Question for married man

[larue]

Originally Posted by predator314

haha, brother, what other choices do we have? pray tell.

Many of us decided we have had enough, we have only one life on this earth and we cannot take it anymore. We can live our lives for other people, or for ourselves.

I'm not suggesting every unhappy bro here just up sticks on their old lives, on their wives and their kids. Just the wife lol.

I'm not the only one for whom life has turned out a lot better. Of course there are also those whose lives have turned out a lot worse. So it has to be a carefully considered and even more carefully navigated course of action.

I don't know how severe your repercussions are, and perhaps they truly are. In which case you'd be better off adjusting your expectations of life.

Many bros trapped in lives like yours eventually grow old and die contented, or semi contented. There's nothing wrong with that, just that trying to be happy about it seems like a much more sensible thing than being unhappy. Maybe you're just letting off some steam, but many others here sound so unhappy which is not a great way to live. And it's bad for the kids too.

The only question is how strongly you feel about having only one life to live, and whether it is what you are leading now, and whether you can accept it for the rest of your life. Okay, that's actually 3 questions.

My answer was no.

I'm turning 50 this year, and every day I see my son growing and becoming more independent in a way he never would have if I had stayed with his mother in the charade that was a happy family. In a couple of short years he will be fully independent and I'm looking forward so much to building my own life for what's left of it. I'm in a good place.

[Hidan88]

Originally Posted by larue

Many of us decided we have had enough, we have only one life on this earth and we cannot take it anymore. We can live our lives for other people, or for ourselves.

I'm not suggesting every unhappy bro here just up sticks on their old lives, on their wives and their kids. Just the wife lol.

I'm not the only one for whom life has turned out a lot better. Of course there are also those whose lives have turned out a lot worse. So it has to be a carefully considered and even more carefully navigated course of action.

I don't know how severe your repercussions are, and perhaps they truly are. In which case you'd be better off adjusting your expectations of life.

Many bros trapped in lives like yours eventually grow old and die contented, or semi contented. There's nothing wrong with that, just that trying to be happy about it seems like a much more sensible thing than being unhappy. Maybe you're just letting off some steam, but many others here sound so unhappy which is not a great way to live. And it's bad for the kids too.

The only question is how strongly you feel about having only one life to live, and whether it is what you are leading now, and whether you can accept it for the rest of your life. Okay, that's actually 3 questions.

My answer was no.

I'm turning 50 this year, and every day I see my son growing and becoming more independent in a way he never would have if I had stayed with his mother in the charade that was a happy family. In a couple of short years he will be fully independent and I'm looking forward so much to building my own life for what's left of it. I'm in a good place.

I guess it take 2 hands to clap. You are contented probably cause you did something right at home which is good for you. Cheers

[larue]

Originally Posted by Hidan88

I guess it take 2 hands to clap. You are contented probably cause you did something right at home which is good for you. Cheers

No, I was discontented which is why I broke my family up.

[Doctorcat]

Originally Posted by Hidan88

I have been lurking around without posting. I have a question for married man.

I have 2 kids and a beautiful wife. However, i feel like nothing but just a husand to my wife, father to my kids, and employee to my boss.

I have no hobbies, no interest and rarely feel joy in life. Sometime i feel like crying for no reason.

Going for massage is my form my weekly happiness. The small talk with ML. I make it a point to not repeat ML so not to develop feeling.

Any married man facing same issue?

Firstly, I like your strategy of trying not to develop feeling. This means you still care about your wife and kids.

Maybe an unpopular POV so here it goes:

Perception is Reality.

So maybe you just need to change your perception.

To be more accurate, how to create positive moods more frequently for yourself.

Glass can be half-empty or half-filled, same situation but different perspective.

I will be forthright to say that many people are envious of the life you have.

You already say your wife is beautiful.

Many couples want to have kids but cannot conceive.

You are clearly earning decent stable income to be able to have weekly massage.

I don’t know your full situation so I cannot judge but I hope to offer some tips:

1. Exercise (try everything a bit, you’ll eventually find something you like). the best solution to body/mind problems. If you are already exercising regularly, then your problem could be more serious, maybe requiring medications to moderate your moods. Try your very best not to start on meds.

Start slow. Progress slowly. My mantra at gym (I love gym): leave when I am 70% tired, leave the gym “hungry” so I look forward to tomorrow’s session (or day after tomorrow). Same for all exercises.

Never leave the gym feeling like “I don’t ever want to come back again”.

2. Re-kindle the love with your wife. Before I go on, hehe, try to eat a clean diet (again, start slow, progress slowly). Why do I say so? Because once your diet is clean, your moods improves.

Clean diet + exercise = more meaningful sex + better physical contact and intimacy

Go on more dates with wife, do things you both enjoy as a couple. When I say dates, I do mean don’t bring your kids. Bring back the fun you had with your wife during dating time, before the kids arrived.

3. Once you have a better relationship with your wife, both of you will automatically have more love and fun with your kids, and your relationship with your kids will become more meaningful.

Maybe my tips sound like old advice. But maybe these old advices are truly what works.

I wish the best for you bro. Like they say, every family has its own problem.

Likewise, every man has his own problems too. Trying to look for temp solutions is expected, but maybe being tough and solving the problem at its root is better in the long run.

I share my short story, hopefully you don’t end up like me

Marriage and sex boring after 3 years as a young man, suddenly entered clean massage to get female physical contact. Then First time being offered GQ at a new Neighborhood massage, never felt so high.

“Pay me $30 more and you can touch me.”

So one thing lead to another, always chasing the “high” feeling. Same as alcohol and sugar lah. Need to drink more and eat more sweet or more spicy just to get the same high as last time.

Then try dome ladies and GL. Try different nationalities. The chase never ends.

Many Bros have the same story. Not sure whether to laugh or cry lol.

I managed to repair the relationship with my wife. She thinks I only go to massage with HJs sometimes and she accepts that. But you will never feel good hiding these types of secrets from anyone.

So now, I try to play less. Increase my exercises (I trying kayaking and mountain climbing too). Many times the endorphins release feels better than sex. And I sleep damm well. (Do not neglect quality sleep!)

With the enjoyment of exercises and good expenditure of energy, no more energy to fuck WL sometimes lol. Save energy for wife. Also save money lol.

I wish the best for you bro. DM me if you need more specific tips or clarity.

[Hidan88]

Originally Posted by Doctorcat

Firstly, I like your strategy of trying not to develop feeling. This means you still care about your wife and kids.

Maybe an unpopular POV so here it goes:

Perception is Reality.

So maybe you just need to change your perception.

To be more accurate, how to create positive moods more frequently for yourself.

Glass can be half-empty or half-filled, same situation but different perspective.

I will be forthright to say that many people are envious of the life you have.

You already say your wife is beautiful.

Many couples want to have kids but cannot conceive.

You are clearly earning decent stable income to be able to have weekly massage.

I don’t know your full situation so I cannot judge but I hope to offer some tips:

1. Exercise (try everything a bit, you’ll eventually find something you like). the best solution to body/mind problems. If you are already exercising regularly, then your problem could be more serious, maybe requiring medications to moderate your moods. Try your very best not to start on meds.

Start slow. Progress slowly. My mantra at gym (I love gym): leave when I am 70% tired, leave the gym “hungry” so I look forward to tomorrow’s session (or day after tomorrow). Same for all exercises.

Never leave the gym feeling like “I don’t ever want to come back again”.

2. Re-kindle the love with your wife. Before I go on, hehe, try to eat a clean diet (again, start slow, progress slowly). Why do I say so? Because once your diet is clean, your moods improves.

Clean diet + exercise = more meaningful sex + better physical contact and intimacy

Go on more dates with wife, do things you both enjoy as a couple. When I say dates, I do mean don’t bring your kids. Bring back the fun you had with your wife during dating time, before the kids arrived.

3. Once you have a better relationship with your wife, both of you will automatically have more love and fun with your kids, and your relationship with your kids will become more meaningful.

Maybe my tips sound like old advice. But maybe these old advices are truly what works.

I wish the best for you bro. Like they say, every family has its own problem.

Likewise, every man has his own problems too. Trying to look for temp solutions is expected, but maybe being tough and solving the problem at its root is better in the long run.

I share my short story, hopefully you don’t end up like me

Marriage and sex boring after 3 years as a young man, suddenly entered clean massage to get female physical contact. Then First time being offered GQ at a new Neighborhood massage, never felt so high.

“Pay me $30 more and you can touch me.”

So one thing lead to another, always chasing the “high” feeling. Same as alcohol and sugar lah. Need to drink more and eat more sweet or more spicy just to get the same high as last time.

Then try dome ladies and GL. Try different nationalities. The chase never ends.

Many Bros have the same story. Not sure whether to laugh or cry lol.

I managed to repair the relationship with my wife. She thinks I only go to massage with HJs sometimes and she accepts that. But you will never feel good hiding these types of secrets from anyone.

So now, I try to play less. Increase my exercises (I trying kayaking and mountain climbing too). Many times the endorphins release feels better than sex. And I sleep damm well. (Do not neglect quality sleep!)

With the enjoyment of exercises and good expenditure of energy, no more energy to fuck WL sometimes lol. Save energy for wife. Also save money lol.

I wish the best for you bro. DM me if you need more specific tips or clarity.

What you said majority is true. People don’t understand why i go out to play when i have a beautiful wife and 2 healthy kids. I have a decent income, property and car.

Sometime i really wonder too. Just that my relationship with my wife is not so good mainly due to my mistake. I am a passive giver since the start of the relationship 10 yrs ago.

[mqman]

Originally Posted by Hidan88

What you said majority is true. People don’t understand why i go out to play when i have a beautiful wife and 2 healthy kids. I have a decent income, property and car.

Sometime i really wonder too. Just that my relationship with my wife is not so good mainly due to my mistake. I am a passive giver since the start of the relationship 10 yrs ago.

Hi Bro,

my pov is this:

your kids priority is no.1

Wife ... as long as she doesnt give you active headache, that's good.

as for your boredom, weekly ML and FLs will definitely help.

Do what it takes to put your " head straight" and go home a happy man.

Do not bring home any toxic energy to your children.

if u can rekindle sex life and excitment with your wife, this is the perfect solution. so for now, just take care of your health, both physically , mentally and emotionally.

wishing you all the best. !

[(bossy)]

Originally Posted by predator314

i feel you brother. on paper, everything looks fine. good job, happy family, loving kids, supportive in laws. but deep down, i feel you. i too, long for a deeper connection with another human being, but the repercussions are too servere for me to handle. and so with so many thoughts that i can't tell anyone around me, sometimes its just best to tell it to a random ML and get it out of the system.

Don't depend on another human being,why not build a deeper connection with your own shelf? go into spirituality , uncovering our original self. We can't really have true peace if the conditions is another human being or external circumstances as the real peace/satisfaction is from within.

[tcc88]

Originally Posted by (bossy)

Don't depend on another human being,why not build a deeper connection with your own shelf? go into spirituality , uncovering our original self. We can't really have true peace if the conditions is another human being or external circumstances as the real peace/satisfaction is from within.

10000% agree...

[larue]

Originally Posted by (bossy)

Don't depend on another human being,why not build a deeper connection with your own shelf? go into spirituality , uncovering our original self. We can't really have true peace if the conditions is another human being or external circumstances as the real peace/satisfaction is from within.

Because it's always easier to say 'I want to, but but, but external circumstances....'. The wife, the kids, the boss, the parents, the dog, the weather.

Endless ways to avoid stepping out of one's comfort zone while telling ourselves 'I really wanted to but...'

[butterboy88]

Originally Posted by Explorer8899

Feels like I'm a similar position but I havent ventured nto the ml scene yet. Guess I'm still worried about the post nut clarity guilt and STD risks.

Same here bro, always wanted to try ML scene but at the same time, even the thought of getting a HJ scares me for STD risks.. maybe its the guilt too that I feel will eat me up inside. If didnt go then nothing to worry about and life goes on..

[themeanme]

Originally Posted by butterboy88

Same here bro, always wanted to try ML scene but at the same time, even the thought of getting a HJ scares me for STD risks.. maybe its the guilt too that I feel will eat me up inside. If didnt go then nothing to worry about and life goes on..

just go with an open mind.

ML scene is a good " starting" point.. at most just a HJ, ask her to clean her hands first etc.. u'll be good.

[DrinkingFool]

Originally Posted by butterboy88

Same here bro, always wanted to try ML scene but at the same time, even the thought of getting a HJ scares me for STD risks.. maybe its the guilt too that I feel will eat me up inside. If didnt go then nothing to worry about and life goes on..

If you already feel guilt, maybe it's not a good idea for you, especially with the added fear too. Might not be enjoyable at all. Lying, and maintaining a lie is tiring. It builds up. And it's easy to get caught. You'll have to ask yourself if its worth it, of course. Many people I know think so.

[kicnad]

Honestly super like this thread w genuine advice from bros.. facing similar situation and i rlly appreciate all these very real advices

[blufaiz]

Hi All,

I also faced the same predicament as TS.

Anyone has any lovedrops / love potions / love powder that I can used to spice things up and add it discreetly without her knowing?

Thanks a lot.

[butterboy88]

Originally Posted by DrinkingFool

If you already feel guilt, maybe it's not a good idea for you, especially with the added fear too. Might not be enjoyable at all. Lying, and maintaining a lie is tiring. It builds up. And it's easy to get caught. You'll have to ask yourself if its worth it, of course. Many people I know think so.

Thanks man.. Appreciate the honesty. Better to not start than having to maintain the lie.