i'm lose and need advise..

miyake_ck · #1 02-10-2012, 12:56 PM

recently my wife called and told me that she is tested positive for syphilis and in stage 2. it scare the hell out of me cause i thought i have infected my wife with the virus.even thought i still fuck around(after married) once in awhile, but at all time i do practice safe sex(except one or twice did bbbbj).

i immediately make a appointment at DSC and get myself testing for both STI n HIV. after around 45min of waiting, both turn out negative. i was so relief but only for a moment. i did some reading about this syphilis virus and spoken to the doctor who i was consulting to at DSC. syphilis can only be sexual transmitted(unprotected sex)! is very very unlike a person get infected with syphilis by other meant.

my wife had to go back to malaysia to look after my father in law who was very ill and have been there for good 7 months. the last time we had some inmate behavior was at least 8 months back. the doctor told me that for my wife case, she could have got infected just 2 to 3 months ago.

she told me she had no idea how she got it or where she get infected. i chose to believe her at the very beginning as i trusted my wife(at time i believe i was the one who got her infected) and not knowing much about the virus. i even encourage her that i will stood by her and told her to start her treatment asap which she did.

but after the tested and hard long talk with the doctor. i am at a lose what to do and what to believe. i called my wife and told her about the outcome of the tested and the conversation i had with the doctor. she felt my tone has completely change and was really sad cause she knew my faith with her was kind of gone too.

i can't tell any of my family member or friend about this issue. i know they are gonna look at her differently in the future and things is never gonna be the same again.

guys, i really needed some words of wisdom here pls.

from a man who is in great deal of pain and lost!

sammyboyfor · #2 02-10-2012, 01:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miyake_ck

from a man who is in great deal of pain and lost!

So it's OK for you to fuck around but it's not OK if your wife does the same?

miyake_ck · #3 02-10-2012, 01:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

So it's OK for you to fuck around but it's not OK if your wife does the same?

i see where u are coming from,bro.

just for an example(CORRECT ME IF IM WRONG): so YOU are fine with your
wife fucking around(like u do) and get infected with STI. and you are such a BIG man to forget and forgive.

is that what u are trying to tell me!

see see only · #4 02-10-2012, 01:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by sammyboyfor

So it's OK for you to fuck around but it's not OK if your wife does the same?

Hi TS,

Our boss here ... posted a question to you ... you simply just reply him lah ... and in this case ... quite a easy answer right?

YES or NO ... only

and see how is his reply to your answer lor ... nowadays "zhen si de"

Mountain · #5 02-10-2012, 02:45 PM

The situation is quite devastated to both of you but as a man, you need to accept this reality, face the music, face the fact.

What a woman needs at this point is her husband now. She needs the support, trust and understanding.

Follows the doctor's advice, and try to be patient with her.

miyake_ck · #6 02-10-2012, 02:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by see see only

Hi TS,

Our boss here ... posted a question to you ... you simply just reply him lah ... and in this case ... quite a easy answer right?

YES or NO ... only

and see how is his reply to your answer lor ... nowadays "zhen si de"

i suppose u are right and i might have over-reacted. im no god, so which means i have wrong in my life too. i did go for pay sex after i got married and im not proud but there is this line i will never cross.

Ichigo_Kurosaki · #7 02-10-2012, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miyake_ck

recently my wife called and told me that she is tested positive for syphilis and in stage 2.

i immediately make a appointment at DSC and get myself testing for both STI n HIV.

i can't tell any of my family member or friend about this issue. i know they are gonna look at her differently in the future and things is never gonna be the same again.

2 different doctors treated both of you

Why don't you and your wife make another appointment with your wife's doctor and clear this mystery once and for all

Who fuck who and kenna what as it is now is only speculation. Once you blame the wrong party, that's no turning back

miyake_ck · #8 02-10-2012, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mountain

The situation is quite devastated to both of you but as a man, you need to accept this reality, face the music, face the fact.

What a woman needs at this point is her husband now. She needs the support, trust and understanding.

Follows the doctor's advice, and try to be patient with her.

knowing the fact and accepting it can be whole deal of different.

but i do also agree with you then my wife need my support and understanding right now. i did told her over the phone no matter what going to happened in the future we will deal with it later. at this moment is to go through the treatment and recover from the virus.

wally888 · #9 02-10-2012, 03:00 PM

No right or wrong. But I think forget about the past and dunn pursue too much on your wife, juz move on. It's not end of the world oso, if u have kids juz enjoy the family life again.

Btw, why would u not have any sex with your wife for so long

kgbkgb · #10 02-10-2012, 03:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by miyake_ck

knowing the fact and accepting it can be whole deal of different.

but i do also agree with you then my wife need my support and understanding right now. i did told her over the phone no matter what going to happened in the future we will deal with it later. at this moment is to go through the treatment and recover from the virus.

Since u also fuck around, just forgive n forget lor if u still luv her. Dun forget it cld hv been the other way round and she most probably will also forgive u.

miyake_ck · #11 02-10-2012, 03:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wally888

No right or wrong. But I think forget about the past and dunn pursue too much on your wife, juz move on. It's not end of the world oso, if u have kids juz enjoy the family life again.

Btw, why would u not have any sex with your wife for so long

guess only time will tell if i will be able to move on and forget about this incident.

the last time we had sex was the night b4 she went back to KL and look after her dad(coming to 8 months n counting). is been 3 months since last i see her in KL to visit my father in law(i only stay for a night after which i have to rush back to town)

5ag1_Boar · #12 02-10-2012, 03:10 PM

Personal opinion...

Keep it between the 2 of you. If friends and especially family get involved in this kind of stuff, usually they will complicate matters with their piggy bank full of 2 cent coins and make it hard for you to resolve it. At most, confide in one or two friends who you really trust to keep the secret, is supportive, non-judgemental and can provide insights and wisdom.

Ultimately, it is between the two of you to settle the matter.

Hard to advise anything else as we have no idea the state of relationship between you and wife and many other details.

You are going through or will be going through a whole spectrum of emotions from anger to disappointment to depression to doubt. Emotions are normal... how you react is the important thing... try to look pass your emotions and decide what YOU want to DO.

From a general point of view, I would want the whole truth. Ask your wife to tell you the truth about what happened. Just listen first, let her talk, don't talk back, don't fight back. Just listen. Then tell her you need to think about it. And no, it will not be easy.

I am sure you are already asking questions like this:
- Was it a one time indiscretion? Or a long term one?
- Who is it?
- When did it happen?
- Why did it happen?

Many more questions. Get all these answered so you stress over the truth rather than a variety of made up stories in your head. Also you can make an informed decision.

The fact that she called and tell you about the disease rather than hide it, shows she is prepared to face the music, which to me, is a step in the right direction. Of course, it could also be because it is near impossible to hide such things, so she didn't have much choice... but still it means that she would have thought through it and know that she has to deal with it.

I don't know much about the disease, but I would want to find out what is the chance that she didn't catch it from a third party.

I have read how its possible that some STIs can spread because an infected person, after wiping themselves touched the cubicle door handle, then the next person touches the same spot, do their business and wipe themselves. For the sake of a relationship, I would want to be really, really sure about stuff like this. Google "syphilis accidental infection", there are quite a lot of results. Whatever you find out, don't tell your wife. Just arm yourself so you can tell whether she is being truthful.

You mentioned she looked after her sick dad. Could have been exposure at hospital? Maybe she help her dad with bodily functions and caught it from handling his penis or bedpan?

Also, assuming she is innocent, she would have been shocked and probably asked her doctor how she could have possibly contracted it without sex... her doctor would probably have discussed with her what she has been doing and pointed out the possible source of infections. Let's say, she denies a sexual infection, just ask her what her doctor thinks was the possible source of infection and see what she says.

miyake_ck · #13 02-10-2012, 03:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kgbkgb

Since u also fuck around, just forgive n forget lor if u still luv her. Dun forget it cld hv been the other way round and she most probably will also forgive u.

that is what i been telling myself through out the whole night.

5ag1_Boar · #14 02-10-2012, 03:15 PM

While I was composing my reply, you posted a few more.

Can see that you love her. Then do as you said, be supportive and treat the medical condition first. The rest deal with later.

I can see one silver lining... if both of your relationship get through this intact, it will be stronger than ever.

Ichigo_Kurosaki · #15 02-10-2012, 03:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 5ag1_Boar

While I was composing my reply, you posted a few more.

Can see that you love her. Then do as you said, be supportive and treat the medical condition first. The rest deal with later.

I can see one silver lining... if both of your relationship get through this intact, it will be stronger than ever.

So fast pass sentence on wife? and hubby comes out as a hero loving person?

This should be in Matters of the Heart section