Part of my blog

hi pple...here's part of my feelings i would like to share n understand y i feel so pissed off wif guys sometimes....n y i wan to turn butch njoy reading.

Dear diary,

I feel that life sucks big time. I hate living in this world. Recently I have been feeling down a lot. Thanks and no thanks to the guy whom I know as kor. He cheated me of my feelings and body. And I hate him. And I hate myself. Dohz. He rejected me outright. Dohz. Reason? He just broke up with his girlfriend and recently I know the true reason why he rejected me and has not been contacting me (or rather, I feel that he is avoiding me), it is because he has been going out with one of his ex and he is considering patching up with her. Then did he ever consider my feelings when he S me? F….. All this kor and mei thing is really irritating me. He is using this Kor Mei thingy to get physical intimacy to satisfy his own horny and fuking idiot sexual behavior. I really HATE him and I do not want to contact him. But darn it, my heart cannot bear to do so. Fuk. I hate myself…for giving in to him. He says his ex is a very very nice and very very guai girl. So what m I to him? A bitch? A slut for bedding with? Fuk. I m really really angry. I see no meaning in living in this world. Bloody hell. Maybe I should not blame him after all I have just known him. Or maybe I just dun like being rejected. I dun like the feeling of not wanted. Maybe I just want to satisfy my own fancy and whims. I do not know. But I m bloody pissed off with everything in this world. Nothing seems to be meaningful. I also do not know what the hell I m living for darn it.

Yea. And on top of that hor, whenever I call or sms him, he always like not free one…give me stupid excuse like oh sorry mei I’m with my parents now cannot talk and dun sms. Or he say his ex will check his hp so cannot reply. What the … I mean even if u dun treat me as mei u wun treat a friend this wae ah. If u dun wan to contact me juz tell me la. Wat the hell.

Kor passed me a few books to read. Yea I understand those stuff and a lot of pple talk about those stuff. BUT u think doing it easy huh? I know a lot of those stuff already, in fact, a lot of those things are common sense. Yea yea. Dun tell me to compare with those less fortunate. Pls la. Lacking of materialistic comforts is better than lacking of psychological comfort. When u feel u have something missing in ur heart and in ur life, u will feel darn awful, and no matter how much food or money u have, u cannot find that missing part of ur life. And u will feel darn unhappy and pissed off. And that is now what I m feeling right now. Fuk. I m really pissed off. I have been controlling my emotions and defending myself against them by pretending things never happened – it’s a form of defense mechanism. But I guess things have finally caught up with me. What the hell. I hate this feeling. Life is so empty. Newae to come back to the issue of kor, according to him he say he really care for me. But now I m skeptical of it and I dun believe what he say nemore. Fuk it. He dun bother to call or contact me automatically unless I sms or call him. What the hell. I bet he is most probably caught up in thinking about his new found love (he told me that he is considering to patch with his ex) I hate him. I hate everything in life. Come to think of it. I used to be very desperate for guys. However, after this incident with this so called Kor, I have become very disillusioned with everything. Yea. Love me? More likely like lust for me. Guys sleep with bitches like me and when they look for girlfriends, they won’t look for girls like me. They will look for very nice and very guai girls (as what my kor described his ex as). I really hate guys now. Really Really hate em now. I feel like just switching off my mobile phone and nobody cannot contact me > darn I feel like committing suicide. Give a darn if people say I m selfish or what. I hate life man. There’s simply no meaning in life. And I wan to wipe that beast ( he’s not fit to be my kor – hypocrite!) from my contact list. Get him once n for all out of my life. Darn it. I hate everything in life. Can people jus stop contacting me!! Just let me be gone from this world. I hate it…..really really hate it. I dunno what the fuk I am living in this world for.

To be continued...

part 2 n last part

I have never been so down b4. The past few days have been a roller coaster for me. My mood is swinging up and down. I have never been so unstable before. U noe what I feel like doing diary? I feel like bashing up people right now. I really really hate life. I HATE THIS BLOODY FUKING LIFE. I DUNNO WHAT THE HECK I M LIVING FOR.

That beast told me to read book it may help. Yea rite. God darn it. Tell me how to let go of my feelings! God darn. I jus feel like dying this life sucs. It really sucs. SUCS bigtime man. Fuk off everybody!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The more I think about that beast, the more I am angry. And I am angry with myself. Fuk. I keep repeating the same mistake again and again. All just because I wan guyz to so called love me. What the fuk. God…why did u made me to be so desperate. Can u just take my life away? I’m really really sick off all these stuff. It’s unfair. My DAD SHOULD NOT HAVE DIED….I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE TO DIE MAN. My heart is very very cold now. Really very cold. I dun wan to give a darn about the world nemore. I just wan 2 be alone. I hate all these stuff. So darn Fuked up. I feel irritable now

[cbjuiceyumseng]

Walao..how come publish this here..

[tittyhawk]

Time will erases away bad memories, when that ends, a new beginning awaits you. So let time do its magic.

[Eternity_Gal]

Originally Posted by cbjuiceyumseng

Walao..how come publish this here..

Coz my sister wanted to let out her feelings.. it's good to let it out ,rather than keeping it inside.. continue.. I'm reading it..
Y.T

coz i m depressed n i m ugly...n this brings back bad memories. so i decided to publish part of my bad exp out n share wif u folks...n hope to hear some constructive stuff from u folks out there

[Ethanas]

After a breakup or being dumped it is generally really hard to let go. I feel for you. I've been thru some rough times too. As a guy I suppose its easier to let go.

Take things easy, go out with friends, surround yourself with companions. It makes the forgetting and transition easier. From what you wrote, frankly if I may I do not think he would wanna go back to you and probably using you in the first place. So if I may hazard a suggestion, he aint worth it anyway. But who am I to tell you what to do? the choice of going forward is always up to you in the end.

Take care sis. Hope my rather short advice do help in whatever way.

[Ethanas]

wah so much reply liao while I was typing my advice.

note to self... Must.. type.. faster.!

[benz]

hi uglyger

there are always going to be some assholes out there who will use and abuse your feelings. i've gone through some very depressing times and i know helpless and lonely it feels to be facing your problems alone.
don't think i'm qualified to counsel or give you advice on the matter at hand but please don't end it all from an idiot/asshole.

Samaritans of Singapore Tel : 1800-221 4444

[benz]

beauty is in the eye of the beholder uglyger.

best way to get back at your "kor" is to pick yourself up and make the best of what life has given you and live a great life.

remember assholes come and go but family and friends will always stay beside you.

Originally Posted by uglyger

coz i m depressed n i m ugly...n this brings back bad memories. so i decided to publish part of my bad exp out n share wif u folks...n hope to hear some constructive stuff from u folks out there

[warresg]

Originally Posted by Eternity_Gal

Coz my sister wanted to let out her feelings.. it's good to let it out ,rather than keeping it inside.. continue.. I'm reading it..
Y.T

So fast sister sister liao ah. That's gd. At least can help and advise each other.

[Tai_zi21]

Originally Posted by uglyger

coz i m depressed n i m ugly...n this brings back bad memories. so i decided to publish part of my bad exp out n share wif u folks...n hope to hear some constructive stuff from u folks out there

Hi Uglyger
Remember this saying in chinese
There are no Ugly gers only got Lazy gers! Do u think u look ugly? i dun think so lor! maybe time for u to build up ur self confident i guess? dun feel depressed lar! Cheer up ok?

[soblur]

Ah? Kor-Mei relationship can have sex one meh?

[cbjuiceyumseng]

Originally Posted by uglyger

coz i m depressed n i m ugly...n this brings back bad memories. so i decided to publish part of my bad exp out n share wif u folks...n hope to hear some constructive stuff from u folks out there

Aiya, today u see me liao. Still not cheered up?

[Phallic]

Hi Uglyger,

Just wanna to say: "one door closes but another one opens". It is Ok to feel bad after being dumped but definitely not OK to die for it. Believe me, it is always your GAIN and his loss, but if you die, it will be your LOSS and his gain.

Take care and live well