocity” – since you have ruined her life and dream, then she will try to ruin yours too. Who's fault?

Solutions:
2) Beg for forgiveness with your colleague to seek a better man (Please refer to point 6)
3) Have your wedding done elsewhere or overseas
4) Don't invite any colleagues including your boss, keep it private
5) Leave this company and change phone numbers
6) Since every bros above conclude that you should pass on your colleague contact. Think can consider. Your problem and her problem might be solve with a great sex with a new guy.

Missing Solution 1: I wrote a straight solution but removed it several times before posting because I feel it a tough one and you are not really ready to face the consequences or accept it. It will freak you OUT!

Btw, how your colleague got to know your girlfriend in the 1st place?

Thanks for all your feedback and comments. My colleague did not know her but she ever threaten me few things by saying she will spill out all the things between us to her but calling her, I was wondering if she might search my hp while we were in oversea, for example when I was showering. But I did not question her all these. I was so distracted then I never really think about it, what if she really can get to her, I did not want to challenge her to it.

I will consider Solution 6 if really I have no choice but meanwhile I will see how things goes.Keep you all update...

[label34]

Originally Posted by tom79

Thanks for all your feedback and comments. My colleague did not know her but she ever threaten me few things by saying she will spill out all the things between us to her but calling her, I was wondering if she might search my hp while we were in oversea, for example when I was showering. But I did not question her all these. I was so distracted then I never really think about it, what if she really can get to her, I did not want to challenge her to it.

I will consider Solution 6 if really I have no choice but meanwhile I will see how things goes.Keep you all update...

Please do not try solution 6.

Not saying bro Ichigo_Kurosaki's suggestions are bad, but she has the upper hand right now in your situation. Remember that she told you she will leave you in due time? What happened now? That's because she thinks you are treating her like a whore -- dispose after use. If you pass her contact to other bros, what will she think you are doing to her? Adding oil to fire, if you ask me. Do not try to provoke her.

You can try to run away from her, but eventually she will track you down. And let's say you hide it from your wife for 5 years before she finds out. Will the damage be worse? Yes.

So what's the best solution? For your situation, there is no way of solving this peacefully. If you really love and respect your fiancee, tell her the truth. Remember that she is making a choice in making you her lifetime partner, so HONESTY and TRUST are 2 areas which you CANNOT screw up ever. Since you have already screwed up, the best way is to do damage control.

Keep in mind that whichever scenario you choose, you will still get screwed and the wedding will probably be called off. Just that you will have a higher chance of returning to life if you choose scenario 1. That depends entirely on how your fiancee looks at you as an individual.

Scenario 1 - If you tell her the truth yourself:

- You choose to be honest instead of lying. Since there is no way to avoid damage, might as well choose the path with least damage. Damage control.

- You choose to tell her before she confronts you with this problem. Again, honesty comes into place. As a married couple, both of you are expected to share with each other your problems and woes. Not sweep under the carpet and pretend that things are OK. Damage control.

Scenario 2 - If she finds out the truth from your lover:

- You kept this issue from her. Honesty failed. She will start thinking about all the promises and words you have told her before, and she will start to imagine things. She WILL believe that everything you told her before is a lie. And you will be screwed for eternity.

- You kept this issue from her. Trust failed. From her perspective, if you don't even trust her enough to tell her this issue, how will she expect to trust you in bigger issues? Screwed for eternity again.

- Your girlfriend has to confront your fiancee about this. Courage failed. She will wonder why you don't even have the balls to admit to your own wrongdoings? How to entrust you as the breadwinner of the family? Screwed.

Scenario 3 - If you focus on the psycho girlfriend:

- You can choose to be aggressive and kick her out of your life forcefully. If she is the type who is simply NATO, good for you. BUT if she chooses to seek revenge on you, don't regret. And when she seeks revenge, your wife will question who the hell is that. Double head shot.

- You can choose appease to her needs. You step on 2 boats at the same time, struggling to maintain your marriage life and your fling life. You do know that your psycho girlfriend will eventually make more and more demands, until she demands you to get a divorce. Your wife finds out, you get divorced, you end up with a woman you dislike, you have a sad life. Game over.

Good luck, bro. Think about how much you treasure your fiancee while you make your decision.

Just in case you don't know, ANYONE can search for your ROM application online. All he needs is your name and he can get you and your wife's name/D.O.B/address.

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Thanks Bro label34 for the gentle reminder. Bro Tom79, solution 6 was meant to be a joke. Do not ever think about using it.

My solution 1 is to take all the power away from your colleague that she can no longer hurt you and in doing so will allow you to focus all of your energy on making your soon-to-be-marriage life better. Tell your wife-to-be about the affair. It is only right that she is entitled to the truth so that she can make decisions about what she wants to do with her life and her man too. You can’t have the best of both worlds and a recurring nightmare after your marriage. Good luck and cheers

[virginboy]

Originally Posted by label34

Scenario 1 - If you tell her the truth yourself:

- You choose to be honest instead of lying. Since there is no way to avoid damage, might as well choose the path with least damage. Damage control.

- You choose to tell her before she confronts you with this problem. Again, honesty comes into place. As a married couple, both of you are expected to share with each other your problems and woes. Not sweep under the carpet and pretend that things are OK. Damage control.

Bro, I wouldn't pick Scenario 1. Even if she forgives you, she'll never forget that you have screwed behind her back, and this is going to haunt you for the rest of your life. She'll bug your phone, track your location, check your SMS, read your MSN, and no late nights out with buddies. Women are very small hearted, ok?

[label34]

Originally Posted by virginboy

Bro, I wouldn't pick Scenario 1. Even if she forgives you, she'll never forget that you have screwed behind her back, and this is going to haunt you for the rest of your life. She'll bug your phone, track your location, check your SMS, read your MSN, and no late nights out with buddies. Women are very small hearted, ok?

I know women are very petty. Can't live without them, can't live with them. Sigh.

But if you ask me, it all depends on how much TS loves his wife. I believe if he really wants her forgiveness, trading his freedom is a small price to pay for the mistake he has committed. But then again, whichever scenario you choose from my example -- I believe what she will still remember what TS has done for eternity. Like I mentioned, damage control

[Ichigo_Kurosaki]

Which was why I mentioned above that I wrote a straight solution but removed it several times before posting because it's really a tough one and Bro Tom79 might not be ready to face the consequences or accept it.

Damage control will be on the wedding day itself...unless TS is able to talk her out of it in peace

Fatal attraction/love-lost women going ballastic and bersek is scary shit!