Jokes for Relaxing.. [new thread]

[Stimsia]

Yes
I come here to liven up my moods
Thanks all
Have a great weekend!

[draftform]

MORALE:
Worrying about public opinion can bring a lot of pain and misery, even shortening your life.
Stop worrying about the ass of others, just take care of yours.

Learn the morale of story joke.

[pitchingtent]

*The Difference - Crazy vs Stupid.*

A truck driver was doing his usual delivery to a Mental Hospital.




The patient replied: "Hello...I am here because I'm CRAZY. Not because I'm STUPID!"
👌🏼👌🏼😜😜😂

Love this joke, thanks bro :)

[qana]

269062

At least he followed doctor's instruction LOL :D

[Hurricane88]

Have a good laugh n a great weekend ahead!
What is "GENERATION GAP"?
**Father used to walk 20 Minutes to save rm20
Son spends rm20 to save 20 Minutes.
(Surprisingly both are correct...!!!)

**Cultural Gap
When there is power failure in America, they call the power house.
In Japan, they test the fuse,
But in Malaysia they look at their neighbours' hse.
😀😀😀

**Sense of Responsibility...
A man goes to library n asks for a book on Suicide..........
Librarian looks at him n says: "hello.. who will return the book ????"

**GRANDFATHER TO GRANDSON:
Go hide! Your teacher is coming as you bunked school today!
GRANDSON: YOU go hide.. I told her YOU PASSED AWAY!!
😛😛

**Sister to brother: What r u going to give grandma on her b'day?
Brother: A football
Sister: But grandma does not play!
Brother: On my b'day she gave spiritual songs 😛😀
Dont laugh alone pass it on.....👹👹

[draftform]

Have a good laugh n a great weekend ahead!
What is "GENERATION GAP"?
**Father used to walk 20 Minutes to save rm20
Son spends rm20 to save 20 Minutes.
(Surprisingly both are correct...!!!)



What a nice joke. Thank you.

[aikomassage]

I come here to read nice jokes.
Thanks all
Have a great weekend!

[linebacker]

**Sense of Responsibility...
A man goes to library n asks for a book on Suicide..........
Librarian looks at him n says: "hello.. who will return the book ????"

**GRANDFATHER TO GRANDSON:
Go hide! Your teacher is coming as you bunked school today!
GRANDSON: YOU go hide.. I told her YOU PASSED AWAY!!
😛😛



Very funny jokes.

[ussr088]

Keep all the jokes coming.

[mvkhem]

269207
Shuld check yur bp daily

[1NightInROC]

269207
Shuld check yur bp daily

Thanks for sharing :D

[AsiaWallLane]

Happen to stumble on this thread, tks bros, have a nice Sunday.

[wowkonnichi]

269207
Shuld check yur bp daily

I prefer to check mine hourly :D

[Hansen6]

**GRANDFATHER TO GRANDSON:
Go hide! Your teacher is coming as you bunked school today!
GRANDSON: YOU go hide.. I told her YOU PASSED AWAY!!
😛😛


This is funny, thanks for good share :)

[Kid A]

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the catholic priest masturbating.


He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating, my son” the priest replied, "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why's that father?" he asked.

"Because my wrist is killing me” the priest replied.

[loandbehold]

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the catholic priest masturbating.


He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating, my son” the priest replied, "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why's that father?" he asked.

"Because my wrist is killing me” the priest replied.

Nice joke pal. Thanks pal.

[DuckPresco]

An 8-year-old choir boy catches the catholic priest masturbating.


He said, "What are you doing father?"

"It's called masturbating, my son” the priest replied, "You'll be doing this soon."

"Why's that father?" he asked.

"Because my wrist is killing me” the priest replied.

Nice share friend, thanks.

[CircleTuSolar]

I prefer to check mine hourly :D

Twice a day should be good enough :)

[Hurricane88]

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Sun Grilled Tourist: £5.00
Broiled Missionary: £7.00
Fried Explorer with garlic: £9.00
Freshly Baked: Politicians £150.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a huge price difference for the Politicians?'

The cook replied, 'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all morning!'
😂😄😂

[Hurricane88]

Some guru on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and left incomplete ...

So I looked around my house to see things I'd started but hadn't finished.

Then, by evening I had finished off half a bottle of Vodka, a bottle of Baileys, a quarter of a bottle of Glenfiddich, a pack of Salted Almonds, a 1/2 cheesecake and a box of Swiss chocolates.

You have no idea how fabulous I am feeling now.

Please send this one to those you feel are in need of inner peace.

😂😂😂😂😂


God bless the Guru 😉😉😉😉

[Pumpido]

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Sun Grilled Tourist: £5.00
Broiled Missionary: £7.00
Fried Explorer with garlic: £9.00
Freshly Baked: Politicians £150.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a huge price difference for the Politicians?'

The cook replied, 'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all morning!'
😂😄😂

Very true LOL :D :D

[NastyThaiboy]

A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...

Sun Grilled Tourist: £5.00
Broiled Missionary: £7.00
Fried Explorer with garlic: £9.00
Freshly Baked: Politicians £150.00

The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, 'Why such a huge price difference for the Politicians?'

The cook replied, 'Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes all morning!'
😂😄😂

hahaha, this is funny. great share bro.

[Hurricane88]

Jokes for today...:)

270186270187

[draftform]

Jokes for today...:)

270186

Patrons love discount! hahahahaha. LMFAO!

[linebacker]

Jokes for today...:)

270187

FB eat whole chicken. Hope to read more.

[ussr088]

Cannot stop laughing at some of the jokes. Hope to read more nice jokes.

[Hansen6]

270186

Nice share bro, hoping for more.

[wowkonnichi]

ROFL reading all these jokes, camping here for more.

[qana]

**Cultural Gap
When there is power failure in America, they call the power house.
In Japan, they test the fuse,
But in Malaysia they look at their neighbours' hse.
😀😀😀


What a funny one, thanks!

[xeneize]

Some guru on TV this morning said the way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you have started and left incomplete ...

So I looked around my house to see things I'd started but hadn't finished.

Then, by evening I had finished off half a bottle of Vodka, a bottle of Baileys, a quarter of a bottle of Glenfiddich, a pack of Salted Almonds, a 1/2 cheesecake and a box of Swiss chocolates.

You have no idea how fabulous I am feeling now.

Please send this one to those you feel are in need of inner peace.

😂😂😂😂😂


God bless the Guru 😉😉😉😉

Haha nice share, bless the Guru too :D

[diputs1269]

Jokes for today...:)

270186

After trying so many positions then posed the question of discount, cheers!

[Hurricane88]

*Today’s reality in many houses* 😃
My daughter & her family are in San Francisco, USA.

My son & daughter-in-law are in Australia.

My younger son & daughter-in-law are in Dubai.

*Wow*! That's great, very nice.
Very inspiring...
Where are you now?

😀 *Old Folks Home*😃

[1NightInROC]

Jokes for today...:)

270186270187

Thanks for sharing :D

[Hurricane88]

New day new week...:)

271160271161
271240

[thinside]

271161

This is damn funny hehehee :D

[ah rat]

271233

271234

[recover007]

New day new week...:)

271161

I don't understand :(

[dyelook]

I don't understand :(

coz all the passengers shit & pee on their pants when the pilot scream OMG OMG....

[recover007]

coz all the passengers shit & pee on their pants when the pilot sream OMG OMG....


Lol!!! Now I get it !

[DeOpen]

271233


Nice one bro, thanks! :D

[ussr088]

coz all the passengers shit & pee on their pants when the pilot sream OMG OMG....

Am pretty sure was a bloody mess.

[wowkonnichi]

coz all the passengers shit & pee on their pants when the pilot sream OMG OMG....

Thanks for explaining bro :)

[Slutsky]

271160

Nice joke bro, thanks for sharing LOL

[Hurricane88]

*Sardar's* salary was *$2000.* One month he received *$2200* and he kept quiet. The following month he received *$1,800* and he went straight to the HR Manager to complain.

The HR manager asked why he did not complain the previous month.

Sardar replied *"l normally forgive the first mistake but when you make a second mistake l do not tolerate"*

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[Pumpido]

*Sardar's* salary was *$2000.* One month he received *$2200* and he kept quiet. The following month he received *$1,800* and he went straight to the HR Manager to complain.

The HR manager asked why he did not complain the previous month.

Sardar replied *"l normally forgive the first mistake but when you make a second mistake l do not tolerate"*

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

Very good reply :D

[fortuneo]

Thanks to all the sifus for sharing all the great jokes.

[SungJoongki]

*Today’s reality in many houses* 😃
My daughter & her family are in San Francisco, USA.

My son & daughter-in-law are in Australia.

My younger son & daughter-in-law are in Dubai.

*Wow*! That's great, very nice.
Very inspiring...
Where are you now?

😀 *Old Folks Home*😃

LIKE this one bro :)
Thanks!

[HQ188]

coz all the passengers shit & pee on their pants when the pilot scream OMG OMG....

I would have shit on my pants too lol

[Hurricane88]

Serious case :

*_A Doctor was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang._*

*_The doctor calmly answered it, and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line._*

*_"We have already opened an aged 18 year old RARE SINGLE MALT GLENFIDDICH WHISKEY.._*

*_"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor._*

*_As he was moving out, his wife asked, "Is it serious..?"_*

*_"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.. "In fact, 3 doctors are there already..!"_*

🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃🥃😝

[Hurricane88]

Sexy jokes...:)

271955271956

[Hurricane88]

More sexy jokes...:)

271957271958

[supervalcona]

271956

Very able chef hahahaa :D

[Hurricane88]

TGIF jokes...:)

272407272408

[kookaburra]

Please help post more jokes.
Thank you very much.

[fortuneo]

TGIF jokes...:)

272407

Good joke and great answer.

Pls share more. Tks.

[loandbehold]

Sexy jokes...:)

271955]

Huge dick! Wonder where it is from?

[CirclesFun]

Excellent joke thread, tks.

[DuckPresco]

coz all the passengers shit & pee on their pants when the pilot scream OMG OMG....

Sure to shit and pee hearing the pilot's message :D

[SungJoongki]

272408

Nice share bro ;)
Have a great weekend

[dorges]

272407

Very good reply LMAO :D

[Hurricane88]

Having sex with an uneducated village girl, using a condom, is okay until you overhear her, sharing the experience with her friend saying,



"His penis is brand new, the plastic cover is still on it."

[Hurricane88]

Weekend jokes...:)

272778272779272780
272781

[batamfood]

Having sex with an uneducated village girl, using a condom, is okay until you overhear her, sharing the experience with her friend saying,



"His penis is brand new, the plastic cover is still on it."

Damn swaku but nice jokes.

[pitchingtent]

272778

A must-know knowledge for all electrical technicians :D

[cricketeer]

Weekend jokes...:)
272780


when is there a genie in kuku jiao?

[Palairment]

272779

Custody of the dick :D

[dacelo]

Thank you for all the nice jokes.

[kXdong]

272781

LMAO poke wrong hole :D

[Cuccittini]

"His penis is brand new, the plastic cover is still on it."

Nice share bro LOL

[Hurricane88]

A lawyer & wife were always fighting with each other. When they had a confrontation, screaming and yelling could be heard deep into the night. The woman would shout - 'When I die, I will dig my way up, out of the grave and come back and haunt you for the rest of your life..'

Neighbours feared her and the woman liked the fact that she was feared..

To everyone's relief, she died of a heart attack when she was 58. Her husband had a closed casket at the wake..

After the burial, lawyer went straight to the local bar and began to party, as if there was no tomorrow. His neighbours, concerned for his safety, asked - 'Aren't you afraid that she may indeed be able to dig her way up and out of the grave and come back to haunt you for the rest of your life??'

The lawyer put down his drink and said - 'Let her dig. I had her buried upside down..'

These lawyers.. I tell you... They think of everything..😂😂😂

I love all my lawyer friends....

[Hurricane88]

When you are bored just think about a few things that don't make sense ...like ;
🤔

1. If poison expires, is it more poisonous or is it no longer poisonous?
🤔

2. Which letter is silent in the word "Scent," the S or the C?
🤔

3. Do twins ever realize that one of them is unplanned?
🤔

4. Why is the letter W, in English, called double U? Shouldn't it be called double V?
🤔

5. Maybe oxygen is slowly killing you and It just takes 75-100 years to fully work.
🤔

6. Every time you clean something, you just make something else dirty.
🤔

7. The word "swims" upside-down is still "swims"
🤔

8. 100 years ago everyone owned a horse and only the rich had cars. Today everyone has cars and only the rich own horses.
🤔

9. If you replace "W" with "T" in "What, Where and When", you get the answer to each of them.
🤔
Six great confusions still unresolved 😄😂

1. At a movie theatre, which arm rest is yours?

2. If people evolve from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?

3. Why is there a 'D' in fridge,

but not in refrigerator?

4. Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?

And now sixer ....


Vagaries of English Language! Enjoy!!!😀😀😀

- Wonder why the word funeral starts with FUN?

-Why isn't a Fireman called a Water-man?

- How come Lipstick doesn't do what it says?

- If money doesn't grow on trees, how come Banks have Branches?

- If a Vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a Humanitarian eat?

- How do you get off a non-stop Flight?

- Why are goods sent by ship called CARGO and those sent by truck SHIPMENT?

- Why do we put cups in the dishwasher and the dishes in the Cupboard?

- Why do doctors 'practice' medicine? Are they having practice at the cost of the patients?

- Why is it called 'Rush Hour' when traffic moves at its slowest then?

- How come Noses run and Feet smell?

- Why do they call it a TV 'set' when there is only one?

- What are you vacating when you go on a vacation?

We can never find the answers, can we?

So just enjoy the pun and fun of the English language!!

[Hurricane88]

Pic jokes...:)

273448273449273450

anyone know answer...:confused:

273451

[EdwardTagseth]

The lawyer put down his drink and said - 'Let her dig. I had her buried upside down..'

These lawyers.. I tell you... They think of everything..😂😂😂

I love all my lawyer friends....

Love lawyer jokes! :D

[fortuneo]

Pic jokes...:)

273449


Nice jokes! Thanks.

[KirkbyTG]

Thanks for nice jokes. Hope to read more.

[phamtrucktroi]

273451

So what is the answer? :)

[Hurricane88]

The King wanted to go fishing, and he asked the royal weather forecaster the forecast for the next few hours.

The palace meteorologist assured him that there was no chance of rain.

So the King and the Queen went fishing.

On the way he met a man with a fishing pole riding on a donkey, and he asked the man if the fish were biting.

The fisherman said, “Your Majesty, you should return to the palace!”

In just a short time I expect a huge rain storm."

The King replied: "I hold the palace meteorologist in high regard.

He is an educated and experienced professional.
Besides, I pay him very high wages.

He gave me a very different forecast. I trust him.

So the King continued on his way.

However, in a short time a torrential rain fell from the sky.

The King and Queen were totally soaked.

Furious, the King returned to the palace and gave the order to fire the meteorologist.

Then he summoned the fisherman and offered him the prestigious position of royal forecaster.

The fisherman said, “Your Majesty, I do not know anything about forecasting.

I obtain my information from my donkey.

If I see my donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that...it will rain."

So the King hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government.

The practice is unbroken to this date.

🐐🐐🐐😅

[Hurricane88]

There was a man in Jamaica who had only one testicle. Jamaicans being Jamaicans gave him the street name 'Onestone'.

He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally cracked and said, "If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!"

The word got around and nobody called him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said, " Good morning, Onestone.'

He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.

He made love to her all the next day,
Until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.

Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.

Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin, was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.

She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,

Then he made love to her all day, made love to her all night, made love to her all the next day,

Made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!


Why ???


Think about it !!!



You're going to love this !!!






You can't kill Two Birds


With


OneStone

[Umtiti]

Thanks bro Hurricane88 for sharing great jokes :)

[JasonJG]

So what is the answer? :)

Think answer is nothing




273451

[diputs1269]

Thanks Bro Hurricane88 for the OneStone story.

[Hurricane88]

Think answer is nothing

Correct...:)

More jokes...:)


273835273836

[Hurricane88]

New jokes...:)

273837273839

[SungJoongki]

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb asses to work in influential positions of government.

The practice is unbroken to this date.

🐐🐐🐐😅

So very true!! :D

[Hurricane88]

Guys, please be careful about what you buy online especially on black Friday.

If you buy stuff online please check out the seller very carefully.

Nazir from another group just lost £50 on a Penis Enlarger.

The bastards sent him a magnifying glass. 🔎
The only instructions that came along with it were "DO NOT USE IN SUNLIGHT"

[bigbirdbird]

Top 10 Valentine Poems

10.
I admire your strength, I admire your spunk
But the thing I like best, is getting you drunk

9.
Our love will never become cold and hollow
Unless, one day, you refuse to swallow.

8.
I bought this Valentine's card at the sto.
In hopes that later, you'd be my ho.

7.
This feels so good, it feels so right
I just wish it wasn't $250 a night.

6.
You're a woman of style, you're a woman of class
Especially when I'm spanking, your big-round-fat ass.

5.
Before I met you, my heart was so famished
But now I'm fulfilled. . . SO MAKE ME A SAMICH!!!

4.
Through all the things that came to pass
Our love has grown. . . but so has your ass.

3.
You're a honey. . . and you're a cutie
I just wished you had J-Lo's "booty".

2.
I don't wanna be sappy or silly or corny
So, right to the point, let's do it, I'm horny!

1.
If you think that hickey looks like a blister
You should check out the one that I gave to your sister!

[bigbirdbird]

Understanding relationships:

ATTRACTION- The act of associating horniness with a particular person.

LOVE AT 1st SIGHT- What occurs when two extremely horny, but not entirely choosy people meet.

DATING- The process of spending enormous amounts of money, time, and energy to get better acquainted with a person whom you don't especially like in the present and will learn to like a lot less in the future.

BIRTH CONTROL- Avoiding pregnancy through such tactics as swallowing special pills, inserting a diaphragm, using a condom, and dating repulsive men or spending time around young children.

EASY- A term used to describe a woman who has the sexual morals of a man.

EYE CONTACT- A method utilized by a single woman to communicate to a man that she is interested in him. Despite being advised to do so, many women have difficulty looking a man directly in the eyes, not necessarily due to the shyness, but usually due to the fact that a woman's eyes are not located in her chest.

FRIEND- A member of the opposite sex in your acquaintance who has some flaw which makes sleeping with him/her totally unappealing.

INDIFFERENCE- A woman's feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as "playing hard to get."

INTERESTING- A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

IRRITATING HABIT- What the endearing little qualities that initially attract two people to each other turn into after a few months together.

LAW OF RELATIVITY- How attractive a given person appears to be is directly proportional to how unattractive your date is.

NYMPHOMANIAC- A man's term for a woman who wants to have sex more often than he does.

FRIGID- A man's term for a woman who wants to have sex less often than he does, or one who requires more foreplay than lifting her nightgown.

SOBER- Condition in which it is almost impossible to fall in love.

NAG- A man's term for a woman who wants more to her life with him than just sex.

[bigbirdbird]

Confession

A young Irish girl goes into her priest on Saturday morning for confession.

"Father, forgive me for I have sinned."

"You've sinned?"

"Yes, I went out with me boyfriend Friday night. He held me hand twice, kissed me three times, and made love to me two times."

"Daughter! I want you to go straight home, squeeze seven lemons into a glass, and drink it straight down."

"Will that wash away my sin?"

"'No, but it will get that silly smile off your face."

[bigbirdbird]

Affair with an Italian





A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years.

One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he paid her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife."Honey," she said, "you received a very strange post card today."

Flustered, he said "Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it."

The wife obeyed, and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

[bigbirdbird]

Fetish





A young man is being pursued by a young admiring woman. Eventually, he has no choice but to grant her a ‘private audience’.

Relentlessly she asks him for a quickie in the sack though he tried hard to refuse her. Finally giving in to her demands for carnal knowledge, he says "OK, but there is one condition: I have a particular fetish that you must perform in order to sleep with me."

"I'll do anything for you" replies the succubus. "Just name it."

So the man says to the woman, "You know ... I really enjoy it when there's a sort of lightning effect. So, you must reach over to that switch on the wall and flick it on and off every few seconds."

The woman agrees and starts flicking the light switch off with her left arm.. She then asks "Now can we have sex?"

"Not quite yet" replies the man. "Lightning is nice, but it doesn't really mean much without thunder. So with your right leg, I want you to open and close the cabinet door whenever you flick the light on."

"OK" says the horny young maid, and she begins to coordinate her flicks and clacks. "Now can we have sex?" she asks as she is switching between arm and leg movements.

"Not quite yet" replies the man. "This is all very nice, but there can't really be thunder and lightning without wind. I'd like you to reach behind your head with your right hand and open and shut the windows."

She says "OK" and begins opening the shutter and closing it with her right hand. And of course, it's raining and some drops are coming in the window.

So there she is, making lightning with her left hand, creating thunder with her right leg, and using her right hand to make wind and rain. Desperate and beyond understanding of his fetish, the young woman finally begs him "NOW can we have sex? PLEASE?!"

And the young man looks at her shocked and says, "What do you mean 'have sex'? In this weather?"

[bigbirdbird]

10 ways you know you've had good sex....

1. Your mattress has turned into a giant sponge.

2. It takes five minutes to unknot your bodies.

3. An earthquake of 3.4 on the Richter Scale is recorded in your area.

4. The cat's exhausted from just watching you.

5. A trampoline company has to come to adjust your bed springs.

6 You've both gone down one clothing size.

7. You cancel your chiropractic appointment. There's nothing left to adjust.

8. You have to breathe into a brown paper bag.

9. Boy, are you hungry!

10. You're absolutely satisfied yet uncontrollably horny at the same time.

[sawenara]

"Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without."

Nice share bro LOL :D

[Hurricane88]

😎The difference between Oo and oO

Two young guys appear in court after being arrested for smoking dope.

The judge says, "You seem like nice young men, and I'd like to give you a second chance instead of jail time.
I want you to go out this weekend and try to convince others of the evils of drug use.
I'll see you back in court Monday.

"On Monday, the judge asks the first guy, "How did you do over the weekend?

""Well, your honor, I persuaded 17 people to give up drugs forever.

""Seventeen people? That's wonderful. How did you do it? "

"I used a diagram, your honor. I drew two circles like this: O o.

Then I told them that the big circle is your brain before drugs and the small circle is your brain after drugs."

"That's admirable," says the judge.

Then he turns to the second guy. "And how did you do?"

"Well, your honor, I persuaded 156 people to give up drugs forever."

"Wow!" says the judge.

"156 people! How did you manage to do that?"

"Well, I used a similar diagram," the guy says.
"I drew two circles like this: o O.

Then I pointed to the little circle and said,

*_'This is your asshole before prison.................."😂

[Hurricane88]

Jokes pictures...:)

274469274470274471

[RioDeJanuary]

274470

Very funny one, thanks bro :D

[Hurricane88]

A Jewish cook went to the Vatican and insisted on seeing the Pope.

After a long wait, the Pope granted him an audience and asked the cook what could he do for him.

The Jew said that he was a cook, before him his father was a cook, his grandfather was a cook, his great grandfather was a cook, and that he comes from a family of cooks that goes back to over 2000 years....

The Pope congratulated him and asked him again, what could he do for him?

The Jew said: "the bill for the last supper has still not been paid."

[Sevenswords]

A Jewish cook went to the Vatican and insisted on seeing the Pope.

After a long wait, the Pope granted him an audience and asked the cook what could he do for him.

The Jew said that he was a cook, before him his father was a cook, his grandfather was a cook, his great grandfather was a cook, and that he comes from a family of cooks that goes back to over 2000 years....

The Pope congratulated him and asked him again, what could he do for him?

The Jew said: "the bill for the last supper has still not been paid."

Typical Jew hehe :D

[Hurricane88]

💈 *THE HAIRCUT* 💇🏻‍♂💇🏻‍♀

_"Blessed are those that can give without remembering, and take without forgetting."_

👧🏻 One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut. After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.
🌹💐🌹

👨🏻‍✈ Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.
🍩🥐🍩

🙋🏻‍♂ Then a MP came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.' The MP was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.
🗣👥👤👥👤

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Margaret Thatcher said: _"Both politicians and nappies need to be changed often and for the same reason!"

[kookaburra]

Thank you for posting nice jokes.

[davienna]

[QUOTE=Hurricane88;19499167]Jokes pictures...:)

274469/QUOTE]

Subtle nice joke and thanks.

[dacelo]

💈 *THE HAIRCUT* 💇🏻‍♂💇🏻‍♀

The next morning, when the barber went to open up, there were a dozen MPs lined up waiting for a free haircut.
🗣👥👤👥👤

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

As Margaret Thatcher said: _"Both politicians and nappies need to be changed often and for the same reason!"

Very funny and thanks.

[eggsbusket]

274471

Very nice share, thanks bro.

[CirclesFun]

Very nice jokes by bros bigbirdbird and Hurricane88.
Thank you so much.

[kXdong]

😎The difference between Oo and oO


Great share bro LOL :D :D

[bigbirdbird]

Three friends took their wives on vacation for a week in Las Vegas and they all had a great time.

A few days after they returned home, the men were sitting around talking about their trip.

"I don't think I'm ever going to do that again!" says the first guy. "Since we've been back, my wife flings her arms and hollers '7 come 11' all night long. I haven't had a wink of sleep!"

"I hear ya, buddy," the second guy replies. "My wife played blackjack the whole time we were there. Since we've been back, she slaps the bed all night and hollers 'hit me light, hit me hard'. I haven't had a wink of sleep either!"

"You guys think you have it bad!" exclaims the third guy. "My wife played the slots the entire time we were there. Every morning I wake up with a sore dick and an ass full of quarters!"

[Hotdickson6699]

Great share bro. Its good

[bigbirdbird]

Love Dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in.

She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked. Soft music was playing; and the aroma of perfume filled the room.

"What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered.

"But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed.

"This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained.

"Love dress? But you're naked!"

"My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravages me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me."

The mother-in-law left.

When she got home, she undressed, showered, put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive.

Finally, her husband came home. He walked in and saw her laying there so provocatively.

"What are you doing?" he asked.

"This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually.

"Needs ironing," he said.

[bigbirdbird]

Top 10 things a man would do if he woke up in the morning with a Vagina:

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do a split.

7. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

6. Get picked up in a bar in less that 10 minutes

5. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more
without sleeping first.

4. Go to the gyno and ask to have the examination recorded on video.

3. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

2. Actually catch a buzz off 1 wine cooler.

And the # 1 thing a man would do is:

1. Finally find that damn G-spot.

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[horizonferry]

Top 10 things a man would do if he woke up in the morning with a Vagina:

10. Immediately go shopping for zucchini and cucumbers.

9. Squat over a hand mirror for an hour and a half.

8. See if they could finally do a split.

7. Cross their legs without rearranging their crotch.

6. Get picked up in a bar in less that 10 minutes

5. Have consecutive multiple orgasms and still be ready for more
without sleeping first.

4. Go to the gyno and ask to have the examination recorded on video.

3. Sit on the edge of the bed and pray for breasts, too.

2. Actually catch a buzz off 1 wine cooler.

And the # 1 thing a man would do is:

1. Finally find that damn G-spot.

Thank you bro for nice joke.

[Republicunt]

Love Dress

A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in.


Very nice share, thanks bro :)

[Troi33]

274469

Thanks bro for sharing :)

[Hurricane88]

Friday jokes...:)

275324275325

[Hurricane88]

Friday more jokes...:)

275326275327
275380

[harbourbay]

Good morning! Thanks for sharing nice jokes.

[Hurricane88]

*ELDERS JOKE*.
*****************
*Grandma & grandpa were watching healing service on TV. Pastor told all who wanted to be healed to put one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part that wanted healing*.
*Grandma slowly put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic shoulder. Grandpa too got up, put one hand on the TV and the other on his private part. Grandma looked @ him and says... "Dear I guess you just don't get it, do you? The purpose is to heal the sick, NOT to raise the dead"!!* Lol 😀😀😀

Pictorial joke...:)

275615

[Pasarbella]

275380

Wahahaha so evil :D

[shiyihai]

275326

Hahaha why think so much? LOL

[8April]

*ELDERS JOKE*.
*****************
*Grandma & grandpa were watching healing service on TV. Pastor told all who wanted to be healed to put one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part that wanted healing*.
*Grandma slowly put one hand on the TV and the other on her arthritic shoulder. Grandpa too got up, put one hand on the TV and the other on his private part. Grandma looked @ him and says... "Dear I guess you just don't get it, do you? The purpose is to heal the sick, NOT to raise the dead"!!* Lol 😀😀😀

Very nice share, thanks bro!! :)

[LuckyBird]

Nice jokes :)

[Hurricane88]

Buruhan was a very dull boy. His peers called him "chikopo".

When he was in a Muslim school he got the following results:

Maths = 2%
English = 5%
Science = 0%
Social sciences = 1%

He was taken to a government school and got the following results;

Maths = 0%
Eng = 1%
Science = 0%
Social sciences = 0%

His parents were very disappointed but still decided to put him in a catholic school. The First term Buruhan passed and was the first in the class .
Maths = 90%
English = 93%
Science = 95%
Social sciences = 89%

His parents could not believe it. They asked him how he managed to pass and he said;

*"when I saw a man nailed on the cross, I knew that these teachers don't joke with students here"*


😂😂😂
_The fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom._ 🙏🙏🙏

[Hurricane88]

This one is too good... 😜😜😜

👇👇👇👇

*Gujrati Patel* : remove your clothes.

*Wife* : Why Remove my clothes?

*Gujrati Patel* : Just do and come beside me on the bed.

*Wife* :Okay they are off.

*Gujrati Patel* : Nice sweetie. What about your bra and panties? Remove them also.

*Wife* : Please I am not in the mood.

*Gujrati Patel* : Just remove your panties and bra and stop all this your everyday "not in the mood story"!

*Wife* : Okay they are off. What's next?

*Gujrati Patel* : I just want you to help me count my money. Every time you help me count the money while your clothes are on, I find cash is short. 😄😄😆😆😅

[LuckyBird]

This one is too good... 😜😜😜

👇👇👇👇

*Gujrati Patel* : remove your clothes.

*Wife* : Why Remove my clothes?



Have a nice day :)

[Hurricane88]

Wife served breakfast to Husband. Along with that, she gave a tablet also and said : " Take this *Paracetamol* after breakfast."

*Husband* : " Why ? I don't have fever."

*Wife* : "OK, then take this *Digene* "

*Husband* : "Come on ! I don't have even gastric trouble."

*Wife* : " Ok, take at least *Pudeen Hara* You will have an immediate relief."

*Husband* : "My dear, my stomach is perfectly OK."

*Wife* : Oh, but you must take at least *Combiflame* Any pain in your hands or legs will disappear in no time."

*Husband* : " Are you crazy ? Why so much of care and concern for me all of a sudden ? Thanx darling, but I am totally fit, fresh and energetic."

*Wife* : " Ve....ry good ! Now take this broom and clean up the cobwebs from all the rooms and then clean up the loft also.
😂😂😂😂

[cricketeer]

*Wife* : " Ve....ry good ! Now take this broom and clean up the cobwebs from all the rooms and then clean up the loft also.
😂😂😂😂

Bro H88, your jokes fantastico. Thanks for sharing.

[amoz]

Very nice thread. Thank you for posting so many nice jokes to share.

[KirkbyTG]

275615

Chee bhai.:):):)

[Vladivastack]

Bro H88, your jokes fantastico. Thanks for sharing.

Fully agreed with you on this.

[phamtrucktroi]

Wife served breakfast to Husband. Along with that, she gave a tablet also and said : " Take this *Paracetamol* after breakfast."

😂😂😂😂

Very smart wife LMAO :D

[WaveTeam]

*"when I saw a man nailed on the cross, I knew that these teachers don't joke with students here"*


😂😂😂
_The fear of the lord is the beginning of wisdom._ 🙏🙏🙏

Wahahahaa this is funny!! :D :D

[Hurricane88]

Two Pakistani politicians
Sharif and Shahbaz moved to London where they made friends with a English guy named Paul.

They used to go all over London with him when suddenly one day ...
Paul disappeared.

The two went to the police and lodged a complaint.

The police asked them if they could give some vital clues about Paul that would help find him.

Shahbaz said, "Paul was handsome and tall."

The police said, "Most English men are like that. Give us something specific."

Sharif said, "Paul had blue eyes and was very fair."

The Police said, "C'mon guys, lots of English men are fair and have blue eyes, give us something specific."

Sharif and Shahbaz said, "Oh yes ... now we remember ... Paul had two holes in his ass."

The policemen get really interested. They said, "Now that's something very specific, but tell us, how do you know this? Have you guys seen the two holes in his ass?"

Sharif and Shahbaz said,
"No we haven’t actually seen the holes, but wherever we went out with Paul, everyone used to say ... ..."Here comes Paul with the two assholes!"

😂😂

[Hurricane88]

*Retiree Joke* :)

Four retired guys are walking down a street in Yuma, Arizona. They turn a corner and see a sign that says,

*Old Timers Bar - ALL drinks 10 cents*. They look at each other and then go in, thinking, This is too good to be true.

The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you! What'll it be, gentlemen?"

There's a fully stocked bar, so each of the men orders a Martini. In no time the bartender serves up four iced Martinis - shaken, not stirred - and says, "That'll be 10 Cents each, please."

The four guys stare at the bartender for a moment, then at each other. They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced, with thebartender again saying, "That's 40 cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity gets the better of them.

They've each had two martinis and haven't even spent a Dollar yet.

Finally one of them says, "How can you afford to serve Martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?"

"I'm a retired tailor from Phoenix ," the bartender says, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the Lottery jackpot for $125 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime. Wine, liquor, beer - it's all the same."

"Wow! That's some story!" one of the men says.

As the four of them sip at their martinis, they can't help noticing seven other people at the end of the bar who don't have any drinks in front of them and haven't ordered anything the whole time they've been there.

Nodding at the seven at the end of the bar, one of the men asks the bartender, "What's with them?"

The bartender says, *They're retired Singaporeans, they're waiting for Happy Hour when drinks are half-price*.
😂🤣😂🤣

[LuckyBird]

Camping here for more jokes :)

[diputs1269]

Laughters bump for weekend, cheers!

[Hurricane88]

Friday the 13th jokes...:)


276646276647
276649

[Hurricane88]

Saturday fever jokes...:)


276890276891276892

[horizonferry]

Saturday fever jokes...:)


276891

Verey funny joke and thank you.

[harbourbay]

Saturday fever jokes...:)


276890]

Not sure when did Santa cum twice. Funny tks.

[Republicunt]

276892

Hahahaha so funney, thanks bro :D

[shiyihai]

276649

Thanks for sharing nice jokes bro :)

[Hurricane88]

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's none of my business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her 'the ballerina' ?"

The drunk replied,
_*" Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina ! "*_

[Hurricane88]

For poker players:

Dolly Parton and Queen Elizabeth die on the same day and they both go before an Angel to find out if they'll be admitted to Heaven.

Unfortunately, there's only one space left that day, so the Angel must decide which of them gets in. The Angel asks Dolly if there's some particular reason why she should go to Heaven.

Dolly takes off her top and says, "Look at these, they're the most perfect breasts God ever created, and I'm sure it will please the angels to be able to see them every day, for eternity."

The Angel thanks Dolly, and asks Her Majesty the same question.

The Queen takes a bottle of Perrier out of her purse, shakes it up, and gargles. Then, she spits into a toilet and pulls the lever.

The Angel says, "OK, your Majesty, you may go in."

Dolly is outraged and asks, "What was that all about? I show you two of God's own perfect creations and you turn me down. She spits into a commode and she gets in! Would you explain that to me?"

"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are!

[Halm79]

Boss: "How good are you at PowerPoint?"
Me: "I Excel at it."
Boss: "Was that a Microsoft Office pun?"
Me: "Word"

+++++++++++++

According to ancient Japanese lore, the colour of a person’s aura changes to cyan before they die.

Cyan-aura.

+++++++++++++

I've been accused of plagiarism
Their words, not mine

+++++++++++++

[SmokingCigars]

A large woman wearing a sleeveless sun dress walked into a pub in England. She raised her right arm revealing a huge, hairy armpit as she pointed to all the people sitting at the bar and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?

The bar went silent as the patrons tried to ignore her. But down at the end of the bar, a bleary-eyed drunk slammed his hand down on the counter and bellowed, "Give the ballerina a drink!

The bartender poured the drink and the woman chugged it down. She turned to the patrons and again pointed around at all of them revealing the same hairy armpit and asked, "What man here will buy a lady a drink?

Once again, the same little drunk slapped his money down on the bar and said, "Give the ballerina another drink!"

The bartender approached the little drunk and said, "I say, old chap, it's none of my business if you want to buy the lady a drink, but why do you keep calling her 'the ballerina' ?"

The drunk replied,
_*" Any woman who can lift her leg that high has got to be a ballerina ! "*_

Nice share bro ROFL :D

[Hurricane88]

10-years old girl asks her mum: "Mummy, how was i born?"

The mother smiles a replies: "Once upon a time, me and your daddy had a wonderful time so we decided to plant a little seed. Daddy put it in the earth and I took very good care of it every single day. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, the seed turned into a beautiful and healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it and then we got so high that we fucked without a condom."

[Hurricane88]

More jokes on TGIF.

277991277992

[saqq]

Read all these jokes cannot stop laughing.

[amoz]

More jokes on TGIF.

277991]

Very nice butt shape. Thanks for joke.

[sugi]

"Sorry, Dolly," says the Angel, "but even in Heaven, a royal flush beats a pair - no matter how big they are!

Lidat also can. Really funny.

[SalahNo11]

10-years old girl asks her mum: "Mummy, how was i born?"

The mother smiles a replies: "Once upon a time, me and your daddy had a wonderful time so we decided to plant a little seed. Daddy put it in the earth and I took very good care of it every single day. After a while the seed started to grow more and more leaves and in a few months, the seed turned into a beautiful and healthy plant. So we took the plant, dried it, smoked it and then we got so high that we fucked without a condom."

Wahahaa I was expecting something else :D

[Vladivastack]

277992

Thanks for nice TGIF joke :)

[England1966]

I've been accused of plagiarism
Their words, not mine


Short and to the point! Thanks very much.

[dyelook]

laughter bumps...

[hutga]

276891276892

Nice share bro, thanks a million :)

[Hurricane88]

Merry Xmas eve jokes...:)

278661278662278663

[sugi]

Merry Xmas eve jokes...:)

278661

Nice joke and thanks for posting.

[countrypumpkin]

Thanks for sharing nice great jokes. Merry Xmas.

[danar8]

278663

Thanks for nice share bro, hope to read more funny jokes :)

[themajestic]

Merry Xmas eve jokes...:)

278662

Bro really posted so many great jokes. Thank you so much.

[England1966]

Very nice share of jokes by bro Hurricane88, camping here for more :)

[tab5]

Thanks for sharing nice great jokes. Merry Xmas.

My exact sentiments.

[SG4D]

Thanks for sharing! :)

[Hurricane88]

xmas jokes...:)

278977278978278979

[indofalcon]

xmas jokes...:)

278979

Very true and not sure is a joke.

[saqq]

278978

Good one! Thanks.

[amoz]

Hope to read more jokes.

[ByePass]

278977

Very funny joke hehe, thanks bro :)

[Vladivastack]

278661

Nice share, Merry Xmas to all bros :)

[SalahNo11]

278979

Hahaha so true, good share bro

[protesticle]

Very good joke thread, thank you bros!

[Hurricane88]

2020 jokes...:)

279954279955279956

[Hurricane88]

More 2020 jokes...:)

279957279958

[palmprints]

279958

Good share bro hehe :D

[Hurricane88]

*2nd Joke in 2020*

Just in case you all may not b aware......
We’re in the year of
*Too Old Too Old* (2020)😂🤪

Next year is worse!
*Too Old To Want* 2021😂😂
So, treasure what we have and what we can do! 😄

Then comes...
*Too Old To Do* (2022). 😂

[Hurricane88]

A donkey was tied to a tree. A demon came and untied it. The donkey ran into the fields and was destroying the crop.

The farmer's wife saw this and shot the donkey dead.

The donkey's owner was upset so he shot the farmer's wife.

The farmer came back to see his wife dead, he went and shot the donkey's owner. The wife of the owner of the donkey asked her sons to go and burn the house of the farmer.

The boys went late evening and carried out their mother's orders happily, assuming that the farmer too would have been burnt with the house. Sadly for them it wasn't that, so the farmer came back and shot the wife & the two sons of the owner of the donkey.

Remorseful, the farmer asked the demon why did all this have to happen?

The demon said, "I did nothing, I only released the donkey, but, all of you reacted, overacted and released the inner devil."

**************************************************

The devil doesn't do anything but wake us up by triggering the ego in us that turns into evil intent and goes harming others.

So before replying-responding-reporting-rebuking or avenging a revenge, stop. And think.

Let's be careful. What the devil does is that it just "releases the donkey" in us.

[otamay]

A donkey was tied to a tree. A demon came and untied it. The donkey ran into the fields and was destroying

The demon said, "I did nothing, I only released the donkey, but, all of you reacted, overacted and released the inner devil."

**************************************************

The devil doesn't do anything but wake us up by triggering the ego in us that turns into evil intent and goes harming others.

So before replying-responding-reporting-rebuking or avenging a revenge, stop. And think.

Let's be careful. What the devil does is that it just "releases the donkey" in us.

Very well said here.

[themajestic]

Very well said here.

I also think so too.

[harbourfront]

2020 jokes...:)
279956

The dog very danger. Haha.

[tab5]

Then comes...
*Too Old To Do* (2022). 😂

This one damn jialat :D

[Nymm]

279957

Good share bro, thanks!!

[Pennsylviana]

279955

Can get coconut milk too :D

[otamay]

*2nd Joke in 2020*

Just in case you all may not b aware......
We’re in the year of
*Too Old Too Old* (2020)😂🤪

Next year is worse!
*Too Old To Want* 2021😂😂
So, treasure what we have and what we can do! 😄

Then comes...
*Too Old To Do* (2022). 😂

Can I add to continue :

After 2022,

*Too Old To Treat* (2023) :):D
If you want to give icecream (bj) :):D

[Hurricane88]

Jokes for Tuesday...:)

281155
281156281157

[ThatsHappened]

Very good thread, thanks bros! :)

[Hurricane88]

Subject:
Don't Mess with old folks.
(Also those who are now *Seniors.)*👍🏼
They can’t boss us around!

The old lady handed her bank card to a bank teller and said, “I would like to withdraw $500.”
The teller told her, “For withdrawals less than $5,000, please use the ATM.”
The old lady then asked, “Why?”
The teller irritably told her, “These are rules. Please leave if there is no other matter. There is a queue behind you.”
She then returned the card to the old lady.
The old lady remained silent.
But then she returned the card to the teller and said, “Please help me withdraw all the money I have.”
The teller was astonished when she checked the account balance. She nodded her head, leaned down and said to the old lady, “My apologies Granny, you have $3.5 million in your account and our bank does not have so much cash currently. Could you make an appointment and come again tomorrow?”
The old lady then asked, “How much am I able to withdraw now?”
The teller told her, “Any amount up to $300,000”
The old lady then told the teller that she wanted to withdraw $300,000 from her account.
The teller did so quickly and handed it to the old lady *respectfully* 🙄.
The old lady kept $500 in her bag and asked the teller to deposit the balance of $299,500 back into her account.

Lo🤸🏼‍♂e it! 👍🏼😂💪🏼

[bigbirdbird]

Commuting



After a tiring day, a commuter settled down in his seat and closed his eyes..

As the train rolled out of the station, the young woman sitting next to him pulled out her cell phone and started talking in a loud voice, "Hi sweetheart. It's Sue. I'm on the train."

"Yes, I know it's the six thirty and not the four thirty, but I had a long meeting."

"No, honey, not with that Kevin from the accounting office. It was with the boss."

"No sweetheart, you're the only one in my life."

"Yes, I'm sure, cross my heart!"

Fifteen minutes later, she was still talking loudly.

When the man sitting next to her had enough, he leaned over and said into the phone, "Sue, hang up the phone and come back to bed."

Sue doesn't use her cell phone in public any longer.

[bigbirdbird]

On Trial for Murder





“Your honour, I am 86 years old,” she addressed the judge.

“So, here I am, sitting there on porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sits beside me.

“He starts to rub my thigh, and it feels good, Your Honour.

“So, I don't stop him, and he begins to rub my old breasts, Your Honour. Why, Your Honour, I haven't felt that good in years! So, I just spread my old legs and say to him, "Take me, young man. Take me!"

“That's when he yelled, ‘April Fool!’

“And that's when I shot the Son of a Bitch!”

[bigbirdbird]

In a Resort Town



My husband, my kids, and I were on vacation in a quaint resort town.

There was a local there who gave carriage ride to sightseers. He had his horse parked outside the ice cream parlor as I was exiting with my husband and my four-year-old daughter.

Now, I'm embarrassed to say this, but this horse had an erection, and my daughter was fascinated. As a bunch of tourists gathered around the horse, feeding and petting him, she yelled out, "Daddy! That horse has a penis -- like you!"

I was mortified until I noticed that the women in the crowd seemed to be staring at me in admiration.

[bigbirdbird]

Looking



Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.

The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."

The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her, and I'm getting a little desperate."

The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?

The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with long red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, no bra, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"

The old guy says, "Doesn't matter. Let's look for yours."

[bigbirdbird]

Playing Poker

Two couples were playing poker one evening.

Jim accidentally dropped some cards on the floor. When he bent down under the table to pick them up, he noticed Lee's wife, Sue, wasn't wearing any panties. Shocked by this, Jim upon trying to sit back up again, hit his head on the table and emerged red-faced.

Later, Jim went to the kitchen to get some refreshments.

Lee's wife, Sue, followed and asked, 'Did you see anything that you like under there?'

Surprised by her boldness, Jim admitted that, he did.

Sue said, 'Well, you can have it but it will cost you $500.'

Jim confirmed that he is very interested.

Sue told him that since her husband Lee played golf Friday afternoons and Jim didn't, Jim should be at her house around 2 p.m. Friday afternoon.

When Friday rolled around, Jim showed up at Lee's house at 2 p.m. sharp and after paying Sue the agreed sum, they went to the bedroom, and Sue gave him a flipping great time.

Jim quickly dressed and left.

As usual, Lee came home from golf at 6 p.m. and upon arriving, asked his wife: 'Did Jim come by the house this afternoon?'

With a lump in her throat Sue answered, 'Why yes, he did stop by for a few minutes this afternoon.'

Her heart nearly skipped a beat when her husband curtly asked, 'Did he give you $500?

Sue, using her best poker face, replied, 'Well, yes, in fact he did.'

Lee, with a satisfied look on his face, continued, 'Good. He came by the golf club this morning and borrowed $500 from me. He promised he'd stop by this afternoon and pay it back.'

[platinumcoins]

On Trial for Murder





“Your honour, I am 86 years old,” she addressed the judge.

“So, here I am, sitting there on porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sits beside me.

“He starts to rub my thigh, and it feels good, Your Honour.

“So, I don't stop him, and he begins to rub my old breasts, Your Honour. Why, Your Honour, I haven't felt that good in years! So, I just spread my old legs and say to him, "Take me, young man. Take me!"

“That's when he yelled, ‘April Fool!’

“And that's when I shot the Son of a Bitch!”

Very nice share bro ROFL :D

[Hurricane88]

Just for Laughs

🔴 Wife : Shall I prepare Curry or Soup today?
Husband : First make it, we will name it later.

🔴 A frustrated husband in front of his laptop :
Dear Google, please do not behave like my wife ...
Please allow me to complete my sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.

🔴 A married man's prayer :
Dear God, You gave me childhood, You took it away, You gave me youth, You took it away. You gave me a wife ... It's been years now, just reminding You.

🔴 A man brings his best buddy home for dinner unannounced at 5:30 after work. His wife begins screaming at him and his friend just sits and listens in.

"My hair & makeup are not done, the house is a mess, the dishes are not done, I'm still in my pajamas and I can't be bothered with cooking tonight ! Why the hell did you bring him home for?"

Husband answer "Because he's thinking of getting married".

🔴 Husband : I found Aladdin's lamp today.
Wife : Wow! what did u ask for darling??
Husband : I asked him to increase your brain ten times.
Wife : Oh darling ... love u so much.. Did he do that??
Husband : He laughed and said multiplication doesn't apply on zero.

🔴 Employee : Sir You are like a lion in the office! What about at home ???
Boss : I am a lion at home too, But there we have a lion tamer !!!

🔴 A man gave his wife a diamond necklace for their anniversary and wife didn't speak to him for 6 months.
Was the necklace FAKE?
Nooooo ! That was the deal.

🔴 A couple was having dinner at a fancy restaurant. As the food was served, the husband said, "the food looks delicious, let's eat."
Wife : Dear, you say prayer before eating at home.
Husband : That's at home ... here the chef knows how to cook.

🔴 Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :
"Please Do Not Disturb me, I am Married and already very Disturbed"

[Kenmi]

Sudden lee is funny

[charlienicholas]

🔴 Best Slogan on a MAN's T-Shirt :
"Please Do Not Disturb me, I am Married and already very Disturbed"

Your jokes were hilarious! Thank you so much.

[Hurricane88]

TGIF jokes...:)

281931281932

[diputs1269]

TGIF jokes...:)

281931



Good one, just nice for a Friday night, cheers!

[thanksgiving]

Your jokes were hilarious! Thank you so much.

Agreed with you and I think so too.

[quay]

Good one, just nice for a Friday night, cheers!

Sure agreed.

[countrypumpkin]

Tq for nice jokes. Please share more.

[danar8]

TGIF jokes...:)281932

Damn funny one bro LOL :D

[lowcust]

Now, I'm embarrassed to say this, but this horse had an erection, and my daughter was fascinated. As a bunch of tourists gathered around the horse, feeding and petting him, she yelled out, "Daddy! That horse has a penis -- like you!"

I was mortified until I noticed that the women in the crowd seemed to be staring at me in admiration.

Nice share, thanks bro bigbirdbird :)

[Kongressional]

281156

Wahahaha just like me :D

[Hurricane88]

Muslim wife 🧕🏻to Her 👳🏻‍♂ husband, "You know today when I came out from the bathroom in the towel, Nasir the gardener saw me!" 😕
👳🏻‍♂"oh my god! Are you serious!! ya allah then what did you do”?
🧕🏻"what could I do?
I removed the towel to cover my head quickly!!" 🙈 🤣 😂 😂

[Hurricane88]

Should children witness childbirth?

Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Kathleen, a 3-yr old girl to hold a torch high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby.

Very diligently, Kathleen did as she was asked.

Mary pushed and pushed and after a little while, Peter was born.

The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Peter began to cry.

The paramedic then thanked Kathleen for her help and asked the wide-eyed 3-yr old what she thought about what she had just witnessed.

Kathleen quickly responded,

"He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place.... smack his arse again!"

If you don't laugh at this one, there is no hope for you!

[Hurricane88]

Monday blues jokes...:)

282434282435

[diputs1269]

Monday blues jokes...:)

282434

Oh no, after seeing this more blue, cheers anyway!

[FleshAlong]

Muslim wife 🧕🏻to Her 👳🏻‍♂ husband, "You know today when I came out from the bathroom in the towel, Nasir the gardener saw me!" 😕
👳🏻‍♂"oh my god! Are you serious!! ya allah then what did you do”?
🧕🏻"what could I do?
I removed the towel to cover my head quickly!!" 🙈 🤣 😂 😂

Very good one, thanks bro!!! :D

[bigbirdbird]

Dog in Heat

A dog lover, whose bitch was 'in heat' agreed to look after her neighbor's male dog while they were away on holiday.

She had a large house and believed that she could keep them apart, but as she was drifting off to sleep one night, she heard awful howling sounds.

She rushed downstairs and found the dogs locked together, in obvious stress and unable to disengage, as can sometimes happen when they mate.

She was unable to separate them and was worried as what to do next.

Although it was late at night, she called the Vet, who answered in a very grumpy voice.

Having explained the problem to him, the Vet advised, "Hang up the phone and place it down alongside the dogs. I will then call you back and the sound of the ringing will make the male lose his erection and be able to withdraw."

"Do you think that will work?" she asked doubtfully.

"Why not? It just did for me." He replied.

[bigbirdbird]

A Texan at a Restaurant


A Texan enters a restaurant, and while sitting at his table, notices a gorgeous woman sitting at another table, alone.

He calls the waiter over and asks for the most expensive bottle of champagne to be sent over to her knowing that if she accepts it, she is his.

The waiter gets the bottle and quickly sends it over to the girl, saying this is from the gentleman.

She looks at the champagne and decides to send a note with the bottle back over to the Texan.

The note reads: "For me to accept this bottle, you need to have a Mercedes in your garage, $1M in the bank, and 7 inches in your pants."

The Texan, after reading this note, sends one of his own back to her and it reads: "Just so you know I happen to have TWO Mercedes in my garage, I have over $2M in the bank, but not even for YOU, would I cut off 2 inches from my penis! Sorry, honey."

[bigbirdbird]

Best Toast


John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the ‘Best toast of the Night’."

She said, "Aye, did ye now. And what was your toast?"

John thought a moment, and then said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner. The man chuckled leeringly and said, " John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."



She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been in there twice in the last four years. "Once I had to pull him by the ears to make him come, and the other time he fell asleep."

[lieuzha]

Very nice share, bro bigbirdbird! :)

[Hurricane88]

Wed morn jokes...:)

282790282791282792

[bigbirdbird]

A girl says to her date, "You're in for a real treat. I've been told that I have a body like New Jersey."

So, her date grabs her waist and asks, "What's this?"

She replies "Middlesex."

He grabs her butt and asks "what's this?"

She replies,"Freehold."

Then he grabs her breast and asks "what's this?"

She replies,"Point Pleasant."

Finally, he reaches between her thighs and says, "I guess this is Cherry Hill?"

"No", she replies, "That's Eatontown."

The guy gets so excited that he pulls down his pants and says, "Welcome to Wildwood!"

[bigbirdbird]

Be Careful What You Wear in Public


Be careful what you wear (or don't wear) when working under your vehicle...especially in public.

From the Southwest Florida Daily News comes this story of a Sarasota couple who drove to Wal-Mart only to have their car break down in the lot.

The man sent his wife in to do their shopping and he stayed to make repairs.

The wife returned later to see a small group of people near their car.

As she approached, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear made his private parts glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly slipped her hand up his shorts and tucked everything safely back out of view.

On regaining her balance standing upright she looked across the hood and found herself staring directly at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic however, had to have 3 stitches in his head.

[bigbirdbird]

Stranded


A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years.

One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, 'It's not a ship.'

The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, 'It's not a boat.'

The speck gets even closer and he thinks, 'It's not a raft.'

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She comes up to the guy and she says, 'How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?'

'Ten years!', he says.

She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, 'Man, oh man! Is that good!'

Then she asked, 'How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?'

He replies, 'Ten years!'

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, 'Wow! That's fantastic!'

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, revealing well-shaped perfectly tanned breasts, and she says to him, 'And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?'

And the man replies, 'My God! Don't tell me you've got a computer in there?'

[bigbirdbird]

Naked Cowboy



A Sheriff in a small town in Wyoming walks out in the street and sees a blonde cowboy coming toward him with nothing on but his cowboy hat, his gun, and his boots. He arrests him for indecent exposure.

As he is locking him up, he asks 'Why in the world are you walking around like this?'

The cowboy says, 'Well it's like this Sheriff, I was in this bar down the road and this pretty little red head asks me to go out to her motor home with her. So, I did.

“We go inside and she pulls off her top and asks me to pull off my shirt. So I did.

“Then she pulls off her skirt and asks me to pull off my pants. So I did.

“Then she pulls off her panties and asks me to pull off my shorts. So I did.

“Then she gets on the bed and looks at me kind of sexy and says, 'Now go to town cowboy. '

“And here I am.”

[CockLanguage]

As she approached, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underwear made his private parts glaringly public ones.

Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly slipped her hand up his shorts and tucked everything safely back out of view.

On regaining her balance standing upright she looked across the hood and found herself staring directly at her husband who was standing idly by.

The mechanic however, had to have 3 stitches in his head.

Nice share bro, thanks!! :)

[bigbirdbird]

Nice share bro, thanks!!

Upz You And Give You Power ;)

[HiKitty]

I love this thread

[HiKitty]

A girl says to her date, "You're in for a real treat. I've been told that I have a body like New Jersey."

So, her date grabs her waist and asks, "What's this?"

She replies "Middlesex."



Nice share bro

[Hurricane88]

TGIF jokes...:)

283207283208
283212

[Hurricane88]

More Fri jokes...:)

283209283210283211

[HiKitty]

More Fri jokes...:)

283209283210283211

Thanks for sharing

[batmanyates]

283207

I would not have thought of spine too :D

[Hurricane88]

70% 70% 70% 70%
*💰💰💰💰💰💰💰*

*When we die, our money remains in the bank...*

*Yet, when we are alive, we don't have enough money to spend.*

*In reality, when we are gone, there is still a lot of money not spent.*

*One business tycoon in China passed away.*
*His widow, was left with $1.9 billion in the bank, and married his chauffeur.*

*His chauffeur said:*-
*"All the while, I thought I was working for my boss*...
*it is only now, that I realise that my boss was all the time, working for me !!!*"

*The cruel reality is:*
*It is more important to live longer than to have more wealth*.
*So, we must strive to have a strong and healthy body, It really doesn't matter who is working for who.*

*In a high end hand phone, 70% of the functions are useless!*

*For an expensive car, 70% of the speed and gadgets are not needed.*

*If you own a luxurious villa or mansion, 70% of the space is usually not used or occupied.*

*How about your wardrobes of clothes?*
*70% of them are not worn!*

*A whole life of work and earning...*
*70% is for other people to spend.*

*So, we must protect and make full use of our 30%*.

👉*Go for medical check-ups even if not sick.*
👉*Drink more water, even if not thirsty.*
👉*Learn to let go, even if faced with grave problems.*
👉*Endeavour to give in, even if you are in the right.*
👉*Remain humble, even if you are very rich and powerful.*
👉*Learn to be contented, even if you are not rich.*
👉*Exercise your mind and body, even if you are very busy.*
👉*Make time for people you care about*

[Hurricane88]

More Saturday jokes...:)

283338283339
283340283341283342

[Hurricane88]

Sunday jokes...:)

283522283523283524

[atbs]

Bro Hurri

Thank you for the nice jokes.

Really good and funny.

[harbourfront]

Sunday jokes...:)

283522

Good one and really nice sofa. Haahaahaa.

[GoogleWebster]

Very nice jokes, thanks bro bigbirdbird and Hurricane88.

[Pennsylviana]

Stranded


A guy is stranded on a desert island all alone for ten years.

One day he sees a speck on the horizon. He thinks to himself, 'It's not a ship.'

The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, 'It's not a boat.'

The speck gets even closer and he thinks, 'It's not a raft.'

Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She comes up to the guy and she says, 'How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?'

'Ten years!', he says.

She reaches over, unzips this waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of fresh cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, 'Man, oh man! Is that good!'

Then she asked, 'How long has it been since you've had a drink of whiskey?'

He replies, 'Ten years!'

She reaches over, unzips her waterproof pocket on the right, pulls out a flask and gives it to him.

He takes a long swig and says, 'Wow! That's fantastic!'

Then she starts unzipping this long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, revealing well-shaped perfectly tanned breasts, and she says to him, 'And how long has it been since you've had some REAL fun?'

And the man replies, 'My God! Don't tell me you've got a computer in there?'

Nice share bro, thanks :D

[Hurricane88]

A BOY'S FIRST CONDOM

I recall my first time with a condom. I was 14. I went in to buy a packet of condoms at nearby pharmacy. In those days it took a lot of guts to go in a store and ask for that kind of item because everyone in town knew me and there was no doubt the young lady (I think her name was Nola) knew what they were for.

She was working as an assistant behind the counter, and she could see that I was really embarrassed by the whole procedure. She handed me the package and asked if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered, 'No, not really.'So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped it over her
thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.

I apparently still looked confused. So, she looked all around the store to see if it was empty. It was. 'Just a minute,' she said, and walked me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse and removed it. She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. 'Do these excite you?' She asked.

Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was stand there with my mouth open and nod my head. She then said it was time to slip the condom on.

As I was slipping it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and lay down on a desk.

'Well, come on', she said, 'We don't have much time.' So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful that, unfortunately, I could no longer hold back and KAPOW, I was done within a few moments.

She looked at me with a bit of a frown. 'Did you put that condom on?' she asked. I said, 'sure did,' and held up my thumb to show her.

Then she beat the shit out of me....

Women have always been hard for me to figure out.

[MatthewC]

Good one bro. Thanks for the jokes.

[bigbirdbird]

Setting the Table


My mother taught me to read when I was four years old (her first mistake).

One day, I was in the bathroom and noticed one of the cabinet doors was ajar ... I read the box in the cabinet.

I then asked my mother why she was keeping 'napkins' in the bathroom. Didn't they belong in the kitchen?

Not wanting to burden me with unnecessary facts, she told me that those were for "special occasions" (her second mistake).

Now, fast forward a few months. It's Christmas Day, and my folks are leaving to pick up my uncle and his wife for dinner. Mom had assignments for all of us while they were gone. Mine was to set the table.

When they returned, my uncle came in first and immediately burst into laughter.

Next came his wife who gasped, then began giggling.

Next came my father, who roared with laughter.

Then came Mom, who almost died of embarrassment when she saw each place setting on the table with a "special occasion" napkin at each plate, with the fork carefully arranged on top. I had even tucked the little tail in so they didn't hang off the edge!!

My mother asked me why I used these and, of course, my response sent the other adults into further fits of laughter.

"But, Mom, you SAID they were for special occasions!!!"

[bigbirdbird]

Next to the Golf Course



A golfer hits his ball into a yard next to the golf course.

As he goes to get it a man in the yard says, "Don't you see the sign? It says, 'Private property - Stay Out!'"

The golfer says, "I'm sorry I did not see it. That is my ball there. May I have it, please?"

The man says, "It's in my yard now so it's my ball."

The golfer looks at the man and says, "I understand."

He then walks back to the golf cart, gets another golf ball, then walks back and throws it into the yard.

The man asks, "Why did you do that?"

The golfer replies, "I consider myself a gentleman, and I believe every prick should have two balls."

[bigbirdbird]

Invasive Mouse




A man called his doctor, and said, "Doc", you gotta come over here quick, you see when my wife got out of the shower, and bent over to pick up her towel a mouse ran straight up her twat.

The doctor said, "Okay just hold a piece of cheese just outside of her vagina until I get over there."

The doctor drove up, got out of his car, and went inside to see the man holding a big fish up to her twat instead of cheese. The doctor asked, "What are you doing? I said a piece of cheese."

The man said, "I did what you said, and it almost worked, but when the mouse started to come out, the cat chased it right back up her snatch!

[bigbirdbird]

Thank the Irish


A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.

Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”

“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

“Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”

Knowing that he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: “Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”

“True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved.”

[bigbirdbird]

Strange Bar Companions


One day, a man walks into a bar with an ostrich and a cat. The man

orders a beer, and so does the ostrich.

The cat orders half a pint, and refuses to tip the bartender.

The bartender tells them their bill is $10.78. The man reaches into his pocket and gets exactly $10.78.

The next day, the man, the ostrich and the cat go back to the bar.

They order the same thing as the day before, and again the cat is really rude to the bartender and won't tip him.

The bartender tells them that their bill is $10.78.

The man reaches into his pocket and gets exactly $10.78.

The next day, the man, the ostrich and the cat go back into the bar. This time the man and the ostrich order a double scotch. The cat orders a scotch and is rude to the bartender.

The bartender smiles to himself, knowing that there is no chance the man will get the

exact amount of money, and he's getting pissed at the cheapskate cat.

He tells the man that their bill is $15.63.

The man reaches into his pocket and gets the exact change!

The bartender is astonished. He asks the man how he always gets the right amount of change.

The man tells him, "Well, one day I came across a lamp. I rubbed it and a genie came

out. He told me I could have any three wishes I wanted. My first wish was that I could reach into my pocket and get the exact change of anything I was buying."

"Very smart," said the bartender.

"My second wish was to have a high tolerance for alcohol."

"Good choice!" the bartender exclaimed. "What was your third wish?"

"Well, that wasn't too bright on my part. I wished for a chick with long legs and a tight pussy."

[Benso]

Pretty good to pass time reading it. Miss olden days when I reading Lao fu zi comics at barber shop.

[dyelook]

laughter bumps......:D

[Hurricane88]

Eve of Eve CNY...:)

284225284226284227284228

[lightfeet]

A man called his doctor, and said, "Doc", you gotta come over here quick, you see when my wife got out of the shower, and bent over to pick up her towel a mouse ran straight up her twat.

The doctor said, "Okay just hold a piece of cheese just outside of her vagina until I get over there."

The doctor drove up, got out of his car, and went inside to see the man holding a big fish up to her twat instead of cheese. The doctor asked, "What are you doing? I said a piece of cheese."

The man said, "I did what you said, and it almost worked, but when the mouse started to come out, the cat chased it right back up her snatch!

Nice share bro hehe :D :D

[eveofxmas]

Eve of Eve CNY...:)

[284227

Looks great and damn funny. Thanks bro.

[thanksgiving]

I

A man called his doctor, and said, "Doc", you gotta come over here quick, you see when my wife got out of the shower, and bent over to pick up her towel a mouse ran straight up her twat.

The doctor said, "Okay just hold a piece of cheese just outside of her vagina until I get over there."

The doctor drove up, got out of his car, and went inside to see the man holding a big fish up to her twat instead of cheese. The doctor asked, "What are you doing? I said a piece of cheese."

The man said, "I did what you said, and it almost worked, but when the mouse started to come out, the cat chased it right back up her snatch!

Awesome jokes! Thanks bro for sharing. Happy new year.

[Hurricane88]

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

284398284399

[lowcust]

Gong Xi Fa Cai!

284398

Nice share, big huat to you too bro! :D

[zoof6zang]

284399

Happy new year bros!! :)

[saqq]

Thank the Irish


A Greek and an Irishman were sitting in a Starbucks one day comparing their two cultures.

Over a double latte, the Greek mentions “We built the Pantheon, you may recall, along with the Temple of Apollo.”

“Well, it was the Irish that discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices.”

“But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics.”

“Granted, but it was the Irish who built the first timepieces.”

Knowing that he’s about to deliver the coup de grace, the son of Athens points out with a note of finality: “Keep in mind that it was the ancient Greeks who invented the notion of sex as a pleasurable activity!”

“True enough, but it was the Irish who got women involved.”

Great laugh and thanks bro

[TequilaSunrise]

Happy new year bros!! :)

ha, really like that meme, lol

[Hurricane88]

*😝😜🤪😲😃Wife to her Accountant husband*: 😲
*what is inflation?*
Husband:
Earlier you were *36-24-36.*
But now you are
*48-40-48.*
Though you have everything bigger than before, your value has become less than before.
This is *INFLATION .😜*

*Economics is not that difficult if we have the right examples.*🤪
Interviewer: What is Recession?
Candidate: When *"Wine & Women" get replaced by "Water & Wife", that critical phase of life is called Recession!!😜*

*Accountancy fact:*😲😜🤪
What is the *difference between Liability & Asset?*😝
A drunk friend is liability.
But,
A drunk Girlfriend is an Asset.
😜😜😜😜😜

*An Economist beautifully explained two reasons for having 2 wives.*😝😜
A- Monopoly should be broken.
B- Competition improves the quality of service.
If u have 1 wife, She fights with u!
If u have 2 wives, They will fight for you!!🤣🤣🤣
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*😜👻😝😲Wonders before and after marriage.👇🏽👻😝👻😲* When you are in love,
Wonders happen.
But once you get married,
You wonder, what happened.🤣🤣🤣🤣
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*😜👻😲😝Philosophy of marriage* :
At the beginning,
every wife treats her husband as *GOD*..
Later, somehow don't know why..
alphabets get *reversed*..😂😂😂😂
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*👻😜👻😜👻Secret formula for married couples...*
*"Love One Another"*
And if it doesn't work, bring the last word in the middle.!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣