Need help Marriage that turns Sour

[kenny88]

I need help from SBF bro & sis advice & help..

I'm helping my friend (W) for her married, she get married in end of year 2008.

Firstly, W is a very type of super glue, and her attitude is ferce (because her hubby able betray her a year after married)
her husband (H) did ask for forgiveness, and everything is find.. but after period of time.. when every they have argument, W will bring out her attitude again. H actually try to solve their issue, but W still act the same.

Currently W asking me for help as H wish to divorce with her, and i did come out for a drink and talk regarding their issue, but H still very firm with his decision as he say "i had try so many time to save their relationship but failed, now very tired and wish to give up le", and W currently no more super glue/attitude le.

As i find out from W, H join a new company beginning of year2011, H always go chiong pub, ktv, restaurant with this group of colleagues (2gal & 2 guy include H - i not sure did they involve in sex). H had overspend and in a deep debts currently, even his credit card / easy credit only manage to pay a min pym, and now still insist to divorce.

I'm going to meet H this friday night for a drink. SBF bro/sis... pls help/advice.. what can i do / say to bring H back in track and keep away from that group of colleagues.

Haiz....sorry for boring you guys/gals... but i really need help urgently, as H is not my friend, so it is really hard for me to have a chances to jio him out.

[vader8847]

Originally Posted by kenny88

I need help from SBF bro & sis advice & help..

I'm helping my friend (W) for her married, she get married in end of year 2008.

Firstly, W is a very type of super glue, and her attitude is ferce (because her hubby able betray her a year after married)
her husband (H) did ask for forgiveness, and everything is find.. but after period of time.. when every they have argument, W will bring out her attitude again. H actually try to solve their issue, but W still act the same.

Currently W asking me for help as H wish to divorce with her, and i did come out for a drink and talk regarding their issue, but H still very firm with his decision as he say "i had try so many time to save their relationship but failed, now very tired and wish to give up le", and W currently no more super glue/attitude le.

As i find out from W, H join a new company beginning of year2011, H always go chiong pub, ktv, restaurant with this group of colleagues (2gal & 2 guy include H - i not sure did they involve in sex). H had overspend and in a deep debts currently, even his credit card / easy credit only manage to pay a min pym, and now still insist to divorce.

I'm going to meet H this friday night for a drink. SBF bro/sis... pls help/advice.. what can i do / say to bring H back in track and keep away from that group of colleagues.

Haiz....sorry for boring you guys/gals... but i really need help urgently, as H is not my friend, so it is really hard for me to have a chances to jio him out.

My suggestion to you is please persuade your friend to consult marriage cousellor.

We are not expert may lead to even more disaster...

[jason30]

i agree with vader.

u only heard story from 1 side.Plus u he might not consider u as a neutral party.

[V|ernar]

i suggest you post on the matter of heart section

[mitsit]

Though I agreed with the bros that have made their suggestions, that marriage counseller is the best option, do keep in mind that they are not cheap as well..

Maybe can seek help from volunteer services...

But here is my take:

1. If he is already in debts, it will not be long before his friends will start to desert him also. It is no secret that he obviously cannot afford the lifestyle they are having, and soon, he will drift from the group well they go party on..

2. You can ask him, after the dust has settled, what is going to happen? When he finds out that these friends aren't there for the right reasons, who will he turn to?

3. Rekindle the marriage spirit. How they felt back when he was into her. Reignite that feeling... maybe something he did, or she did... Honeymoon... something along that line...

4. With the new colleagues, they chiong KTV, with the lady colleagues? hhhmmm....... dont know what to say about that...

These are the few things I can think of lah.. but I think seeking professional help is still the best option, but since Friday is tmr.. you may not have enough time to engage help, so maybe you would like to start with these..?

[kenny88]

Originally Posted by mitsit

Though I agreed with the bros that have made their suggestions, that marriage counseller is the best option, do keep in mind that they are not cheap as well..

Maybe can seek help from volunteer services...

"Me and W already advice H to go for counseller, but he insist not too"

But here is my take:

1. If he is already in debts, it will not be long before his friends will start to desert him also. It is no secret that he obviously cannot afford the lifestyle they are having, and soon, he will drift from the group well they go party on..

hmm.. he earn 4k+ pm, now still in debts, still go out daily, still insist to divorce, because he still have lot of bank can used ready credit.zzzz

2. You can ask him, after the dust has settled, what is going to happen? When he finds out that these friends aren't there for the right reasons, who will he turn to?

asked. he ruther used ready credit or maybe ah long in future.. he already know overspending, but still go out leh..

3. Rekindle the marriage spirit. How they felt back when he was into her. Reignite that feeling... maybe something he did, or she did... Honeymoon... something along that line...

he say that is past.. life is short.. prefer to enjoy as bachelor.. dont wish to commit..

4. With the new colleagues, they chiong KTV, with the lady colleagues? hhhmmm....... dont know what to say about that...

I not sure is sex involve??? but he say "NO".
(2male, 2 female, 3 of them are going to divorce <includeH> and one still attached, but they go out everynight) so i belive it was influence by his colleagues.

These are the few things I can think of lah.. but I think seeking professional help is still the best option, but since Friday is tmr.. you may not have enough time to engage help, so maybe you would like to start with these..?

yes that the sad part... :'( , so i hope i can get a powerfull bullet from sbf bro & sis here..

[kenny88]

sad.... i just doing my part as the husband's parents call me up and keep asking me to help them bring their son out of hell..
and i was stuck, and wish sbf bro & sis to help..
but end up....
sad... pls stop zip me leh...

[no_skin]

Bro, this one FL thread la. I am sure all the married brothers reading will feel for you and your friend but this is not the right place to ask. Sure Kenna zap.

[kenny88]

Originally Posted by no_skin

Bro, this one FL thread la. I am sure all the married brothers reading will feel for you and your friend but this is not the right place to ask. Sure Kenna zap.

some bro did told me i post at the wrong place. and i do create a new thread in matters of the heart . it just that i unable to delete the thread that i created wrongly in FL . but till today, all the fl thread that i created had disappear , and the thread in matters of the heart is replace by this

[YNT123]

Please ask your friend to get professional help in marriage consultation.

[loster]

Well, i guess they need to resolve it within themselves. If they are nt willing, going to a counsellor wun help.

[kenny88]

well.. .. they both agreed to try for another 3 months. during this period, H will not commit or put any effort, and W need to find reference on how to move him & change his mind. what can she do to make him accept her / change his mind?

W faith to pray, and do talk to father, just that issue cant solve.
H dont even dare to step in, & do not wish to attend marriage consultation / counsellor.

As per their parent favorite.. I've put my big ear to hear both side of their story. here the summary...
The wife (c-cup, syt look) admit wrong, willing to change her attitude / do whatever as per her hubby wish.
The Husband (tall, handsome) prefer to be bachelor, enjoy the time with friend / colleague and does not wish to commit ( the friend he mixed around are either divorce or single, so he is very envy with that type of life).

should i step out of this couple which most of sbf bro & sis ask me to? & let them resolve it within themselves (which is abit imposible)? or should i be the busybody??

pls stop zip me, i've lost lot of point from this thread. i not asking bro/sis to up me from this, i just doing a favorites for their old folks, & i dont earn anything for helping them, instate i paying all the bill & time spend for jio them out.... sainz...

[arsenal_84]

Originally Posted by kenny88

The Husband (tall, handsome) prefer to be bachelor, enjoy the time with friend / colleague and does not wish to commit ( the friend he mixed around are either divorce or single, so he is very envy with that type of life).

the problem lies with the husband...he saddened with debts and still want to sink even deeper into the dark side, what an idiot.
since he is not interested in working things out, why even bother then ?

[TedDibiase]

Originally Posted by arsenal_84

since he is not interested in working things out, why even bother then ?

Bingo, you hit the nail on the head

[cookiemonsta]

i think the final ultimatum lies within the relationship
what does both parties want to achieve out of the current relationship
both husband and wife has to define what they intent to achieve being together
may be embarrassing, but both should make a list of each other
likes, dislikes, would like partner to change
then negotiate!
if everyone can compromise and come to a common ground then it may still work?!?
everyone will have to make sacrifices to achieve the goal

my 2c